You Wish! Productions presents...

Neon Genesis Evangelion: Cross

By: Blue Taboo

Chapter 6: Going ahead

Shinji watched the scene over and over again in his mind. Asuka and Rei melted together and stared him down with a look of utter disgust that neither of them would have been capable of on their own, even as angry as Asuka could sometimes be. And when they stood their in their combined form, they would speak, both voices together and both dripping with contempt. "You're not good enough to be with us, Shinji," they would say, then way away into the darkness, only to return and do the entire thing over again.


Each time Shinji would try to get them to stop. He would call out to them. He would burst into tears, even if it would probably disgust them more. He would try to shake their body to snap them out of it. However, each time he failed, for in this dream he had no voice with which to call out with, no tears to cry, and not even a hand to touch with. He could only sit and watch and be tormented by the vision.


"You're not good enough to be with us..."


Over,


"You're not good enough to be with us..."


And over,


"You're not good enough to be with us..."


Again...


"You're not good enough to be with us..."


NO! Don't leave me alone! he screamed in his mind as the girl turned her back on him again a walked away disdainfully, I don't want you to leave me!


But then his eyes told him that he was no longer watching the girl. Now he saw a ceiling, a ceiling that was all too familiar, the NERV Infirmary...

"Sometimes I think that boy would be better off with his father," Ritsuko told Misato as she arrived in the waiting room.


"I really don't need this right now, Ritsuko, I really don't," Misato informed her old friend, her head in her hands. Both of them looked so exhausted and disheveled that most of the hospital staff barely recognized the two officers.


"Well, would you mind me throwing your own advice back at you? You really do need a rest, Misato."


The purple-haired Major sighed. "After you..."


"You'd better wait until you collect your children, but after this is all over, promise me one thing, Misato?" Ritsuko asked with a hint of energy in her voice that surprised even her.


"What?" NERV's operations director groaned.


"We're making Commander Ikari treat us to a month-long vacation when all of this is over." The blonde scientist couldn't help but let out a small chuckle at the impossibility of her statement.


"Like that bastard would..." Misato growled as she got up from her seat to address the nurse that was walking towards them.


"Major," the nurse said with a slight bow, "Ikari Shinji is awake. He's okay. Here are his release papers. If you'd just sign here--"


Misato snatched the papers from the young woman's hands and scribbled her signature in the blank spots as quickly as she could. She shoved them back into the startled nurse's hands and then proceeded to find her male charge. Ritsuko followed with a bit of silent amusement, but then realized that she had come here for other reasons than to tease Misato about her poor behavior in the world of guardianship and she headed for room 103 without even alerting her friend.


Shinji met her halfway there, averting his eyes from hers. He was embarrassed that he couldn't handle the situation at hand and that he had failed her. Shame took over his fear and horror. Misato's expression softened as she stopped and looked down at the boy in front of her. He really was just a boy. She felt an immense surge of guilt rise up and her throat but cleared it away only to say, "I'm sorry, Shinji. I should've let you take your time in dealing with this. Let's just go home, okay? I'll order us some take out..."


She put a comforting hand on his shoulder and he looked up at her, tears standing in his eyes, but also a great relief, and nodded.

Oh what a sob story...I could care less, Wondergirl. And where do you get this crap about Shinji being a 'loved one' of mine, huh?!
I know the things that even you hide from yourself...
Who could love that idiot?!
We could...
...
Your silence only affirms the fact...
I'll tell you what. Since this doesn't look like it's going to get solved anytime soon, I will make a deal with you. I will stop calling you Wondergirl if you start calling me Asuka, okay?
I have no problem with that, Asuka...
And stop talking about baka Shinji, okay Rei?
All right...

Ritsuko let herself into the room that housed the result of the latest experiment. She was met only by the girl's back. She was looking out the window at the geofront in an absolute silence that had been polluted by Dr. Akagi's entrance. The girl slowly turned around and faced the older woman, and she really didn't look happy.


"Okay! I want some explanations, Dr. Akagi!" what must've been Asuka shouted at her.


"All in due time," the doctor said with a sigh as she slumped into a chair in the opposite corner of the room, "Right now I need to ask you something very important, and if you want your body back you'd better listen."


The girl opened her mouth to retort, but closed it a settled on a cold glare.
"I want you to stay in the hospital for a few more days, until Misato and Shinji can handle you again," Ristuko began, "But I need you to cooperate with me and do as I say without question until this is solved. Commander Ikari is not taking any steps to correct your...condition...so you cannot tell ANYONE about ANYTHING that goes on between me and you. Is that understood?!"


"Yes, Dr. Akagi," came a quiet reply.


"What about you, Asuka?" Ritsuko asked with her own glare, knowing that only Rei had affirmed.


"Fine..."


"Good," the blonde crossed her arms over her chest and sat back a little, "I'm going to go home for a little bit, but I'll be back tonight. I'll meet you here at 3 am, so be awake by then. I promise you that I will try my hardest to get both of you back to normal, but you are going to have to work with me on this. Goodbye..." and with that, she exited the room and left the two minds to think her proposal over.

"At least finish your egg roll!" Misato protested as Shinji got up and silently excused himself.


"Sorry, Misato. I'm just not hungry..." he said, once again refusing to look at her, as he dumped what remained of the Chinese food they had ordered for dinner into the garbage and set his plate in the sink. He then headed off to the seclusion of his room and the promise of peace that was his SDAT.


"Ugh...And that was his favorite dish too," Misato told PenPen, who sat on her left, reading the paper like he usually did.


PenPen looked up from the want ads and let out a little wark. Misato turned to face him and gave him a little smile as she ruffled the feathers on his head. "At least I still have you to talk to and don't even SAY anything about Kaji!"


The penguin was stopped dead in his tracks, and if it were physically possible for him to pout, he would. He personally liked Kaji and didn't see what his owner had against the eternally unshaven man.

In the darkness of his room Shinji decided that his SDAT wasn't going to offer him any comfort. He had to do something. His brain was screaming that to him while his heart repeated it's all too familiar solution to life's problems. I will not run away from this one, he resolved to himself, I will help Asuka and Rei! I will prove to them that I'm good enough! I have to do this! And God help me I will!

I have accepted fear as a part of life--specifically the fear of change...I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back...
-- Erica Jong

-Blue Taboo-