Chapter 62

"At first I thought it was Xander's, but after.. I knew it couldn't. I know it's a bit of a shock. I mean, nobody's more shocked than me." Cordy looked at Connor. "Okay, maybe him."

"Connor?" Buffy asked. "Why would.. Oh."

"What?" Angel asked.

"Connor.. He uh.. And Cordy."

"Oh."

"I think I need to sit down."

"Me too."

Cordy watched the two sit down. "I understand, but it all happened so quick. Connor and I are just as shocked as everyone else."

"Umm.. sorry to be so.. but I'm.. like you said. Kind of shocked." Fred said.

"Yeah.. definitely shocked." Gunn added.

"I haven't been hiding or ashamed or anything. It's just with the Beast and his psycho master and then Faith and Willow and all that drama-rama, not to mention.." Cordy said.

"Angelus and me." Buffy said, staring at the floor in a daze.

"Everything's been so Clash of the Titans around here. I didn't want to be a.. distraction."

The doors opened and Lorne strolled in. He stopped short and stared at Cordy's bulging belly. "Well, put me on the short bus and send me off to clueless school. A mystical pregnancy right under my beak and not even a tingle. Huh.."

"How long have you known?" Wesley asked.

"Some time after we brought forth Angelus." Cordy said.

"When did you and.." Angel asked.

"About four days after the Rain of Fire. Xander doesn't know. Like I said, it all happened so quick. It was right after Buffy had broken down over losing Angel's soul."

"Oh boy." Buffy said.

"Well, that's a couple of weeks." Gunn said. "Looks more like 8 months."

"The last time Cordelia was impregnated, she came to term overnight." Wes said.

"That was a crawly, evil demon thing. This is different." Cordy said.

"Still.. shouldn't we try and find out.. what's in there?" Fred asked.

"We already know. Our baby." Connor said, walking over to Cordy.

"Well, congratulations. You're going to have a grandspawn." Gunn said to Buffy and Angel.

Buffy laughed. "I need a drink." She got up and walked into the office. She slammed the door and walked over to the window, drawing the shades.

"Well.." Lorne said.

"You don't know what it's like. How scary it is. I'm going to have a child and all you can do is joke because you don't like me." Connor turned to Cordelia. "We shouldn't have told them." He ran upstairs.

"Cordelia.." Fred said.

"I know it's hard to understand. None of you have ever had a living being growing inside of you. And this.. my sweet baby. We're connected. I feel what it feels and I can't explain it but I sense its goodness.. its love." Cordy turned. "You'll see." She turned back to them. "My baby will be here soon and then you'll all see."

Angel stood up. "I, uh.. Buffy should really stay away from the alcohol." He walked into the office. Buffy had a bottle of strong Irish whiskey in her hand and she had her head down on the desk. "Buffy?"

She looked up at him, her face streaked with tears. Before she spoke, she took a swig of the bottle. "He's only 17!"

"Shh.."

"NO SHH! I will not shh!" She took a swig. "My little boy who's really only supposed to be a few months old is going to have a.. thing! And I'm going to be a grandmother at 22!" Another swig. "Mother at 21. Grandmother at 22! Maybe I'll get to be a great-grandmother next year, huh?"

"Buffy, you're drunk."

"Oh, not yet. But I intend to get very shitfaced before the night is over."

"Give me the bottle."

"No! It's mine. I need something to drown my sorrows in." Angel rubbed his face and stared at Buffy. "Here." She poured him a glass and handed it to him. "Drink up. It helps."

Angel set the glass down. "Buffy.."

"How can you be so calm about this? Our SON is going to have a HELLSPAWN with CORDELIA!"

"I'm really not that calm. We just need to figure out what's inside Cordy before the thing gets out."

"Cordeeee's crazy by the way."

"What?"

"No pregnant woman would wear that outfit, let alone those shoes! Did you see those shoes? They were all high heeled and platform-y." Swig. "You just dun wear that when you're eight months pregnant!" Swig.

"What?"

"Yeah!" Swig. "I always complained bout big heals and big tummy. Dun you member? I couldn't even where my boots!" Swig. This time when Buffy threw back the bottle, she threw back herself too. As soon as her ass hit the floor, she was laughing and drinking.

"Buffy.."

"S'not my fault Cordeeelia's craaazeeee." She took a swig and giggled as she stood up. "Oh.. Waitaminute. I don't.." Angel caught her before she hit the floor. She was laughing, but swooning just a little too. Way too much alcohol at one time. Even worse was the Irish whiskey. Angel held her in his arms for a moment and stroked her face and hair.

"Well, I see why we were made for each other. Come on." He walked out the door where the gang was talking, Buffy hanging on at his side. "Easy-Bake, flop-a-palooza, whoosh, pop. I don't skulk. I've been thinking about the past few weeks and Angelus and Buffy."

"Speaking of.. What's wrong with her?" Gunn asked.

"She's a little drunk. Too much whiskey. I know it's because of Connor and Cordy and the baby-thing, but I think a lot of it's got to do with Angelus and evil Buffy."

"Angel, you guys can't feel guilty for anything Angelus and evil Buffy did." Fred said.

"I don't. I knew the risks. We all did.. and some of us paid a higher price than others." He looked down at Buffy. "She's never been through that and I understand. She had no intention of going bad. And Wes, Angelus didn't kill Lilah. She was already dead, killed by the Beast. Buffy and Angelus found her."

"Yup! Dead as a doornail!" Buffy said. She looked at Angel. "Is a doornail ever alive? I mean, where did that saying come from anyhow? Can you ever say a doornalimumphgahsphumpert.."

Angel covered Buffy's mouth. "You're not helping."

"Well, that's.. less terrible. About Lilah I mean." Fred said.

"There's no excuse for.. what Angelus did to her but I'm sorry for your loss." Angel said. Wes nodded. "We've got two pressing matters: figuring out what we can about Cordelia's pregnancy and destroying the Beast's master. Lorne, you're.."

"Reliable as a cheap fortune cookie?" Lorne said.

"Can I have a fortune cookie?" Buffy asked.

Angel smiled and shook his head. He looked back at Lorne. "I was going to say a guy with good contacts. There have to be rumblings around town about this new player. Talk to your sources. See if anyone knows anyone who might know anything."

"I'm your demon."

"Fred, Wesley, if there's experts on mystical births, we're it."

"We'll pull all the files on Buffy and her pregnancy, see what we can find." Wes said.

"Don't remind me!" Buffy said.

"Gunn, I want you to sit tight for now." Angel said. "Never hurts to have some muscle on deck. In the meantime, there has to be a reason why the Beast's master wanted Angelus. I'm going to piece together everything I know. Things he said to Buffy and I when he was in our heads, everything they've done. Maybe something will.."

"Strike you?" Gwen asked from the door. "Careful what you wish for."

"Oh great! Well, look who's back now that the lights are on. It's the cheap leather clad hussy that keeps a'comin' after my husband!" Buffy said.

"Oh, missed you, too, babe."

"Don't mind her, she's drunk." Angel said.

"That I am! But I'm just tellin' the truth." Buffy said.

"Gwen, it's really not a great time for a social call. We're pretty swamped, you know.. apocalypse."

"The thing is, there's a girl. She's in trouble. That's what you guys do, right?" Gwen asked.

"DUH!" Buffy said. "Yeah!"

"So I'm in a jam. I can't get out of it alone. I need someone suave, a guy who can handle himself in a tight spot."

Angel smiled modestly. "Gwen, I'd love to help.." Buffy whacked his stomach.

"I meant him." Gwen pointed to Gunn.

"Goody for Gunn! Angel, take me to bed!" Angel chuckled and started to haul Buffy to the steps. "Hey! Wait! Dun forget my bottle!"

"No more for you." Angel said, leading her up the stairs.

"Poophead."

"Yes, that's me. I'm Angel, the husband of the Slayer, the vampire with a soul, the dark avenger, and the poophead."

"Darn tootin'." Angel opened the door to their room and picked Buffy up. "Oh, this is just like our wedding night."

"Only you were a lot less drunk."

"Where're we goin?"

"To bed."

"Oh! I'll strip first!"

"No. No stripping. Sleeping."

"Not tired."

"No. You're drunk. Hopefully you'll pass out and the whiskey will leave your bloodstream."

"I gotta pee. Put me down." Angel did and as soon as Buffy's feet were on the ground, she was rushing to the bathroom. Instead of using the bathroom, she was throwing up. Being the Slayer meant that everything was faster. Healing faster, moving faster, fighting faster, and getting a hangover faster. Angel held her hair up for her like he had done throughout the months she was pregnant. Once she was finished, he flushed and carried her back to the bed.

Buffy laid there and allowed him to take off her boots. "I've got a headache."

"It comes with the lovely world of being drunk and sobering up." Angel said gently, stroking her clammy forehead. "Want me to get you some water?" Buffy nodded. He got up and poured her a glass of cold tap water. Before going back, Angel grabbed a washcloth and moistened it with cool water. When he got back to the bed, Buffy was asleep. Angel smiled and set the glass down on the nightstand. As he patted the cool rag on her forehead, a knock came at the door. "Come on in, Cordelia."

Cordy walked in. "You know, that never stops creeping me out."

"Yeah? Kind of creeped out myself."

"Can we not do this right now?"

"Okay by me. Kind of in the middle of something, anyway."

"What happened?"

"She had too much whiskey. She's asleep right now." Angel turned to Cordy. "She's not the only thing I'm busy with though."

"Anything coming to mind?"

"Not really."

"Nothing?"

"Well, to be honest, I'm almost pining for the halcyon days of the Beast."

"Right.. cause it's not like he slaughtered hundreds of people with his bare hands."

"No, the Beast was just a flunky."

"Who did his master's bidding."

"Killing Manny, stealing my soul, murdering Lilah.. Those are surgical strikes. They're not the smash-and-trash style of the Beast."

"But if lava-boy didn't do all that, who did?"

"His master."

"I'm his master. I'm his all-powerful master and I'm going to break into a guarded room, steal your soul from a safe.. not by ripping it open but by using the combination.. then I'm going to hunt and kill Lilah right under this very roof. Sure. Evil geniuses live for that playing-with-fire stuff."

"You don't understand. This thing was in my head. Both of our heads." Angel said, indicating Buffy. "We've heard him and he's insane enough to pull those kind of stunts."

"When you say insane, you mean like diabolical?"

"No, I mean like deluded and demented. And he spoke to us in this cheesy self-important voice. I bet he doesn't even have a master plan. He's just making it up as he goes along." Cordy gave him a look that said she was upset. "Hey, don't worry. We'll figure it out. Come on, anybody as daredevil-y as this guy will slip up sooner or later and when he does.. he's dead." Cordy smiled. Behind him, Buffy shifted and groaned. "I better.."

"Yeah. Ok. Give her some Pepto Bismal. That might help a little with her stomach."

"Thanks. I will." Cordy walked out of the room and shut the door. Angel picked up the washcloth and went to put more cool water on it.
Buffy woke up a while later and looked around the room. Her head spun and it felt like someone with a sledgehammer was pounding to the tune of the Cha Cha Slide. "Oh boy. Angel?" No one answered. She guessed they were all downstairs. On unsteady legs, she got up and walked downstairs. Wesley and Fred were standing in front of Angel who was sitting behind the desk drawing something.

"You know, this would be a lot easier if you two weren't hovering." Angel said.

"Take your time. No rush." Wes and Fred both said.

"No rush for what?" Buffy asked.

"Buffy! You're awake!" Fred said.

"Shh. The little man pounding in my head goes faster when there's a lot of noise."

"Sorry." Fred whispered.

Angel smiled at her. "I'm just trying to remember what those symbols were in the books Angelus was reading."

"Sounds like fun." Buffy said.

Angel flipped the notepad around and Wes and Fred rushed up. "I think that's it."

"What's it?" Cordy asked behind Buffy. "Hi Buffy, feeling better?"

"A little." Buffy said, moving away from Cordy and closer to Angel.

"We're trying to remember a passage from Lilah's beastie book. The one Angelus destroyed after the big boom-y voice threatened to re-ensoul him." Angel said.

"Angel's been visualizing the text, trying to recreate it." Fred said.

"Just a little thing I can do.."

"You think there was something in that book that high and spite-y didn't want us to know about?" Cordy asked.

"He's definitely hiding something."

Wesley looked at the notepad. "I recognize the text. It's an early Fallorian code system. Let's see. 'The green.. cart-like vehicle.. eats.. I am not a bucket-head.'"

"Damn it."

"It's a tricky language. An inverted serif can alter the meaning of an entire passage."

"What now?" Buffy asked.

"I try again." Angel said, taking the notepad back. The others watched, but he shot them a glare and they all walked away guiltily except Buffy. Angel looked up. "You ok?"

"I'm trying to remember something."

"What?"

"Something the Beastmaster said."

"He said a lot of things."

"I know, but it's one specific thing I'm thinking of. He said sweet boy."

"I know. Cordy said it too."

"You're thinking Cordy's the Beastmaster."

Angel nodded. "Lorne's out right now finding a spell to get back his non- fuzzy readings. Or at least that's what we're going to make Cordy think."

"It's all a façade?"

"Yup."

"And this whole trying to figure out what the passage was, it is too?"

"No. I'm actually trying to remember that."

"Need help? I looked at the book too."

"Sure. I can use all the help I can get. Well, actually I need the only other person that was there." Buffy smiled and pulled a chair up next to Angel. About an hour later, Angel called Wesley back in. He handed the piece of paper to Wes. "Try this one."

"Something about.. strangling poultry." Wes said.

Buffy sighed. Angel looked over at her. "That's it. We gotta get out of here. I think Buffy could use some fresh air."

Buffy nodded and they got up and headed for the door as Lorne came bustling in. "Uh-uh. Easy does it, compadres. No huffy exits before I spill the joyous news."

"About the baby?" Buffy asked.

"About el jefe?" Cordy asked.

"No and no. My sources got nothing on mystical birthing or the Big Kahuna. But Wanda, that demon you recommended.. what a peach, by the way.. anyway, she sold me this cleansing abracadabra to clear my muddled mind." Lorne said.

"You're empathic again?" Fred asked.

Lorne unfolded a black cape. "Please, you think this Dungeons & Dragons cloak is a fashion statement? I gotta do this whole song and dance."

"Well, we're getting nowhere. If you need extra hands.." Wes offered.

"Sorry, I can only take my two. Ritual has to be performed solo. Just me and my shadow, secluded in a dark, dusty nowhere land. But the upside is I should be all systems-go come sunrise."

"Then you'll be able to read me?" Cordy asked.

"No worries, dumplin'. Come morning, I'll be a lean, mean, belly-readin' machine."

Cordy smiled nervously.
Buffy and Angel watched from the dark as Lorne performed his "ritual." The whole thing was a trap for Cordy. If it was going to work, it would have to soon. Suddenly, Buffy's sensitive ears picked up the sound of something larger than a rat walking the catwalk above. She looked over as Cordelia descended the stairs and approached Lorne from behind, her dagger raised to strike. Suddenly the lights snapped on all around them and Cordelia spun around to find Buffy and Angel standing right behind her, staring at her expressionlessly.

"Buffy.. Angel.." Cordy said.

She turned to run but Wesley and Fred appeared out of the shadows and surrounded her. Wesley racks his shotgun and Fred aimed a tranq gun at her. With nowhere to go, Cordelia turned back to Buffy and Angel and stared icily at them as Lorne slid a toy Magic 8-Ball out from under his altar and shook it. "Has Cordy been a bad, bad girl?"