You Wish! Productions presents…

Neon Genesis Evangelion: Cross

Chapter 13 – Left to Ignorance

"The hour approaches, when no deeds can be judged. Not even the kind are seen, nor mine. In that hour we shall attain what we lost, but patience, its approach is slow. Much has had to come to pass and desperate measures have been taken, enough for the ignorant to misunderstand…and take action. My goal is clear though, unlike theirs. They are left to deal with only what I choose to leave them. They follow my trail, as if it would help, but look at them, Yui. They are don't know what service they do you…"

†††

Misato gathered herself up from the mass of data reports and printouts that had become her office and proceeded to the vending machine in search of anything containing caffeine. Visions of the wakefulness she had once enjoyed so long ago danced through her head…so much so that she ran right into someone. Files were dropped all over her, as well as a few apologies, even before she could look up to see who she'd collided with. Maya was about to sprint off again when Misato's eyes focused enough to recognize the girl.

"What are you in such a hurry for?" the bleary-eyed Major asked as she groped around for the last of the files.

"To drop these files off. Have you seen Dr. Akagi recently?" the assistant questioned urgently.

"No, but I'm sure she's holed up in her lab somewhere," she assured her and then added under her breath, "As she should be."

"That's just it, I can't find her anywhere. I'm worried, Major Katsuragi."

"The Eva cages?"

"Nope."

"By the Magi?"

"Look, I've tried every logical place possible! I'm really concerned here!" Maya told her impatiently as she stood up, the last of her files retrieved.

"All right, all right! Have you talked to security?" Misato suggested as she struggled back to vertical.

"Not yet, I can't really bring myself to trust them at a time like this, but I have looked up something disturbing."

Knowing that Maya had full access to the Magi, Misato needed only to nod and look curious.

"When I need to find Dr. Akagi and I haven't seen her in a while, I check the security card database. It tells exactly when, where, and who uses a security card to get into somewhere in the base. I just look for her latest use and that's where I can usually count on finding her, but her last use was six hours ago."

Misato blinked. Ritsuko was always complaining about how she had to slide a card through something ever five seconds, so this was highly irregular and damn good cause for Maya's concern. "Well, where was it?

"Exiting the Eva cages via the elevator, going down."

"She could be pretty much anywhere then…"

†††

Shinji was nearly asleep when he felt a shifting in his arms and then remembered what they were full of. He sat propped up against the wall of his tiny bedroom, sitting on his bed, a body with two souls lying against his chest. She was asleep, curled up close to his heart, or at least he'd thought. One eye opened, then two.

"I wish to speak with you while she sleeps," a voice told him.

It took him a second to distinguish it was Rei. He could swear that the two of them were getting closer and closer in tone.

"O-okay."

"I am sorry if I woke you, but I believe that it is my duty to discuss certain things with you."

"Oh, don't be sorry. I should be the one apologizing…I mean, this can't be anything but awkward for you," he assumed.

"On the contrary, it is pleasing. Your happiness is important to me, Ikari, as well as Asuka's, and witnessing you two together is comforting. I bear no ill will to it and I welcome it."

"I already would've guessed that you had some part in this," he told her with a smile. Rei had gotten over the huge step of making friends and had already leaped into matchmaking.

"That is not what I wish to talk about, though."

"All right."

"I wish to ask you a few things…"

He nodded.

"Will you be present for the experiment to separate us?"

"I'll try," he said seriously. He had planned to, if they'd let him.

"Also, if it is successful…Dr. Akagi told us…" Rei hesitated, finding that the words to explain her thoughts at life without Eva nonexistent.

"What?"

She took a breath and said slowly, "She advised to leave NERV if we should survive, and take you as well."

He looked at her for a while, knowing there was nothing but truth in her words, then looked away. It was a little surprising to hear that they'd come from Ritsuko's mouth, but of the little he'd seen of the head of Project E, he saw only regret. His fickle thoughts of blaming her for the whole mess had quickly disappeared. She wanted to redeem herself as much as he did…and the situation was just as much out of her control as it was out of his. There was only one person Ritsuko would bow to…only one who could tell her to do something and have the consequences just slip right through. Ritsuko wanted them to escape the one person she couldn't escape…

"Father…"

"What about him?" Rei asked, eager for his response after the long pause.

Shinji wondered if she still idolized him as much as she once did, living for his commands. He remembered being jealous about how they could talk so easily and ashamed at how his heart threatened to explode every time he so much as looked at the man. These days, he didn't feel like talking with his father at all. He didn't envy Rei now...he pitied her. He had given up hope on getting to his father's heart, for it appeared that Ikari Gendo had no heart at all.

"I'll tell you later, Rei," he said slowly and wisely, feeling that now was not the time to discuss their contrasting views on the man.

"All right....but concerning Dr. Akagi's proposition...?"

"I've got to think about that a little more."

"Share your thoughts with me, Ikari. There is no reason not to..."

At that moment, he began to think that Asuka's blatant personality was beginning to have a negative effect on Rei. Her request, though, did not go unfulfilled.

"I mean, what if more Angels come and we're not there to fight them? They told me it would be like another Second Impact...and I don't want to be responsible for that, as much as I hate all of this...and Eva."

"So you feel that Eva is your responsibility?"

"I guess so. We're the only ones who can do it, right? They can't just pull pilots out of thin air and throw them into an Eva when an Angel attacks."

"Ikari...did you forget how you came to Eva?"

Father...for the first time in years he had written. The possibility of family and purpose had brought Shinji to Tokyo-3 on that fateful day, as small as the possibility was, it still existed in the boy's mind. How was he to know anything about Angels and Evas and NERV and...everything. He was just a boy trying to find his father again after years of neglect...not a fully trained pilot like Asuka, or a person that lived only for Eva. He hadn't really lived for anything back then...and he forced his blurred memories of Eva from his mind. It hadn't existed to him then. Effectively, he himself had just been thrown into battle without so much as a hello or even instructions. Only a freak incident that he couldn't dare to recollect got him through it. But what was to say that it couldn't happen again? All along, he'd let himself think he was in some way special...but had it not been for the convenience of his relation to the Commander...it seemed to Shinji that they could've just taken any kid off the street.

Any kid off the street to put through hell and back...

"So you do remember?"

"Yes, but I think I want to keep my thoughts to myself now, Rei."

†††

"Are you sure it's this one?"

Maya nodded. "Completely sure."

"It only goes down...I don't think I've ever been on it," Misato confessed.

"Don't worry, Major. Your clearance level is high enough...even mine is. If I'm assuming correctly, though, I doubt I'd be able to get much further. You, on the other hand, well...I don't know."

Misato's interest level would be ashamed to called anything below peaked. "What do you think it leads to?"

"Places you and I have only had nightmares about."

"You'd be surprised. Can you possibly make it so that your little security card trick doesn't work for us?"

Maya thought for a moment and pulled out her palm top. "Give me a few minutes."

Misato sighed. "All right, just be quick. I have a feeling that now is not the time to look suspicious."

The bridge bunny began to quickly access the database. As soon as she got it up on the screen, a brand new entry came up.

"Um...Major Katsuragi?"

"Yeah?"


"Have you seen Mr. Kaji lately?" Maya asked nervously.

"Come to think of it...no. Is...is he missing too?" She tried to hide her growing distress with a cough.

"Actually, no. He just accessed the only other elevator like this one and is descending as we speak..." her screen then reloaded, "Or not. The entry's gone!"

"I guess your secret's out," Misato said tartly, "Well, you can do it in the elevator."

"Major?"

"I want to see what he's doing..."

"What about Ritsuko?"

"As much as I don't want to admit it...following behind him will probably make finding her a hell of a lot easier."

†††

Rei had simply just gone back to sleep and not responded, leaving Shinji to his thoughts. He would feel better knowing that for sure, the earth would have a chance. Though it would be easier to just run off into the night and let the adults deal with Section 2, Shinji began to consider a formal resignation as the better option. Freedom would probably be nil, even if they let them...even if they would. When he left Eva...he felt that he was leaving more than a responsibility, though he couldn't quite describe it. Rei had once mentioned something about bonding with Eva, seven or so Angels ago. Right now, Shinji wasn't in the mood to count them, but he guessed seven to be correct.

He didn't want to share a bond with Eva or anything having to do with it, with the exception of two pilots, a major, and, depending on certain factors, a doctor. His father...the city...NERV...none of them had to matter. For some reason beyond his grasp, Eva itself, the purple behemoth known as Unit-01, mattered. It was just a tool, he tried to think, but to no avail. He'd seen things in Eva...things he couldn't explain. He'd felt like he'd felt when he was in his mother's arms. Eva had saved him and defied all explanation in doing so. There was something there that he couldn't explain, and that something held him to Eva.

Responsibility or not...it would be nearly impossible to leave that.

All along, it had kept him in the entry plug. He was afraid, sure enough, but deep down, he knew the only place in the world he could truly be safe was inside Unit-01. In a way, it was like a mother...mother...was smiling.

He began to sweat.

"W-was that Unit-01? No...no! It couldn't have been! Unit-00 had to come before...a-and there had to be models before that!" he whispered it aloud, not even thinking enough to consider the sleeping girl on his chest, "But! Mother? I don't even remember her...what she looked like...only...only her voice."

†††

"There! I got it!" Maya exclaimed victoriously as she successfully hacked through the security database and made it seem like their entry had never occurred.

"Well, that's good for you. Doesn't this thing go any faster? I don't want to lose him!" Misato exclaimed.

"We should at least be a little behind, unless you want him to notice us."

Misato growled slightly. "Point taken..."

†††

Kaji Ryouji stepped calmly out of the elevator on Terminal Dogma level. It had only been a few weeks since his first exploration of this forbidden territory, and Misato's spoiling of it. He had excepted it, almost. Besides, he now thought that she deserved the truth as much as he did, though he'd rather work alone. As of now, though, he was Akagi hunting. Ritsuko knew of his adventures to this place, so she wouldn't be surprised if he was to show up. He desperately needed to talk to her about the "experiment" scheduled for the pre-dawn hours of the next day. He'd even checked the security database to find her.

However, he hadn't paid attention to the time of her arrival in this sector...

So Kaji searched obviously, and proved Misato's assumption wrong.

Someone else was behind Ritsuko's disappearance...someone not even Kaji could know about...

†††

It had to be mother, Shinji decided. There was no other excuse for all the sights and sounds he'd experienced in Eva, not to mention the inexplicable feelings and his berserker blackouts. He had always known, or at least suspected, that there was something else besides himself in the beast, though it hadn't made so much sense before. He even wondered why he hadn't thought of it before, but the idea wasn't a happy finding. Shinji had been piloting the same thing that had ruined his very life. It took mother away and made father abandon him when he was young. Now, it consumed his freedom and controlled his every move. Eva simply ran in his family...and did nothing but mar it. Some part of his mother still lingered in that machine from that day long ago...and he couldn't even remember her face.

Now he had to get inside again. Maybe...maybe during the experiment...at 400 hours tomorrow, or at least that's what Misato had told him it was just before she left. It was supposed to be a synch experiment anyway. Maybe then...he could find out just how much of her was left...

†††

Misato abandoned all stealth what-so-ever and bounded out of the elevator doors as soon as they opened. She then turned to Maya and asked, "Where would she be?"

"You forget, I've never been down her before, so I have no clue," the technician reminded her.

"We'd better just look for any type of lab. We're bound to find her that way." Misato started off down a randomly picked hallway.

"Wouldn't she have to use her keycard to get into one?" Maya asked as she followed along.

Misato turned to face her with finger pointed. "Let's just pretend you didn't say that, Lt. I've-never-been-down-here-before!"

†††

"Why do you talk to her? It's not like she can hear..."

"Poorly choosen words for one as valuable as you are."

"I'm only valuable to you because you use me for my knowledge. Except for when I know too much..."

"And then your words and actions are foolish for one so intelligent."

†††

Shinji still lay awake, thinking, when he felt yet another stirring against his chest. She mumbled slightly and opened her eyes.

"Mmm…Shinji?" Asuka asked sleepily.

"Yeah?" he responded and held her a little tighter.

"Can I talk to you while Rei's asleep?"

The déjà vu was starting to wear on the poor boy. "S-sure."

"I need to ask you something," she paused for a minute, collecting herself for the responses he might make. "What would you do if I told you…agh! I can't possibly explain it to you!"

"Come on, Asuka. If you really want to ask me, at least try."

"Okay…I think…I think Rei and I are losing…the barriers that separate us. I mean, we're still two different people…but she learned to dream from me, and I can see what she's dreaming about now and she entered my thoughts once and she made me walk to your room. This was all within the last two days…and the feeling of it is only getting greater and greater. I don't know what's happening…"

He sighed and looked away from her for a minute to his little desk lamp, their only source of light in his windowless room. It accentuated the cloudy afternoon that they would've seen had there been a window. He looked back with a slightly frightened expression. "Maybe…maybe you've been fused together too long…"

"What's that supposed to mean?!" The anger of her tone was slightly comforting.

"I mean…maybe you're starting to go into one person…I don't know! Anything can happen and I don't know a thing!" It was true. Shinji felt absolutely helpless…far from Eva…far from mother. Only with her could he do something, but this was beyond that even. Eva had done this to them. Their mothers? He had no clue…only Ritsuko did, it seemed. He wanted so badly to talk to her…and not just timidly agree with whatever knowledgeable thing she said…He wanted information, but he was afraid to ask. He couldn't do anything for Asuka. Tears of frustration started to form in his eyes.

"Hey! Don't get upset! I'm sorry I even said anything!" she told him as she reached for his face with her hand.

He took it and held it there. "I shouldn't say things I don't know…"

"No…you could be right, but it's only a twelve more hours, right? We'll be okay. We've gotta get through this somehow, even if we have to try over and over again until I have to figure it out for them. I'm not gonna stay like this forever, especially when I have a damn good reason to want to have my body to myself."

Shinji smiled and sniffed. "It's good that you see it like that."

"Only because I make myself…"

"Well, it's better than nothing, right?"

She nodded.

He kissed her hand and put it back around him. "I think we all need a little more sleep right now…"

"Good idea."

"Wisdom is the only great Good and Ignorance the only great Evil." – Fortune Cookie (seriously).

-Blue Taboo-