You Wish Productions presents…
Neon Genesis Evangelion: Cross
Chapter 12- Learn to love…and be loved
Having also agreed to return to the apartment, Shinji, Asuka, and Rei were back to square one as Asuka pointed out so nicely in the form of a sarcastic, "Well, that was fun…what now?"
It was about four in the afternoon and it was an especially hot day. The air-conditioned apartment was a welcomed change from the sweaty humidity of the park and the long walk back after the awkward scene that had come to pass there. However, the interest level in the cramped, yet cool space was quite low. It was a hard choice, one that many are faced with on a boring summer day. For safety's sake, they chose the apartment.
Asuka, and Rei with her, went to her room and rooted around for one of the novels she'd brought with her, only because her step-mother had suggested it. The very thought of the woman stirred up a faint mixture of feelings that Rei couldn't help but notice.
You…dislike her?
The idea of her.
Why is that?
Like she's supposed to be a replacement for my real mother after she died. It's like when you're a kid and you break your favorite toy and you cry and cry. Your parents offer to buy you another one…but it's not the same…and if they do buy you that toy, you hate it just because it's not your old toy.
I never played with toys…
You're impossible! No wonder you don't know anything! No one bothered to teach you the basics and now you can't learn anything else!
But I know many things. I know Eva. I know school subjects.
But those things are only parts of your life, Rei. If that's all you know, then you must be some kind of social idiot. You have to know people, and how you should feel about them…
But you don't know how you feel about Ikari…
I want to read now…
I want to know why…
I want to read…
You want to avoid the subject.
...
Your feelings for your stepmother are defined, yet undefined, but that is what makes them feelings, emotions. Those are what separates animal from man. The animal knows death, but not grief. Yet, just as you avoid telling me of Ikari, you avoid feeling for him. It is what separates you from every other human, including him.
If you're so smart…then what separates man from Angel?
Nothing that we know of…and that is why Angels are a threat. They are at least our equals, or maybe even our betters, so they are our enemies.
A twisted logic…
…You helped me to understand.
What?
Before we were…joined… I observed how you interacted with others. You compete constantly, afraid to be bested because you see the potential in everyone, even Ikari. He is a threat to your status in life because he is your equal…possibly your better.
So why do you even ask me what I feel for him if you know it already, genius?
Because, like you say life is, man has many sides to him, many of which are hidden from view.
And I prefer that hidden stay hidden.
Why?
Because I don't like being asked personal questions like this!
Why?
Stop!
Why?
STOP!
Why?
Because I'm the only one who needs to know that I need him!
…
I hate you…
You do not.
I should.
Now that you have confessed, I will as well. I need Ikari also…but I need to protect him. You feel that he is necessary to your life, but I feel I should be necessary to his.
God, you'd think you were his mother or something…
He told me I reminded him of a mother before…
I remember that.
I guess his reasons for say so were well-founded.
A sense of relief seemed to coat their shared minds like air-conditioning. No use holding back now. Asuka stopped her rummaging and sat down absently on the bed.
So what do you suggest we do?
Tell him.
No way!
Why not?
It just doesn't work that way, Rei. Geez! You really are socially illiterate!
I do not understand. I have learned that honesty is a positive thing.
Yeah, but…if you like a boy…you're not supposed to flat out tell him! Trust me on this one…
What is the benefit in that?
She almost physically smiled.
Fun.
I still do not understand…but you don't want him for just this "fun" you speak of, correct?
I guess.
You guess?
There's no real definites here yet, okay Rei?
All right, so what does one do when one likes a boy?
You flirt with him until you get it through his dumb head that you like him without telling him.
That seems like a waste of time.
Kind of…but again, it's fun. I'm not really in the mood for that kind of thing, though…
So then what do you do?
I don't know…
Then suddenly, Asuka found herself walking and Rei in control.
What are you doing?!
Maybe you will know when you see him…
Had anyone been in the hallway outside of Asuka's room, they'd be in for a laugh. The girl with pale blue hair and pale blue eyes, named after ice, was twisting and turning as her two minds fought for control of one body. Asuka didn't even notice it when Rei first took control. Usually, there was a hypothetical nudge or even a push, but this time she just slipped into the driver's seat without even a hypothetical sound. They thumped around for about a minute or so, and, had Shinji not had his headphones on…the boy of the hour would have noticed all the funny noises.
Rei, however, won despite Asuka's protesting…just like an insistent mother. She pulled her furious daughter to Shinji's door and slid it open.
He looked up curiously at them from his place, lying belly down on his bed with the newspaper and his SDAT, hoping for an explanation before he had to ask.
And just as easily as she gained control, Rei gave it up, leaving Asuka stammering at the door.
"Uh…er…I was lonely…"
"Um…okay…" he responded slowly.
"And so was Wondergirl. Her more so than me…"
"Okay…"
The silence was deafening. "So what are you doing?" Asuka asked.
"Just reading the paper. I was going to try to study a little for school, but I couldn't concentrate for some reason…" he told her.
Asuka scoffed and questioned jokingly, "What, you worried about me or something?"
He responded seriously, "Yes."
Her eyes went wide and Rei observed intently with them.
"I mean…uh…I'm worried about Rei too. I just want things to be normal again…"
She swallowed and tried to maintain her air of superiority. "Thanks...I guess…"
He nodded softly and changed the subject. "So when do you think Misato will be home?"
"How should I know?" That gave her the chance to get past the door and she looked around.
Neat little housewife Shinji's room was a mess. Clothes were strewn about everywhere, as well as various pieces of paper, SDAT tapes, mangas…you name it…it was on the floor. Asuka, naturally, had to tell him so. "This place is a sty!"
"I-I guess I haven't paid much attention to it, sorry."
"Oh quit apologizing and I'll help you clean it up…just to have something to do, of course…" she added.
"Um…"
"Get off your bed and help me! Geez! It's not everyday I offer to clean your room for you!" she yelled.
"Yes ma'am."
Kindness…the ability to work with others…compassion; you have them all, yet you use them in strange ways, Asuka.
It's just the way I am…okay?
Maybe you'll tell me about it later.
Don't get your hopes up.
So, the job was done without Shinji ever giving the real reason for his distraction. They didn't talk much, basically just Asuka yelling at him occasionally, but surprisingly, when he bumped her, which happened a good many times in the tiny space he called home, she didn't say a thing. Of course, she wouldn't go near his clothes, but she did a good job with all the mangas, putting them in their proper places without even having to ask. Shinji wondered how she knew. Had she ever been in his room?
Asuka spent her cleaning time thinking about what to say when it was done…she figured that that time was as good as any…
…And Rei watched with a little hypothetical smile…
"Thanks, Asuka," Shinji said when he came back from depositing the last armful of laundry into the washer.
She was sitting on his bed, toying with the edge of the blanket. "Yeah, whatever…"
He leaned against the doorway, not wanting to set her off by sitting next to her.
After a little while she looked up and him and asked, "Hey, can I talk to you about something, seriously?"
"Um…all right…" He had to try hard to keep from visibly shaking with a mixture of anticipation and fear.
She sighed. "What would you do…what would you do if Rei and I never got separated?"
"I'd try to find out why…It's not
right that you two should have to go through this, since you're such different
people and I know you are. I bet it's killing you…"
"It was at first, but not anymore. You know, Rei, you can talk too…" she verbally told the presence watching from the wings.
"She is correct in thinking so. Asuka and I have…reached an understanding, to say the least," Rei confirmed.
"You just called her Asuka…" Shinji observed, dumbfounded.
"Yeah, and I called her Rei. It's part of that understanding…"
"Well, I guess it isn't that bad then…"
Asuka shrugged. "Yeah, but I still want my body back, and my Eva. It's a nice place to visit, this…well…whatever you call it, but I wouldn't wanna live there…"
"I think I get what you mean. You two must've gotten to know each other better, at least…"
"More than you would know…" That kind of dried up the conversation right there.
Then Shinji's eyes observed the most peculiar thing they'd never thought they'd see. It took his mind a while to even accept the reality of it. Asuka was beckoning him to sit next to her. He blinked a few times and eventually forced his shaky legs over there, as far away as he could get, in order to avoid possible wrath.
"But you know what?" she inquired.
"W-what?"
"I learned a lot more about myself, as did Rei."
He gulped audibly, and Asuka tried hard not to laugh. "I guess that's a good thing…"
"It is. Now I think I understand why I am the way I am, thanks to Rei being such a freak. It helps to know what other people think of you, don't you agree, Shinji?" she asked him.
"Y-yeah…"
"You know…I don't really hate you as much as I act like I do…"
"I thought so, or hoped, that is," he confessed.
"Yeah…and you know what's really funny?"
He was really going to wet his pants now. "What?"
"Rei helped me figure out that I actually like you…a lot." As she said this, she made sure he kept eye contact. Again, relief immediately set in, but a new nervousness took hold as she waited for him to reply.
"I…I don't know how to say this right, but…um…maybe I'll just keep it simple. I've always liked you, Asuka, a lot and when I thought you were gone, after they first took your and Rei's body out of the entry plug…well…I realized that I couldn't ever lose you. I think, maybe, that I really love you, Asuka."
He had obviously said the right thing, because she threw her arms around him and nearly choked the poor boy. It was a little weird, getting hugged by the girl you loved when she was actually sharing a body with someone else, but it was a start. Now, even more than ever, Shinji prayed that Ritsuko would find a way to help them. That way, he could have the love of his life, and his best friend back as they should be. He held her tight for a long time, feeling a few cool tears slip onto his back, but it was all right now.
Things had to get better for them…
They'd done so much for the world, and now each other…
These Children deserved a happy ending…
If God would only supply…
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and to be loved in return." –David Bowie
-Blue Taboo-
