Harry Potter was a highly unusual boy in many ways. For one, he liked golf. What a freak. Of

Course, he's British and cultured and stuff, so he would like golf, but this is from an American point of

View. For another, he wore robes. Yeah. Robes, like a monk or a cross- dresser or something.

Oh yes-he was also a wizard.

It was a mix of these three things that made Harry unique. There was another thing that made him

Unique. It was a mark on his forehead.

When Harry was an infant, the evil lord Vomit ruled the wizarding world. When vomit attacked

And killed young Harry's parents, he had planned to kill the child as well. But Harry's power shone,

Brighter than any he'd known. Vomit had pulled out his wand and branded Harry's forehead so he would

recognize him when he was older.

"When you come of age," he whispered to the infant, "you shall be trained to be my successor. We

shall rule the wizarding world together, my young friend."

"He's in there, Dumblewhore!" a voice called from outside. Vomit, learning his archenemy was

outside, fled the Potter's home.

After he fled, the witches and wizards came up with a fantastic story. They claim that Vomit tried

to kill Harry, but the curse rebound and hit Vomit instead. Ridiculous. Well, why else had Vomit gone into

hiding? Not hiding-retirement. Being the most evil wizard in a century had taken a toil on Vomit's health.

He decided to retire until Harry was of age to assist him.

And so, Harry was somewhat of a celebrity. At Snortwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry,

the wizardry school he attended, he sometimes felt like an outsider. Harry was not a fabulous student, even

though he excelled in his course about the Dark Arts. Well, obviously he would. No one seemed to notice

anything odd about what he did. Usually, he covered up his dark side with doing heroic stuff, like saving

young girls from being eaten by giant snakes or rescuing dead bodies.

Harry's worst subject happened to be Potions. This might be because he despised his teacher,

Professor Snape, and his professor despised him. He also didn't like a classmate of his, a child named

Draco Malfoy. Even though no one in the entire school, or the child's parents realized the child's name

meant "I Am The Dragon", they all recognized an evil streak in him. Draco was the typical "villain" in

children's novels-also having some witty insult ready in any situation. Harry, however, also had a

comment for every insult, but they were always stupid. No one really cared though, because he was Harry

Potter.

It was in one particular Potions class that Harry's hatred of Draco got the better of him. He was

preparing a "Chanteres" potion, a potion that made the drinker's health improve. "In a way," said Snape,

"It attacks as a cure for the common cold. Not quite a cure, however. It is best to take before the cold sets

in." Snape went on to explain how many people did not favor it, due it's vile taste. "Sugar makes the potion

useless."

Harry and his friend Ron stared at their potion. For once, they had actually done something right

without the help of their friend Hermione. Harry and Ron exchanged cultured, British high fives.

Meanwhile, Draco was having some difficulty with his potion. Usually, he got Snape or someone

to do it for him. Today, Snape seemed occupied with a magazine. Draco glanced at the clock. He had five

minutes to complete his potion. He urgently looked about the classroom. Snape was engrossed in an issue

of Penthouse. Harry and his friend Ron had migrated to the other side of the room to mingle with their

friends, leaving their cauldron unattended. How irresponsible, thought Draco. Someone might.steal it. He

grinned wickedly.

"Three minutes left," said Snape absently, staring at a picture in his magazine. Harry and Ron sill

hadn't returned to their cauldron. Draco quickly switched potions with them. Harry and Ron had actually

concocted a the potion correctly! Draco tried to hide his shock.

"Okay," said Snape coolly, folding his magazine quickly. "Return to your cauldrons. Now." Harry

and Ron immediately shifted to their seats. Snape approached their cauldron. He sniffed it. "Nice work

Potter," he said, eyeing him with contempt. "it seems you've done.nothing. This potion is complete

trash," he spat. "dump it Now. GET THAT TRASH OUT OF MY SIGHT! YOU DISGUST ME,

POTTER!"

Snape approached Draco's cauldron. "Nice work, Malfoy." Draco gave a small cheer.

"Thank you, sir. But really," he glanced at Harry. "It was a piece of cake. Pineapple upside

down.cake, sir."

After a minute, the bell rang. "That Malfoy," spat Harry angrily. "He switched our cauldrons!"

Harry stomped out of the classroom, followed by Ron.

"I know," supplied Ron. "That Malfoy!" Ron spit on the ground. Poor Ron. His purpose in life

seemed to be to follow Harry everywhere, agree with practically whatever Harry said.basically, he was

Harry's bitch.

"He'll regret that," exclaimed Harry furiously. He gritted his teeth. "He'll regret that a lot."

Ron nodded. "Yeah, Harry. He sure will." The two boys walked down the corridor in silence.

"Hey.err.Harry?" asked Ron.

"What?"

"Why are you carrying Draco's potion?" Harry sighed. It wasn't Ron's fault he was so slow, but

sometimes it was annoying.

"Snape told us to get it out of his sight. So, we're going to make good use of it. We're going to put

it in Draco's evening pumpkin juice," he explained. "That's why we're headed to the kitchen. We're going

to ask Dobby to put it in his drink."

"Oh, Harry!" swooned Ron. "Why, you are so.clever.brave.resourceful.handsome,

gallant." He began counting adjectives on his fingers.

"Six, Ron," corrected Harry. "I need six positive adjectives or I get depressed." He eyed Ron.

"Add another before I make it twelve!"

"Um..intelligent?"

Harry nodded. "That'll do, Ron. That'll do."

Ron and Harry entered the kitchen, and asked Dobby their favor. Dobby seemed rather distracted

as they spoke, but he agreed to have the mixture added to Draco's evening pumpkin juice.

The school assembled for their nightly meal. After a few remarks and announcements from

Dumblewhore, the food appeared on their plates. Chatter reigned the hall. At Harry's table however, there

was no lighthearted gossiping. Harry, Ron and Hermione sat regarding the Slytherin table. Draco had yet to

sip his drink. But the trio hadn't long to wait-Draco slowly reached forward, grasped his goblet, and

drank deeply.

A strange expression took over Draco's face-a mixture of confusion and happiness. He smiled

and resumed discussing something with Pansy Parkinson. Suddenly, he began talking very loud. "WHY?"

he belted. "You want to know why I hate Potter so much?" he stopped his himself. "Whoa," he said dryly.

"I seem to be having difficulty controlling THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE!" Draco stopped. "Any way,"

he yelled, not realizing he was shouting. "I hate him because-" Draco paused to think. Then, he began to

sing, still shouting. "He's a song, written by the hands of God. And I know, this might sound to you a bit

odd. But he is the place where all my thoughts go-right under his clothes, that's where you'll find them."

Draco jumped on the Slytherin table and really began bellowing his song. "Underneath his clothes, there's

an endless story! There's the man I choose, there's my territory." He gazed directly at Harry. "And all the

things that I deserve-for being such a good boy, honey!" Draco suddenly stopped singing. "Oh my God,"

he exclaimed. He turned to his fellow Slytherin's. "Tell me that didn't just happen."

The Slytherins couldn't hear him. The entire hall was shouting with laughter. "I guess that was

one of the effects of the potions," remarked Hermione.

Ron glared at her. "Hermione, for once in your geeky life, will you not ruin something by

answering why? Or because? Because I just saw Draco Malfoy sweetly serenading Harry." Ron closed his

eyes and smiled. "That has to be one of the best memories I'll ever have."

All of a sudden, Harry's plate exploded. Dobby appeared in the middle of his setting. "Harry

Potter sir!" exclaimed Dobby. "Dobby has made a big mistake. Dobby had put his hands in the oven and

close the door seven times!" Dobby showed Harry his swollen arms. "Dobby.Dobby put the potion Harry

Potter gave him in everyone's pumpkin juice!" Harry's jaw dropped. "So, the whole school is going to start singing?" he asked in disbelief.

Dobby tilted his head. "Well.Dobby is not sure how much was in everyone's glass. Some might,

some might not." He hung his head. "Dobby is a bad, bad, house elf. If Harry Potter will excuse him,

Dobby must go brash his head in a door." Dobby disappeared in a puff of purple smoke.

"This is horrible," moaned Hermione. "Are you going to forgive him?"

Harry later described this feeling as "the best kind of high ever." Harry felt like he was a floating

away. Harry shook his head. "There isn't enough time in my life to be angry at someone like Dobby," he

exclaimed. He froze for a moment and began to sing softly. "Is this the real life? Is this just a fantasy?"

"Caught in a landslide, no escape fro reality," added Ron.

"Open your eyes," Harry urged his table (in song). "Look up to the skies and

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy," sang Ron. "Because I am easy come, easy go. A little

high, a little low..."

"anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter.."

"To me."chimed in Ron, in unison with Harry.

"Harry? Harry?" What's wrong with you?" asked Ginny Wesley. She, like other people at the

table, hadn't drunk her pumpkin juice. "Hermione?"

It was too late for Hermione. She had unconsciously taken a sip. Ginny saw her horrorstruck

expression at the juice. She instantly made the connection. As a terribly insecure teenage girl, she felt the

urge to fit in. "Too late, my time has come," she sand as she finished as sip. She took another. "Sends

shivers down my spine." She shivered. "Body's aching all the time," Suddenly, she belted out, "Sometimes

I wish I was never born at all!"

"I see a little silhouette-o of a man," sand Harry, accenting each word.

"Scaramouche,scaramouche will you do the Fandango?" sang the entire Gryffindor table in unison.

Harry pointed to the murals adorning the great Hall. "Thunderbolt and lightening, very, very,

frightening me!"

"Galileo," sing Seamus in a very high voice.

"Galileo," sang Dean in a very low voice.

"Galileo," crooned Seamus.

"Galileo," answered Dean.

"Galileo, fagero. Magnefico!" sang the whole school.

"I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me," sang Ron sadly.

"HE'S JUST A POOR BOY, FROM A POOR FAMILY!" sang the Gryffindor table. "Spare him a

life, from this monstrosity!"

"Wait a second," said Harry suddenly. "Wy are we all singing old Queen songs?"

"I don't know," admitted Fred. "It just seemed rather natural." The rest of the school voiced their

agreement.

"Well," said Harry, trying to be gallant and British. "I think everyone's wondering what CAUSED

us to started singing old Queen songs."

"What everyone's wondering, Potter," said Draco, in a more calm, controlled voice. "Is-"

"Why you were sweetly serenading me with Shakira?" interrupted Harry.

Draco's cold eyes narrowed. "No. Maybe.which Gryffindor boy is gay!" he snickered at Harry.

"I think it's Potter."

Harry was going to insult Malfoy by pointing out that was the stupidest comeback in the history of

the entire universe, but he suddenly felt the high again. He felt himself floating and suddenly.

At that moment, all the Gryffindor boys stood up. "We are..on fire," sang Neville.

"We have desire!" offered Dean.

"believe us when we say," sang Fred.

"No Gryffindor boys are gay!" sang all of the boys. The people in Snogwarts noticed the song was

resembling Backstreet Boy's "I Want it That Way."

"We don't want to be mean, but no one's a queen," commented Seamus.

"Don't ask please-no Gryffindor boys are gay!" Harry found himself moved by the song. He

jumped on his table.

"Tell me who!" he shouted.

"It sure isn't George!" sang the boys.

"Tell me who!"

"No way is it Dean!"

"Tell me who!"

"We never want to hear you say, which Gryffindor boy is gay!"

The boys proceeded to sing an edited version of the Backstreet Boys song, Ron joined Harry on

the table. "I could just see him, he'd wear women's clothes. But he don't need an IUD, yeah...."

"He'd like Village People, he would play croquet, he's dog is a pekiness!" Harry joined

Ron in a duet. They finished their song a moment later.

"This is too creepy," said Harry, shaking his head as he sat down. "We all just keep bursting out

into song!"

The lord Vomit regarded the situation fro inside a suit of armor. He went on Jenny Craig for six

months to fit in one. "So young Harry is causing mayhem," he thought joyously. "This might be the time to

inform him of his.true destiny?" Lord Vomit grinned wickedly.

The time had come.

(A/N: Word!!!!!!!! Review, Flames and have oodles and poodles of fun - Lindsey)