You Wish! Productions presents...

Neon Genesis Evangelion: Cross

Chapter 14- Watch the Stars

By: Blue Taboo

Proud member of Darkscribes.org and Evafics.org

Children will dream...

And dream Shinji did as he lay in a worried slumber, his alarm set for 3 am to wake him and the body that slept on his chest for a day he both dreaded and hoped for.

Tomorrow was a day of endless possibilities for him. Some were great and brought with them boundless joy while others he could not bear to think about. The ominously ambiguous creature that was Evangelion held the fate of the world in her hands on many an occasion, but now she held the fate of his own little world. Through her, his best friend and new love could be saved or given a thousand tortures even excluding mere death. He knew nothing and was powerless to stop the control that the beast exerted over every life it touched. If they were all to walk away like they had come into this hellish time, could they leave her?

No, Shinji thought to himself before he dozed off, Eva is a trap. As soon as we see Eva, we center our entire lives around it. The more we try to get rid of Eva, the more we become involved in it. There is no use in leaving it. It will find us again...

No matter how hard we run.

The possibilities were like endless waves washing ashore on the beach of Shinji's subconscious. Each thought that he would not let come to full vision roamed free here on the delicate sands. The first to crash down upon him was only one of many...

†††

"Hey Shinji!" someone shouted from behind him.

He looked over his shoulder to find a familiar figure. Aisu Takahashi, who bade him constantly to just call her by her first name, ran to catch up with him on his way to school. They'd been in a few of the same classes in their first semester of freshmen year and had gotten to know each other through group projects and ending up as lab partners in Biology. She was a nice girl who constantly offered an uplifting atmosphere to his boring life. They'd been good friends for a while now and Shinji was starting to get the hint she wanted more than that.

He stopped and waited, admiring her athleticism and long pale blue hair as she ran. "Good morning, Ms. Takahashi," he greeted when she caught up with him.

"Same to you Mr. Ikari," she laughed as she said it, ruining her own sarcasm.

"You're in a good mood today," he pointed out, "or at least better than usual."

"That's because I know today will be a good day," she told him, a smile still plastered on her exceptional features.

"How do you know that?" he questioned, beginning to get a little bit confused by her new, more bubbly nature.

"Because of this." She kissed him on the cheek and then ran ahead as he stopped, dumbfounded. "Catch me if you can, silly Shinji!"

The boy touched his cheek, feeling the warmth of a little blush creeping into it.

No, that's wrong...she's two people, not one totally different person! Asuka! What happened to Asuka! A-and Rei! I need them!

†††

Another wave crashed on unwelcoming shores, bringing with it thoughts once denied and thrice forbidden.

"I-I'm sorry, Shinji." Even Touji was choked up as they stood before two identical graves. Tall black stones in the desert with now meaningless names.

Shinji had run out of tears long before. He had blamed everyone he could, even himself, though it was the bane of his very existence that the situation had been completely out of his control. Asuka was gone, as was Rei. No one could bring them back, especially the pathetic little boy who stood watch over their tombstones. He had not left, not since the day they were buried. It had only been two weeks, someone told him. Everyone visited him, usually several people came each day, bringing him food and drink, pleading with him to go home.

There was no point in going home to an empty house and an empty heart.

He ate their food and drank their water, but he never gave the people that brought them so much as one look. Eye contact was too much. If he was to become cold like his father, the boy would rather die than let history repeat itself, for it was his father that had slashed the final scar on Shinji's small heart. He was behind the whole damned thing, and he knew that Asuka and Rei would die if they were separated. He killed them, and in doing so, killed his son as well.

It was all Ikari Gendo's little game, but Shinji would sooner die than play it again.

He was learning now to ignore his body's craving for earthly needs. Soon he could leave it and see them again.

He was no fool to fall for the pleas of his friends, for they had no idea what he'd been through.

No one living could ever understand.

No! They'll survive! And if they would die in being separated...I would rather see them alive in any state. Asuka said she hated it, once, but...any life is better than death! But...how could I go back to the way I was without them, if they did die...?

†††

Another invader crashed into the sand, quickly eroding in fear under its might. High tide was coming in, drowning the sand and ending its short time in the sun. It didn't want to go under again, but it would...Until then, happy thoughts drifted just above it, wishing for their truth in life.

"This is so awesome!" Asuka could hardly contain her exuberance.

She was bounding around their new house just fifty kilometers outside of Osaka-2. NERV had agreed to let them go after the successful separation experiment, but only after replacements had been found. Stubborn Unit 01 was run on Dr. Akagi's new Dummy Plug system, but Units 02 and 00 had new cores and new pilots being shipped in from distant lands. Shinji didn't want to see others get trapped in Eva's web as he'd once been, but after checking over their files, he saw that their lives were already rich, and that they had other things to depend on, besides Eva. All were motherless, like the first three pilots, but they had loving fathers and other family, something the other pilots sorely lacked. They could make it.

But the house...

It was huge, to say the least. The UN had proved to be an able provider, and even though the demands of 24-hour-surveillance, which was now constantly in sight of the three teens in the form of armed Section 2 agents that stood guard over the entire property, the sense of freedom could not be denied. They were given the house, with furniture and many other comforts, as well as enrollment in the finest high school around, that is, just Shinji and Rei. Asuka was given full scholarship to Osaka-2's most prominent university, which she would be driven to everyday by her own guard. It was for their safety, and NERV's as well, but the Children were willing to adapt to it, now that they were otherwise free.

"We have five bedrooms and four bathrooms! And a pool in the back!" Asuka recounted with a new-found excitement as she ran by again.

Shinji was in the kitchen, familiarizing himself with it. Misato was to remain his guardian, and Asuka's as well, though she was still in Tokyo-3. Her dismissal process was much longer, but she would be with them by year's end. She wasn't willing to leave them in any respect, and still promised to come by when she could until she was there permanently. For the first time in his young life, or at least the first time he could really remember, Shinji was feeling almost as lucky as the kids he'd help select as the new pilots. He'd have the woman who was quickly becoming like his big sister, his best friend, and his now formal girlfriend all living under one roof with him. It was just too good to believe, but it was happening.

Asuka ran in the kitchen again, only this time with no words, only a little kiss for him and she was off again.

Shinji could get used to this...even if the Section 2 agents thought his relationship funny, and laughed as they watched him blush.

No! That's too happy. But what am I saying...it's what I want, right? Why is it wrong, then...because I'm realistic? I know it will end up bad, with my luck. How could a fool like me end up so fortunate like that. No...it could be all right in the end...but I doubt we can get out of here. If I can't imagine life without Eva, then how can they? Rei knows nothing else, and Asuka's pride and personality has been built around it. It will take more than words to free us from NERV...

†††

A thunderous sound, like the deafening roar of the monster Evangelion, came as the last wave crashed. The sea of sorrow was tired of baffling the sand and ready to give it its truths. Truth shall be told, even to deaf ears, but the sand invented its own hope. The wave brought with it a mixture of misery and elation and truth it was to Ikari Shinji.

"T-then, they're all right?" Shinji stammered out as Misato gave him the full report on the separation experiment. He had been present for it, but the results were unclear. There were two Evas and two bodies in them, but their return to consciousness was the only way to tell if two minds resided in them and their two souls were intact. He had been forced to wait in the same chair as before, but Misato insisted on being shown into the room where the two pilots were placed in their slumber. Her rank and security clearance, as well as her demanding tone, got her in, but she also waited, even if in closer proximity, but the hour did arrive, and things appeared well once again.

"They're both fine, Shinji. I know you want to see them, but it could be a while. The doctors pushed me out of there pretty fast, after I got to talk to them a little, and won't allow anyone else in. I know it's hard, but we just have to wait until they're done."

The boy nodded, his eyes shining with tears of relief. "Then I'll wait."

It wasn't long before he saw them, but it was a few hours. Time flew for him, surprisingly. He embraced them both, his now distinctly different best friend and lover. They looked untouched in physical appearance. Rei was as pale and slim as the day she went into the entry plug for the first experiment, and Asuka was as fiery as ever, her bright blue eyes once again holding their unique flame within. However, in mind, they were changed and in some ways humbled, while in others enabled.

Life went on.

After days of testing, the experiment was considered a complete success and they were sent to their respective homes. Rei found her dreary and dirty apartment clean and beautiful when she returned, with a note from Shinji explaining his reasons for changing it. She deserved much better, after what she'd been through and how she had helped Asuka and him. He wished her well and would see her the next day at school, for he was busy on the evening of their return.

The quiet of Rei's apartment contrasted greatly with the joyous din that exuded from the Katsuragi residence. A party had been arranged to welcome Asuka home from the hospital. A lie would have to be told to mutual friends about battle injuries and such things, with no mention of the experiments that had gone on underneath their feet. It reminded Shinji of an earlier party, and one that he had greatly enjoyed. He liked this one better, though, because it meant more.

The fun and games were good, but when the party ended and the guests were on the last train home, he found comfort in other things. Misato had stumbled off to bed, after bidding Kaji a rather long goodbye and explaining to him Asuka's sudden lack of interest in him. The two young pilots of the household were standing, arms around each other's waists, out on the little balcony, looking at the stars.

Yes...this is what I hope for, the positive and realistic answer. But I can only hope. I'm helpless and ignorant...trapped beneath the waves and I can't even swim to save myself, let alone the two people who matter most to me in my little world...

†††

Shinji awoke restlessly to the blaring of the alarm clock. His body was cold and alone, stiff from sitting against the wall and lacking the presence of the girl who'd been sleeping on him all this time. Shinji got back to his senses, wiping the dreams from his sandy eyes, and then shut the alarm. He set off to find her, and in doing so, almost passed the balcony door. The sudden ruffle of a white sundress he didn't even know that Asuka owned alerted him to the figure's presence.

The icy body leaned against the rail, her head turned up towards the stars. The soothing night breeze was tossing her pallid blue hair around, as well as the dress. Shinji thought, if only for a moment, that it was sad, how much he wanted this beautiful creation to be forgotten. His memories of her components, however, had more weight than her frozen beauty could offer.

"Come on, Asuka, Rei," he said softly so as not to disturb them. "It's time to go."

"There's still a little time. Just let me look at the stars a little."

And for the first time, Shinji stood shocked, for he could truly not identify the speaker.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

-- Oscar Wilde

Today ( 8-26-02 ) marks 2 years on ff.net for me. It's kind of hard to believe, really. This spring put me as three years anime fan and now this. I've been writing fan fiction for almost 4 years then. Wow. Thanks to all of you who made it such an enriching experience.

-- Blue Taboo