Disclaimer:

Laura: I own all of them! *hugs the Fellowship, and ghost of Tolkien appears*

Lauren: Uh, Laura?

Laura: What? Oooh, crap.

Tolkien: Let them go. *Laura lets all of them go except Legolas, who tries to run away, but Laura grabs his braid before he can get away*

Legolas: Yeek! Ouch.

Laura: Okay, I only own my Leggy poo.

Legolas: Leggy poo??? YOUR'S??? Hey!

Tolkien: Ahem?

Laura: Pwease? *puppy face*

Tolkien: NO.

Lauren and Laura: Damn. *lets Legolas go*

Legolas: I'M FREE!!! WOOHOO!!! *runs away happily*

Laura and Lauren: *wail* We don't. own. ANY OF THEM!!! *fall on each other bawling*

Random outburst for the chapter: FISH STICKS!!! it's a fishy!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter Two: We're off to see the wizard!

~Laura POV~

"Uh-uh. No way lady. NO WAY am I wearing that to sleep in!" I pointed at the frilly nightgown. "Um, ew. "

"But Lady Laura" -Ugh that sounds awful- "you can't sleep, in that!" The maid pointed to the swooshy navy blue athletic pants* and my white tank top that I had been wearing while riding my bike. They had been cleaned, of course. *Y'know those athletic pants from Old Navy? Yeah, those are awesome! I have NO IDEA what they're made out of, but I love to sleep in them, and I love the swooshy sound they make. in fact, I'm wearing some right now! WEE!!!*

"And just why not?" I asked with a sneer.

"Because it's not fitting!" She glared back at me.

"They fit me fine!" I snapped.

"No, what I meant was they aren't ladylike!"

"BACK OFF BI-ATCH!*" I snarled. "I'LL WEAR WHAT I WANT!" *As in "bitch", and pronounced just as it's spelled*

She gasped. "Well, I never-!" and walked out of the room.

"TRY TO TELL ME WHAT TO WEAR, EH?? YEAH, I DIDN'T THINK SO!!! GO CRY IN YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARMS, YOU PURPLE MUSTARD FACE!" I yelled out into the hallway, and then slammed the door. It bounced back open. I tried to slam it again. It bounced open. "GODDAMNED HINGES!!!" I kicked the door. It stayed shut for a minute, then slowly opened. "*BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP*!!!!" I left it open.

~Lauren POV~

"-YOU PURPLE MUSTARD FACE!" I stuck my head out the door and almost burst out laughing at the astonished look on the maid's face. I heard Laura's door slam a couple of times, and then: "*BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP*!!!!"

"SHUDDUP, LAURA! I WANNA SLEEP!" I screeched back down the hall. She was five rooms down on the other side of the hallway, which was almost a hundred feet.

"NOW WHO'S THE MUSTARD FACE, HUH? YEAH, I THOUGHT SO, PROMETHEUS!" she screamed, using my nickname.

"ELF STALKER!"

"CHEESE BRAIN!"

"BED WETTER!"

"BUTT PICKER!"

"Excuse me!? What in the Valar's name are you two DOING?" some elf dude came around the corner. I paled when I realized who it was. Aw, shit...

"YEEKERS! IT'S ELROND!" I heard Laura yelp as she slammed the door again. This time it didn't bounce open.

~Elrond POV~

Stupid immature mortal girls. what in the world were they doing up at such a late hour, screaming down the hall to each other?! And such comments! I thought that they were supposed to be friends!

I shook my head and went back to my quarters to think about the task that lay ahead for the Fellowship of the Ring.

~Legolas POV, the next morning~

I was sitting alone in the Hall of Fire, thinking about the journey that we would leave for tomorrow. I heard the soft padding of human feet. I looked up just in time to see the blonde young woman, Laura, come walking into the room. My eyes went wide and I stared.

"What are you lookin' at, Ear boy?" she snarled sleepily.

"My lady, you need to put on some proper attire," I stated simply, turning away. I mean, in the name of Eru! She was half naked, wearing a sleeveless undershirt and men's britches.

"What the HELL is wrong with you people!?" she screeched. I winced visibly at the loud noise. "I mean, even a GUY is telling me what to wear! JEEEEZUS!!"

"Please go put on some proper clothing before breakfast."

"Why should I, Tunic-man?"

"Because I would appreciate it. I don't wish to look at women who have no clothes on."

"Oh, excuse me oh high and mighty prince! TERRIBLY sorry! I mean, if it doesn't SUIT you, you should just tell me!" Her voice oozed with sarcasm.

I spun around and faced her, ready to retort, when a chambermaid entered the room. "Oh, VALAR!" she screeched. She seemed more embarrassed than the girl. "My lady, you must go put on some clothes!" She trotted up to Laura and tugged urgently on her arm.

"Damn elves." I heard her mutter as she was half-dragged away. She gave me a death glare as I smirked and shrugged my shoulders. I didn't think we were going to get along very well...

~Lauren POV~

I woke up in my disgustingly frilly gown. "Ugh," I winced. Why did I have to be sent to this version of HELL?

I glanced up sleepily as Laura entered my room, and burst out laughing. "You're- you're-" I couldn't talk I was laughing so hard.

She was wearing a wine-colored dress with frilly sleeves, which was actually very pretty, but since the demon teenager had PMS, she was extremely pissed. "Shuddup," she growled menacingly. When I didn't, she jumped onto my bed and started hitting me with a pillow.

"OW!!! SHIT!!! GET OFF ME YOU FRUIT HEAD!!!" I hit her back. Feathers were flying all around the room.

I saw someone walk by. "ARAGORN!!! GET THE DEMON OFF ME!!! YIKES!!" I dodged another blow.

"Ladies!" Aragorn entered my room and spoke with authority. "Do not act like this in the house of Elrond!"

"Shuddup, B.O. boy," Laura growled, but jumped off the bed and threw the pillow in my face. She walked out of the room, purposely shoving Aragorn as she went.

I, too, climbed out of the bed and walked to my wardrobe. "Ooh, pretty dresses..." I said childishly as I looked at the rainbow of colored fabric.

"I apologize, my lady!" Aragorn seemed bent out of shape and bit his lip. "I did not mean to intrude!"

"What? Oh..." I looked down at my somewhat transparent gown. "Whoopsies..." I'm sure I blushed a deep red. He trotted out of the room without a second glance and slammed the door behind him.

I quickly slipped on a green dress and sprinted down the hall just as Legolas appeared. My god, he was hot. Peter Jackson, you did a nice job, but poor Orlando still falls short...

"Erm... hi there, Legolas," I said, rubbing my foot against my leg.

"Good morning, Lauren." He bowed politely, and his long hair fell down a bit in front of his face. "And where are you headed to, pray tell?"

"Um... down to the Hall of Fire to breakfast."

"Not to sound insulting, but the hall is the other way. I, in fact, was headed in that direction. Would you like me to show you where it is?"

"Um... sure?"

"Follow me, then." He walked past me and led me downstairs.

~Legolas POV, later that day~

"And that is how you shoot a bow," I finished explaining to the two young women. "Would you like to try?" I offered, holding out two bows slightly smaller than my own.

The two mortals took the bows and looked unsure of what to do next. Then they looked up with confused and childish expressions. I sighed. "Hold it out flat in front of you with your left hand and nock an arrow." They did so. "Now, place it upwards, and shoot." The arrows left the strings and flew... two feet.

I accidentally rolled my eyes. Big mistake.

"Listen, elf boy, we haven't been living for three thousand freakin' years!" Laura screeched. "So get it into your thick, prissy skull that we aren't gonna be as good as you when it comes to shooting!" Valar, that girl had some issues.

"I apologize, my lady," I sneered, emphasizing the word "lady." "Care to try again?"

"Fine," she snarled. Lauren stood patiently by her side.

"Laura, maybe we should-" she started to say.

"SHUDDUP LAUREN!!! I'M A BIT PISSY RIGHT NOW, AND DON'T NEED ANY COMMENTS FROM YOU!!!"

"You can say that again," I breathed.

"Do you want me to use you as target practice?" Laura asked, her voice deathly calm.

I rolled my eyes again. "Whatever. Just shoot." Okay, now I knew I was going to hate this kid.

~Elrond POV, the next day~

Well, this was it. The day the Fellowship would leave Rivendell to meet an almost certain death had arrived. There was one upside, however. Laura seemed in a much better mood than the last two days.

"What makes you so cheerful, my child?" I asked a bit hesitantly.

"Because, we already know what's gonna happen!" she said cheerily.

"Indeed...?" I said, questioning this girl's sanity.

"Well, toodles, Elrond ol' boy!" She reached up and grabbed my face and gave me an air kiss on each cheek. "Love ya babe!" Okay, now I knew she was insane.

~Laura POV~

I grabbed Elrond's face and gave him an air smooch on each side of his face. "Love ya babe!" I grinned at the astonished look on his face. Then I hooked my arm through Lauren's, and we skipped down the trail singing, "WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD, THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF DOOM!! WE HEAR HE IS A FREAKIFUL WIZ IF EVER A WIZ THERE WAS!..." For SOME reason, the other members of the Fellowship stared uneasily at us. Heheh, this was gonna be fun...

~*~

After singing our own version of the "Wizard of Oz" song about one hundred more times, Legolas and Aragorn started getting pissy. "Will you two PLEASE be silent!" the "prince" asked pleadingly.

"Why for, oh dearest friend of permanent markers?" I asked him with an innocent face. "Perhaps you should go brush your hair or something, because I do believe that I see a strand that's sticking out of your braid..." God I hated how he was so prissy.

He gave me a death glare and walked quickly past me. "Okies, well if you need a mirror and a brush, I brought an extra!" I called to his retreating figure. What an ass...

~Lauren POV~

As much as I hate to admit it, annoying the Fellowship was extremely fun. Especially Gimli, the stupid little runt that he was. If I asked, "Are we stopping soon?" he would always answer: "No."

"How about now?"

"No." Ooh, I spot a little bit of red on his face.

"Now?"

"No." More red. Heheh...

"How 'bout now?"

"NO, BY MY BEARD WILL YOU PLEASE BE QUIET!" And Lauren wins!

And then... oh for the love of god, there was Sam. Please strike me down with a bolt of lightning. Every time he talked to Frodo I wanted to puke. Laura and I would make gagging noises and/or kissy faces at him when he was talking to the poor guy. And then there was that one time...

Okay, I had been following stupid old Gandalf through the mud, trying to find some sort of herb or something. When I got back to our camp, my dress was covered in gook. "Ew... I'm gonna go change." I picked up my pack and walked into the woods out of sight of the clearing where we were camped.

I stripped down to my underwear and dug through my pack for my other tunic. Just at that moment someone came around the tree.

"SWEET MOTHER OF SHIT!!!" I screeched. "YOU!!!" "Innocent" little Sam was standing there, the wood that he had gathered now at his feet because he dropped it. "WHY YOU LITTLE!!!-" But he ran away before I could insult him and/or hurt him more.

~Legolas POV~

We were all sitting boredly around the fire, "listening" to Gimli talk about different kinds of axes. Man, that guy was annoying. Suddenly I heard someone running through the brush and screaming. I perked my ears up, trying to make out what was being said. Quite suddenly, though, Sam popped out of the bushes, Lauren close on his heels, her dress half-on. (Okay, the skirt was flying up to show her petticoat, nothing more! By the Valar, you humans have dirty minds sometimes...)

"YOU PERVERTED LITTLE GAY HOBBIT!!!!" she roared. "WHAT IN HELL'S NAME DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING!?!?!?"

"I was... collectin' firewood..." the hobbit squeaked.

"YOU LITTLE GAYFER!!!" Lauren lunged at him, but I leapt up and caught her.

"Lauren! Get a hold of yourself!" Laura said hesitantly. "What the hell happened?"

"THAT LITTLE ASSHOLE WAS SPYING ON ME WHILE I WAS CHANGING!!!" Lauren struggled in my arms, but I wouldn't let her go. I honestly think she would have killed Sam if she could have.

"I wasn't, neither!" Sam argued. "I was collectin' firewood!"

"Sure you were!!! Little bastard!!! I'm gonna kill you if I ever get the chance!" The furious brunette girl started muttering curses.

"Please calm down, my lady," I begged. I was starting to fear for all our safety.

"Shut up, Princess Puff!" she spat. Oh, boy. This was going to be a very long journey.