CHAPTER SEVEN: Nacho Nacho man... Sora wants to be a Nacho man!

Whoa. I don't have Final Mix, just to let you people know. It's just that I have the Deep Dive video and I read a bunch of theories... I feel bad now... I just thought the references would be good plot material...

FORGIVE ME! I DID NOT MEAN TO DECEIVE YOU! (No sarcasm, I'm serious) No more Final Mix references.... unless you still want them....

Rufus.exe: WAHEY! WE FOUND THE AUTHOR!

*hologram shuts off*

Chibi-Auron: DAMN! SHE'S GONE AGAIN!

Want a Disclaimer? Grrrroooove over to Chapter One!

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"IT'S A SHROOM!"

The poor unsuspecting little White Mushroom had no time to jump back. It had no time to defend itself. It had no time to finish it's last tequila. All it could do was watch in horror as a random drug addict pounced on it, jaws right open.

"COME TO-"

CRUNCH!

The little Mushroom peeked up from under it's red cap and looked up with glee when it saw the confused blue eyes that belonged to Sora. The Keyblade Master petted the 'shroom on the head.

"Hey there, little guy!" Sora chirped. He loved the Mushroom Heartless, they were all soft and 'squeeky' (and deathly poisonous, in some cases)! "SQUEEK!"

The running bench, which they named the S.S. Eya Prozac, had taken them through a dimensional warp, and had to stop in the middle of the tunnel to take a breather. Interested with what a plot hole looked like, the boys stopped and took a look around.

It was.... funky. A swirl of multidimensional colors graced the inside, looking like someone meshed a bunch of different lava lamps together and stared at them while simultaneously smoking all the known hallucinogens in the world.

Inside, there was everything. Random plot ideas just swirled around, some taking form, like the Mushroom Heartless Sora was petting, and some were not, like the Hexadragon rampaging toward S.S. Eya Prozac with the full intent to kill. The stupid creature just passed right through the sleeping bench and into the wall. Ow.

"I think we will name our new friend... Shroom! What do you think, Shroom?" Sora giggled, asking the little Heartless.

"Blap."

"I thought so too!"

Riku frowned. That thing shouldn't even be called a Heartless. Maybe Kairi requested that Ansem should make a "cute, fuzzy Heartless" a long time ago, and this was the result? He would have to ask later.

Yawning, the older boy paced around the tunnel, glancing at the snoozing bench every so often.

"Why won't you wake up...?" He muttered, resisting the urge to kick the bench. Why couldn't it turn to a Chocobo or something?

"Rufus! Wait for meeeeee!"

"Hurry up, damn you! Stupid organic creatures, so frail...."

Sora and Shroom meeped. Yes, they meeped. So great was their fear that they found it necessary to "meep". So meep they did. And they proceeded to hide behind S.S Eya Prozac while they were meeping. Sensing danger, the bench jumped up and growled at the direction the voices were coming from.

"Auron, I think we went this way, we saw the dragon smash into the wall six times already..."

Riku identified the first speaker as a male. His name was Rufus, apparently... Sounded like the guy was rich. And smart. And a total snob.

"Awwww, we didn't check this part of the plot hole yet. I thought I heard someone talk there..."

The second voice also sounded male, but higher pitched. Riku suspected the owner of this voice to be a chibi... Chibi-Auron? Surely not the Auron from FFX?

The two figures rounded the corner. Riku tensed and got into his battle stance, his demon-winged sword ready to kill, maim, all that good stuff they made swords for.

"RUFUS! I FOUND SOMEONE, I THINK IT'S HER!"

Lo and behold, it was a chibi that came zooming down the tunnel. A small boy with an oversized red coat, cat ears, and a tail. He tripped on his shoelaces, fell flat on his face, and gracefully skidded and slid, bumping into Riku's feet.

An older teen, no more than twenty, stepped over, taking his sweet time. He had no interest in the other two boys in the area at all. He had neatly combed strawberry blonde hair and a white trench coat....thing.

"No... not them, just a couple of losers..." He lazily drawled, helping Auron to his feet. Riku suddenly had the strangest feeling.

He wanted to beat the crap out of this new stranger! The cat, he could care less, but every cell in his body was screaming at him to hack and slash at the stranger. It was the oddest feeling! Feeling fearful of himself, Riku jumped back and joined Sora and Shroom behind Eya.

"Riku, what's wrong? Aren't you gonna talk to him?" Sora whispered, poking Riku in the ribs.

"No, Sora!" Riku snapped back. He shook himself and continued, calmly. "I mean, I just have this... feeling. Like I wanna kill somebody. More specifically, the red head. I think it's from my dad's genes, but most people would have to annoy me first. I think you should talk to him, Sora..."

Sora stared at Riku like he just suggested they all start playing with sharp pointy objects. Now, the thing with Sora was that he happened to LIKE playing with sharp pointy objects. Heck, who DOESN'T like playing with sharp pointy objects?

"OK!" He smiled, and Sora, accompanied by the ever faithful Shroom, skipped over to Rufus and Auron, who were arguing yet again.

"HI! MY NAME IS SORA!" Sora shrieked, not sure if the two newcomers spoke English. Shroom nodded it's head.

"Damn, boy, ya don't have to be so loud!" Auron muttered, rubbing his super-sensitive cat ear. Rufus blinked. Shaking his head, he turned to Sora and Shroom.

"Hey, kid, have you seen a young girl around here? She's plump, wearing a black T-shirt with the Heartless crest, occasionally hugs a picture of Ansem, you seen her?" Rufus asked, describing the girl they were seeking in much detail.

Sora just stared back at Rufus blankly. It has been proven many times: Thinking was not Sora's strong point.

"Never mind..." Rufus sighed.

"Why are you looking for the girl? Is she a new Heartless? A Mary Sue?" Sora asked, his curiosity wide awake.

Shroom looked quite curious too, or as curious as a Mushroom could look like. Even Riku wanted to know the importance of the girl. If she happened to be a Mary Sue, he would have to find her and eliminate her, chop-chop.

"Heartless, yes. Mary Sue, no. Her name's Linnet though. Ummm... she's the author..." Auron explained. Ignoring the glare he received from Rufus, he continued.

"See, it was awhile ago, around Chapter Four. Linnet started writing a lot. She would stay at her computer for ages! But the thing is, we dunno what she was writing. Her computer and herself vanished. We think she's somewhere in this story, that's why we're looking for her... The story was starting to get unstable, ya know, cuz she wasn't there, but now that everything's back to normal, she must be back! ... Just not in her world..."

Auron panted and reached into the wall of the plot hole. He grabbed a glass of water and drank gratefully.

"Oh, that was supposed to be secret info, stupid!" Rufus scolded his companion, snatching the glass and drinking the leftovers. Auron twitched, but said nothing else.

"Then... who are you?" Riku asked, from behind Eya. Eya was sleeping again, creaking instead of snoring. So that's the sound benches make when they sleep, now you know, kids!

"We are Linnet's OFFICIAL muses! I am Chibi-Auron, but ya can just call me Auron, I'm also Linnet's pet cat!" Auron bowed low to Sora.

"I'm Rufus. Well, really Rufus.exe, I'm an android modeled off the real Rufus Shinra..." Rufus did not bow, but instead glanced at Riku, wondering why the boy was still hiding.

"I'm Sora, this is Shroom, the bench is our loyal trusted steed S.S. Eya Prozac, but you can call her Eya... and the boy hiding behind Eya is my boyfriend, Riku!" Sora pointed to all the wrong people whole introducing the group. It seemed Sora was a bench, Riku had brown hair and a giant Keyblade, Shroom was a human again and they all rode on Eya the Mushroom.

Even though they had been muses to Linnet for her entire writing career, Rufus and Auron had never felt so confused in their life.

~~~

"I see. Lance has been helping you out?"

Meanwhile, after nearly slicing his head off, Alice and Lance cleared up any misunderstandings and actually were getting along quite nicely. Cloud had just finished explaining their plan (or more of, Cloud speaking and Lance translating it so it makes more sense).

"Yeah! Are we doing it right, Alice?" Cloud asked, excited. He always hoped to be as great a villain as Alice was, maybe it would make Aerith notice him more!

Alice nodded. Sheathing the lightsabers, she got up, stretched, and held up her hands in a signal to wait.

"I shall be back shortly. I need to get something and I'll explain my plan while we're going through the plot hole." She quickly explained, and Alice kicked the door of the Library down with great strength. Both men jumped back in fear.

"Wow, for a little tyke, she sure is strong..." Lance gulped.

"I dunno... Alice was never this serious... or strong before..." Cloud frowned.

The singer stopped and looked at Cloud with interest. Did Cloud NOTICE? Was the guy actually getting suspicious? Was there a chance Cloud was getting... dare he say it, SMART?

"...Oh well, maybe she just ate a moldy cookie." He concluded.

Lance rolled his eyes. I guess you can't have everything.

~~~

Mickey, Sora, Ansem and Riku's dark counterparts were still sitting around the Pokemon room. The Third movie was playing, but no one was watching. Such a shame too, it was the cool underwater battle scene between Molly and Misty, but the Unknowns had more important matters to tend to.

"The story has been stabilized for awhile, so that must mean the author is back..." Mickey decided. Happily, he reached for a beer.

"Didn't someone say they saw her two muses running around?" Riku mentioned. Mickey's hand dropped. So close, yet so far...

"Well, I gue-"

"AAANNNNSEEEEMMM!"

The door burst open and there stood Alice, with a lovesick school girl look on her face. She pushed (and kicked) the other three Unknowns aside and cornered Ansem.

"A-Alice? Is that you?" Ansem stammered, cursing his lack of weapons. Too tired to use magic attacks, all he could do was quiver in fear.

"Yes it is, my sweet! Come, we have to go noooow!" Alice sang, and she grabbed his arm and yanked him up. Giggling, she wrapped her arms around his torso. Ansem tried in vain to get away, but this girl's grip was STEEL.

"No! Alice, what are you doing?? You can't take him out of this chapter, you'll kill us all!" Sora shouted, rushing forward to stop the deranged princess.

"Nonsense. The chapter will be fine. I'm the author, I can do whatever I want..." Alice stuck her tongue out in defiance and grinned. "Besides, Ansem is MY bishie. Mine mine mine!"

Mickey scratched his head in confusion. All story characters knew that if they tried to move the story along quicker or remove a character, no matter how unimportant they may be, they risked destroying the chapter, and if it's severe enough, the story! Why would Alice want to do this? Certainly, Linnet did not just give total control of the story to Alice... did she? Would she?

While Mickey was busy thinking, he failed to notice that Alice had escaped... with Ansem. He only caught a glimpse of the swirling plot hole before it got closed up.

"... It looks like we're in deep shit." Riku spat.

~~~

"I'm baaaaaccck!" Alice cheerfully sang.

The plot hole had opened up in the Library. Alice stood inside with Ansem (still confused), waiting for Lance and Cloud to come back in with her.

"C'mon, we don't have all day, let's go!" Alice urgently said, ushering the both of them into the plot hole. Satisfied, she sealed it shut. It was then Ansem regained his senses.

"H-Hey! Y-You can't do that!" He choked, tugging at a dog collar that just somehow materialized on his neck. "Only the author can close plot holes, Alice, where did you learn to do that?"

"I told you, I am the author, silly! Don't you get it?" Alice giggled.

Ansem squinted his orange eyes for a closer look. Then he nodded.

"Ooooh.... I get it... pretty nifty, if you ask me."

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Linnet's Hologram: Do you get it? DO YOU? YOU GET IT, RIGHT? HOW ALICE CAN BE AUTHOR?? DO YOU?? DO YOU??? YOU MUST GET IT, RIGHT??

Chibi-Auron: ... There she is?

Rufus.exe: I don't get it. What does that damn kid know that we don't?

Shroom: "Hibblesplurt." I get it!