Chapter Nine:

The next morning, Devi awoke. She felt sore all over. The apartment was very quiet. She got up and sadly went into her studio. She sat before the canvas for hours. Stared into the blank white for hours. But there was nothing there. She struggled for it, but it wouldn't come. She raised her brush, freshly dipped in red paint, above the canvas. But her hand couldn't move. Because there was no direction for it to move in. No matter which way it moved, it would still have the same result, a line of red on a stretch of white. So predictable. So simple. She threw the brush against the far wall in frustration. She dropped her head into her hands. She expected the voice of Sickness to say something. But there was only the silence. The old, dry, desolate silence. She gave a scream of despair, and it echoed off the lonely walls.

It was a while later when Devi heard a 'thump thump thump thump, knock knock, whoosh, slam!' of someone entering her apartment. She paid no attention to it. She sat on the floor like she had so many times before. She stared at the wall. She heard thumping footsteps, a rubbery squeak, and then Tenna's voice call out a cheery 'hi'. But then there was silence.

"Devi?" Tenna asked. She stared at her. This wasn't like Devi. Devi happened to be sitting on the floor, staring blankly at the wall. There were now-dry tear trails all down her face. She looked absolutely gloomy.

"Uh, you OK?" Tenna asked, giving Spooky a squeak. Devi nodded, not trusting her voice. "OK. Hey, where's Johnny?" Tenna asked.

"Oh god," Devi moaned, sinking to the floor, where she lay in the fetal position.

"Um, I'm guessing something bad happened?" Tenna asked.

"Oh, that's an understatement," Devi muttered.

"So, ya wanna tell me about it? Talk to Spooky," Tenna said.

"Tenna, he left. He just..oh shit I'm just going to make myself cry again. But he said he had to. He left twice. And then I couldn't follow him. I know it shouldn't depress me so much. But I have no idea where he went and..oh fuck I love him Tenna!" Devi said.

"So that's bad?"

"Yyyes."

"Which part's bad? Him leaving or you loving him?"

"Both."

"Oh. Me & Spooky 'r sorry that happened."

"I know. I'm not supposed to love him. It's completely going against nature with this. Him and me together is like...a painting made with beans. Not right at all. Just..not natural, but you want it to work."

"That might work."

"What?"

"A painting with beans."

"Tenna, that's completely off the subject."

"So? I like that idea. Maybe I'll try it."

"Arg!"

"What?" Tenna asked, unaware of the frustration she was causing.

"Nothing."

"You want me to go for a while?"

"Sure."

"Can I come back in an hour."

"I don't care." Devi muttered.

Tenna left.

Devi sat up. She brushed the floor crud off of her shirt. She wiped her face off on a rag she used for painting. Collecting herself, she looked around the room.

"OK, I'm gonna be fine. I'm, not gonna cry..I'm not gonna cry..I'm not gonna cry I...Oh shit Nny why did you have to leave!?" Devi screamed. She lay back down on the floor again and tried to contain herself. "Fuck I'm insane. In here screaming over a guy. And It's not the first time. I'm through. Most of them don't deserve it. Well, fuck men. I'm giving them up. I'm gonna..die a fucking hermit!" Devi screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Shut up!!!" screamed the psychic lady downstairs.

"Shut up yourself!!!! Quit fucking yelling your fucking head off a me all the fucking time!!!!" Devi screamed back.

"PLEASE go for a ride in an airplane! Just die in the plane crash already!!" screamed the psychic lady.

"Fuck you!" Devi screamed. She got up and left the room, going into the living room. She looked around. On the floor beside the sofa lay a slightly wilted red rose. "Oh Johnny why!?" Devi yelled. She started to cry again, sinking back to the floor.

*/*/* On the road, Nny sat in the third front seat with Zingo and Paul. The two were a couple of free spirits who spent all their lives on the road. Paul liked classical music, and Zingo liked beer. They liked stopping at restaurants and getting burgers all the time. That was about it. Right now they were shipping a gondola of tomatoes to New Mexico. It was their longest trip yet. They'd invited Johnny to come along the whole way, but he'd refused. He had places to go, places that he wasn't sure where they were exactly. But he had somewhere to go.

*/*/* Back at Devi's apartment, Tenna entered the living room cautiously, squeaking Spooky in front of her before she entered.

"Devi?" she asked, looking around. Devi answered with only a low moan.

Devi lay on the floor. Her face was tearstained and her eyes empty. She sniffled and sat up.

"Wow." Tenna said.

"What? Gawking at my misery?" Devi snapped.

"Whoa, settle down. You just kinda...I've never seen ya fall apart like this before," Tenna said.

"Yeah. Well wadaya know, I did," Devi said.

"So, I'm taking it Johnny left without saying goodbye?"

"Not exactly. But.I just expected him to stick around longer. I fall in love with him, and he just.stays for two days and leaves. That's just weird."

"Maybe he had a reason. Hey, he was in your house for two days, right?"

"Yeah. So?"

"So.he was here at night?"

"Tenna-"

"So did you..you know..do him?"

"Tenna!"

"Well, did you?"

"No! What do you think I am, some kind of nymphomaniac?"

"No but I thought..he was in your house at NIGHT and you didn't..."

"Of course I didn't."

"So are you a...a virgin?"

"Let's not go into the subject right now." Devi said in a closed manner.

"Ooh, I knew it! You are one!"

"I just never-"

"How do you live?" Tenna asked, her mouth hanging open.

"Get out!"

"But-"

"OUT!" Devi roared.

"OK OK I'm going," Tenna said, making a run for it. Devi heaved a sigh and lay back down.

Later that night, Devi sat up again. She wiped her face dry of the tears and went back into her studio. Still she could paint nothing. She lay down.

"What's wrong with me?" she asked softly into the emptiness.

"You fell in love with someone who you are destined to be far away from," Sickness's voice said from across the room.

"But why? Why did I? What's so wrong with me that I had to fall in love with him again?"

"For one, you are insane. For another thing, love is not something which is to be controlled."

"I guess not. But.I miss him now."

"There is no sense in lying on the floor like a child, crying your eyes out and doing nothing to stop the pain. Have you done nothing to get him back? Have you gone after him? You have not. So there is no reason to cry when there are things you can do about it."

"Like what, for instance?"

"Go after him you idiot."

"But I tried. He said-"

"Should you give a shit what he said?"

"I-"

"Oh for heaven's sake bitch just go and get him," Sickness said, aggravated.

*/*/* It was a while later when Zingo and Paul's rig stopped in front of a hazy field and the door opened.

"You sure this is where you wanna be?" asked Paul.

"Yes. It's exactly the place," Nny said. He hopped out of the truck.

"You need anything, you give us a call," Zingo said, tossing Johnny a sandwich through the window. He caught it.

"Thanks. I will," Nny said, nodding to them. The rig drove off, leaving Nny alone in the fog. He sighed and started walking, munching on the sandwich. A few minutes later he reached the center of the field. He sat down in the dewy grass and yawned.

*/*/* Devi's car zoomed well over the speed limit after she left town. She sped along, humming along to the radio, now and then singing a line out loud.

*** Making my way downtown, waking fast, faces pass and I'm homebound. Staring blankly ahead making my way, making a way through the crowd.

And I need you, and I miss you. And now I wonder..

Chorus: If I could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass me by. 'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you tonight.

It's always times like these when I think of you and I wonder if you ever think of me. 'Cause everything's so wrong and I don't belong living in your precious memory.

'Cause I need you, and I miss you. And now I wonder...

Chorus

I,I don't wanna let you know. I, I drown in your memory. I, I don't wanna let this go. I, I don't...

Making my way downtown, walking fast, faces pass and I'm homebound. Staring blankly ahead, just making my way, making a way through the crowd.

And I still need you. And I still miss you. And now I wonder...

If I could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass me by. 'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you....If I could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass me by, 'cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you. If I could just hold you.tonight.***

*/*/* Nny sat up in the middle of the field. He was all alone. It was getting foggy. He sat quietly in the dewy grass. The sun was starting to rise. Suddenly, he convulsed and threw up in the grass. He gagged on his own vomit and spit in the grass. He coughed, and blood came up. He shook. He shook harder, the feeling getting worse and worse. He fell into the grass and shook violently, a flow of more blood passing his lips.

*/*/* Devi drove as fast as her car would go, almost hitting a stop sign and several dogs. She finally paused in a small turn off and got out of her car, looking around at the first lighted landscape. Ahead of her, there was a field. Some strong force told her to enter the field, and she grumbled.

"Last time I listened to my intuition I got knives pulled out on me," she muttered, but started across the field anyway.

Partway across she saw a large lump on the ground. As she approached it, she wondered what it was. And suddenly she noticed that the lump was twitching. And suddenly she heard a heaving noise. And as she got closer, she realized it was alive.

"What the-?" Devi asked. She knelt beside the lump, and gasped. "Johnny."

The lump quivered.

"Are you OK?" Devi asked. The lump quivered again.

Johnny moaned. And then he convulsed again. He coughed up a little more blood.

"Oh shit! Nny you weren't joking!" Devi said. She touched his forehead. He continued to tremble violently. "Come on. Let's get you out of here," Devi said. Nny shook his head lightly.

"No. remember. You'll get hurt-leave! Get out of here! Devi quick. You don't know-" Nny said shakily.

"I'm not going to leave you here."

And suddenly Devi heard a voice from somewhere behind her. Or somewhere around her. It came from nowhere and everywhere at the same time.

"Foolish girl! You are only putting yourself on death row by trying to save the boy! Leave him! He belongs to me now!" the voice of Bloodman said maliciously.

"Who are you?" Devi asked, glancing around wildly.

"That is not important!" said the voice.

"Leave Johnny alone!" Devi snarled.

"I don't think so. Why would you care? He matters to no one! He has nothing left! No one cares about Johnny C.!"

"He matters to me! I care about Johnny, and guess what?! I love him! I tried to tell myself I didn't, but I do. I love him! So just leave him alone!" Devi yelled.

"After all he did to you!? After all the pain he caused you? After he tried to kill you? After how the thought of him drove you to tears of rage, and now you love him? Can love be so blind as to cause you to overlook all of the bad memories, the sleepless nights?"

"I don't care about all that anymore, whoever you are! I don't know why, I don't know how. All I know is that I love him! That should be good enough for anyone!" Devi said.

"Whatever! Now he dies!" Bloodman's voice screamed. And then Nny felt the familiar pain of Bloodman's wrath. He screamed. "If you have something to say to him, say it now! It's only a matter of time before he is dead and I rule!" Bloodman yelled. Johnny lay on the ground, twitching.

"Hang on Nny! It's going to be OK!" Devi yelled. She didn't know what to do, and she wasn't exactly even in control of her next action. "I love you Nny," she said. She brushed the blood from his lips and kissed him fervently.

It seemed like everything was spinning, and the world was being torn apart. And then it was silent. Devi sat up, looking around the dark field. "Nny?" she asked, looking down at the lump beside her.

Nny groaned. "Wuh?" he asked.

"are you OK?" Devi asked him.

"I think so," Nny said, sitting up precariously and glancing around. "What happened?"

"I don't know. I think that voice-it's gone," Devi said.

"He's gone?"

"Yes. I think so."

"Then I'm free." Nny said, looking up at the sky. He reached up and wiped the blood from his face.

"I guess so," Devi said. Nny brushed the dirt off of himself. Devi smiled at him. "So I guess you're not gonna have any more spasms, and not be any more danger..so you won't have to stay with me anymore," Devi said.

"I supposed so."

"Unless you...wanted to stay with me...just in case something else happened to you..I wouldn't mind," Devi said.

"Yeah.just in case, I guess I could come stay with you sometimes " Nny said.

"I really do love you Nny, you know that right?"

"Yes. Same here."

"I still don't know why. But that doesn't really matter, right?"

"I guess not."

"Come on. Let's get out of here."

"Kay."

They left the field and Devi dropped Nny off at his house. Then she went home.