CHAPTER TWO: Now Ansem has screenshots of him! ^_^
http://www.rose-hulman.edu/~rzepczrs/ansem/ansem.html
The Great Patches has struck back (and yes, you were review #1) with a nice site with Ansem media (5 screenshots and 2 pieces of fanart). Open yourself and darkness and visit. NOW! GO!
Disclaimer? Go to chapter one, fool, it's right there.
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Now, ever since Sora sealed Kingdom Hearts (and earning Square $3 million. Greedy bastards!), gummi ships have been unable to reach other worlds, as they would crash into the walls that sealed each world from another and burn. As a result, it was very hard to travel around (again, thanks to Sora's meddling, people are fully aware that there are other worlds to visit... AND DESTROY!)
Lance really pondered on how Cloud managed to reach Deling City. All Lance had to do was fall in a plot hole. But Cloud... well, he was too stupid to find one, much less know what a plot hole was.
"Cloud," he thought aloud, "How the hell did you get here?"
"Ummm... I...uhhh... I...daaaaaaahhh..." In attempting to answer Lance's question, the answer had escaped Cloud a long, long time ago and Cloud shut down, drooling and staring off into nothing.
"DAMMIT! NOT AGAIN!" Lance screamed, filled with utter rage. He had been such an idiot to agree with Cloud and his stupid "Door to Insanity" crap! Of course the author would not wish to create such a thing and guarantee her death, right?
Um... well... maybe... she would...for plot.. purposes...yeah...
Lance rose an eyebrow. Why was the author being so uneasy? In any case, he had to find a way to get Cloud back first.. although Cloud was probably better this way, something told Lance he would get all the bashing that Cloud was supposed to have.
Learning from previous experiences, Lance knew not to smack Cloud with his hand, but rather with a large metal bat, preferably made of titanium. He grabbed the aforementioned bat and swung it hard, smacking Cloud soundly in the head.
CRACK!
The loud crack echoed across the city, causing helpless stupid civilians to throw themselves at the ground in fear. A few unlucky ones were run over by cars. As for Lance, he almost got hit square in the face by one of the pieces of the bat, which shattered on contact.
One would expect someone to be knocked out or even dead after such a blow, but this is Cloud we're talking about, who can only feel immense pain (which is a good thing). Cloud just looked up and rubbed the back of his head, surprisingly unhurt.
"Something bumped into my head..." Cloud complained, and he looked around. He saw the frightened Lance, holding the shattered end of the titanium bat. Lance was staring at Cloud as if he suddenly announced that he was going to marry Sephiroth and make Ansem the flower girl.
"What? Is something on my face?" Cloud poked Lance on the side of the head. The singer closed his eyes, shook his head, and looked once at Cloud, who was supposed to be comatose on the ground, and the bat, which was supposed to be merely dented. Why was Cloud alive and happy? WHY?
"WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?" Lance roared, throwing the leftovers of the bat away and drowning in misery. Such misery he was in! Cloud seemed to carry a certain curse with him: If you agreed to go on a journey with him, you were stuck with him until it was over. No ifs, ands, or buts.
Cloud was very confused. Why was Lance sad? He did not like it when his friends were sad. Cloud decided to make Lance happy, because Lance gave him cookies, and it you give Cloud cookies, you are a friend in his 2-page book, scrawled with writing so bad a kindergarten teacher couldn't read it.
Thinking, or at least trying to, back to the days when he thought he was smart enough to read, Cloud remembered a happy book that he read about friends. It said that... that... um, Cloud could not remember, but the pictures had this one happy person hugging a sad person, then that sad person became happy again!
Cloud's microscopic mind worked quickly to figure this out. After 30 minutes, Cloud had it!:
Cloud+Hug+Lance=Happy Lance!
Nodding, Cloud turned to Lance and gave him a...
*puts on Teletubbies music*
BIIIIIIG HUUUUUG!
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Losing all dignity, Lance flailed his arms around and squealed like a scared little girl. "GET IT OFF! PARASITE!! IT'S SUCKING AT MY ...ORGAN...THINKY...THINGY...AAAAAAAHHHHH! I'M NOT SMART NO MORE!!"
Lance proceeded to run around the city, screaming, with Cloud firmly attached to his waist. He ran past a cafe full of aspiring artists and writers, who were sitting around discussing about the joy of the simple things. They noticed Lance immediately.
"Duuuude... Performance art! Must be for his new music video or something!" One of the writers commented, taking a big bite out of his doughnut. Mmmm, doughnut.
"GAAAAAHHHH...*gasp gasp* Ahhhh...*gasp* Daaaaamn... you're heavy..." Lance panted, returning to the square they started in. Lance felt Cloud let go if his waist and land on the ground with an audible smack.
Good! Lance thought. The author nodded in agreement.
Kicking Cloud's body aside, Lance sat down and thought. How the heck did Cloud travel to Deling City without using a plothole? And if he did, how could Lance get one to appear?
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"New York cabbies!"
"...What?"
Ansem threw a travel brochure at Kairi. It smacked her in the face. She stared stupidly at the piece of paper for 15 seconds, then recovered. She read the paper, and a look of confuzzlement (IT'S A WORD, DAMMIT!) came over her face.
"New York cabbies?"
"Yeah!" Ansem laughed. "We can go back home, and I can see that wonderful library again, and..."
"But I don't wanna go home, Dad!" Kairi whined. "Besides, you dumped me on Destiny Islands in the first place..."
(A/N: Somebody translated Ansem's report 11 (it was from Kingdom Hearts: Final Mix) and indeed, Ansem mentioned sending a girl off to another world, so she could lead him to the Keyblade master. He also mentioned it was an experiment. Ansem sure takes after his father! ^_^)
"Yeah, thanks for spoiling Final Mix for us, huh?" Ansem coldly responded to the author and he looked back at Kairi.
"You don't want to go back?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. Kairi shook her head furiously.
"OK, then, I guess I'm stuck here until you die or something..." Ansem bitterly moaned. After the Destiny Islands government found out that Ansem threw Kairi on the island, they gave him two options: 1) Take care of Kairi and become her legal guardian or 2) Spend 14 years in prison for child abandonment, not to mention kidnapping. This was 5 years ago, and Kairi had become accustomed to calling him "Dad".
"YAY!" Kairi proceeded to do the happy dance. She looked at the clock.
"Awwwww! Sora's restraining order is up..." She sat back down and frowned. Maybe next time Sora offends her she should kick him in the groin, pour kerosene on him and set him on fire. Fuuuun...
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There was a little beep, a click, and Sora was free from any sort of legal matters.
"YAY!! NOW KAIRI CAN COME BACK IN THE STORY WITHOUT ENDANGERING OUR LIVES!!" Sora gleefully sang. He grabbed Riku's arm and started dancing around.
"AAAAHHHHH!!" Riku was caught off guard and was pulled helplessly into Sora's dance of death. It was called that because Sora had a tendency to do these dances near cliffs (like he was right now) and he also had the tendency to let go of his partner when they were 10 centimeters (go metric!) away from the edge.
Riku was afraid. So very afraid.
"SSOOOORAAAA! STOOPPPP!!" Riku screamed, being thrown back and forth around. He gripped on Sora's hand tightly, in fear of being launched off the cliff early.
"Stop? OOOOOOK!" Sora smiled, and he abruptly stopped and let go of Riku's hand.
"NOOOOOOOOO!!" Riku cried, and lo and behold, he was 10 centimeters from the cliff edge. He was thrown back from the momentum and manage to catch himself right before his foot slipped off the cliff edge.
"Whew..."
"YAY! RIKU SURVIVED!" Sora cried, and he gave his friend a flying body tackle. He smashed into Riku and both were flung off the cliff, falling to their doom (in the form of nice, jagged rocks.)
"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!" Riku squealed, and he closed his eyes for the bloody impact.
...................
And it never came.
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MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! I am so proud of myself ^_^
Has anyone noticed that you see less of Mickey, Donald and Goofy, just to name a few classic Disney characters? I mean, the Disney Channel has House of Mouse, but... THERE'S NOTHING AFTER THAT! WHY?? WHAT HAPPENED TO MICKEY MOUSE?? MINNIE?? ALL THEM PEOPLE??
*sniff* I WANT MY OLD DISNEY CARTOONS BACK...
