THE DOOR TO INSANITY HAS OPENED...
by chibilinnet
Yes, this is the "sequel" or "Part II" of my Kingdom Hearts fic... you may wanna read the first part "And after the game"... Cheap Self-Promotion? *shifty eyes* Never...
On the side note, I have opened my heart to darkness recently. I assume it was the dark powers that I obtained that was drawing readers to read my fic. Therefore, I want you all to succumb to the darkness and read this fic. THERE IS NO LIGHT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN KINGDOM HEARTS, FINAL FANTASY, AND ANYONE IN THOSE GAMES...
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CHAPTER ONE: What the hell...? This again??
Lance was very upset. And confused. And irritated. And sick of having to find interesting beginnings to draw readers in and keep a suspenseful mood in the air.
He was also having trouble finding a box of cookies. It seemed that a certain "someone" had bought all the cookies in Deling City, and Lance decided that one day he must kill that certain "someone".
But all the mattered was finding the cookies first. Then maybe Clo-err, the guy in the cloak would tell him how to get to space.
He looked up to the starry sky, inky blue with the shining gems stuck to it like stupid little fireflies. Lance always loved the stars. he felt as if they were calling to him, beckoning him to jump out of his forty-story window and fly to them. Thankfully, someone always stopped him before he actually tried that.
But, to reach the stars... Lance must find cookies first!
"Damn, what do they want me to do, import them from Japan?" Lance was exasperated, to say the least, and was just about to consider that. Then he saw a L-Mart in the distance. He laughed at the author's lack of creativity, then remembered that this was, in theory, a parody... OR WAS IT?
"They must have cookies there! It's L-Mart!" The singer decided, then he strode into the store, waiting for the huge impact of bloodthirsty fangirls and posers who merely wanted a shred of his clothes so they could make a profit on eBay. To his surprise, none came.
Being very happy, Lance merrily strolled over to the cookie aisle, where they had everything cookie. He was about to grab a pack when a very interesting conversation on the next aisle (canned foods) grabbed his attention and refused to let go.
"Hey, son, how's it going? How's your failed experiment?"
"She's not a failed experiment, Hojo! Besides, my so-called failed experiment is better than yours. Mine can think."
"You don't have to rub it in..."
"Ha Ha! I'm a better scientist than yooooouuuuu!!"
"SHUT UP! PITIFUL EXCUSE FOR A SON!"
"You're just jealous..."
Lance was a little confused. He sneakily suspected that this was just added in to close one of the many violent, swirling plotholes in the story. Perhaps something to do with Ansem being Kairi's father? The plothole was still there, though. It seemed the author failed.
"What a pathetic author!" Lance grumbled, and he decided to just grab the cookies and go.
It was very fortunate that Lance decided to do just that, for the moment he grabbed the cookies and started forward, a meteor fell and crashed on the very spot he had been standing on.
'DAMMIT!" A voice yelled. Lance shuddered and ran away as fast as he could, before the homicidal author could try again.
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"Heeeheee! The little duckeys!" Cloud-
"I AM NOT CLOUD!"
Ahem, the man in the cloak was excited, as he recently discovered that the fountain at Deling City held ducks. The man in the cloak loved ducks almost as much as he loves cookies. Almost.
The sound of footsteps made him look up. Ah! The singer had returned, with a box of Chips Ahoy! Chewy chocolate chip cookies. His favorite!
"Alright, here are your cookies..." Lance handed the man in the cloak the box. He flipped off his hood, revealing himself to be Cloud. Now the author can finally call him by his name instead of "man in the cloak". Joy.
"Now, elaborate." Lance sat down next to Cloud, who was half-way between munching his first cookie. Cloud's plain blue eyes were glossy and some drool was hanging from his lips.
The frustrated singer smacked himself on the forehead. WHY was he stuck with an idiot?
"Tell me how I can get to space." Lance said, more slowly and clearly this time. Cloud suddenly snapped back to reality and he nodded.
"You know how there are doors to light and dark? Well, there's lots more doors, like the door to McDonalds, and the door to my house, and..." Cloud rambled on about these different doors, speaking of nonsense, when Lance lost patience and smacked him soundly on the head.
"AAAUUUGGGHHH!! MY HAND!!" Lance learned what Alice learned the hard way: Never smack Cloud upside the head. He quickly plunged his hand into the water and winced as his scarlet blood mixed in.
"Errrr... yeah! I mean, there's a final door: The Door to... jeez, what happened to your hand?" The stupid-infested fighter glanced at his bleeding comrades hand. Lance plainly gave him a glare that even he could understand: Continue on or die.
"The Door to Insanity! If you can open it, you can defy physics and stuff. If I opened the door, maybe I could learn how to read! ... Um, and maybe you can go into space..." Cloud explained, grabbing the Restore Materia that was still imbedded in one of his back spikes. Surprisingly, it still worked, and it healed Lance's hand perfectly.
"Wow, they don't make Materia liked they used too..." Lance observed, wondering how the dried-up orb could still work. He shrugged and pocketed it. Maybe a Neo-Shinra prototype?
"Anyway, how do you know all of this, Cloud? It's not like you to know this stuff..."
"Because! Alice told me about it, that was her goal. She said maybe I could be smart! If we open the Door to Insanity, ANYTHING CAN GO!" Cloud emphasized the last few words for effect.
Lance rolled his eyes and shook his head in pity for poor Cloud.
"Cloud, this fiction is humor, of course anything can go... the only thing is that the author doesn't want random insanity type humor..." He carefully explained. Cloud shook his head fiercely.
"Laaaance! Alice said the Door to Insanity has GREATER power than the author! It's the story source FOR the author! If the Door opens, the author will no longer have any control of the story! It's our best shot, right?" Cloud almost pleaded. He looked down sadly.
"And, I really wanna know how to read..." He commented quietly.
The singer looked up to the starlit sky. He frowned, pondering this. Overthrowing the author herself? Seemed near impossible. But hey, there was no way the author would allow Lance to fulfill his dream and go into space, and hell would freeze over before she would allow Cloud to be able to read.
He smiled, and extended a hand to Cloud.
"We'll head to the Hollow Bastion Library and look this 'Door to Insanity' up."
Cloud smiled gleefully and shook hands with Lance.
It seems like the author would be in some deep shit...
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I honestly have no clue where this popped up. I think it has something to do with the fact I am a self-proclaimed Heartless. I EVEN MADE UP A THEME SONG!
We're Heartless! We're Heartless!
And we're tied to the darkness!
Mwahahahahaha! I have been listening to Ansem for too long. Oh well. Hope you enjoyed reading chapter one of Part II... that made no sense, did it?
