"You want me to WHAT?!?" Ron exclaimed in utter shock. "And you expect me to live afterwards."

"Come on, Ron. It's not that bad." Hermione said.

"No. It's worse." He sulked.

"Well, you were wondering how he would react to it." Draco said.

"But that doesn't mean that I'd risk my own neck to find out!"

"Fine, Weasel. If you won't perform the dare, we must move on to the consequence." Draco said with an evil glint in his eye. Now Ron was reconsidering his initial refusal.

"What would be the consequence?" Ron asked.

"For the next two days, in the Great Hall during any meal, you must recite a dirty limerick." Draco replied. "Loud enough for all present to hear."

"But that's six meals!" Ron whined.

"Well, you have a choice. Either the dare or the consequence. Where's your Gryffindor bravery?" Draco asked.

Oh my, dear reader. You DON'T question the bravery of a red headed Gryffindor. You're just asking for trouble. Not that you'll mind, I'm sure.

~@~

"Severus, I have some concerns about this. True enough it could be a great aid in fighting law breakers, and getting a somewhat better picture into the truth without the after effects of vertiserum. But this could be a real problem when it comes to privacy issues." Albus said.

"I can understand those concerns Albus. But there could be safety measures to prevent misuse." Snape said.

"You should know that nothing is fool proof."

"True enough. But there could be security measures put into place for how each dose is used."

Severus, you cannot control the thoughts of others. And you cannot always guarantee that a person could remain focused enough. . .You learned that the hard way."

Snape almost sputtered, but caught himself in time. "What do you mean?" He asked with complete feigned innocence.

The headmaster looked at him. "I mean the testing that involved our very own Miss Granger." He said. "But than again, perhaps encountering Mr Malfoy's thoughts in the process was a harsher punishment than even I could imagine." He continued with a slight twinkle.

"Headmaster, I-"

"Severus." Albus cut him off. "I know that you would never pursue a relationship or anything of that nature until Miss Granger has graduated. However," the headmaster gave him a stern look. "Your actions have been inappropriate and a perfect example of my concern."

"Yes, Headmaster." Severus said, knowing that he couldn't and shouldn't try to argue.

"Severus. I won't suspend or fire you for this incident. After all, I'd be missing out on a lot of entertainment if I didn't have you around." The headmaster smiled as Snape scowled at him. "However, you will come clean with your assistant."

"But Albus. If I did that, the working relationship we have now will be damaged. Possibly irreversibly."

"Severus, you have to face the consequences for your actions. You should have considered them." Albus said with an air of finality. "You will tell her, and you will tell her tomorrow."

Snape slumped his shoulders. "All right, Albus. Goodnight." He stood from his seat, and strode out of the office.

After the door closed, Albus popped a sweet in his mouth. "Where Draco Malfoy has left off momentarily, I will pick up the slack and continue."

Fawkes left his perch and sat on the shoulder of the headmaster, letting out a squawk.

"I know I'm a meddling son of a bitch (WHAT?!?), but hey! I don't have any other hobby. I need to fill the time somehow."

~@~

"There once was a man from Kildare

Who's arse was all covered in hair.

I tried to direct him

To find his lost rectum,

So he shaved it and out fell a chair."

The whole hall, which usually was alive with conversation, went dead silent. They were so busy trying to figure out who's voice that was, where it came from, and who would dare utter it, that they missed the group of students trying with all their might not to laugh themselves into an early grave. Even the teachers had no clue.

Each head of house left their seats to look for a guilt-ridden face. But after the initial shock, almost everyone burst out into laughter, allowing the guilty party to laugh along with the innocent bystanders. The teachers gave up their search after a few minutes, and resumed their seats, looking at each of the students in their house with suspicion.

Breakfast continued soon after as if nothing had happened. After finishing his breakfast, Ron stood from his seat, went to the tower he left Pig in, and prepared a message for Fred and George, asking for another set of their limericks for the following day. This was going to be fun!!

~@~

It was Saturday morning, and Hermione was in the library finishing off the last bit of schoolwork that she needed to catch up on. She was going to meet with Snape after lunch. He'd sent her a message in the post that morning about something he wished to discuss with her regarding their research. It was just about lunchtime when Draco approached her.

"Hermione." Draco said off to the side. "Won't you come out and. . ." tracing a finger down her arm. "Play?"

"Draco." She said, imitating him. "Are you willing to play. . ." she looked at him with fire in her eyes. "Nice?"

Draco shook his head. "You're bad." He said. "You're whole innocent façade is perfectly in tact. How do you girls do that?"

"Well, if I told you that, it wouldn't be any fun." Hermione replied, finally finishing her essay.

"All right. Come on. Let's go find Weasel. I want to make sure I'm there when he does the lunch hour." Draco smirked. He hadn't expected Ron to have the courage to actually go through with the consequence. 'Guess he was too scared to do the dare.' He thought.

Hermione giggled. "I'm actually quite curious myself."

~@~

Well, they didn't find the red headed Gryffindor, but they didn't miss the fun.

"There was an old man from Belgrave

Who found a dead whore in a cave

He said "How disgusting,

But it only needs dusting,

And think of the money I'll save.""

Some of the younger years were looking a bit confused, but the older years were having a hoot. Once again, the teachers could not find the culprit as they surveyed their house tables. Hermione sat down across from Harry.

"Where is he?" She asked, trying to catch her breath from laughing so hard.

"I have no idea, but it's a good move. If he's not present for one of the recitations, it's less likely that they'd catch him at it." Harry chuckled.

Hermione shrugged, and ate her lunch.

~@~

A knock sounded on his office door, and Snape looked up from his reading. He'd been wondering all day what to say to Hermione when he told her of his experiments. She'd probably be angry, and rightfully so, he admitted.

"Enter." He called.

"You wanted to see me, Professor?" Hermione asked as she entered the office.

"Yes, Miss Granger." Snape said, took a calming breath, and offered her a chair. "Please, sit down."

Hermione sat down, and regarded the potions master. He seemed at edge about something. It looked like this would not be a very pleasant conversation.

"Is something wrong?" She asked.

"Well, yes there is, Hermione." He said. "I have a confession to make. I'll just come out and say it."

Hermione braced herself for something horrible.

"I've completed the experiments in regard to Longbottom's idiocy." He said.

Hermione let go a breath she wasn't aware of holding. 'Well, that was rather anticlimactic.' She thought. "Sir?"

"I actually completed them a few days ago, and have since been testing the result." He said. He wanted to postpone telling her because he knew that she was going to flare her temper up when he said what he was going to say. "I have to admit, that I've been testing them and been in your thoughts off and on in the past few days."

Hermione gasped. She hadn't expected that. If it had been the past couple of days, did he know about her dream? How could she ever face him again?

Snape continued. "I am also aware of that dream that you had a few days ago, which I think resulted in your. . .injury." He said. She blushed at that. So far she hadn't run screaming from his office, and she hadn't begun to scream at him. "I experimented with said dream, seeing if there was any way that I could manipulate it with my own thoughts."

"And?" She asked, out of scientific curiosity of course.

"And." He said, and took another calming breath. "It worked." 'Ugh! What was she thinking now? Was she thinking that he was a nasty, perverted man who had nothing better to do than to invade the private thoughts of an 18 year old woman?'

Despite Severus' concerns, Hermione was starting to feel a bit guilty. He had just admitted to doing something to her that she herself did not long ago. She blushed even further at that.

The room was dead silent, and it was killing him. "So?" He asked.

"So what?" Hermione said. Snape snapped his head up.

"You're not angry with me?" He asked, face and voice emotionless, but he was tense as hell.

"No. Because, I have to admit." She said. 'Should I admit to his own dream?' She asked herself. She finally resolved that she should. After all, he thought that she had every right to be angry with him when she had done the same. If she had been angry, she would have been a hypocrite. And Hermione Granger was no hypocrite.

"Admit what, Hermione?" Snape asked.

"I have to admit. . .that when we were all under the effects of the potion. . ." She trailed off, and let her blush tell the story.

Snape looked at her with surprise. She had been aware of his dream during that time? She never let on? His suspicions about that was a thing of the past until this moment.

Hermione took his silence and facial expression as a sign of anger. "I apologize, Professor. I know that it was inappropriate of me. But it was an accident. . .at first." She said quickly.

"Hermione?" Snape asked.

"Yes?" Her answer was followed by a pause; brief, but tense just the same.

"I love you. *Slight pause. Insert soft music* I love the way that your fair hair catches the light of the dungeon's scones. I love the way that you smile, which makes me happier than Pee Wee Herman at a petting zoo. Your eyes draw me in like a moth to a flame, and burn me whole when I get too close." (NO NO NO! I'M KIDDING!!) *note to author: delete last few lines*

"I would still appreciate your assistance in my experiments." He said, noticing her nervousness increase.

"Thank you, Professor." She said, smiling slightly.

He looked back at her, the tips of his mouth curving into a smirk. That smirk grew into a smile, and it wasn't long before both were having a good laugh about the whole situation.

~@~

"Oh! Severus! I need to go ask Harry something." Hermione said, noticing that it was close to dinnertime. They had been working on the research that Hermione had collected and debating on possible defences against the unforgivables.

"All right, Hermione. We can continue our discussion when you return."

Hermione left her chair, went out the door, and rushed down to the Great Hall, heading towards the Gryffindor table, approaching Harry. "Did I miss anything?" She asked innocently.

"Nope. I believe you're right on time." Harry said with a smirk.

"There was a young man name Racine

Who invented a fucking machine:

Concave and convex,

It would fit either sex,

With attachments for those in between."

Hermione left the Great Hall amid howls of laughter. Her face was utterly red as she made her way down to the dungeons to continue with the research. What would he come up with next?

~@~

Hermione entered the office to find Severus smirking at her. "Mr Weasley has a disturbing sense of creativity." He said.

"Were you using that potion again, Severus?" She asked him.

He put his index finger to his chin as if contemplating something important. "Yes." He said. "Yes. I believe it was the potion."

"You're not going to. . ."

"Punish him?" Snape asked. "Of course I will. Can't have it any other way."

Hermione blanched a bit.

"But I think I'll wait until tomorrow evening. After all, I cannot rely on your random thoughts. They could be open to misinterpretation." He smiled. "And if that's the best he can do, I'll make it my personal job that he's scared witless to do better. I'll bet Draco could do much better."

Hermione thought for a moment. "But if he's witless, he wouldn't be able to come up with them anymore. And besides, how do you know Draco could do better?" She asked.

"I have my ways."

~@~

The following morning, there were many students in the Great Hall, chattering away and wondering when the next poem would come from. Within twenty minutes after breakfast began, there was nothing. All assumed it was just a one-day thing.

"Mary Mary quite contrary

how does your garden grow?

I live in a Flat

you silly twat

so how the fuck would I know!"

As the laughter within the room died down a bit, Hermione turned to Ron. "Where do you get this stuff?' She asked.

"Percy." Ron replied, completely straight faced.

"Behind the old Model T

Is where she first showed it to me

It was hairy and black,

And she called it a crack,

But it looked like a manhole to me."

The hall went silent again, before there was more laughter. Hermione looked at Ron. "You weren't supposed to do two. Trying to show off now?" She whispered to him.

"It wasn't me." He replied. He began to look around like an innocent bystander, and for the first time, he was. Hermione looked up at the head table. Snape was not there. He was going through his own table once again to look for the culprit.

Hermione glanced at Draco, who was smiling away, and winking at her. She shook her head at him, and turned back to Ron. "I think that Draco is trying to show you up." She said.

Ron looked over, and sure enough, Draco had a look of triumph on his face. Not one to back down from a challenge, he waited until the teachers were once again seated.

"There was a young lady named Alice,

Who used dynamite for a phallus,

They found her vagina,

In North Carolina,

Her arsehole in Buckingham Palace."

The teacher's heads shot up, and once again surveyed the students.

But like Ron, Draco was not one to back down either.

"When her daughter got married in Bicester,

Her mother remarked as she kissed her,

"That fellow you've won,

Is sure to be fun,

Since tea he's fucked me and your sister.""

Well, people had pretty much determined that this was some more rivalry between Gryffindor and Slytherin. Now the teachers had their focus on the two tables. Without thinking, Ron continued the battle.

"There was a young fellow named Keith,

Who liked to be fondled beneath.

It was fun, he decided,

But only provided

The girl used her lips, not her teeth."

"Mr Weasley!" An enraged Professor McGonagall exclaimed amid clapping from the other Gryffindors around them.

"There was a young lady of Kew,

Who said as the Curate withdrew,

"The Vicar is slicker,

And quicker and thicker,

And two inches longer than you." "

"Mr Malfoy!"

Both boys stopped their competition and looked at her. Than at each other. The silence in the great hall felt very tense, up until both boys began to howl with laughter.

"You two gentlemen will come with me!" The transfiguration teacher said. "Professor Snape?"

Both the Gryffindor and Slytherin head of house escorted the two students up to the headmaster's office. The breakfast peace was restored.

~@~

Hermione made her way down to the dungeons to do some more research. It was after the incident at breakfast, and the punishments had been dealt. Both houses lost 100 points and both Draco and Ron had detentions for the next month.

She approached the door, and knocked on it. When she had been invited in, she looked at the smirking potions master.

"Was I right?" He asked.

"I think it was a draw, Professor." She replied.

"Ah. Never one to admit defeat, are you?" He said.

"Just as likely as you will." She replied. "Did Draco think it was worth the house points?"

"Well, he was able to knock Gryffindor out of first place, so yes. He did." He nodded. "Well, best get to work. I have detentions to supervise tonight, so I want to get you prepared for the work I will leave you with."



A/N:

Some of these were BAD! I wish I could take credit for the limericks. But I just can't. If you want, here's the site: http://www.runway.co.uk/limericks/rude/dirty.html

MadAboutHarry: I don't think I saw that movie. I might rent it. Also, Voldie is dead in this story (see end of first chapter). But it could be a possible thingy (PLOT BUNNY!)

Darkfire: Nope! He didn't spy on Hermione during their meeting. He was busy getting in trouble with the headmaster. Not that he really learned his lesson anyway.

Lollylips3: I couldn't say how Draco and Harry became friends. Maybe they just grew up. Maybe they put aside their differences. Maybe they're secretly attracted to each other and Hermione and Ginny are only facades for them to maintain their image. Maybe I'll have them meet up in some secret place in the castle where they put their feelings into words in a beautiful and poetic scene with Enrique's 'Hero' playing in the background as they slowly move towards each other and passionately embrace only for it to turn to tragedy when Goyle discovers that he really loves Harry and decides to kill them all because if he can't have the boy who lived, NO ONE WILL!!!

Or maybe it'll just be kept a mystery.

Warlady: Thank you. Although, for lack of vulgar with the fall in love thing, I sure made up for it in this chapter, don't you think? As for Sir Caladon. . .ah. . .Casodung. . .uh. . .Castration. . .I didn't have my books with me to check the references. I just wrote what I thought was close to it.

FoxyChic4u: Well, now he's available for others. First come, first serve!!!

Nymph Demon: Chemistry? I used to love chemistry when I was a teen. Still do, but I'm too lazy and I'm studying business right now to take it up again. Of course, if you had a teacher that liked to blow things up on purpose, I'm sure you wouldn't mind chemistry either.

Chibi Chaos: Yes. Yes we do!

Moira McDuff: I've gotten some complaints that I'm cruel and evil because I keep cutting them off. But it leaves more to the imagination, don't you think?

Orenda: I think with Hermione in the fic, Crookshanks was feeling left out. At least, that's the argument that my cats gave me. (Don't look at me like I'm crazy. If I didn't mention that cat, they said that they were going to tie me down and claw me. Than they'd make my death look like an accident. You know they can do it. . .oh no. . .NO. . .I'M SORRY FEELIX!! I DIDN'T MEANDAJKFLLA;AGJALJ

*MEOW* Translation - The cat is in control now. . . HAHAHA!!!