*****Hallelujah! I can upload!!!!!*******
Raph continues to fume, spiraling down into hopelessness beneath New York
City -
~She loves me not Ch. 2~
I woke up late. Leo hadn't even bothered to wake me for morning practise - good. It was propably late afternoon, but I didn't care. I pulled myself out of bed and didn't even bother to put on my bandana or belt or anything. I didn't care. I didn't wanna be around anyone, so I looked out my door to make sure no one saw, grabbed my trenchcoat and hat and slipped put the lair door. I'd wander the sewers till it got dark, then I'd head above ground. It was sure hard to get away from everyone in this stupid city. The people were like freaking ants, they were everywhere, and my brothers knew every inch of the sewers, so I couldn't really get away there either. If only people would give me my space, get out of my way, everyone was always poking and prodding, 'speak up Raph what's wrong Raph, how do you feel Raph, it wasn't meant to be Raph' all the nattering my brothers did just got on my nerves.
"Wasn't meant to be? She was the only one that understood me. She was like me. How could it have gone wrong?" I muttered with a huff.
I wandered through a breach in the sewer wall and came upon an abandoned subway platform and sat on one of the remaining benches. I didn't sit, I slouched, it was more comfortable.
Sometimes I wished I had family that lived far away that I could hang with when my brothers and Splinter got on my nerves, but I didn't I only had them. Well, Splinter didn't really get on my nerves, he was the only one that respected my privacy, wish my brothers would clue into that too, sometimes they really ticked me off. Like now- Donny's psychobabble was pretty useless, Mike's sappy 'love lost' sayings were really getting on my nerves and Leo's attempted heart to hearts were just not my style at all. At least they weren't chasing me around 24/7. I figured I'd come home when I was ready - but maybe I wasn't. I just wanted to take off, but where to? I didn't exactly blend into a crowd, and I didn't have any money, so I guess I'm stuck here, in this hell-hole, great!
I didn't feel much - except for the bad stuff. At least when Ninjara was around I felt something good. Things didn't seem so pointless 'cause someone was there for me no matter what. That's what love is supposed to be, unconditional, it's not supposed to change, not like this anyways. She loved me 'cause she wanted to, not 'cause she had to. My brothers hafta stay with me because we're the only ones like us, but she had a whole race of people and she chose to be with me. But then there was Mokoshan, what's that Chihuahua got that I don't. fur? And what did she mean about her needs? I loved her! Wasn't that enough! She knew I loved her - didn't she? She had to, its not like I bought her roses or took her to fancy dinners, she knew I didn't have money, but I loved her. I really did.
I sucked in a deep breath, fighting the urge to put my fist through the wall, but maybe the pain would feel good. Instead I yelled, it was a pretty good roar, sent the rats scurrying at least. Then I did punch the wall, a few times. Then I stared at my swollen, bleeding knuckles and flexed them. The adrenaline felt good, I couldn't feel the pain yet, I flexed again and watched the blood drip. Then I sighed. This sucked, a lot.
~She loves me not Ch. 2~
I woke up late. Leo hadn't even bothered to wake me for morning practise - good. It was propably late afternoon, but I didn't care. I pulled myself out of bed and didn't even bother to put on my bandana or belt or anything. I didn't care. I didn't wanna be around anyone, so I looked out my door to make sure no one saw, grabbed my trenchcoat and hat and slipped put the lair door. I'd wander the sewers till it got dark, then I'd head above ground. It was sure hard to get away from everyone in this stupid city. The people were like freaking ants, they were everywhere, and my brothers knew every inch of the sewers, so I couldn't really get away there either. If only people would give me my space, get out of my way, everyone was always poking and prodding, 'speak up Raph what's wrong Raph, how do you feel Raph, it wasn't meant to be Raph' all the nattering my brothers did just got on my nerves.
"Wasn't meant to be? She was the only one that understood me. She was like me. How could it have gone wrong?" I muttered with a huff.
I wandered through a breach in the sewer wall and came upon an abandoned subway platform and sat on one of the remaining benches. I didn't sit, I slouched, it was more comfortable.
Sometimes I wished I had family that lived far away that I could hang with when my brothers and Splinter got on my nerves, but I didn't I only had them. Well, Splinter didn't really get on my nerves, he was the only one that respected my privacy, wish my brothers would clue into that too, sometimes they really ticked me off. Like now- Donny's psychobabble was pretty useless, Mike's sappy 'love lost' sayings were really getting on my nerves and Leo's attempted heart to hearts were just not my style at all. At least they weren't chasing me around 24/7. I figured I'd come home when I was ready - but maybe I wasn't. I just wanted to take off, but where to? I didn't exactly blend into a crowd, and I didn't have any money, so I guess I'm stuck here, in this hell-hole, great!
I didn't feel much - except for the bad stuff. At least when Ninjara was around I felt something good. Things didn't seem so pointless 'cause someone was there for me no matter what. That's what love is supposed to be, unconditional, it's not supposed to change, not like this anyways. She loved me 'cause she wanted to, not 'cause she had to. My brothers hafta stay with me because we're the only ones like us, but she had a whole race of people and she chose to be with me. But then there was Mokoshan, what's that Chihuahua got that I don't. fur? And what did she mean about her needs? I loved her! Wasn't that enough! She knew I loved her - didn't she? She had to, its not like I bought her roses or took her to fancy dinners, she knew I didn't have money, but I loved her. I really did.
I sucked in a deep breath, fighting the urge to put my fist through the wall, but maybe the pain would feel good. Instead I yelled, it was a pretty good roar, sent the rats scurrying at least. Then I did punch the wall, a few times. Then I stared at my swollen, bleeding knuckles and flexed them. The adrenaline felt good, I couldn't feel the pain yet, I flexed again and watched the blood drip. Then I sighed. This sucked, a lot.
