Chapter 18: Dad's Funeral
Vince had called me the next day and discussed with me about getting things started. I told him that I wanted to stay with mom for the next couple of weeks because she was planning dad's funeral and I wanted to be with her. Vince told me to take all the time I needed before I officially started. I told mom and Paul about it because they were more directly involved with my contract with Vince. Paul thought it was a good idea that I'd be there for mom, but mom tried to convince me that she would be fine planning it herself. But I told her that I was staying with her and it was final. Mom agreed to let me stay until after the funeral to join the rest of the federation. I remember mom asking us how we wanted to be involved with the funeral service. Adam said that he just wanted to be the pallbearer, and I told mom that I wanted to speak at the service. She supported us with our decisions. I help mom with the planning and making sure that everything runs smoothly on the day of the funeral. At the same time, I was writing out what I wanted to say. It was so hard because I wanted to talk about so many different things, but I knew for sure that I wanted to talk about his relationship with Paul, my relationship with Paul and a poem that I wrote for dad. Other than that, I was trying to think of things to say. Mom knew that I had a hard time trying to decide what to say and she told me to say what was from my heart. That's when I knew what to say because it couldn't be written. I decided to write my own song from my poem.
~The day of the funeral~
"Father in heaven, I pray to you for your servant Michael Copeland. For how he died was not a natural way of death. Father, I beg of you to protect his family and guard them from any evildoings. For they do not deserve the pain they have. No one deserves the pain of losing a loved one. I pray that you send your angels to protect them. Father, as your servant, I pray that you give them the strength to move on and the power for the to heal. Forever and ever, Amen." The congregation followed along with him by saying Amen. "It is now time for Michael Copeland's youngest child to come and speak on behalf of his family. Samantha, it's time…"
I got up from my seat and walked over to the podium. I paused before I started to speak. I had a hard time deciding how to start and at the same time I was trying to find my voice as well. When I did, I finally spoke, "Michael Copeland was the father that I never had. He was always the father that I needed when my real father had abused me when I was younger. He protected me in ways that I never thought possible. He welcomed me with open arms…" I started sniffling, then I looked at Paul, I could tell that he was encouraging me to go on. "You know it's funny, I had a hard time trying to decide what to say for the service today. I asked my mother for advice. She told me to say whatever my heart wanted to say and I'm going to do just that. There is something that I want to share with you that defines the man that is my father. He loved being around people. But there is one man that he was close to, the one man that I consider my surrogate father and that man is Paul Levesque. Even though they had not met until a few years ago, they acted like best friends. Everyone was shocked that they only knew each other for a few years and not their whole lives because that's how they acted. They acted like they knew each other all their lives. Paul had come to love me whenever I was around dad. Dad has always included me in his conversation no matter who he was talking to. Paul has seen how my father protected me from all harms. My father would lay his life down for me to be safe. That's how I see Paul now. I see him as my father because I know that he would protect me no matter what. I know that Paul would protect me and that he would lay down his life for me. Let me share with you something else that my father did with me that is completely my heart and soul. My father had seen me write poetry and decided to nurture it with his music. He provided the music as I provided the words. There was one song that we did not get to finish. This is a song that is both about my father and Paul. All I ask is that you to try and understand the meaning of the song. I had asked help from certain people and I finally finished the words. And I would like to perform it for you because there is no other place that I would like to perform it than right here for my father. Jeff, would you please help me with the music?" Jeff nodded. I got the paper out and put it where I could see it as Jeff got his guitar. Jeff and I looked at each other and I gave him my signal. He started playing it as I waited for my cue. I took the microphone and walked to where Paul was sitting and held his hand. When it came, this is what I sang…
I cried
I can't do it no more
I kept running away and I can't run no more
My legs are weak…
And I'm still crying…
My heart is broken…
And I'm so confused…
I tried to hide but I know it's time
It's time to face the storm
I don't want to cry no more
I don't want to be along no more
All I know is that love and faith is what I want
It's all I need to help me face the storm
Are you willing to provide that for me?
I'm asking you, my friend…
May I depend on you?
For love and for comfort
I just don't want to cry no more
Why must you go and leave me here?
I'm so alone and I can't go on…
I need you here with me
You'll always be in my heart
I'll always remember what we had together
That's all I ask of you is to be my angel
And I'll live my life in the memory of you
Just promise me that you'll be my angel
I would give you my life to touch you once more
But having you gone is killing me
Why must you go at a time like this?
I'm going through a time where I need your love
Just promise me that you'll be my angel
And I'll live my life in the memory of you
Just promise me, that's all I ask of you
Oooohhhhh, whoa that's all I ask of you
As I finished singing the song, I had tears in my eyes as well as everyone in the congregation. Jeff had taken the microphone out of my hand as Paul had come and held me. I cried as Paul led me outside. Once my crying had subsided, Paul pulled me away from him. I could tell that he was crying as well.
"That was beautiful, baby girl," Paul said softly. "I did not know that you could do that, but I'm glad that you did today. I'm sure that you're dad is very proud of you because I am proud of you." Paul and I hugged more as I broke down again. Paul and I broke off the embrace as everyone was starting to come out. One by one everyone was telling me how beautiful the song was and how my father would have been proud.
Finally Jeff had come out and saw me leaning against Paul. Our eyes met as he walked towards me. He opened his arms and I walked straight into them, crying some more. Jeff held me as I continued to cry. He whispered soothing words to me to calm me down.
~Paul's POV~
I saw her go up to Jeff and cry. I couldn't help but feel sorry for her that she had to go through that at a time like this. Jeff and I met each other's gaze and mouthed to him to let her cry and to hold her and he nodded. "Baby girl, I'm going to take care of some things, stay with Jeff, ok?" I said as I stroked her back and she nodded. I went over to where Helen was standing and talked to her. "Helen, how are you?"
"I don't know Paul. I mean, I'm trying hard to be strong but at the same time I want to break down and cry. I'm going through so much right now and I know that I need to be strong for Samantha," Helen replied.
"Helen, look, let me and Jeff take care of her. Why don't you just go and take care of yourself and get everything situated. I'm sure that Adam needs you as well. I don't want you to fell burdened or anything especially with taking care of Sam. Let me… let us help you, Helen. You need time to mourn over the loss of your husband," I said as Adam approached us.
"Paul, mom," Adam started, "The car is waiting for us."
"Thanks Adam," Helen said, "Paul thank you so much for taking care of Sam for me. It means so much to me, knowing that I can depend on you."
"Don't worry about it. Go with Adam and we'll meet you over there." Helen nodded as she left with Adam. Then I headed over to where Jeff and Sam were standing. The crying had finally subsided and she was now clinging onto Jeff. I could tell that she was scared and that she just wanted to stay with either Jeff or me. "Baby girl, it's time to go," I said quietly. She looked up and nodded.
"Come with me," Sam said, her voice was raw due to all the crying she did.
Jeff looked at me with a questioning look as I nodded, "I'll come with you." Then we headed off to my car and got in. Jeff and Sam sat in the back as Jeff continued to hold her. In the back of my mind, I wanted to take her pain away, but I knew I couldn't. All I can do is love her and comfort her. I'm glad that she is depending on Jeff and me for support. When we got there, I looked back and saw that Sam was falling asleep. I didn't want to wake her, neither did Jeff, but I knew that she had to wake up and get through the day. I mouthed to Jeff to wake her up.
"Honey, wake up, we're here," Jeff said softly into her ear and she woke up. We got out of the car and she held onto Jeff tightly. The pastor continued to talk for a brief time and then everyone put a single flower on top of the coffin before it was lowered. It was Sam's turn; she kissed the coffin as she put the flower on top with the other flowers. I could tell that she started crying. I went over to where Sam was and pulled her into my arms. She fought a little before finally giving in. I held her while she cried. She didn't stop crying until it was time to leave. We finally got into the car and left to their house for some food. Almost everyone was there, talking. I could tell that everyone felt out of place if they laughed because of the family. When we got home, Sam went straight to her bedroom and closed it.
I looked behind me as Jeff spoke, "Do you think we should get her some food?"
"Yeah, why don't you do that? I'm going to help Helen get everything sorted."
"Ok," and Jeff left to get her some food.
~Sam's POV~
I locked my door when I came into my bedroom. I didn't even bother to change my clothes or anything. I went to my bed and cried. For some reason I couldn't stop crying. I was mad at the world, but mostly I was mad at God for taking my father away from me. I heard a knock on my door, "Go away!"
"Sam, please, open the door!" Jeff replied
"No, go away! I want to be alone right now!"
"Honey, please I have some food here for you! You need your energy. You got to eat something. Open the door, please," Jeff begged.
"No, I don't want to eat anything. I'm not hungry! Go away!" I replied before crying some more.
"No, I'm not going away until you open the door and let me in," Jeff replied.
~Jeff's POV~
I felt someone tap me as I tried to get Sam open the door. "There's a trick that can get Sam to open the door. Let me do it," Adam replied as I nodded and moved out of the way. "Sam, it's me Adam. Wanna open the door for me?"
"No! Go away!"
"Why not? You need to let people come in and love you, Sam. Open the door and let me in. No one else has to come in besides me, ok?"
"No! I want to be alone!"
"Sam, if you are not going to open the door then I'm going to get the key and open the door. And when I do, I'm going to stay with you until you're ready to let the others come in. So open the door!" Sam didn't say anything for a few minutes, and we finally heard the door unlock and she allowed Adam and me to come in. We stayed with her until she was ready to come out. She didn't feel ready to come out until later that evening. Adam went in and out once in a while to let Helen and Paul know what was happening with Sam. It was finally about 9 that night when she finally came out. I was holding her hand as we went into the kitchen to see Helen and Paul talking quietly. Paul had saw us come in and looked at Sam.
"Baby girl, you doing ok? I was worried about you," Paul said softly.
"Yeah, I think I'm doing ok. I'm sorry that I didn't come out of my room, mom," she said her voice still coarse.
"Honey, it's ok. I'm just glad that you're depending on Adam, Jeff and Paul."
"Is there anything to eat? I'm kinda hungry," she said as all of us grinned at her. She finally smiled for the first time today. We all sat and talked about our lives and really got to know each other. I was so thrilled that she was depending on me more and that I got to know her better.
Vince had called me the next day and discussed with me about getting things started. I told him that I wanted to stay with mom for the next couple of weeks because she was planning dad's funeral and I wanted to be with her. Vince told me to take all the time I needed before I officially started. I told mom and Paul about it because they were more directly involved with my contract with Vince. Paul thought it was a good idea that I'd be there for mom, but mom tried to convince me that she would be fine planning it herself. But I told her that I was staying with her and it was final. Mom agreed to let me stay until after the funeral to join the rest of the federation. I remember mom asking us how we wanted to be involved with the funeral service. Adam said that he just wanted to be the pallbearer, and I told mom that I wanted to speak at the service. She supported us with our decisions. I help mom with the planning and making sure that everything runs smoothly on the day of the funeral. At the same time, I was writing out what I wanted to say. It was so hard because I wanted to talk about so many different things, but I knew for sure that I wanted to talk about his relationship with Paul, my relationship with Paul and a poem that I wrote for dad. Other than that, I was trying to think of things to say. Mom knew that I had a hard time trying to decide what to say and she told me to say what was from my heart. That's when I knew what to say because it couldn't be written. I decided to write my own song from my poem.
~The day of the funeral~
"Father in heaven, I pray to you for your servant Michael Copeland. For how he died was not a natural way of death. Father, I beg of you to protect his family and guard them from any evildoings. For they do not deserve the pain they have. No one deserves the pain of losing a loved one. I pray that you send your angels to protect them. Father, as your servant, I pray that you give them the strength to move on and the power for the to heal. Forever and ever, Amen." The congregation followed along with him by saying Amen. "It is now time for Michael Copeland's youngest child to come and speak on behalf of his family. Samantha, it's time…"
I got up from my seat and walked over to the podium. I paused before I started to speak. I had a hard time deciding how to start and at the same time I was trying to find my voice as well. When I did, I finally spoke, "Michael Copeland was the father that I never had. He was always the father that I needed when my real father had abused me when I was younger. He protected me in ways that I never thought possible. He welcomed me with open arms…" I started sniffling, then I looked at Paul, I could tell that he was encouraging me to go on. "You know it's funny, I had a hard time trying to decide what to say for the service today. I asked my mother for advice. She told me to say whatever my heart wanted to say and I'm going to do just that. There is something that I want to share with you that defines the man that is my father. He loved being around people. But there is one man that he was close to, the one man that I consider my surrogate father and that man is Paul Levesque. Even though they had not met until a few years ago, they acted like best friends. Everyone was shocked that they only knew each other for a few years and not their whole lives because that's how they acted. They acted like they knew each other all their lives. Paul had come to love me whenever I was around dad. Dad has always included me in his conversation no matter who he was talking to. Paul has seen how my father protected me from all harms. My father would lay his life down for me to be safe. That's how I see Paul now. I see him as my father because I know that he would protect me no matter what. I know that Paul would protect me and that he would lay down his life for me. Let me share with you something else that my father did with me that is completely my heart and soul. My father had seen me write poetry and decided to nurture it with his music. He provided the music as I provided the words. There was one song that we did not get to finish. This is a song that is both about my father and Paul. All I ask is that you to try and understand the meaning of the song. I had asked help from certain people and I finally finished the words. And I would like to perform it for you because there is no other place that I would like to perform it than right here for my father. Jeff, would you please help me with the music?" Jeff nodded. I got the paper out and put it where I could see it as Jeff got his guitar. Jeff and I looked at each other and I gave him my signal. He started playing it as I waited for my cue. I took the microphone and walked to where Paul was sitting and held his hand. When it came, this is what I sang…
I cried
I can't do it no more
I kept running away and I can't run no more
My legs are weak…
And I'm still crying…
My heart is broken…
And I'm so confused…
I tried to hide but I know it's time
It's time to face the storm
I don't want to cry no more
I don't want to be along no more
All I know is that love and faith is what I want
It's all I need to help me face the storm
Are you willing to provide that for me?
I'm asking you, my friend…
May I depend on you?
For love and for comfort
I just don't want to cry no more
Why must you go and leave me here?
I'm so alone and I can't go on…
I need you here with me
You'll always be in my heart
I'll always remember what we had together
That's all I ask of you is to be my angel
And I'll live my life in the memory of you
Just promise me that you'll be my angel
I would give you my life to touch you once more
But having you gone is killing me
Why must you go at a time like this?
I'm going through a time where I need your love
Just promise me that you'll be my angel
And I'll live my life in the memory of you
Just promise me, that's all I ask of you
Oooohhhhh, whoa that's all I ask of you
As I finished singing the song, I had tears in my eyes as well as everyone in the congregation. Jeff had taken the microphone out of my hand as Paul had come and held me. I cried as Paul led me outside. Once my crying had subsided, Paul pulled me away from him. I could tell that he was crying as well.
"That was beautiful, baby girl," Paul said softly. "I did not know that you could do that, but I'm glad that you did today. I'm sure that you're dad is very proud of you because I am proud of you." Paul and I hugged more as I broke down again. Paul and I broke off the embrace as everyone was starting to come out. One by one everyone was telling me how beautiful the song was and how my father would have been proud.
Finally Jeff had come out and saw me leaning against Paul. Our eyes met as he walked towards me. He opened his arms and I walked straight into them, crying some more. Jeff held me as I continued to cry. He whispered soothing words to me to calm me down.
~Paul's POV~
I saw her go up to Jeff and cry. I couldn't help but feel sorry for her that she had to go through that at a time like this. Jeff and I met each other's gaze and mouthed to him to let her cry and to hold her and he nodded. "Baby girl, I'm going to take care of some things, stay with Jeff, ok?" I said as I stroked her back and she nodded. I went over to where Helen was standing and talked to her. "Helen, how are you?"
"I don't know Paul. I mean, I'm trying hard to be strong but at the same time I want to break down and cry. I'm going through so much right now and I know that I need to be strong for Samantha," Helen replied.
"Helen, look, let me and Jeff take care of her. Why don't you just go and take care of yourself and get everything situated. I'm sure that Adam needs you as well. I don't want you to fell burdened or anything especially with taking care of Sam. Let me… let us help you, Helen. You need time to mourn over the loss of your husband," I said as Adam approached us.
"Paul, mom," Adam started, "The car is waiting for us."
"Thanks Adam," Helen said, "Paul thank you so much for taking care of Sam for me. It means so much to me, knowing that I can depend on you."
"Don't worry about it. Go with Adam and we'll meet you over there." Helen nodded as she left with Adam. Then I headed over to where Jeff and Sam were standing. The crying had finally subsided and she was now clinging onto Jeff. I could tell that she was scared and that she just wanted to stay with either Jeff or me. "Baby girl, it's time to go," I said quietly. She looked up and nodded.
"Come with me," Sam said, her voice was raw due to all the crying she did.
Jeff looked at me with a questioning look as I nodded, "I'll come with you." Then we headed off to my car and got in. Jeff and Sam sat in the back as Jeff continued to hold her. In the back of my mind, I wanted to take her pain away, but I knew I couldn't. All I can do is love her and comfort her. I'm glad that she is depending on Jeff and me for support. When we got there, I looked back and saw that Sam was falling asleep. I didn't want to wake her, neither did Jeff, but I knew that she had to wake up and get through the day. I mouthed to Jeff to wake her up.
"Honey, wake up, we're here," Jeff said softly into her ear and she woke up. We got out of the car and she held onto Jeff tightly. The pastor continued to talk for a brief time and then everyone put a single flower on top of the coffin before it was lowered. It was Sam's turn; she kissed the coffin as she put the flower on top with the other flowers. I could tell that she started crying. I went over to where Sam was and pulled her into my arms. She fought a little before finally giving in. I held her while she cried. She didn't stop crying until it was time to leave. We finally got into the car and left to their house for some food. Almost everyone was there, talking. I could tell that everyone felt out of place if they laughed because of the family. When we got home, Sam went straight to her bedroom and closed it.
I looked behind me as Jeff spoke, "Do you think we should get her some food?"
"Yeah, why don't you do that? I'm going to help Helen get everything sorted."
"Ok," and Jeff left to get her some food.
~Sam's POV~
I locked my door when I came into my bedroom. I didn't even bother to change my clothes or anything. I went to my bed and cried. For some reason I couldn't stop crying. I was mad at the world, but mostly I was mad at God for taking my father away from me. I heard a knock on my door, "Go away!"
"Sam, please, open the door!" Jeff replied
"No, go away! I want to be alone right now!"
"Honey, please I have some food here for you! You need your energy. You got to eat something. Open the door, please," Jeff begged.
"No, I don't want to eat anything. I'm not hungry! Go away!" I replied before crying some more.
"No, I'm not going away until you open the door and let me in," Jeff replied.
~Jeff's POV~
I felt someone tap me as I tried to get Sam open the door. "There's a trick that can get Sam to open the door. Let me do it," Adam replied as I nodded and moved out of the way. "Sam, it's me Adam. Wanna open the door for me?"
"No! Go away!"
"Why not? You need to let people come in and love you, Sam. Open the door and let me in. No one else has to come in besides me, ok?"
"No! I want to be alone!"
"Sam, if you are not going to open the door then I'm going to get the key and open the door. And when I do, I'm going to stay with you until you're ready to let the others come in. So open the door!" Sam didn't say anything for a few minutes, and we finally heard the door unlock and she allowed Adam and me to come in. We stayed with her until she was ready to come out. She didn't feel ready to come out until later that evening. Adam went in and out once in a while to let Helen and Paul know what was happening with Sam. It was finally about 9 that night when she finally came out. I was holding her hand as we went into the kitchen to see Helen and Paul talking quietly. Paul had saw us come in and looked at Sam.
"Baby girl, you doing ok? I was worried about you," Paul said softly.
"Yeah, I think I'm doing ok. I'm sorry that I didn't come out of my room, mom," she said her voice still coarse.
"Honey, it's ok. I'm just glad that you're depending on Adam, Jeff and Paul."
"Is there anything to eat? I'm kinda hungry," she said as all of us grinned at her. She finally smiled for the first time today. We all sat and talked about our lives and really got to know each other. I was so thrilled that she was depending on me more and that I got to know her better.
