CHAPTER FOURTEEN: The Internet can be so cruel at times...
Good news: The site is up on Geocities.
Bad news: It's not complete yet.
So, I will time it's completion with the next time I update one of my 3 fanfics (most likely the Ring one,. since Writer's Block killed my Ansem/Aerith fic). Or something like that. Bleh, I'm such a procrastinator. You may kill me now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hey, where's the funny, witty author's note?" Seymour whined, in his usual annoying voice. The other villains cringed, contemplating whether to kill Seymour or not. Well, all except Unknown Ansem, who made up his mind long ago and just wanted to skip ahead to the killing part.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"
Now the villains were being entertained with an amusing show of Seymour running as fast as his weird... coat... thing... he wears (WTF is that, anyway?), and Unknown Ansem chasing him with one of his silver sporks, with the full intent to kill.
Suddenly, the wall exploded with JELLO-EY GOODNESS!! (IT'S A WORD, DAMMIT!). Sora, Eya and Shroom were flung from the wall and crashed right into Unknown Ansem and Seymour, who crashed into Sephiroth, Ultimecia, Ansem and Kuja, who smashed into the cavern wall, and caused a cave-in crashed down, dragging them deep into the cave, and out the other side.
Yay, chain-reactions!
Anyways, our rather large group slammed on top of something very spiky. Of course, they didn't die, but that didn't really change the fact it hurt.
Meanwhile, deep underneath the spiky layer, there was a alienoid creature sleeping. It was in the middle of a nice dream (that involved France and Italy demanding a large amount of cheese and sausages from Germany.), when the yelps and cries of pain ruined it's slumber.
"What the hell?" The creature grumbled, stumbling around. "Dammit! It must be those time-traveling brats again! I TOLD them to leave the damned portals alone, but DID THEY LISTEN? NOOOOOO..."
Going on ranting, the very cranky creature sleepily ascended the staircase, with the full intent of killing these 'time-traveling brats'. Except the blue guy. He liked the blue guy.
"OK, I TOLD you kids, STOP USING THE DAMNED PORTALS!" Lavos yelled, pushing open a hatch at the top of the stairs. He peeked his head out and saw the disturbing image of 9 bodies twisting and writhing in pain.
"OH MY FUGGIN GAWD, THEY WATCHED THE TAPE!" The once fearless alien leader screamed like a little girl and ran downstairs. He grabbed a broken titanium baseball bat (guess where THAT came from?) and smashed his TV to bits, then dived under the bed.
The 9 bodies that were in pain were very confused.
"Well, this sucks." Kuja summed it all up in one simple phrase.
~~~
"Riku, we've been walking down this stupid plothole for HOURS. Don't you think we should be looking for our parents?"
Kairi groaned, following Riku(chu). Riku(chu) looked worried, checking all the plothole walls that looked safe. Still no luck. Where could Sora be?
"Riiiku... chu chu..." Riku(chu) sadly squeaked, placing a hand over his heart, his pretty face showing a look of despair. Most people would have gone "Awwww...", but Kairi fiercely became a feminist and smacked the back of his head.
"NO TIME TO BE ACTING STUPID!" Kairi growled, her anger rekindling. Her hatred for Sora grew with each passing step. However, before she could explode into another mother-of-all-rants, she heard a loud girlish squeal.
"Rikuchu!" Riku(chu) squeaked, and he got into his "Hero Mode!" Grabbing Kairi, Riku(chu) rushed down the hall, attempting to say "DO NOT FEAR, FAIR MAIDEN, I WILL SAVE YOU!" Of course, it came out as "RIIIIKU! CHU CHU CHU, RIKU! RIKUCHU!", which probably would make a injured person scared even more.
Rounding the corner, Riku and Kairi could not believe their eyes.
It was another Riku! Well, sort of. This one had the hair and the face, but there was a blindfold over his eyes. No wonder.
"WHERE AM I??" The other Riku yelled, running around screaming again. Kairi and Riku(chu) were very confused.
"Well, you would know if you just took that stupid blindfold off." Kairi snapped, crossing her arms and shutting her eyes, trying to ward off the clouds of stupidity hanging over her.
"NUUUUU!!" Unknown Riku grasped his blindfold, in a sad attempt to protect it. "It's my blindfold! I can still see!! You just don't understand ESP, do you?" He glared at Kairi, sending shivers down her spine.
"Rikuchu? Rik Rik?" Riku(chu) attempted to ask his other half. Apparently, Unknown Riku was fluent in Pokemon. But for you, dear reader, I shall translate it:
"Ryja oui caah Sora?"
Wait, wait, that was Al Bhed, let me try again...
"Avez-vous vu Sora?"
WAIT! I CAN GET IT IN ENGLISH THIS TIME!
"01001000011000010111011001100101001000000111100101101111011101010010000001110011011001010110010101101110001000000101001101101111011100100110000100111111"
Eeeh... well, your computer can understand THAT...
LET ME TRY JUST ONE MORE TIME!!
".... ... .... ....?"
Uh... yeah.
The other characters stared at poor chibilinnet, who was trying to translate Riku(chu)'s language. In rage, her Gardevoir used his 1337 psychic powers and slammed her against a wall before she could do any more damage.
The characters shrugged and promptly went back to the story,
"No, I haven't seen Sora. Why?"
"Rikuchu!!!" Angry, Riku(chu) let loose his frustration: In the form of prettyful electric sparks. In classic Rikuchu style, the sparks hit Unknown Riku and Kairi and although it brought much pain, it didn't short circuit their brains. Why?
The world may never know...
~~~
"AUGH!!!!"
Cloud ran into the library once more, at top speed, driven by either fear or hungry. Due to the fact Cloud had eaten about 3 books today, it probably was fear.
His homing mechanisms locked on to the unfortunate back of Lance, and in no time Lance found himself crushed under the shivering fighter.
"LANCE! ALICE!! THERE'S A... THING DANCING ON THE CEILING OF MY ROOM!" Cloud screamed, attempting to bury his face in Lance's shirt. Enraged, Lance grabbed the Masamune and whacked Cloud with as much force as his skinny arms could muster.
CRACK!
Oooh... with a pretty cracking sound, the blunt blade connected with Cloud's spiky head.
There was a rather loud silence in the air. Wait, how can silence be loud? Isn't silence supposed to be quiet? Like, not to be heard? But you can hear silence, can't you? So silence does make a sound, it just...
Uh... *looks at Gardevoir nervously*
I mean...
To Lance's horror, the Masamune met the same fate as that Titanium bat from chapter two: It shattered like glass.
"Ooooh!" Cloud teased, pointing to the shattered remains of the Great Masamune. "You broke Sephy's sword! He's soooo gonna get you!"
~~~
"MASAMUNE!!!" Sephiroth screeched. "MUST... KILL... LANCE...BASS..."
~~~
"See?"
"H-Hey! It was all your fault!!" Lance sputtered, pointing a finger at Cloud. An inappropriate one, mind you.
A stressed out Alice descended the staircase of the Hollow Bastion Library, having found nothing on talking in bold text. Perhaps she should really listen to Cloud? Well, she would have, if she hadn't seen the disturbing image of Cloud hugging Lance while both were sprawled on the floor.
Alice angrily drew one of the Light-
"DUAL BLADES OF LIGHT! AUGH, I THINK I PIERCED MY LIVER!"
...Dual Blades of Light and smacked both on the head soundly. Luckily, the blades were very heavy duty and didn't shatter upon contact with Cloud's head. Lance, on the other hand, was knocked out and bleeding internally.
"ALICE!" Cloud meeped, ignoring the brain-dead Lance and jumping behind Alice. "THERE'S A DANCING COCKROACH ON MY CEILING!!"
"NOT AGAIN!" Alice was sick of that damn thing, always dancing on the ceiling and making so much noise. It visited them three times a week now! Cursing under her breath, Alice climbed back up the stairs and went to the nearby desk, pulling out a .357 Magnum from the drawer.
She carefully loaded it, then went to Cloud's room. There was work to be done.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
More insanity! Eh, I'm weird, no? I think I ruined the actual plot and just turned it into a random insanity thing. Oh crap. Well, next chapter, I'll get the plot rolling. That dancing "thing" on Cloud's roof might mean something!
