Chapter four
I didn't feel too great, and my appetite wasn't at a normal level. So, I just skipped by my locker, ignoring the money that I was going to use for lunch that afternoon. Instead, I walked right to the cafeteria. There, I waited at our table for Miranda and Lizzie - especially Lizzie.
I put my head in my hands, and didn't even realize when my two friends sat down. They weren't talking, like they usually did during the lunch hour. I noticed that Lizzie had no lunch also. Miranda looked at Lizzie's pale face, concern reflecting in her dull eyes.
"C'mon Liz," she pleaded, holding out some bread and ham, "please have something to eat…" Lizzie just sighed and stared at the table. I glanced at Miranda. She wasn't paying attention to me.
"Miranda?" I asked softly, "what's wrong with Lizzie?" Miranda looked at my hands, sighing. She brushed away a tear, and rubbed her temples. I could tell that she was stressed with anxiety for our best friend.
"Do you know what you're doing to her?" she whispered in a barely audible voice. She shook her head and ran a shaking hand through her hair. Lizzie looked up and glared at my side of the table. She gripped her hands in suppressed rage. Miranda put a hand on her arm, holding her back. I felt my heart literally break seeing her this angry and disheartened. Miranda squeezed her shoulder.
"Lizzie… I know," she said quickly, soothingly, "let's go somewhere else…" Lizzie relaxed her hostile manner and sighed. She smiled, a slow smile. It looked like she hadn't smiled in days – her face was etched with sadness. She looked at me once again.
"Why, Gordo?" she choked. Miranda steered her away, leading her to another empty table before I could open my mouth and reassure her. What had I done to the girl I loved? To my best friend? It was ripping me apart, bite-by-bite, and bit-by-bit. I sighed and watched them from across the room. Miranda seemed to be talking to Lizzie softly, putting her arm around her shoulders in comfort. Lizzie turned her head away, desperately trying to look back at me. I wanted to call out to her, but my mouth was stuck fast. Lizzie put her head in her hands, shaking slightly.
With a heavy heart, I waited for lunch period to end.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
After school…
- - - - - - - - - - - -
I didn't even bother waiting for Lizzie and Miranda after school. It just wasn't worth the effort.
What was the point?
"You've got yourself in deep, Gordon," I hissed at myself, glaring at my untied shoes. I kicked at a stray pebble, yelling in anger as I missed my target. I rocked, off-balance, and grabbed a fence to steady myself. I couldn't keep going on this way. Blinking back tears, I ran all the way to my house, bursting through the door and running up the stairs. As soon as I reached my bedroom, I buried my face in my pillow.
I lay like that for a while, feeling the chill of the afternoon breeze upon my bare arms. With a sigh, I sat up and went over to my computer, plopping into the soft seat. Dust swirled around me. I reached for the computer to turn it on, but I stopped myself. I needed to talk to Lizzie myself. I couldn't just email her. I wasn't known to take the easy way out.
Trembling, I picked up my phone from its hook. I dialed Lizzie's number.
"Hello?" I heard a familiar female voice say forlornly. She sounded flat, dull, and I cursed myself.
"Lizzie? It's Gordo. Listen… I need to talk to you. I'm really sorry for whatever I did. Really. I don't know why you're mad at me, but I can change anything that I did wrong. I promise -," I was interrupted as my best friend put down the phone, totally ignoring my plea for forgiveness.
Click.
I held the phone in my hand, staring at it in disbelief. Lizzie had hung up – on me. She must be really furious. I mean, she didn't even listen to what I had to say. I brushed some chocolate hair from my eyes, looking at my bedroom door dejectedly. I took a deep breath.
With determination, I marched out of my room, grabbing a jacket. Yelling that I was going to Lizzie's house, I walked out of my house. I jogged down the street to her place. It was so familiar, but suddenly, I didn't feel welcome there.
I felt as though I was plunging headfirst into darkness - without a parachute or any kind of safety device.
Panting a little from my jog, I stopped at the McGuire's door. I raised my hand and rapped my knuckles on the white door. After a second of waiting, hands in my pockets, I once again tried knocking. No one came.
I rang the doorbell – no such luck.
I tried the doorknob, and to my surprise, the door opened. Feeling a little nervous about going into Lizzie's house without her permission (especially while she was mad at me), I climbed the staircase to find Lizzie's door opened. She was on her bed, hands tucked beneath her, head tilted toward the ceiling. I followed her gaze, and quickly glanced back at her. She didn't even look my way.
"Hey… Lizzie?" I asked tentatively. In reply, Lizzie pulled the blanket over herself, still not acknowledging me. I sighed, and looked at her beautiful face, sitting down on a chair near her bed. I sat there for an hour until I noticed that she had fallen asleep. I watched her closely, studying her. I longed with all my soul to heal the wound I created – to seal the hole in our relationship. I scooted closer to her, aching to touch her, to hug her, and – I admit – to kiss her. I saw Lizzie's eyelids flutter in sleep. I gulped and held out a trembling hand to caress her cheek, but stopped as she flipped over onto her back, hugging the blanket around herself tighter. I saw her shiver and sigh.
With a little sob, I got up off my seat and stretched my arms. Without a sound, I went to the bathroom slowly, looking at my feet. I went in and closed the door behind me. With another sigh, I rubbed my face with a damp washcloth. I reached to turn on the warm water, when I saw a little bottle that caught my eye on the top shelf on the medicine cabinet, shoved back behind everything else. I reached up, stretching for my objective. As my hand explored along the top of the shelf, I upset a layer of fine dust. Sneezing, I brought down the object of my search.
My heart stopped as I looked at the label. Trembling, I twisted it around, hardly believing.
"Oh-my-god." I whispered, opening up the bottle and dropping some white pills into my quivering hand.
They were anti-depressant drugs.
"Lizzie! Lizzie, are you awake?"
Suddenly, a voice rang throughout the house. Dropping the pills in surprise, I ran out of the bathroom and closed the door behind me, sliding the drugs back where I had found them. I didn't want Lizzie to use them, but I didn't want her to get in any major trouble, either. Looking around frantically, I found a closet, where I jumped inside, hiding behind the musty coats. I heard footsteps walk past my sanctuary.
"Hey Lizzie…" I heard Jo McGuire say in the next room, "how are you doing, sweetheart? You've been sleeping a lot lately…"
I heard Lizzie moan softly, "Wouldn't you?" Jo thought for a second, undoubtedly searching for a good answer.
"Yes, honey, I would. But, you have your whole life to live… you can't let this hold you down." Jo replied in a soft voice. I heard Lizzie sob.
"Mommy… it is all my fault! All my fault…" I heard Lizzie whimper between snivels, "if I wasn't there -,"
At this point Jo interrupted her daughter. "It wasn't your fault, or anybody else's. Please don't do this to yourself!" I heard Lizzie's mother give a small cry, "Miranda says you're not eating, you're always sleeping… I never see you anymore! Even Matt misses you!"
"What am I supposed to do, Mom? Roll over on my back and forget everything? Is that what you want?" Lizzie questioned coldly. I pressed my hands against the wooden shutters, listening closely. Her mom was silent.
"No, Lizzie…" her mom said softly.
"GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" Lizzie shrieked, bawling and slamming the door. I heard Jo's heavy footsteps tread down the stairs, shuffling in sadness. I couldn't believe what I had just heard. As if in a dream, I stepped out of the closet slowly, and made my way down the stairs quietly, sighing in relief as I heard the television turn on. I made my way to the front door and slipped out, closing it behind me.
What had I done?
Ohhhh… what do you think? *hehe*
Poor Gordo… *sob*
I think I know what some of u guys are thinking *laugh*… well, if you are thinking what I think you are thinking, I think you will be surprised! *Confused stare*
Think… thinking… thinks… *overload*
Ahhhhhh! More soon!
BTW, my keyboard is FIXED! YAY! I can use it in my room again! ^_^
Please review – I haven't been getting as much as I thought I would. It's sorta depressing. Please people. It really makes my day, and all you have to do is type a sentence or two. (well, actually I like long reviews, but… *hehe*)
PLEASE!
Thanks! Here's a banana.
Tic-Tac ^_~
