Chapter 12: Spring Break Part VIII

~Sam's POV~

I woke up the next day, feeling someone's arm over me. Then I remembered what had happened the night before. It felt good to be in Paul's arms. I felt so safe and wanted. I continued to think about the feeling and I was afraid that I felt differently for Paul. I am probably feeling this way because of what I'm going through, right? I'm just imagining what I'm feeling for Paul. This can't be happening to him. I know that I used to have a crush on Paul, but could it possibly still be there? No, I need him as my rock, not as a lover. I love Jeff; I can't do this to Jeff, not now. Oh, God, I need to talk to someone, but who? Should I talk to mom or Matt? Maybe I can talk to mom and Matt. Then I felt Paul stir, but I didn't want to wake up him. Then I heard him say, "Good morning, baby girl."

"Morning, Paul. I didn't wake you, did I?"

"No, you didn't. How'd you sleep?"

"Better. I think it was because you and mom helped calm me down."

"Good, I'm glad to hear that. Now, it's three days until your birthday, what's the one thing that you want?"

"I just want my dad to be here for my birthday," I replied as I turned to face him.

"I know that you want your dad here. I wish that I could do something about that, but I can't," he said as he caressed my cheek.

"I know. I guess something simple. You know, a part with friends and family. I just want to feel happy again for my birthday."

"I think I can do that. Don't you worry, baby girl. I'll make sure that you have fun on your birthday," he said then he leaned down to kiss my forehead.

"Thank you, Paul," I said, as I leaned in to kiss his cheek. He accidentally turned his head and we kissed on the lips. Before I could break the kiss, Paul made it more passionate. His hands were roaming my body as my hands were in his hair. I don't know why I didn't break it off, but I wanted more of it. Then Paul broke off the kiss and jumped out of bed. He started pacing around the room.

"Paul, what's the matter?" I asked as I sat up in bed.

"I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have turned my head and made the kiss passionate. I mean you're dating Jeff. We shouldn't do that to each other. I mean you need me to be your rock," Paul replied.

"But you didn't, Paul. I know that Jeff and I are dating, but what can we do? I do know that I need to tell Jeff about this. I don't want to keep any secrets away from him."

"Yeah, I know. I figured that you would want to do something like that."

"Look, I'm going to get ready. Could you call Jeff and ask him if we could meet some time today?" I said as I got out of bed. Paul nodded as I got my things together and headed for the bathroom. After 20 minutes, I came out, fresh out of the shower and saw Paul standing by the window, so deep into his thoughts. I stared at him; he looked so beautiful. All of a sudden, I found myself being stared at by Paul. He walked over to me, leaned down and kissed me. I dropped my things and kissed him back. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he put his arms around my waist and picked me up. He walked towards the bed and laid me down and laid on top of me. Not once during the kiss, did we break the kiss. I moaned in his mouth as he caressed my right thigh. Then, Paul broke off the embrace and cursed himself for not having better self-control. I moaned at the loss of feeling him against my body, but I knew that we had to stop somewhere before it was too late. I was quietly sobbing, then I decided to call mom.

"Hello?"

"Mom," I said, barely a whisper.

"Hello?"

"Mom?" I said a little bit louder.

"Samantha? Is that you? I can barely hear you. Have you been crying?"

"Yeah, I've been crying. Can we go out and have breakfast while I talk to you?" There's something that I need your advice on," I asked.

"Of course. Where do you want to meet?"

"Meet me at the hotel restaurant in say. in about half an hour?"

"Of course. I'll talk with you later. Bye, honey," she said.

"Ok, bye," then we hung up. I laid in bed for about 10 minutes, and then I got up and got cleaned up. I was ready to go meet mom at the restaurant. "Paul, I'll be back in probably two hours, ok?"

"Yeah, no problem," he replied as I got my keys and purse and left. I saw mom sitting at the corner table at the restaurant. We hugged each other as we came together.

"What's the matter, sweetheart?" Mom asked as we sat down.

"Mom, this is so hard to talk about," I replied.

"Just tell me what you're feeling about right now. Is it about dad? Did Paul do something that he shouldn't have? What is it?"

"It's not about dad. It's about Paul. You see I'm getting mixed feelings about Paul."

"What kind of feelings?"

"I think I'm in love with him, mom," I replied as the waiter came and took our order and we resumed our talking.

"What do you mean, you think you're falling for Paul? What about Jeff? I mean, you seem happy with Jeff," mom asked.

"I know. That's why I'm so confused. I don't know what to do," I replied.

"What exactly did Paul do to make you think you love him?'

"Well, Paul and I kissed this morning," I whispered as I looked down.

"Honey, what did you say? It sounded like you and Paul kissed," said mom. The waiter came with our food and drinks. After the waiter left, I looked at mom and she knew immediately that what I said was true. "Oh, honey, I really wish that I could help you. All I can tell you is that you need to talk to both Jeff and Paul about this and work this out. I can't give you a magic spell to make this go away," mom said as she took a bite out of her food.

"I know that I should talk with them, but I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Afraid that Jeff wants to break up with me and that Paul is going to leave me alone."

"Honey, you got to talk to them and express how you feel. Sitting here with me won't help that problem go away. Just promise me that you'll talk to both of them soon," mom said as she took my hand.

"I will talk with both of them."

"Let's just enjoy our breakfast and enjoy each other's company, huh?"

"Yeah, that sounds good," I replied as I took a bite out of my food. We stayed and chatted for about an hour, before we left to our rooms. I went to my room and I couldn't find Paul anywhere. I saw a note on a table. I knew it was for me. I picked up the note and read it. 'Baby girl, I know that you went out to breakfast with your mom. I wanted to let you know where I was in case you made it back before I did. I went to the local gym to work out. I'll be back when I'm finished. Paul' I was grateful that I could be alone for a while. I decided to call Matt and talk with him. I called his room and waited for the phone to be picked up.

"Hello?"

"Matt? It's me, Sam."

"Hey, Sam. It's Matt. What's up?"

"Well, I was wondering if you could come to my room. There is something that I need your advice on."

"Yeah, sure. What room are you in again?"

"I'm in room 624."

"Ok, I'll be there in 15 minutes."

"Great, then I'll talk to you then." We hung up after we said goodbye. Then I started cleaning up around the room. After I cleaned up, I sat down and waited for Matt to come. I started crying for my dad, for myself and for everything that has been happening with Jeff and Paul. The knocking had startled me. "Who is it?"

"It's Matt." I went to open the door and he was concerned about what was going on. I moved aside so that he could come in. He came up to me and we embraced. I couldn't stop crying when we hugged. He just held me like that. He carried me to the bed and sat down. "Sam, what's going on? Why are you crying?"

"Well, I'm crying for three reasons."

"What is it?" he asked as I pulled away from him.

"I looked at him in the eye and said, "Well, I'm crying for my dad, since he died. That's one reason."

"I can understand that. You have every right to cry about that. What are the other two reasons?"

"The second one is for myself because I feel so lost and confused about what to do. Ever since my dad died, I really don't know what to do. I mean, I lost someone who I look up to and finding love and talking with Vince about the job. It's just that everything is happening all at once and I really don't know what to do."

"Hey, no one is pressuring anything on you. All you need is time to think things over. There's no time limit on anything. I'm sure that Vince will understand if you wanted to wait until you graduate to start the storylines. As far as Jeff goes, he totally understands that you're lost and confused. That's why he's not pressuring you into anything that you don't want to do."

I nodded, "I know that. Jeff is part of reason 3. This is really confusing me. I love Jeff so much and I don't want to do anything to hurt him. But something happened to Paul and I this morning. I asked Paul to talk with Jeff so that the three of us could discuss this," I said as I got up to pace around.

"What happened to you and Paul this morning?" Matt asked worriedly. I stopped pacing and looked at Matt, "Paul and I kissed this morning, twice. Matt, for some reason, it felt. right. I don't know what it is. It's different when I kiss Jeff and when I kiss Paul. I can't explain what it is that I feel for Paul. I told Paul that I needed to talk to Jeff about the kiss because I don't want to keep secrets from Jeff. He knew that I wanted to have an honest relationship."

Matt just sat there in shock. I could tell that he didn't know what to say about this. " Well, I'm glad that all three of you are meeting together to talk about this. I really don't know what to tell you. It's not my place to say anything. Just tell Jeff about how you feel and then decide what to do from there," Matt said.

I nodded in agreement, "Thanks, Matt. I know it's a shock and everything. It means a lot to me to know that you're here for me." I went to Matt and gave him a hug. Then Paul came into the room and saw us hugging.

I broke off the embrace and looked at Paul, "Hi Paul. Did you have a good workout?"

"Yeah, I did. Hey, Matt, how you doing?"

"Doing good, Paul. And yourself?"

"Not too bad. So what's going on?"

"Matt and I were just talking. I called him up because I wanted his advice on something."

"That's cool," he replied as he gotten his things to get cleaned up in the bathroom.

"Well, I better go. I'm working out with Adam and Jay," Matt replied.

"Ok, tell the guys that I said hi."

"Sure, no problem," he said as he left.

I went back to bed and lied down. I closed my eyes and massaged my temples. So many thought were running through my head. I didn't even know how to straighten them out. I was scared of what was going to happen between Paul, Jeff and myself. I wasn't sure if I wanted to find out, but I knew it was going to happen. I heard Paul come out of the bathroom after being in there for some time. "Paul, you doing ok? You were in the bathroom for quite some time," I replied. I didn't hear him respond, and then I felt two strong hands on my hands. I opened my eyes and found Paul wanting to take over. I let him continue to massage my temples.

"Let me get behind you, baby girl," said Paul as I sat up and allowed him to get behind me. I leaned against his body and let him massage my temples. He knew that I was really stressed out with what has been happening for the past day and a half. Then he put his hands on my shoulders and massaged them. It felt so good when he massaged me. I started to fall asleep, and then I heard the phone ring. It startled me so much that Paul laughed at me because I jumped a mile up from the bed. "Hello? Yeah, she's here. let me get her for you," then he handed me the phone and said, "It's Vince."

"Hey, Vince, it's Sam. uh-huh. yeah, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. okay, no problem. yeah, it's fine with me. I can wait until after I graduate. great, thanks, Vince. I'll talk to you later. bye," I replied as I hung up the phone.

"I totally forgot that Vince told me to tell you about the storylines. What did Vince want?" Paul asked as he continued to massage my shoulders.

"Vince told me that he wanted to wait until after I graduate from high school to start the storylines, especially with what has been going on and stuff. He said that he still wants me for the job, though."

"That's cool," replied Paul.