Disclaimer:

Laura: I own all of them! *hugs the Fellowship, and ghost of Tolkien appears*

Lauren: Uh, Laura?

Laura: What? Oooh, crap.

Tolkien: Let them go. *Laura lets all of them go except Legolas, who tries to run away, but Laura grabs his braid before he can get away*

Legolas: Yeek! Ouch.

Laura: Okay, I only own my Leggy poo.

Legolas: Leggy poo??? YOURS??? Hey!

Tolkien: Ahem?

Laura: Pwease? *puppy face*

Tolkien: NO.

Lauren and Laura: Damn. *lets Legolas go*

Legolas: I'M FREE!!! WOOHOO!!! *runs away happily*

Laura and Lauren: *wail* We don't. own. ANY OF THEM!!! *fall on each other bawling*

~Random COMMENT: Y'know, when Aragorn makes his whole "You cannot wield it! None of us can!" speech, is it me, or does he say it in a REALLY gay voice?? Just wonderin'. ~Random QUESTION: Doesn't Leggy-poo look hot when he's staring absently into the trees at Parth Galen??? *sigh* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter 8: Bye bye Boromir, hellooooo two towers

~Legolas POV~

Despite the fact that they could be EXTREMELY annoying, I actually really enjoyed having Lauren and Laura around. They cheered us up whenever we felt sad, tell extremely stupid, yet somehow very funny, jokes, and they were guaranteed to make you smile. They would make up ridiculous stories. I remember one very distinctly...

"Why all the long faces, dearest hairy men?" Laura called from my boat. "Art thou's hearts full of sorrow?"

"I am NOT hairy!" I said angrily.

"Laura, that made absolutely no sense," Lauren told her. "Mind your thee's and thou's."

"Hey, that's a book!" Laura exclaimed. "Oh well, no one cares. But anyways, everyone looks sad. I've got it! How 'bout I tell you a story?"

"Oh, this should be good," I muttered. She glared at me.

"Well, I'm gonna tell it just to annoy Leggy over here. Okay, here goes." She cleared her throat. "Once upon a time there were 3 little pigs. Their names were Huey, Duey, and Luey, and their uncle was the Ghost of Christmas Past. They went on a walk while their porridge was cooling off, but they met up with the Big Bad Wolf and turned into lunch for him. Little Red Riding Hood was lost and entered their cottage, and was hungry, because she was a vegetarian, and you know that you're practically always hungry if you're a vegetarian, right?" She got blank stares from all of us, except Lauren, who was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down her face. "Well, at least someone enjoys my stories. Aright, then... moving on... Anyways, she tried Huey's porridge, but it was too hot. Duey's was too cold, but Luey's was just right. She then fell into a long, deep sleep, only to be awoken by the kiss of a beautiful Prince who had just fought a terrible ogre named Shrek. The End."

"Yay!" Lauren stood up in her boat and applauded, while the rest of us just looked at her with slightly disturbed grins on our faces. I shook my head. "Well, that was... uh, interesting."

"Thank you, dearest Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood. Someday, I shall journey to your homeland, and I shall perform in the royal court," she announced formally.

"No, really, that's okay." I shook my head earnestly.

"Aw, c'mon, buddy boy! You KNOW you want me to!" She gave me a huge innocent grin. I decided to ignore that comment.

~Laura POV~

Silly Middle-earthers... don't even know a good story when they hear one... At least I cheered them up! That made me feel special... kind of... not really... but I'll just say that it did because then it'll make me sound cute. *big angelic grin*

So we made our way down the Anduin river (whoopity doo), and after a while came to Argonath... y'know, the HUGE statues of old dudes with big feet? Yeah, that! It was pretty cool, actually, because these things were MASSIVE, I mean HUGE!!!

I looked over towards Aragorn's boat, where Lauren was. She was giggling hysterically. "What?" I asked, steering the boat closer to theirs. (Yes, Legolas had FINALLY trusted me with the honor of rowing the boat... WOOHOO!!! It pays off knowing how to canoe, too!)

"Their feet!!!" she snorted, pointing. "They're so BIG!!!" She fell into the bottom of the boat, laughing her head off.

"Oh brother," I muttered, and steered away from her. I heard Aragorn tell Legolas, "Okay, Legolas, you can have my passenger! I don't want her anymore!"

Legolas rubbed his chin, pretending to think. "No, I like my passenger. She's much more quiet," he stated. I turned around and gave him a childish grin. "Although she scares me sometimes... OW!!!" I hit his knee with the paddle.

I quickly got bored, and started humming. "Hm hm hm hm hm! Hmhm hm hm hm! Hmhmhmhmhmhmhm hmhmhm!" I started humming "Row Row Row Your Boat."

"Oh, boy, here it comes," Lauren said.

"OH, ROW ROW ROW YOUR BOAT, GENTLY DOWN THE STREAM!!! MERRILY MERRILY MERRILY MERRILY LIFE IS BUT A DREAM!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"Valar, please help us," Legolas muttered, thumping his head against the edge of the boat.

~Lauren POV~

Oh, yeah, Laura can tell a good story, all right! *rolls eyes* Not...

We rowed past the statues at Argonath, and started making our way across a HUGE lake. I mean, it was probably several miles from Argonath to the waterfall where the big pointy rock thing was.

Anyways, we finally reached a REALLY old docking platform thing and got out of the boats. Laura and I sat down against a tree while we watched everyone else unload the boats.

"How about a little help?" Gimli growled at us.

"Hm... nah. We are but poor, feeble maidens, and we must recover our strength!" I said dramatically, putting the back of my hand against my forehead in a very Shakespeare-ish way. Laura started giggling.

Aragorn stopped what he was doing and looked at us. "Alright then. Either you help us unload the boats, or you can sit there and not have any supper. Take your pick." He raised his eyebrow and stared at us.

Laura glanced over at me, and I glanced over at her. Simultaneously we jumped up and started unloading the boats.

After we finished that "strenuous work", Laura and I had another one of our interesting discussions. But, instead of Pig Latin, we spoke in Spanish. I had a feeling that Legolas had figured out the pattern of PL, so we changed to a language he couldn't POSSIBLY know.

(This WILL be translated at the end of the chapter. But for now, I want to make you suffer, and give all you Spanish-speakers a little quiz on our favorite language in the whole wide fruit bowl! Sorry if the grammar isn't perfect... I always had a B in Spanish class!)

"Lauren, ¿Usted piensa que Aragorn es muy guapo?" she asked

"Eh... sí, pero no tan guapo como él que no debe ser nombrado." (Laura: He Who Must Not Be Named is the guy Lauren likes, whose name is... OW!!! *Lauren: slaps Laura* Um, he doesn't have a name! Yes, his name is DEFINITELY not... CRIMONEY!!! *gets slapped again by Lauren* Ouch...)

"Me gusta los pingüinos," she said offhandedly.

"Ah... ¿sí?" I gave her a look that was a bit more terrified than the ones I usually give her.

"Bueno, vamos a hablar en inglés. Me olvido mucho de español."

"Yeah, me too. I wish I could use a sword... oh wait, I forgot!" I ran back to the boat and pulled out the sword Galadriel had given me. "Yay! Thank God we did fencing in gym class, eh?" I looked at Laura.

"No kidding. But this time it's REAL, and this time we can't be all formal and bow and crap like that." She wrinkled her nose in disgust.

I nodded. I wasn't exactly looking forward to this whole experience.

~Laura POV~

I looked up as Legolas trotted back to Aragorn. "We should leave now," he said quietly.

"No. Orcs patrol the eastern shore. We must wait for cover of darkness," Aragorn answered.

Legolas furrowed his eyebrows and looked into the woods. "It is not the eastern shore that worries me. A shadow and a threat has been growing in my mind. Something draws near... I can feel it."

Aragorn didn't look too pleased about this. Just as he was about to answer, I cut in. "Erm... Aragorn? I think Legolas is right. I think something bad may happen." I pointed to my necklace. The stone was glowing a faint blue-green color.

They both looked suspiciously at me, then turned to each other and started muttering in Elvish. Why oh why hadn't I taken the time to read all those Elvish dictionary websites!?

"Laura!" Lauren hit my knee. "Don't keep saying stuff like that! Who knows what could happen!? You might change everything!"

"Oooh, crap... you're right. Shutting up now." I clapped my hand over my mouth.

"Hey, where's Frodo?" Merry asked suddenly. We all spun around to see both Boromir and Frodo missing.

"Oh, shit..." Lauren murmured.

~Aragorn POV~

I turned to where Frodo had been sitting by the campfire, and he wasn't there. I was about to ask Boromir if he had seen him leave, but he wasn't there either. "Oh, no..." I said quietly. I sprinted into the woods.

I searched for several minutes before I found Frodo by a stone statue. "Frodo?" I asked.

"It has taken Boromir!" he cried.

"Where is the Ring?" I asked, walking towards him.

"No!" He stumbled backwards.

"Frodo! I swore to protect you!" I told him.

"Can you protect me from yourself?" he asked seriously, holding the Ring out. I was taken aback by this comment. I heard an evil voice start murmuring my name. "Aragorn... Aragorn..."

"I would have followed you to the end... To the very fires of Mordor," I told him.

"I know." He put the Ring back on his neck. I looked down and saw something. I drew my sword. "Run Frodo." He looked at me and pulled out Sting. It was glowing blue. "Run... RUN!" I cried. He spun around and ran, his cape flying behind him.

Hundreds of orcs came pouring over the hillside, coming right at me at a tremendous speed. I took a deep breath and swiped the head off the first orc that approached me.

~Legolas POV~

"Gimli! Girls, come!" I dashed after Aragorn, Gimli, Lauren, and Laura right on my heels.

We tore through the brush, when suddenly I heard a fell voice yell "FIND THE HALFLINGS!" "Oh, Elbereth," I muttered.

We came to the top of a hill with some sort of a little temple on top, and were amazed at what we saw. Aragorn was in the middle of a hoard of about 500 orcs, fighting them single-handedly. Before I knew what I had done it, I pulled an arrow out of my quiver and shot one of the orcs. "Aragorn, go!" I cried. An orc came at me. He was too close to shoot, so I took an arrow and stabbed him through the throat.

I turned around to see how the others were faring. I have to admit, I was extremely impressed.

Laura and Lauren were standing right next to one another, fighting any and all orcs that dared come near them. The orcs, obviously, were underestimating the fighting skills of the two young humans. Already several lay dead at their feet, all having had their heads chopped off.

An orc that was much larger than the others approached Laura. She wasn't expecting it, and I feared the worst. But she heard his loud footsteps and spun around. I was surprised and extremely amused when she kicked him... erm... in a place I'd rather not care to think about. "TAKE THAT, YOU OVERSIZED FRUIT CUP!" she screamed, stabbing him harshly in the stomach. He bent over, clutching his abdomen, and she swiped off his head.

"Go Blondie!" Lauren yelled, giving her a quick high-five. An orc came running at her, snarling. "HI-YAH!!!" she screamed, kicking out sideways with her right foot and hitting him directly in the sensitive part of his stomach. Gimli was right there and hacked the orc to pieces. "Hey, you stole my glory!" Lauren whined. Gimli rolled his eyes and chopped some more orcs up.

"Head into the woods!" Aragorn cried. We all ran off the bare hilltop and down into the forest, the orcs following at a surprisingly fast pace. We stopped at a relatively clear area and started fighting again.

~Lauren POV~

I spun around and swung at the nearest orc. He would of, and should of, died, but he didn't. He was wearing very strong armor.

"Aw man!" I squeaked as he roared angrily, raising his curved sword over his head. "Eek!" I was about to run away when I heard an arrow slice through the air. The orc didn't move. He just fell right on top of me. I was stuck under him. "Oh, yeah, that's gonna hurt tomorrow..." I muttered, cringing.

"Lauren!" Laura said in mock-anger. "This is not the time to play pig-pile with your new boyfriend! Now help me get him off of you! On three... One, two... three!" She pulled while I pushed. Our combined efforts were barely enough to roll him off of me.

"Damn, that guy reeks," I muttered. We both heard a gagging noise and turned around. An orc had wrapped his hands around Aragorn's neck and was choking him. Aragorn kept pounding on its helmet, but it only gripped tighter.

"Legolas!" Laura cried. Elf-boy turned around just as two orcs came at him. In less than three seconds both of them were dead, and he was aiming another arrow at the one trying to kill Aragorn. The arrow sliced through the air and stuck itself into the orc's back.

Suddenly, I heard a clear note ring through the air. "The horn of Gondor!" Laura, Legolas and I all cried at the same time. We looked at each other and grinned. "Boromir!" Aragorn said, running between us and nearly knocking poor wittle Leggy poo down. (1...2...3... awwww! *rabid fangirls rush to help him up, Laura brandishes her elvish-sword* BACK FIENDS FROM HELL!!!)

We ran after him (again), only to meet up with... guess what? MORE FRIGGIN' ORCS!!!! "THAT'S IT!!!" Laura roared. "I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU ASSHOLES!!!" Much to everyone's amazement, she charged right into the group of orcs. She killed two of them before Legolas and Aragorn had to help her.

"Whoa... that was so COOL!!!!" I shrieked, throwing my arms around her neck.

"Prometheus... Laura needs to breathe..." she gasped. I giggled, despite the situation, and let go. "Let's go kick some orc ass," she said.

"Oh, like we haven't already been doing that?" I answered sarcastically. She shot me a glare, then sprinted off to kill some more big smelly gross dudes.

~Laura POV~

I ran behind the others in the direction that Aragorn had run off to. They stopped suddenly, and I ran into Lauren. Where were the orcs? "What the- oh my god..." I whispered.

Aragorn was kneeling next to Boromir, who had three arrows in his chest. He was panting, and his face was nearly white. I put my hand to my mouth without realizing it.

Boromir picked up his sword and firmly held it against his chest. I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, and watched as Lauren slowly bowed her head, a tear running down her face. I reached out and put my hand on her shoulder.

The look on all of the remaining Fellowship's faces was a mixture of shock, anger, and sadness. I bit my lip and looked at the ground as I started crying.

"I would have followed you to the end, my brother... my captain... my king..." he panted. Then he was still. Why was I crying? I never cried when I watched the movie... in fact, I laughed. (I BLAME IT ON SEAN BEAN!!! HE'S NOT A VERY GOOD ACTOR!!!! Eek! *runs away from the very very few Boromir fangirls*)

Aragorn leaned over and kissed his forehead (which I also laugh at in the movie). Lauren and I started bawling. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" But this time, it wasn't fake.

Aragorn stood up, a tear rolling down his cheek. He turned to us with a sorrowful look on his face. Without saying a word, Legolas walked over and helped him pick up Boromir's body. Lauren, Gimli and I all followed silently.

~Legolas POV~

I bent over and helped Aragorn pick up Boromir's body. We carried him down to the shore and placed him in one of the boats from Lorien. Carefully, I pulled the arrows out of his chest and threw them into the brush, while Lauren and Laura gathered some orc weapons to place under his feet*. Aragorn placed his shield behind his head, then gently pushed the boat out into the lake. We watched as it slowly floated towards the waterfall, and eventually over it.

*If you don't remember this part, just read the first few pages of The Two Towers. I'm going by the movie, just to let y'all know!

I started gathering up our things and putting them in the remaining boat. "Hurry! Frodo and Sam have reached the eastern shore!" I called. I turned around to see everyone watching the spot where Boromir had gone over the falls. I looked at Aragorn. "You mean not to follow them."

"Frodo's fate is no longer in our hands," he said silently.

"Then it has all been in vain. The Fellowship has failed," Gimli said sadly.

Aragorn looked at him, then approached us and put his hands on our shoulders. "Not if we hold true to each other. We will not allow Merry and Pippin torment and death. Not while we have strength left." He let go of our shoulders.

It was just then that I realized Laura and Lauren had nothing to do with this. I looked over to where they were standing. I was surprised to see they had smiles on their faces. "It's better than the movie," Lauren whispered. I had no idea what they were talking about, but I just decided to ignore it.

~Lauren POV~

We watched as Aragorn let go of their shoulders. "Even better than the movie," I muttered. Laura smiled and nodded.

"Leave all that can be spared behind. We travel light. Let's hunt some Orc." Aragorn ran into the trees. Gimli and Legolas looked at each other. "Yes! Haha!" Gimli yelled, following Mr. Stinky Ranger Dude. Legolas smiled and watched. "Come, Lauren, Laura!" he cried happily, beckoning for us to follow him.

"YEEEE-HAW!!!!" Laura whooped like a cowboy and ran past Legolas, her hair flying. "RIDE 'EM, COWGIRL!!!" I yelled, running past Princess Puff. "C'mon, Leggy poo!" I cried, grabbing his hand and pulling him after me.

"Eru, save us all!" I heard him say, but he was smiling.

"That's the spirit, Leggy kins!" Laura yelled from up ahead. We ran into the woods without looking back. The journey had just begun.

THE END... for now!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Well, my dear Campbell's Soup Cans, that's all for now! I PROMISE I'll write a TTT sequel, so never fear!!!

Crystyna: I'm so glad you find my insaneness funny! ^_^ *ish happy* And yes, Mary-sues ARE that bad!! THEY ARE THE FIENDS FROM HELL!!!!! ARG!!!!!

Rebs1: Thanks for the suggestions! I'll try to make my dear insane friend and I more helpful to TTH!

AND TO ALL MY LOYAL READERS (five people who have reviewed): I WANT TO THANK YOU ALL!!!! IF YOU ARE READING THIS, THEN I'M DONE!!! YAY!!! FEEL FREE TO KEEP ON REVIEWING!!!!!

~*~

A last word from Lorenzo the Elf Girl:

Have yourself a very Pippin Christmas!

(Merry: Hey, what about me!?)

Ah, yes, and have a very Merry Christmas, too! ^_^ (I have NO IDEA where I got this, but thanks to whoever I stole it from!!!)

~*~

Okay, so maybe those WEREN'T my last words... not that I died... SO SUE ME!!!

Oh, deary me, I almost forgot!!! I DIDN'T TRANSLATE!!!! *gasp*

~Lauren, ¿Usted piensa que Aragorn es muy guapo? = Lauren, do you think that Aragorn is really cute?

~ Eh... sí, pero no tan guapo como él que no debe ser nombrado. = Eh, yeah, but not as cute as He Who Must Not Be Named. (No, not Lord Voldermort, you fools!!)

~ Me gusta los pingüinos= I like penguins.

~ Ah... ¿sí? = Ah, yeah?

~ Bueno, vamos a hablar en inglés. Me olvido mucho de español. = Well, let's talk in English now. I forgot a lot of Spanish.

~*~

Okies, there's Laura's Little Section of Translationism!!! (da da da DUM!!!) :-D Anywho, I'd also like to thank my dear friend Lindsay for the idea for the story that I told. (Y'know, the one bout the three pigs named Huey, Duey, and Luey? Yeah, just checkin'!) LINDSAY, I WUV YOU AND YOU'RE THE BEST TUTOR EVER!!!! ^_^

~*~

GOODBYE, ALL!!! I WILL MISS YOU OH-SO-MUCH!!! *cries*

*runs away after The Three Hunters Plus Two (TTHPT) with butterfly net* I'LL CATCH YOU YET, MY DEAR SILVAN PRINCE!!!