CHAPTER THIRTEEN: RIKUCHU!!
Rikuchu... I like that name... Mweeehehehehe, I think I'll name my Ansem shrine that (yeah, it makes no sense, but neither do I).
---read that. READ IT. READ IT AND REVIEW, DAMMIT! (It's Deus Magi's 'Anthem's Report')
Disclaimers can be hunted and caught in Chapter One, level 2 and are the legal type. Oh yeah, and Pokémon is property of Nintendo and Game Freak. Keep up the great work, guys!!
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"I... I can't find it!"
Alice slammed her book down in frustration. Not finding anything on the Internet ("Oh, suuuure, you can find ANYTHING..."), she had raided the Hollow Bastion Library, but to no avail. There simply was nothing to on how to become an author!
"Lance! Why can I not find anything??' Alice hissed through gritted teeth. Lance gulped, not knowing whether to answer or not. Alice was scary.
"It's because you can't really how to be an author." Cloud spoke up from his corner. "You can only go as far as being taught proper grammar and English, but you still need imagination. The best works were created because of the author's vast imagination. That is the key to becoming an author, I guess..."
Alice and Lance stared at Cloud, who sat thoughtfully in the corner musing, then the nervously searched the sky for the fire and brimstone. Lance could have sworn one of those clouds looked like the Four Riders of the Apocalypse.
They looked back at Cloud, who was trying to exit the library, frantically pushing at the door.
"Why can't this door open??" Cloud moaned, pushing with all his might. The sign above read PULL.
"... Once in a blue moon, I guess..." Alice muttered, then went back to her books. Lance sighed and walked over to the struggling fighter, pulling the door open with ease.
"Thanks, Lance!" Cloud smiled. Then he stared at the empty space, the smile still plastered on his face.
"Cloud...? What's wrong now??" Lance asked, exasperated.
"I can't remember why I wanted to leave in the first place..."
Screaming in rage, Lance grabbed the Masamune and tried to stab Cloud to end it all. The blade, however, had dulled from staying in Lance's backpack for too long and struck the fighter's magnet, bouncing off uselessly.
Lance cried. How could someone so stupid be allowed to live??
~~~
"CHIBI!"
Unknown Sora and Mickey rushed in the basement, searching frantically for the author. She was in the corner, playing her Gameboy Advance and muttering something about needing the SP. Ahhh... Beautiful GBA SP... *drools*
"Ew!" Mickey jumped back, to avoid getting hit by the saliva drops. He stared at the author in disgust.
"What?" chibilinnet protested.
"No time for that!!" Sora grabbed Mickey and threw him aside. "chibi! We can't find Ultimecia!! She vanished from the cage!"
"WHAT?!" chibilinnet repeated, this time making it in all caps and adding the spiffy new exclamation mark!!!one!!shift+one!!!
"And Riku's missing..." Mickey added, still trying to dislodge his head from the bucket Sora threw him in. He cursed and ranted the whole time, wandering around the basement and bumping into walls.
"IT MUST BE THAT FOOL, ALICE!" chibilinnet declared, standing straight up to her full height (4"2). She reached into her Gameboy Advance and pulled out six various Pokéballs. She even had the spiffy accent!
"Altaria, Go!" chibilinnet tossed the ball up in the air and out came out a floating blue bird, with it's body shrouded in clouds from neck-down. The bird floated down to chibilinnet's level and awaited orders.
"Altaria, fly us to Lunatic Pandora!" chibilinnet told him. Altaria looked at chibilinnet, then to Sora just standing there, then to Mickey, who was now running around the room screaming muffled rants.
It regarded chibilinnet with a spiteful look and returned to it's ball.
"A whole lot of good you did me... OK, fine, we walk." chibilinnet grumbled, shuddering at the fact she had to do some cursed... EXERCISE! (_!)
"Walk??" Unknown Sora exclaimed. "But you can just transport us here! In fact, you can just delete this entire fanfiction and leave us in peace!"
"Well, then the audience would be displeased!" chibilinnet replied, waving her hand towards you, the reader. "Besides, it takes too much time. I'm too lazy." she yawned. "On the plus side, we may find Riku."
"Oh fine... but what about Mickey?" Sora asked, stretching his foot out and tripping the mouse. He landed on the floor and the bucket stood straight up, leaving poor Mickey dangling like a plant.
"Eh, we'll leave him there. It's amusing."
~~~
"Riku... do you even know where your dad IS?"
Riku stopped, thinking up a decent excuse for Kairi's question.
"Now... that is a good question..." Riku muttered. Kairi was internally seething in rage. Why was she always stuck with the idiots? She decided to unleash her rage before it killed her.
"YOU IDIOT!!!" She howled, her harsh voice echoing off the walls. Shroom meeped and hid behind Eya, Eya creaked and ran around in a frenzy, and Sora backed away, tripped onto Eya, and scared the bench even more, causing it to run straight through the wall and into another area of the story.
Yep, this story will never end.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! WHY DID I EVEN FOLLOW YOU MORONS HERE?? YOU USED TO BE GOOD, RIKU, UNTIL YOU STARTED DATING THAT JERK!! WHAT THE HELL IS EVEN UP WITH THAT, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DATING GUYS IN THE FIRST PLACE!! NOW ALL HIS STUPID IS RUBBING OFF ONTO YOU!! WHY, RIKU, WHY??"
Kairi gasped, sucking in all the precious air. It was all in vain though, as Riku just stood there, blinking at Kairi, not seeming to understand a word she said.
"Riiiku! Rikuchu!" Riku squeaked.
Now it was Kairi's turn to blink in confusion.
"Riku! Riiiku, Rik, chu chu!!" Riku squeaked frantically, waving his arms around in a panic. "RIKU!!! RIKUCHU!!!" Riku grabbed his own throat in horror, and Kairi saw that Riku was not faking this.
"Riku! What happened?" Kairi momentarily forgot that she was supposed to be crying in a corner over her lost love and grabbed Riku's hands. "Riku!"
"Riiiku! Rikuchu!" Riku squealed, wrenching his hands from Kairi's and pointing to the empty space behind her. There was a big empty space. it was pretty.
"Oh..." Kairi sighed, realizing it. "OK, we'll find Sora..."
Kairi fumed internally as Riku and her ran down the dark path. How will she ever get Riku to like her? And what the hell was up with the Rikuchu thing?
~~~
"OW!"
Sephiroth threw his shovel on the ground and stared angrily at his companions.
"Who hit me?" He demanded, grabbing his shovel and snarling.
The three others stared at each other and shrugged. Normally, they would have been cowering in fear, but Sephiroth was a wuss without his Masamune. He really was.
Sephiroth growled shouldered his shovel, turning around quickly. The shovel head made an audible clang and a loud "AAAAAUUUUGGGHH!!!111" was heard (complete with ones!)
girly scream"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!"/girly scream Sephiroth flung himself behind Ansem and stuck his poor brother out as a human shield.
"TAKE ANSEM!! JUST DON'T KILL ME!!!" Sephiroth whimpered.
"Hiya Ulti!" Ansem cheerfully waved, looking down at the fallen figure. Yes, it was Ultimecia, and she was in the company of Kuja (who hit Sephiroth earlier).
"Watch where you aim that thing!!" Ultimecia growled, rubbing her head. Her headdress had broken and her silvery head (not even females are exempt from the Silver-haired villain rule) was unprotected from shovels and the like. Needless to say, Seymour felt a but left out.
"Why hello, Ansem!" Kuja smiled, walking up to him and smiling, in an attempt to flirt.
This time, Ansem scurried behind Sephiroth and stuck him out as a human shield.
"FLIRT WITH HIM! HE'S THE GAY ONE!!" Ansem screamed. Sephiroth opened his mouth to correct him, but Ansem cut him off. "He even said you were hot at once!"
"Did he now...?" Kuja murmured, casting his flirtatious eyes to Sephiroth.
"Hey, I thought he was a chick!" The One-Winged Angel protested.
"Yeah, sure, a chick his age would have hit puberty by now." Ansem retorted, still cowering behind his older brother.
"So?? *I* didn't notice he was flat chested!"
"No, because you kept staring at his-"
"OK, children..." Ultimecia stepped between the two bickering siblings, petting their heads. "No need to fight now, we can settle this like adults."
While Ultimecia was going about her motherly duty, Unknown Ansem and Seymour were sitting, unnoticed, in the corner.
"No one cares about me!" Seymour wailed. Unknown Ansem nervously edged away from the sobbing Guado. People might start getting ideas...
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BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!! This will be the next neverending story!
Cloud: Yay! We'll all be FRIENDS FOREVER!
*Giant Meteor falls on Cloud*
Good riddance, I say. Anyway... hopefully, I might get 'Rikuchu' (the Ansem shrine XD) up next weekend if I get my arse in gear. Then maybe I can beg my dad for a domain or crap. Wh00t!! Freeloading forever!
