AN: Well, here it is folks - my humble attempt at rewriting one of the most powerful scenes in all of HP. Please note that the vast majority of this is taken directly from PoA. I didn't write ANY of the dialogue. Along with that, I am trying to stick as close to the original text as possible, so we had a VERY hard time with punctuation. My many thanks to Rage Point for her wonderful advice on how to get through this. And my undying gratitude to Durayan, who basically rewrote most of my additions because I had lost my Remus muse! LOL!
Chapter 29
No More Secrets
Remus waited for this information to sink in, thinking wryly to himself that it was an incredible tale, and that so much depended on convincing these three of its truth. It was Ron who finally broke the silence.
"You're both mental," said he said, incredulously.
"Ridiculous!" echoed Hermione.
Harry's voice was steady and cold. So like James, when he was angry, Remus thought. "Peter Pettigrew's dead! He killed him twelve years ago!" Harry said, jabbing an accusing finger at the ragged, wasted figure in the corner.
Sirius' voice was cold and flat. "I meant to, but little Peter got the better of me." Sirius' eyes glistened with menace, "…not this time, though!" With sudden and desperate rage, Sirius lunged toward Ron. Wormtail shrieked and struggled against Ron's grasp. Ron tried desperately to defend himself and his pet from Sirius' attack, but went pale and cried out in pain as Sirius came down on his injured leg.
Remus leapt in and pulled Sirius back, surprised at how light the other man was. "Sirius, NO! WAIT!" he cried out urgently. "You can't do it just like that – they need to understand – we've got to explain –"
"We can explain afterwards!" Sirius growled and tried with all his might to free himself from Remus' grasp. Remus was easily the stronger of the two, but Sirius was a man possessed, and Remus had to struggle to keep Sirius restrained.
"They've – got – a – right – to – know – everything!" Remus panted, desperately trying to talk some reason into his old friend. "Ron's kept him as a pet! There are parts of it even I don't understand! And Harry – you owe Harry the truth, Sirius!"
Sirius stopped struggling at the mention of Harry's name. That's right. You owe ALL of us the truth.
"All right, then," Sirius kept his hollow eyes fixed on Wormtail. "Tell them whatever you like. But make it quick, Remus. I want to commit the murder I was imprisoned for…."
Oh God, Sirius.
"You're nutters, both of you. I've had enough of this. I'm off." Ron struggled to pull himself up, but Remus quickly pointed his wand at him.
"You're going to hear me out, Ron." Remus' tone was firm. "Just keep a tight hold on Peter while you listen."
"HE'S NOT PETER, HE'S SCABBERS!" yelled Ron, as he tried to force the squirming rat back into his pocket. Wormtail was fighting him mightily. Ron's leg gave out and he would have fallen, had Harry not caught him.
Remus cocked an eyebrow and pursed his lips. Peter knows he's been caught. He should know it's no use trying to fight now.
Harry, so like his father, turned calmly to Remus. "There were witnesses who saw Pettigrew die. A whole street full of them…"
"They didn't see what they thought they saw!" Sirius interjected angrily, his eyes never leaving Wormtail.
Lupin took a breath, and proceeded—carefully, clearly, as if teaching a class. If I can just keep things calm, maybe I can buy enough time to convince them. "Everyone thought Sirius killed Peter. I believed it myself – until I saw the map tonight. Because the Marauder's map never lies…Peter's alive. Ron's holding him, Harry." Remus held himself rigidly in his best professorial pose.
Harry and Ron exchanged a look. Remus sighed inwardly. Please, you must believe….
"But Professor Lupin," Hermione interrupted, "Scabbers can't be Pettigew…it just can't be true, you know it can't…"
"Why can't it be true?" Remus asked carefully. Come on, Hermione….
"Because…because people would know if Peter Pettigrew had been an Animagus. We did Animagi in class with Professor McGonagall. And I looked them up when I did my homework – the Ministry of Magic keeps tabs on witches and wizards who can become animals; there's a register showing what animal they become, and their markings and things…and I went and looked Professor McGonagall up on the registers, and there have been only seven Animagi this century, and Pettigrew's name wasn't on the list –"
Remus laughed, in spite of himself. My, but she is thorough, isn't she? Minerva would be proud. "Right again, Hermione! But the Ministry never knew that there used to be three unregistered Animagi running around Hogwarts." And to this day they still don't know. But once this evening is over, there will be no more secrets. Remus let his shoulders drop at the thought of finally being free from the guilt he had been carrying all these years. It would be painful to acknowledge the truth, but at least the burden of having to hide it would be gone.
"If you're going to tell them the story, get a move on, Remus," Sirius growled. "I've waited twelve years, I'm not going to wait much longer."
"All right…but you'll need to help me, Sirius. I only know how it began…"
The door creaking open interrupted Remus. Frowning, he moved across the room to look out into the hall.
Now that's odd. "No one there…" Someone had to open the door. I wonder…
"This place is haunted!" Ron noted, somewhat uneasily.
"It's not." Oh, how I wish that were the truth. That it was a haunted house and not a refuge for a werewolf. Remus took one final glace at the hallway before turning his attention back to the situation at hand. "The Shrieking Shack was never haunted…. The screams and howls the villagers used to hear were made by me." He paused for a moment and ran a hand through his hair. "That's where all of this starts – with my becoming a werewolf. None of this could have happened if I hadn't been bitten…and if I hadn't been so foolhardy…."
My fault. This whole mess is my fault. He shook his head and started at the beginning. "I was a very small boy when I received the bite. My parents tried everything, but in those days there was no cure. The potion that Professor Snape has been making for me is a very recent discovery. It makes me safe, you see. As long as I take it in the week preceding the full moon, I keep my mind when I transform…. I am able to curl up in my office, a harmless wolf, and wait for the moon to wane again."
Remus drew a shuddering breath. "Before the Wolfsbane Potion was discovered, however, I became a fully fledged monster once a month." Remus' face darkened. "It seemed impossible that I would be able to come to Hogwarts. Other parents weren't likely to want their children exposed to me." How could anyone want to be exposed to me?
"But then Dumbledore became Headmaster, and he was sympathetic. He said that as long as we took certain precautions, there was no reason I shouldn't come to school…" Remus paused a moment and turned to face Harry. "I told you, months ago, that the Whomping Willow was planted the year I came to Hogwarts. The truth is that it was planted because I came to Hogwarts. This house," Remus said with a dismal glance around the room, "the tunnel that leads to it – they were built for my use. Once a month, I was smuggled out of the castle, into this place, to transform. The tree was placed at the tunnel mouth to stop anyone coming across me while I was dangerous."
Remus took a deep breath. He hated telling anyone about his past. It always brought up the worst kind of memories and emotions. But he knew these things needed to be explained. He had to help Sirius set things straight. Determined to stay calm and focused, Remus continued in an even voice.
"My transformations in those days were…" pure hell on earth! "…were terrible. It is very painful to turn into a werewolf. I was separated from humans to bite, so I bit and scratched myself instead." Out of habit, he ran his finger over the familiar scars on his right hand. "The villagers heard the noise and the screaming and thought they were hearing particularly violent spirits. Dumbledore encouraged the rumor… Even now, when the house has been silent for years, the villagers don't dare approach it…"
Remus met Harry's eyes and continued. "But apart from my transformations, I was happier than I had ever been in my life. For the first time ever, I had friends, three great friends. Sirius Black…Peter Pettigrew…and of course, your father, Harry – James Potter." Harry's expression changed, ever so slightly.
"Now, my three friends could hardly fail to notice that I disappeared once a month. I made up all sorts of stories." He laugh inwardly at some of the obvious lies he had once concocted. " I told them my mother was ill, and that I had to go home to see her…" What an obvious lie that was! "I was terrified they would desert me the moment they found out what I was. But of course, they, like you, Hermione, worked out the truth…."
Remus glanced over at Sirius, remembering.
"… We used the invisibility cloak to follow you and Madam Pomfrey. What's under the willow, Remus?"
That familiar feeling of not wanting to be rejected came over Remus as he played out the conversation in his mind. He could still hear his friends' voices reassuring him that they wouldn't abandon him.
"Mr. Lupin, we put at your feet all evidence to the contrary that we have never treated you like a monster," James had said, "and pledge from this day forth to help you fight off all injustices that you may face."
Sirius had added, "Let it be noted that Mr. Black would like to add to Mr. Potter's statement by pointing out that Mr. Lupin is one of the cleverest pranksters he's ever met and would be doing himself a real injustice if he let something like this ruin their friendship."
Remus looked over at Wormtail and pondered what he had said all those years ago. "In addition, Mr. Pettigew would like to point out that Gryffindors are above such back stabbing behavior."
Strange, that it had been Peter who made the comment…Remus let the memory fade and continued with the story. "And they didn't desert me at all. Instead, they did something for me that would make my transformations not only bearable, but the best times of my life. They became Animagi."
"My dad too?" asked an amazed Harry.
"Yes, indeed," Remus laughed. "It took them the best part of three years to work out how to do it. Your father and Sirius here were the cleverest students in the school, and lucky they were, because the Animagus transformation can go horribly wrong – one reason the Ministry keep a close watch on those attempting to do it. Peter needed all the help he could get from James and Sirius. Finally, in our fifth year, they managed it. They could each turn into a different animal at will."
"But how did that help you?" questioned Hermione.
"They couldn't keep me company as humans, so they kept me company as animals." Remus continued, once again in professor mode, "A werewolf is only a danger to people. They sneaked out of the castle every month under James's Invisibility Cloak. They transformed…Peter, as the smallest, could slip beneath the Willow's attacking branches and touch the knot that freezes it. They would then slip down the tunnel and join me. Under their influence, I became less dangerous. My body was still wolfish, but my mind seemed to become less so while I was with them." Remus closed his eyes, as he touched on long ago, happy memories.
"Hurry up, Remus," Sirius interrupted. He was growing visibly impatient. In fact, Remus couldn't remember ever seeing Sirius look so – dangerous. He was going to kill Peter if it was the last thing he ever did.
Nodding, Remus said, "I'm getting there, Sirius, I'm getting there…well, highly exciting possibilities were open to us now that we could all transform. Soon we were leaving the Shrieking Shack and roaming the school grounds and the village by night. Sirius and James transformed into such large animals, they were able to keep a werewolf in check. I doubt whether any Hogwarts students ever found out more about the Hogwarts grounds than we did…. And that's how we came to write the Marauder's Map, and sign it with our nicknames. Sirius is Padfoot. Peter is Wormtail. James was Prongs."
"What sort of anima –?" Harry started to ask, but was interrupted by Hermione.
"That was still really dangerous! Running around in the dark with a werewolf! What if you'd given the others the slip, and bitten somebody?"
"A thought that still haunts me." I dwell on it at nearly every full moon. "And there were near misses, many of them. We laughed about them afterwards. We were young, thoughtless – carried away with our own cleverness." We really were foolish. No, I was the foolish one. The others were just wanting to help me.
"I sometimes felt guilty about betraying Dumbledore's trust, of course…he had admitted me to Hogwarts when no other headmaster would have done so, and he had no idea I was breaking the rules he had set down for my own and others' safety. He never knew I had led three fellow students into becoming Animagi illegally. But I always managed to forget my guilty feelings every time we sat down to plan our next month's adventure. And I haven't changed…"
Remus looked down at his feet, hoping to hide some of the shame that he felt. "All this year, I have been battling with myself, wondering whether I should tell Dumbledore that Sirius was an Animagus. But I didn't do it. Why? Because I was too cowardly. " And cowardly I still am. After all these years! "It would have meant admitting that I'd betrayed his trust while I was at school, admitting that I'd led others along with me…and Dumbledore's trust has meant everything to me. He let me into Hogwarts as a boy, and he gave me a job when I have been shunned all my adult life, unable to find paid work because of what I am." I owe him my life. I owe him all that I am. "And so I convinced myself that Sirius was getting into the school using dark arts he learned from Voldemort, that being an Animagus had nothing to do with it." Remus shrugged and sighed darkly. "So, in a way, Snape's been right about me all along."
"Snape?" Sirius spat out the name in disgust and looked at Remus, taking his eyes off of Wormtail for the first time. "What's Snape got to do with it?"
Damn…he didn't know about Snape. Well, this makes things more interesting. "He's here, Sirius. He's teaching here as well." Sirius pulled a face and looked away.
Remus turned his attention back to Ron, Harry, and Hermione who were all staring at him for an explanation. "Professor Snape was at school with us. He fought very hard against my appointment to the Defense Against the Dark Arts job. He has been telling Dumbledore all year that I am not to be trusted. He has his reasons…" He scratched his head thinking about how he could explain Sirius' and his past relationship with Snape without using foul language. "You see, Sirius here…" he licked his lips, searching for the right word, "…played a trick on him which nearly killed him, a trick which involved me –"
Sirius gasped. "It served him right. Sneaking around, trying to find out what we were up to…hoping he could get us expelled…."
Remus locked eyes with Sirius and gave him a look weighted with meaning. I might have forgiven you, but I didn't forget what happened. "Severus was very interested in where I went every month. We were in the same year, you know, and we – er -" How do I put this? Hated the sight of each other? "– didn't like each other very much. He especially disliked James. Jealous, I think, of James's talent on the Quidditch field." Snape couldn't fly worth… "…Anyway Snape had seen me crossing the grounds with Madam Pomfrey one evening as she led me toward the Whomping Willow to transform. Sirus thought it would be – er –" Damn. How did I ever think I could get through this? "- amusing, to tell Snape all he had to do was prod the knot on the tree trunk with a long stick, and he'd be able to get in after me. Well, of course, Snape tried it – if he'd got as far as this house, he'd have met a fully grown werewolf –" Remus faced Harry, "- but your father, who'd heard what Sirius had done, went after Snape and pulled him back, at great risk to his life…Snape glimpsed me, though, at the end of the tunnel. He was forbidden by Dumbledore to tell anybody, but from that time on he knew what I was…."
Remus held eye contact with Sirius for a moment. He had purposefully left out a great deal of the story, and Sirius knew it. I want him to trust you, Sirius. Now isn't the time to go into detail about your little prank.
"So that's why Snape doesn't like you," said Harry slowly, "because he thought you were in on the joke?"
"That's right," said a familiar cold voice from behind Remus.
Remus spun around just as Severus Snape pulled off the invisibility cloak and let it fall to the floor. He smiled a dark and humorless smile as he pointed his wand directly at Remus.
Hermione screamed. Sirius sprang to his feet in alarm.
"I found this at the base of the Whomping Willow," Snape gestured at the cloak. "Very useful, Potter, I thank you."
Snape's eyes roamed around the faces of those in the room, but he kept his wand on Remus. Victory shone on his face. "You're wondering, perhaps, how I knew you were here? I've just been to your office, Lupin. You forgot to take your potion tonight, so I took a gobletful along. And very lucky I did…lucky for me, I mean. Lying on your desk was a certain map. One glance at it told me all I needed to know. I saw you running along this passageway and out of sight."
"Severus –" Remus started, but was ignored.
"I've told the headmaster again and again that you're helping your old friend Black into the castle, Lupin, and here's the proof. Not even I dreamed you would have the nerve to use this old place as your hideout –"
"Severus, you're making a mistake. You haven't heard everything," and you've got to listen! " – I can explain – Sirius is not here to kill Harry –"
"Two more for Azkaban tonight."
Damn it, Severus! Listen to me!"I shall be interested to see how Dumbledore takes this…. He was quite convinced you were harmless, you know, Lupin…a tame werewolf –"
Lupin felt ill. Severus Snape. All these years later---and Snape is going to hand Sirius back to the dementors.
"You fool. Is a schoolboy grudge worth putting an innocent man back inside Azkaban?"
Snape's fury at the comment was evident on his face. Without hesitation, he pointed his wand at Remus and – BANG! Out of the wand sprang thin cords that wound themselves around Remus, binding his feet and hands and covering his mouth. Remus struggled mightily against his bonds but only succeeded in overbalancing and falling roughly to the floor, unable to break the fall.
Sirius yelled and charged at Snape. But he stopped cold when Snape raised his wand and pointed it directly at Sirius' heart.
"Give me a reason," Snape hissed. "Give me a reason to do it, and I swear I will." Pure venom dripped from his eyes as he faced down Sirius Black.
Helpless, Remus' eyes darted from one face to the other, hoping that Sirius would back down. So many times Remus had watched these two men quarrel and fight. Not once had Sirius ever given in and allowed Snape to win. Remus could only hope that Sirius wouldn't do something irrational this time and cause Snape to kill him.
Then a quiet, hesitant voice sounded from the corner. "Professor Snape – it – it wouldn't hurt to hear what they've got so say, w – would it?" Hermione stammered.
Hermione! Bless you! Good girl! Get them talking. Maybe…just maybe Snape will listen!"Miss Granger, you are already facing suspension from this school," Snape spat. "You, Potter, and Weasley are out-of-bounds, in the company of a convicted murderer and a werewolf. For once in your life, hold your tongue!"
Hermione proved herself a bold Gryffindor, and pressed her argument in spite of the veins standing out on Snape's forehead. "But if – if there was a mistake –"
"KEEP QUIET, YOU STUPID GIRL! DON'T TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" His anger raged and sparks shot out of the end of his wand. Remus wiggled his way away from them, trying to avoid further damage.
Keep calm. There will be time to explain at the castle. If Snape doesn't kill Sirius first. Or Sirius kill Snape first, for that matter.
Snape returned his focus to the man standing in front of him. Sirius returned his furious gaze. "Vengeance is very sweet," Snape said. "How I hoped I would be the one to catch you…."
"The joke's on you again, Severus." Sirius pointed at Ron. "As long as this boy brings his rat up to the castle, I'll come quietly…."
Remus let out the breath he was holding. Good. At least Sirius is willing to cooperate. But his relief wouldn't last long.
"Up to the castle? I don't think we need to go that far. All I have to do is call the dementors once we get out of the Willow. They'll be very pleased to see you, Black…pleased enough to give you a little kiss, I daresay…."
Remus couldn't help notice that Sirius' face went white as a ghost.
"You – you've got to hear me out," Sirius insisted. "The rat – look at the rat –"
But Snape wouldn't listen. His face was full of triumph and pleasure. "Come on, all of you." With a snap of his fingers, the cords that bound Remus flew into Snape's hands. "I'll drag the werewolf. Perhaps the dementors will have a kiss for him too –"
NO! PLEASE! Remus had never felt so helpless in his life.Harry sprang across the room and stood between Snape and the door, blocking his exit.
"Get out of the way, Potter, you're in enough trouble already," snarled Snape. "If I hadn't been here to save your skin –"
"Professor Lupin could have killed me about a hundred times this year," Harry declared. "I've been alone with him loads of times, having defense lessons against the dementors. If he was helping Black, why didn't he just finish me off then?"
YES! Good thinking Harry!"Don't ask me to fathom the way a werewolf's mind works," Snape scoffed. "Get out of the way, Potter."
"YOU'RE PATHETIC!" Harry barked his frustration at Snape. "JUST BECAUSE THEY MADE A FOOL OF YOU AT SCHOOL YOU WON'T EVEN LISTEN –"
"SILENCE! I WILL NOT BE SPOKEN TO LIKE THAT!" Spit flew from Snape's mouth. " Like father, like son, Potter! I have just saved your neck; you should be thanking me on bended knee! You would have been well served if he'd killed you! You'd have died like your father, too arrogant to believe you might be mistaken in Black – now get out of the way, or I will make you. GET OUT OF THE WAY, POTTER!"
At that moment, three young wizards pointed their wands at Snape and yelled the same curse.
"Expelliarmus!"
The force of the triple curse literally lifted Snape off his feet and threw him into the wall behind. He slumped unconscious to the floor, a thin line of blood trickling from under his hair and down his sallow face.
