Neon Genesis Evangelion: Cross
By: Blue Taboo
Chapter 8- Guessing
Asuka was getting the impression that Rei seemed apprehensive about entering the Katsuragi residence for their shared body was growing tense as they approached the door.
You've been here before, Rei! Don't get all weird about it!
I have not lived here before...
Do you think it would be better if we lived in your dump of an apartment?!
No, I do not believe it would be as beneficial. This is just a new experience
for me. I have never lived with others, except the Commander...
Well get used to it because we're going in!
With that, Asuka, who was in control and had taken to trying to keep it
that way, walked through the door that Misato had opened for her, followed
by Shinji. And the first thing on her mind was... "Misato! I want to
get out of this stupid NERV uniform they gave us at the hospital. Do you
think my clothes will still fit?" she asked, hoping to feel maybe a
little anger from Rei, but not sensing any.
Misato had gone straight for the fridge as usual, but came out with a can
of pop instead of her customary beer. "Probably," she answered,
"I think Rei's pretty much your size anyway." She had almost slipped
and said 'Rei was', but had remembered to keep herself in the present and
more positive tense.
"I should probably take a shower too, come to think of it," Asuka
added as she headed off to her room, but once she entered she got a sick
feeling at the idea of showering.
What is this feeling? I am not familiar with it...
It just feels wrong, washing this body that isn't even mine.
It is made up of 50% of your cells...
And 50% of yours, but it's neither of ours.
It does not belong to anyone else...
But it's not mine and it's not yours.
I do not understand why you feel this way...
You shower then. I don't want to do it.
Very well...
Asuka then quickly picked out some clean house clothes and relinquished
control to Rei, who was as calm and steady as ever as she showered.
"The old men are not happy with you, Ikari," Fuyutski told his Commander.
"I am aware of that," Gendo responded coldly, analyzing the Tree
of Life with from behind his dark glasses, "But now that we have proof
that human AT fields can break down and cease to exist then be born again
into a new existence, we don't need them and their plans. Their agenda no
longer matters to me and at this stage, they cannot afford to destroy us."
Fuyutski coughed, feeling the air chill around his confidant. "But
the AT fields were not completely broken down. Rei and Asuka still have
their separate personalities."
"In that, Fuyutski, you are wrong. The experiment is still in its early
stages, but the progress is looking good."
"An experiment so vital, that you will sacrifice Rei for it?"
Kozo inquired, hoping to hit a nerve.
"When Rei ceases to be, she, as always, and like you, can be replaced."
Had it been raining in the Commander's office, it would have started to
snow.
The body known as Takahashi Aisu emerged from the bathroom, dressed in Asuka's usual house clothes. "Hey Shinji!" Asuka called, "What's for lunch?"
"All we have is ramen," he replied despondently from the kitchen.
"What?! Maybe Misato can live solely off of that and beer alone but
some of us need to eat something that may be actually beneficial for our
health!" Asuka pointed out as Rei wisely chose not to comment.
"It's not like anyone's been grocery shopping in a while..." the
boy muttered as he pulled out three containers of noodles.
He had expected at least some response, and probably a nasty, mocking one
at that, but there was nothing but silence. He then realized why and cursed
himself for his slip. Even Asuka couldn't be light about such an event...
Then a much delayed, "Whatever, dummkopf, just make sure Misato doesn't
cook it", came from the hallway and didn't offer him any relief for
his mistake.
She walked into the kitchen silently, doubling the tension in the air and
sat down at her customary place. It would have been just another day in
the Katsuragi household, had not there been a voice nagging, well, not really
nagging, but more like reporting in the corner of their shared mind.
I have just realized something...
What is it?
The kanji for Aisu is ice...
So?
There is what you would call a sick humor to the situation. Our body
was named for its appearance.
You really are a weird one.
So Shinji studied, Misato slept, Asuka watched TV and yelled at Shinji, and Rei just kind of sat back and watched it all. To the other occupants of the apartment, it seemed like a very normal day, almost not distinguishable from any other, and Rei took it as a sign of resilience. She enjoyed how her fellow pilots and the Major were unwilling to let their sense of security in their routine be lost to an accident, but in this she realized another thing. They barely even seemed to think of her as actually present. Asuka had control most of the time and tried to keep it that way as much as possible and Rei only got in a few comments the entire day. She was surprised by how this disappointed her. She didn't normally speak all that much, but this lack of speaking seemed abnormal to her for the first time. Her reality was devoid of sound and nearly devoid of life, but here, in this place full of people, there was talking and yelling and arguing and a greater sense of life and color. Rei found that she was longing for more of it.
So Shinji studied, Misato slept, Asuka watched TV and yelled at Shinji,
and Rei just kind of sat back and watched it all. Shinji actually did a
lot more than studying, though he knew that he should have left a bit more
time to his algebra. He thought, to the point of distraction even. He thought
about what had happened, what was happening, and what could or would happen.
However, a very strange thought crossed his mind after he answered a call
from Ritsuko saying that their synch tests after school would be canceled
until "the problem is resolved". Shinji's thought was one of fear
and apprehension. He had seen some horrible things since he had come to
Tokyo 3, and most of them involved and Eva, but the most horrible thing
he'd seen was the latest scar on his memory. Ikari Shinji realized that
he didn't want to get into his Eva again, and this time, he had a good reason.
So Shinji studied, Misato slept, Asuka watched TV and yelled at Shinji, and Rei just kind of sat back and watched it all. However, everyone who's ever sat in front of a television before know that there is NEVER anything good on during the day and especially on Sundays, so after she had made sure that the balance of power was indeed still in effect and she had watched two crazy episodes of some pre-second impact anime, Asuka started to think as well. Her thoughts centered around a different subject than Shinji's and even Rei's with their kind of shared space of a mind. But, like Shinji, her thoughts centered around something that a certain blonde scientist mentioned. Ritsuko had told her to leave NERV and Eva once she was freed from her bond with Rei, but Asuka wasn't sure if she would, or could. Ever since her mother died, and even before then, her life was intertwined with Eva. It wasn't something that she could just walk away from, but after what it had done to her, she didn't think she could have that same kind of trust. Did she even trust Ritsuko?
So Shinji studied, Misato slept, Asuka watched TV and yelled at Shinji, and Rei just kind of sat back and watched it all. Misato really was sleeping...
And eventually, after Asuka demanded that they order out for a decent meal,
everyone else was too, even if it wasn't very peacefully. Rei had never
dreamed before, but sadly, her first experience, thanks to her mind link,
was a nightmare.
"Sempai! I'm getting strange readings from Unit 00 and Unit 02!"
A tingling feeling, warm, but strange. It is wrong.
"The pilot's synch ratios just jumped to 98%!"
A sense of unity, from the Eva, but from something else as well.
"What about Shinji?!"
Could he be feeling this too? Is this him?
"He's at a stable 63%...but the other two are slowly approaching 100%!"
It is another.
"Hyuga! Call Commander Ikari and Vice-Commander Fuyutski at once!"
They're worried. What's this feeling? It keeps getting stronger. Will it
be pain?
"There's a really weird feeling in my hand! I can't move it!"
Fear. No, this is not fear keeping me still. When will it stop? I'm a fear
it. I fear this lack of motion, this lack of life. Make it stop!
"What's going on?"
Help! I cannot help myself! Please!
"Eva to Eva synch ratio is at 97%! If it goes over 99%..."
What will happen?
"Deactivate the Evas! Units 00 and 02 are going out of control!"
Quick! I feel it now! It is coming for me, coming through me. I don't want
it!
"They're not excepting the signals!"
NO! My hand! It's not my hand anymore! Give it back!
"Rei! Asuka! You've got to move away from each other. Your Evas are
going to combine with each other if you don't! You hear me!? Move!"
It's her!
"I caaan't!"
Strain. Pain. I WANT MYSELF BACK!
"You have to move!"
She is holding me back! We are stuck together! I don't want her!
It isn't right! I don't want to become one with you!
Is that because it is me?
No! Just give me myself back! I don't want you!
But I want to know. I can learn from you. We are doomed anyway.
No! I won't teach you! You're screwed up, very screwed up! Get away!
I cannot. Your arm is my arm.
My arm is your arm. Give it back!
This self which you have created, your identity, is it really that precious?
You can't take it from me!
But I have none of my own.
Everyone had one, even freaks like you. Don't take it from me to fulfill
your own needs!
Because it is yours?
Yes! It is mine! It is my creation and mine alone.
It is so much more eventful than mine.
Don't look! Don't you dare! There are things you can't know and you won't
know!
All I want is to understand.
Get back! I learned these things for myself as you must learn them.
But in order to learn, we must be taught.
You can't teach yourself through me! It's wrong!
Wrong?
Leave me alone!
Your pain is my pain.
My pain is your pain. I don't want your pain!
Your truth is my truth. I want to know...
My truth is your truth. Give it back!!!
Your life is my life.
My life is your life.
"NO!!!"
Pain. Blood. Red. Hatred. Rejection.
"Asuka! Ayanami!"
Peace.
Ya gotta love psychobabble.
"And if this night won't let me rest don't let me second guess what
I know to be real." -Lifehouse
-Blue Taboo-
