"Hermione," said Ron suddenly. "You're a smartass. Why do we keep bursting
out into song?"
Hermione smacked Ron upside the head. "Because we all just drank a potion, you little fuck."
Harry placed sympathetic hands on Ron and Hermione's shoulders. "There, there," he soothed. "That's no reason to call each little fucks or smartasses. We need to work together!"
"Shut the fuck up, Harry," commented Fred. "You're no fun."
Harry laughed loudly. "Ha, ha! Just kidding! What I mean is." Harry thought fast. "We need to.um.counteract the potion!"
"Yeah!" agreed the Gryffindors. The Slytherins were happily singing "This Kiss" by Faith Hill, with a lovely visual aid with Pansy and Crabbe.
"Um.how do we that?" asked Hermione. Harry thought again (Twice in one day! New Record!)
"We talk.to.. Snape."
DUM
DUM
DUM "Snape?" asked Ron in horror. "We can't! That's admitting we tried to poison Malfoy!"
Harry shook his head. "Not if we.." OH, shit.thought Harry. I feel a song coming on.
"Not if we.say.. I've been cheated by you since I don't know when. So I've made up my mind!"
"We must come to an end," sang Prof. Dumblewhore. He had drunk his juice by accident.and well."Look at me now! Will I ever love? I don't know how but I suddenly loose control."
"As the fire within my soul," sang a slutty Cho Chang, joining them from the Ravenclaw.
": Just one look and I can't hear anything," sang the Gryffindor table, beginning an elaborate dance movement.
"One more look and I forget everything," shot back Ravenclaw, starting a tango.
"Mamma Mia! Here I go again," they all sang.
"My, my how can I resist you?" sang Harry and Ron, looking at each other in lust.
"Mamma Mia, Does it show it again?" howled Gryffindor.
"My, my, just how much I missed you?" answered Ravenclaw.
"Yes, I've been brokenhearted, blue since the day we parted."sang Hermione.
"Why, why, did I ever let you go?" The Gryiffindors all hopped on the table. "Mamma Mia Now I really know!" They began a dance that strongly resembled Britney Spears routine to "Crazy," minus the Catholic schoolgirls.
"My, my, I could never let you go! Mamma-"
"STOP IT!" shouted Harry, regaining control over his vocal chords. "NO ABBA! We have to fight it! CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"
"Hey.you sound like that guy.." Commented Dean.
"Yeah. that guy who like, taught us for a while," said George.
"Moody?" asked Harry.
"That guy!" cried Dean.
"Now!" said Harry gallantly, "We must face our fears and go to the dungeon! Hurry!"
In the dark and dismal dungeon Professor Snape was glowering, pouring over many naughty magazines. He took a sip of his luke-warm pumpkin juice. It had been sitting on the desk next to him for an hour now.
He took another swallow of the juice and sighed. He turned the page of his magazine. Suddenly, the door flung open.
"Professor Snape!"
'Shit,' thought Snape, 'It's Potter. What did he do this time?' As he quickly hid the magazine under a pile of books.
"What you want Potter? You're disfigured!" he spat.
Harry choose his words carefully. "Sir.if someone.not me," he added hastily.
"What'd you do know, you little worm?" Snape interrupted bitterly.
"NOT ME! A friend.NO! Not a friend! In fact, he doesn't even exist. But.if he DID exist.and he by accident poured his potion that you had told him to get out of his sight in everyone's pumpkin juice.and everyone started singing.how could you reverse the potion?"
So that's why I started singing Sweet Home Alabama before, thought Snape. "Potter.you disgust me. Everything about you makes me want to vomit all over your little last season shoes. "Wellllllllllllllllllllll," trilled Snape in a truly lovely baritone voice. "You know you make me want to SHOUT! Kick my heels up and---"
"SHOUT!" they all sang together.
"Throw my hands up and shout, throw my head back and SHOUT!" Snape's cold eyes glittered in an.ti..ci.pation. "Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you, you stupid excuse for a literary character?"
"Um.. I make you want shout?" suggested Harry.
"Yes, precisely. SHOUT! Anyway.so.I take it.you want my help?"
"Not me! My friend!"
"I know it's you, you brainless piece of horse manure. So..you want my help."
"Er.yes sir." Harry was grateful for his friends presence. Snape wouldn't kill him in front of them.would he?
"SAY IT! SAY I'M SMARTER THAN YOU! ON YOUR KNEES, WENCH," thundered Snape.
"I'm smarter than you, Prof. Snape."
"Thank you." Snape thought for a minute. "No! I meant I am smarter then you, you insignificant louse! Beg for my wisdom!"
Harry got on his knees. "O wise Potions master, I do implore you to share some of your great wisdom.you are so."
"Gallant," whispered Ron.
"so gallant.." added Harry.
"clever.brave.resourceful.handsome.try that, Harry," said Ron, trying to be helpful.
"But those are my adjective!" whined Harry. He received a swift kick from Hermione.
"Deal with it," hissed Hermione.
"You're so clever.brave.resourceful.handsome," Harry swallowed bile.
Snape struck a pose. "Well, I always have been called ruggedly handsome, you know, with my chiseled jaw and craggy features. I guess I'll help you."
"Oh.how can I ever..THANK you enough, proffesor?" purred Hermione, sticking her chest out.
Snape eyed her. "I'm sure I'll think of a way." Harry and Ron looked at each other. "Anyway.the only way to reverse this potion is to find me a certain herb. The herb is called filhenkelo. It is exceedingly rare-in fact, the only way for you to retrieve it is.to travel back to 1974."
"What?" asked Ron, "How will we do that? Dude, it's 2001!"
"Ron. It's 2002," said Hermione, shaking her head sadly.
"Whatever, it doesn't matter. There is a bunch of year in between 1974 and 2002." Commented Ron smartly.
"Yeah. No kidding clodpoll!" spat Snape, "Anyway, we have to use a time turner to go back in time and grab the filhenkelo weed and then we can reverse the potion you idiots made."
"Professor! I think that's illegal!" said Hermione, "It would be like. 5896 turns.. Or something like that!"
"Ms. Granger! Desperate times call for desperate matters! We must stop this singing!"
"I think that we should at least talk to Professor Dumblewhore," stated Hermione.
"I"ll go tell him...now you shake this thing and get yourself to the past, you little WHORE!"
"You know you think I'm sexy." said Hermione seductively.
Snape huffed and left.
"Dudes."said Harry. "I have the sudden urge to sing that song from Singin' In the Rain."
"Shit, Harry," said Ron. "We gotta do some time traveling."
"Let's do both," said Hermione.
a/N: word! Read the next chappie, it's MUCH better, loads of fun and drugs!
Hermione smacked Ron upside the head. "Because we all just drank a potion, you little fuck."
Harry placed sympathetic hands on Ron and Hermione's shoulders. "There, there," he soothed. "That's no reason to call each little fucks or smartasses. We need to work together!"
"Shut the fuck up, Harry," commented Fred. "You're no fun."
Harry laughed loudly. "Ha, ha! Just kidding! What I mean is." Harry thought fast. "We need to.um.counteract the potion!"
"Yeah!" agreed the Gryffindors. The Slytherins were happily singing "This Kiss" by Faith Hill, with a lovely visual aid with Pansy and Crabbe.
"Um.how do we that?" asked Hermione. Harry thought again (Twice in one day! New Record!)
"We talk.to.. Snape."
DUM
DUM
DUM "Snape?" asked Ron in horror. "We can't! That's admitting we tried to poison Malfoy!"
Harry shook his head. "Not if we.." OH, shit.thought Harry. I feel a song coming on.
"Not if we.say.. I've been cheated by you since I don't know when. So I've made up my mind!"
"We must come to an end," sang Prof. Dumblewhore. He had drunk his juice by accident.and well."Look at me now! Will I ever love? I don't know how but I suddenly loose control."
"As the fire within my soul," sang a slutty Cho Chang, joining them from the Ravenclaw.
": Just one look and I can't hear anything," sang the Gryffindor table, beginning an elaborate dance movement.
"One more look and I forget everything," shot back Ravenclaw, starting a tango.
"Mamma Mia! Here I go again," they all sang.
"My, my how can I resist you?" sang Harry and Ron, looking at each other in lust.
"Mamma Mia, Does it show it again?" howled Gryffindor.
"My, my, just how much I missed you?" answered Ravenclaw.
"Yes, I've been brokenhearted, blue since the day we parted."sang Hermione.
"Why, why, did I ever let you go?" The Gryiffindors all hopped on the table. "Mamma Mia Now I really know!" They began a dance that strongly resembled Britney Spears routine to "Crazy," minus the Catholic schoolgirls.
"My, my, I could never let you go! Mamma-"
"STOP IT!" shouted Harry, regaining control over his vocal chords. "NO ABBA! We have to fight it! CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"
"Hey.you sound like that guy.." Commented Dean.
"Yeah. that guy who like, taught us for a while," said George.
"Moody?" asked Harry.
"That guy!" cried Dean.
"Now!" said Harry gallantly, "We must face our fears and go to the dungeon! Hurry!"
In the dark and dismal dungeon Professor Snape was glowering, pouring over many naughty magazines. He took a sip of his luke-warm pumpkin juice. It had been sitting on the desk next to him for an hour now.
He took another swallow of the juice and sighed. He turned the page of his magazine. Suddenly, the door flung open.
"Professor Snape!"
'Shit,' thought Snape, 'It's Potter. What did he do this time?' As he quickly hid the magazine under a pile of books.
"What you want Potter? You're disfigured!" he spat.
Harry choose his words carefully. "Sir.if someone.not me," he added hastily.
"What'd you do know, you little worm?" Snape interrupted bitterly.
"NOT ME! A friend.NO! Not a friend! In fact, he doesn't even exist. But.if he DID exist.and he by accident poured his potion that you had told him to get out of his sight in everyone's pumpkin juice.and everyone started singing.how could you reverse the potion?"
So that's why I started singing Sweet Home Alabama before, thought Snape. "Potter.you disgust me. Everything about you makes me want to vomit all over your little last season shoes. "Wellllllllllllllllllllll," trilled Snape in a truly lovely baritone voice. "You know you make me want to SHOUT! Kick my heels up and---"
"SHOUT!" they all sang together.
"Throw my hands up and shout, throw my head back and SHOUT!" Snape's cold eyes glittered in an.ti..ci.pation. "Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you, you stupid excuse for a literary character?"
"Um.. I make you want shout?" suggested Harry.
"Yes, precisely. SHOUT! Anyway.so.I take it.you want my help?"
"Not me! My friend!"
"I know it's you, you brainless piece of horse manure. So..you want my help."
"Er.yes sir." Harry was grateful for his friends presence. Snape wouldn't kill him in front of them.would he?
"SAY IT! SAY I'M SMARTER THAN YOU! ON YOUR KNEES, WENCH," thundered Snape.
"I'm smarter than you, Prof. Snape."
"Thank you." Snape thought for a minute. "No! I meant I am smarter then you, you insignificant louse! Beg for my wisdom!"
Harry got on his knees. "O wise Potions master, I do implore you to share some of your great wisdom.you are so."
"Gallant," whispered Ron.
"so gallant.." added Harry.
"clever.brave.resourceful.handsome.try that, Harry," said Ron, trying to be helpful.
"But those are my adjective!" whined Harry. He received a swift kick from Hermione.
"Deal with it," hissed Hermione.
"You're so clever.brave.resourceful.handsome," Harry swallowed bile.
Snape struck a pose. "Well, I always have been called ruggedly handsome, you know, with my chiseled jaw and craggy features. I guess I'll help you."
"Oh.how can I ever..THANK you enough, proffesor?" purred Hermione, sticking her chest out.
Snape eyed her. "I'm sure I'll think of a way." Harry and Ron looked at each other. "Anyway.the only way to reverse this potion is to find me a certain herb. The herb is called filhenkelo. It is exceedingly rare-in fact, the only way for you to retrieve it is.to travel back to 1974."
"What?" asked Ron, "How will we do that? Dude, it's 2001!"
"Ron. It's 2002," said Hermione, shaking her head sadly.
"Whatever, it doesn't matter. There is a bunch of year in between 1974 and 2002." Commented Ron smartly.
"Yeah. No kidding clodpoll!" spat Snape, "Anyway, we have to use a time turner to go back in time and grab the filhenkelo weed and then we can reverse the potion you idiots made."
"Professor! I think that's illegal!" said Hermione, "It would be like. 5896 turns.. Or something like that!"
"Ms. Granger! Desperate times call for desperate matters! We must stop this singing!"
"I think that we should at least talk to Professor Dumblewhore," stated Hermione.
"I"ll go tell him...now you shake this thing and get yourself to the past, you little WHORE!"
"You know you think I'm sexy." said Hermione seductively.
Snape huffed and left.
"Dudes."said Harry. "I have the sudden urge to sing that song from Singin' In the Rain."
"Shit, Harry," said Ron. "We gotta do some time traveling."
"Let's do both," said Hermione.
a/N: word! Read the next chappie, it's MUCH better, loads of fun and drugs!
