A/N: I've noticed that this arch often takes place near or in the water; I really have no idea where that comes from, just a spur of the moment kind of thing...
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Save me
;LP
The sheets were damp, clinging to his sweat dampened body, sticking to his back and to the insides of his thighs. He seized a fistful of the sodden material, twisting it in his grasp until he heard small tearing noises. There was heaviness on his chest, it hurt every time he tried to breathe, but he couldn't remove the obstacle because it wasn't real. The air itself was thick and palpable, choking and threatening; Rei wanted to gag but found his throat muscles clenching too tightly, the action would have been painful in any case. His eyes stung and he shut them tightly, biting on his lip, hard, and praying for the sensation to go away.
'Oh, no, I don't need this now. Please, anything, any other time and place, just not now,' he mentally chanted, though the air continued to press on him with an ominous finality. And the images came unbidden, like they usually did in the dead of the night, as if burned into his retinas.
You're nothing.
You're pathetic.
Why do you even bother when you know that in the end, no matter how hard you try and how hard you wish and hope and dream, nothing will ever change and you will forever be stuck in the cross point?
Rei bit his lip even harder, until he felt the coppery taste of blood on his tongue, and tried to blink away the painful thought. The dream was still fresh on his mind, still vivid and life-like. The teen could still see the contempt in the cold eyes, could still hear the cruel words. He remembered not too long ago, when the heavens were pregnant with rain; his friend looked at him with the same cold eyes.
Rei couldn't even recall how the argument started, only that he said something in an offhand manner, joking really, about a recent 'battle and then his captain's wrath exploded into his face. He had lost, and though guilt and a sense of uselessness gnawed on his stomach, he tried not to show it. Rei might have not been as emotionally impenetrable as Kai was but he still felt the sting of loss.
"You are worthless," Kai had said then, all but spitting out his name. Somehow Rei had fancied that the comment hurt more than it should have, and maybe that's why his heart stopped for just the briefest of moments."You're a liability to this team. You lost, therefore, you don't belong here."
"Well excuse me, Mr. Wonderful, but some people are not perfect. And as you might know, as imperfect as we are, people tend to make mistakes," Rei retorted, the words escaping from between clenched teeth. The Chinese boy hated to admit it, but Kai's jeering words hurt him so he wanted to repay his due. "It wouldn't pain you too much to descend from your cloud and join the rest of the people on earth."
"It's ideologies like that that make people weak," the other returned coldly. "Weakness is not an option when you want greatness. So weakness should be eliminated at all cost then."
"God, Kai, when will you stop being such an emotionless bastard and look around you?" Rei, by that point, was beyond seething; he had to clench his fists until his nails dug into his palms in order to keep himself from decking the Iceberg. "If you weren't so screwed over with victory and power, you'd be able to see that I'm – that everyone is trying their best. Sure we can't uphold to your superhuman standards, and sure we are not your dream team, but we perform to our best ability and that's what makes us so great together."
Other hurtful things were said, though Rei didn't want to remember them. Everything was such a miserable blur; he even got the impression that his fist connected with the other's jaw. 'No, no, no. Please get out of my head. I don't want this.'
He clenched his teeth tightly. He never knew failure could taste so bitter; Kai had almost died that day. It was entirely his fault.
Rei's dream, however, was different. Kai's words echoed balefully, tauntingly almost. 'I don't want you. You're pitiful. I hate you,' the phantasm said, smirking haughtily and tilting its head slightly to the side. And then there was blood on Rei's hands and filling his mouth. The youth thought it was his but then Kai was lying in his arms, tugging at his collar, still smiling cruelly. 'You idiot,' it hissed and Rei could see bright blood trickling from the corner of those lips, 'you killed me. You FUCKING killed me! How stupid can you get? How could you ever hope that I would love you? I fucking hate you!'
And then everything went painfully dark and Rei felt the limp body in his arms go incredibly cold before shrivelling into nothingness. And Rei was left alone, holding onto empty air and spiteful words still ringing in his ears.
Presently, Rei opened his eyes, as much as they stung, and looked at the pebbled ceiling. When he shut his eyes, the dream would come back to him, but when his eyes were open, he could only hear the words. In any case, it was less painful when he didn't have to see the bloodied smile. His chest constricted in acute pain, which travelled spasmodically to his joints. Rei sucked in a sharp breath, choking on the bitter ball in his throat.
'God, he hates me,' the neko-jin thought, 'I've done everything I could to get his trust and he hates me. I wanted so badly for him to open up to me and I've gone and screwed up and made him hate me. Just a couple of day ago, I was having so much fun with him in the pool and I know that he was having fun, too, but then he must have realized that he was wasting his precious time on me and left. And I really wanted him to kiss me.'
Another choke and Rei got a sudden urge to weep. 'Why am I such a screw up? Why do I always have to say the stupidest things? Why can't I just stop this – this feeling?'
He turned to his side, curling into a little ball, and bit into the pillow to muffle his sobs. And the air continued pressing down on him heavily, while the quiet of the room was punctuated by his own mewls and the soft breathing coming from the bed a few feet away from his.
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Kai woke up to muffled whimpers. He knew instantly that it came from his Chinese friend, but he didn't say anything. He couldn't, not without injuring the other's pride. He knew that Rei didn't want his pity, didn't want him to know that he was so broken. Besides, what would Kai do? Ask his friend whether he was all right and then assure him that he was? No, he couldn't do that; it would hurt even more.
He tried to shut off the small sounds, to pretend that the boy on the other bed was just dreaming, which he could very well have been. But then he heard Rei choke on a sob and that made matters much more difficult to ignore. With every broken intake of breath and every little whimper Kai's heart – yes, he did have one, no matter how frozen – clenched and he found himself struggling to breathe.
He couldn't ignore this now, not like he usually did. "Rei," he whispered hoarsely, turning to look at the small shape on the other bed. The Chinese boy stiffened, as if in fear. Kai bit the inside of his cheek; maybe he had done something wrong?
"Stop pretending, I know you're awake," he said louder, forcing coolness into his voice. "Rei?"
"H-hai?" The neko-jin managed brokenly, at which Kai had to steel his resolve.
"Come here," he said authoritatively.
"W-why?" Rei peeked at his captain warily from underneath the covers.
"Because I said so," Kai ground out irritably, propping himself up.
'Oh, no,' thought Rei, 'I've made him angry again.' Feeling childish and small, the younger boy crawled out of his bed and walked to Kai's, his head hanging as if he was charged with treason. He didn't know what Kai wanted from him, but it most likely wasn't a nighttime chat. The two of them had barely exchanged pleasantries in the week or so since the pool incident. 'Please, I don't want him to hate me even more. I don't want to be hurt again.'
The Chinese boy kept his eyes on the floor so he only heard Kai shifting on the bed but didn't see the blanket lift up in welcome. He suddenly wished his eyes weren't as puffy.
"Climb in," Kai said with a grunt. In all honesty, he had absolutely no idea what was doing but there had been an ache inside his chest when he saw Rei cowering away from him like a frightened kitten and he wanted to swart that twinge. He heard from somewhere (most likely Kenny) that it helped to be near someone you trusted after a nightmare.
Uncertainly, Rei clambered onto the bed, immediately trying to shrink into the mattress. Kai frowned, stung, and turned harshly away; he was just trying to comfort his friend. "Now sleep," he grunted coolly.
Rei curled into a foetal position and moved closer to the edge of the bed; he didn't want to disturb his captain. Kai tried to tell himself that his friend had finally calmed down, but the occasional tremor from the neko-jin stated otherwise. The silence was almost painful, and he got the impression that Rei was purposely trying to still his breathing. Kai could feel his own heart pulsing through his body, vibrating into his ears. He hated this; he didn't want to feel this awkward with his friend.
"K-Kai?" The voice was quiet and subdued, accented by soft intakes of breath. The boy in question feigned sleep, but maybe that was for the best because Rei didn't want Kai to hear him. "I'm sorry for never being good enough. I know that I can never reach up to your standards, and I also know that you will never look at me like an equal; I'm sorry for that, too. I'm sorry for ever losing and for being such a lousy beyblader. I'm sorry for yelling at you like I did that one time, and for calling you those names. I'm sorry for being so stupid and for wanting to be safe and for wanting this with you. I'm sorry I've ever made you hate me, I just wanted for you to l–"
"Will you just shut up?" Kai drawled in bitterly, not turning to face the other boy. His throat felt tight but he quenched the unfamiliar urge rising in his chest. "I never looked down at you, I can't. I didn't mean what I said that time. You're a great 'blader, the best I've ever seen; you might even be better than me. And if my memory serves me right, I yelled at you, too – we both said some stupid things."
He paused, letting the words sink in. Kai knew that Rei was startled, maybe he even believed him when he pretended to be asleep. He swallowed before continuing (why was there a knot in his throat when there never was before?); "I don't hate you – I could never do that, you should know by now. And the last time I checked, there is nothing wrong or stupid about seeking protection. It's a part of human psyche, isn't it?"
Rei mewled softly and before the sound could fully register with Kai, the neko-jin's hand sneaked over his back to settle on the slight curve of his waist. There the hand remained, too warm for his liking, the delicate digits grazing shyly over his bare skin (he almost always slept in his boxers; there was something about silk against flesh). Next, Rei pressed his face to the juncture of Kai's shoulder and neck. In turn, Kai shivered when he felt the other's warm breath brush tentatively over his skin; he forced back another shudder when he fancied he felt soft lips grazing the same spot (oh, Gawd!).
"Oh, Kai," Rei whispered (and here the bluenette stifled another shiver), "you should have told me you weren't asleep, then I wouldn't have said all those things?"
"Exactly."
"I really thought you hated me," another feathery caress.
"Why would I? You've never done anything wrong?" Kai felt delirious, dizzy, insane or all at the same time. Why did the other have to be so close? Gawd, Rei's eyelashes tickled him when he blinked.
"I thought you were disgusted with me."
"No."
Rei swallowed deeply, there was something incredibly warm and nice and fuzzy building up in his stomach. "...So you won't ever push me away?"
"Never," Kai replied gutturally. "Are we done with this yet? Are you now satisfied? Because if you are, then I suggest you shut up and go to sleep."
Rei chuckled lightly, nuzzling the other's skin with his nose. "Hai, Captain my Captain."
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When Kai woke up do dusty light filtering through the window, he felt oddly warm. He'd waken up many times to cold floor and biting stings in his side, to aches and pains throughout his body. He'd even woken up to blinding light and the barrel of a gun barely touching his Adam's apple. But he had never in his life woken up to a feeling of warmth this serene.
Strong, lean (and very bare) legs were twined with his own; he fought down little moan when the legs shifted to brush against the insides of his thighs. A wall of warmth was pressed against his side, silky hair tickling his neck. (Despite himself, a sense of dread settled in his stomach; what had he done the previous night, and with whom?) Blinking dazedly, he looked down at the person curled into his side.
He had to blink several times in order to fully comprehend the scene. Rei was spooned into his side; one hand was curled into a loose fist the other grazing over his abdomen. The boy's head was tucked under his chin, where the soft hairs seemed to frizz. He really did look like a kitten curled up like that, of not slightly cherubic. Kai had to take many deep breaths in order to bring some semblance of order into his head. The two of them were barely clothed and in a position that would surely raise some eyebrows.
Then he remembered the things they both said last night and he no longer felt like shrugging the other boy off. Gazing at him now, Kai was fascinated by the soft flush on Rei's cheeks. The Chinese boy always tied his hair into a braid at night (he said it was more comfortable to sleep on) but now a few stray strands escaped their hold and felt into his eyes and across his lips.
Tenderly (very much unlike himself), Kai brushed the hairs away, letting his fingers linger on the lips for more than was reasonably allowed. The skin was soft, like silk.
"I've promised you so many things already," he whispered, though he might as well have not said anything at all. "I don't even know if I can keep them all. But last night you said you wanted me to protect you. So this time, if for once only and when you can't even hear me, let me promise you this: I will save you. I know it doesn't mean anything and I know that I'll most likely end up forgetting about this, but I promise you that when you lose your wings and fall from grace, I will be there to save you."
Kai settled back into his place beside Rei and closed his eyes. It was probably too early to practice anyway and he didn't want to leave this warmth yet. He'd never felt like this before and he knew that it would not last, so he wanted to savour the moment while he still had it.
(tsuzuku...)
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That should have ended with a kiss, shouldn't it have? Hehe.... Too bad! I've missed the 'first kiss challenge' so I can't use it ^^ I'm sorry, I didn't mean for Rei to seem like such an uke... Shelly -(err)- san, now do you see what I meant? I seriously have to check on those naughty thoughts ^____^
