Rating: PG. For "Star Wars" goofiness.

Feedback: Very, very much appreciated.

Distribution: If you want it, by all means. . . Just let me know first, I'd like to know where my work goes so I can brag about it.

Spoilers: That would be a no.

Disclaimer: Joss, you crazy thing, you. He owns every damn thing related to Buffy and gang. And George Lucas owns every single, tiny iota even remotely associated with "Star Wars", which probably explains why the guy is a multi-quadrabillionaire.

Author's Note: Hey all! Thanks for the great reviews so far, they give me a happy (in a good way.) As for who's gonna be who. . . You're all just going to have to be patient. Cyberwulf, you had some great predictions. Now let's just see if they come true. . .

*****

Out of the shadows of an alleyway appears that secretive female from chapter one. The girl's wielding a hefty blaster, looking out for oncoming vamp troopers. This would just so happen to be our infamous Princess, Buffy Summers of the planet Angeles and the lead female role of the entire trilogy.

"Nice."

Thought you'd like it.

"I do." The Princess pauses a moment as she combs her hand through her hair. "Uh. . . What the hell's up with my hair?"

What about? What's wrong?

"They're cinnamon buns!"

But they're so cute.

"Last time I checked, pastries were for eating. . . not for hair accessories."

Don't blame me, blame the hair designer for the original movie. Can we please get on with the tale?

"Fine."

At the end of the alleyway appears a small section of Angelus's troops. One of the vamps spots the girl.

"There she is! Set for stun!" The Princess whips out her blaster and shoots down one of the vamp troopers. She then makes a run for it, but is paralyzed before she could count to three.

"Shucks."

That's the way it is, Buff. Now be quiet and lay there like a good unconscious person.

"She'll be all right," one of the vamps announces to his comrades. "Inform Lord Angelus we have a prisoner."

*****

"Da-da-da-dumm. . . da. . . Da-da-da-dumm-da. . . da-da-da-"

"Will you stop singing that annoying song?!" The taller, older one finally caught up with the younger, speedier brunette. Willow noticed that Dawn was breaking open the latch to the escape pod door. "And what the hell are you doing?"

"Breaking into a pod. . . duh!" The loud, hissing sound of an opening door assured the young one that her that her abilities as a crook had not yet faltered. She casually strode into the awaiting pod.

"Dawn, get out of there! They catch us trying to run away and we're dead!"

"Blah, blah, blah. Just shut up and get into the pod, will ya?"

"No, I won't."

"Fine, then. I'll just go on the secret mission with the secret plans all by myself."

Willow's eyes widened in shock at this new bit of information. "What the-? What secret mission? What are you talking about?"

"Quit asking questions and get in here already. Unless you'd *like* to become a tasty snack for the troopers."

After heaving a very aggravated sigh, the redhead reluctantly stepped into the escape pod. "I am so going to regret this." Moments later, the door hissed shut and the entire pod was jettisoned into outer space.

*****

A very much awake and handcuffed Princess Buffy was being escorted down a hallway by several burly vamp troopers. The troop stopped at the hallway's end and Angelus appears out of smoke and shadow, like all evil vampires and villains do. Angelus strides up to the girl and stares her down yellow-eye-to-hazel-eye, but she doesn't flinch a muscle.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Lord Angelus," the Princess sarcastically remarked. "What a shock. I am *so* surprised. Only you would have the lack of brains to do something this incredibly moronic."

"Can the sarcastic talk, Your Highness," the vampire replied. "Tell me where those plans are and I won't have you as a royal snack."

"What plans?" the girl lied. "I don't have any idea what you're talking about."

Angelus backed up a little, but didn't break eye contact with his prisoner. "Is that so? Either you're really, really stupid or a very bad liar. I'm placing my money on the former."

The Princess scrunched her eyes tighter to make her look more threatening. "Oh please. You know just as well as I do that this ship is nothing more than a diplomatic. . ."

"Diplomatic? What the hell are you doing all the way out here then?"

Buffy knew she had to come up with a good lie to cover the Rebels and fast.

"Sightseeing?"

The reply hadn't been intended as a question but fear made it come out that way.

Angelus waved his hand in the air, knowing full well what she had said was a complete lie. "Get her out of here." With that, he turned and walked back into the shadows from which he had come. The troops complied with their master's demands and violently pulled the Princess back down the same corridor they came.

"He didn't believe me, did he?"

Girl, your lie was about as see-through as air. Not even the most gullible person alive would have believed you.

"Damn."

At least you tried.

Now back to our resident master vampire who was still striding down the corridor. By the look on his face you could tell he was brimming with anger. "That snot-nosed little stuck-up. . ." Just as he was about to grab one of his soldiers and beat them to a pulp to relieve his rising wrath, one of the vampire commanders approached him.

"Sir. . . The plans aren't aboard the ship and no transmissions have been made." The look of choler on his master's face sent the vamp stuttering. "How-however. . . There w-was one escape pod that was dispatched during the fighting."

A grin formed on the master vampire's now human guise. "The girl's smarter than she looks. She must have put the plans on a one-way ticket the hell out of here. Not bad at all. Hmm. . . Send troops to the planet to retrieve them."

"Yes, sir," the commander emphatically replied. The officer disappeared down the corridor.

"Heh, heh, heh. . ." Angelus smirked. "Vampiric Empire, one. . . Rebels, zero. . ."

*****

Welcome to the planet of Sunnydale, home to sand, sand, and more sand with a bit more sand thrown in. People lived there too, but they weren't nearly as commonplace as the sand. Then there was the heat, the unbearable heat that went with the whole lot of sand.

"You don't need to tell us twice." Willow and Dawn, the escapees from the Princess's ship, were heading away from the crashed pod. They left footprints in the sand as they trudged their way across the barren desert.

"This. . . sucks. . ." Willow muttered. "I can't *believe* you talked me into this."

"Quit whining," Dawn retorted. "Would you rather be back on that ship?" The girl gestured towards the sky.

The redhead stopped walking and looked in the upward direction. "I'm beginning to think being trapped on a ship full of vampires is just keen compared to taking a trek through the middle of frickin' nowhere." From their spot atop a sand hill, Willow scanned the 360 degrees of the area. "Does anybody even *live* on this planet?" Only seconds later did she notice that her younger companion had taken off eastbound. "Where are you going?!. . . Again. . ."

"I'm going east. Where does it look like I'm going?"

"Nuh-uh. No way. I'm not going that way. You can forget it."

Dawn shrugged. "Suits me. I'll just go to those nice settlements alone."

"What makes you think there are settlements that way?"

"Because."

"Oh, real technical."

"I'm going that way because my mission's that way. If you want to stay here and die of a heat stroke, be my guest."

"What mission?! What *are* you talking about? Wait. . . We're droids, Dawn! We can't die of heat strokes. . . can we?"

Not as I see it.

"See! Now what's this about a mission?"

"Well, since you don't seem to peachy about this trip all together. . ."

Willow lost it. "Fine then! Go! Go to your *settlements* alone! I don't need you to survive, you little brat!" Without another word, she marched off in the western direction. "I don't want to you to try and follow me! I don't want to see you!"

"Yeesh. . . Moody witch. . ."

"A witch! What a weak insult!"

The brunette disappeared into the mesas towards the east. Willow huffed. "No more adventures. I wouldn't be surprised if that girl got herself killed."

Several minutes of walking later, Willow realized that going this direction was not the best idea this side of the galaxy. "Damn that little brat. She knew this was the wrong way. Ugh. . . Now I'm wishing I'd gone with her."

Just as she was about to give up hope and go back Dawn's way, a glimmer of light off in the distance caught her eye. "Hey!" She was becoming more excited as the light, now a behemoth vehicle, came further over the sand hill. "Heey! Over here! There's a droid who's in desperate need of help over here! Heeey!!"

*****

"Okay. . . getting seriously major wiggins over here. . ."

It was your idea to take the rocky, haunted path so you're just going to have to deal.

"Fine. . . But I'd better not get eaten by droid eating monsters."

Dawn, first things first. There are *no* droid eating monsters in the Star Wars galaxy.

"You sure?"

Very.

"Just checking."

The brunette made her way down the pathway carved between two rocky cliffs, unaware that she was being observed.

"You said there weren't any droid-eating monsters."

Who said they were going to eat you? Anyhoo, she continued her way along the path until, unexpectedly, a strange blue magnetic blast catapulted itself from the rocks and shrouded the girl. She was shocked for several moments before she let out a groan and collapsed face first into the dirt.

"Can we say 'ow'?"

We sure can. That looked like it hurt.

"You have no idea."
Sorry to hear. From the darkness of the rocky cliffside appeared a troop of small cloaked creatures known as the Jawas.

"You kept the Jawas?!"

Couldn't come up with a better demon, so sue me. Now be quiet and stay comatose.

The Jawas, as a group, made their way to the temporarily useless droid and heaved her onto their shoulders and carrying her off into the sunset. A scene that looked freakishly like the Seven Dwarves and Snow White. The Jawa group continued their trek to a gigantic vehicle, which could have been the same one *another* droid was on. . .