A/N's....

Hello people! Ok, first things first... We don't own LOTR, we don't own any of the actors/actresses who play them (although we wouldn't say no to some of them...) we are poor students, and we actually own little of value. Don't try to sue us.

Secondly in the making of this fanfic, alcohol was consumed. To be honest... quite a bit. We blame the Blue Stuff completely.

Right... we are;

Kelly - English student, with a thing for hobbits.

Rachel: History student also with a thing for hobbits, and a stomach to rival a hobbit's.

Gemma - Education student, also dark, likes elves (there's always one!)

Hannah - Mad person with a tendency for violence. Good person to have in a fight. Also a student. Likes men with lots of names.

Pam - English student, likes men who come from Gondor and die young.

So, this started as an email thing between friends, starting with those words that have gotten us all in trouble. 'What If?' What if we were on one of our many drinking sessions and fell down a hole into Middle Earth?

Then we realised we would be Mary Sues. And then we decided we didn't care. And then we realised it wasn't the most original idea in the world. And we decided we also didn't care about that. So we did it. We mean no harm to anyone... Even Arwen....

Ok... So read this if you want... if you like it and find any of it funny please review it. We also don't mind flames as we are students and they'll keep us warm in our terrible student accommodation.... Oh, and we don't mind if you imagine yourself and your friends in our place... we've all done it!

Oh and sorry about the vast amount of in jokes... ask and we'll explain them.. if we can.

Recipe for Blue Stuff - actually a common cocktail called Blue Lagoon - very drinkable.

Vodka, Blue Curacuo, Lemonade, Lime Cordial.

Mix ingredients in a jug with ice (experiment with amounts) drink copiously until you fall over. But don't try to sue us if you don't fall into Middle Earth. We are not responsible for any lack of holes to Middle Earth.

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It was a dark and scary night.... And four girls had decided to go out. But it was so dark and scary that they decided to hide from all the ghosts, goats, and goblins by hiding in the Powder Monkey (real name of a pub). To their surprise (ha) they discovered that it was a place that sold alcoholic beverages. Feeling it would be rude not to, the girls ordered a pitcher of the Blue Stuff. And another. And another. And a few more after that!

The Blue Stuff was actually a liquid like a magic potion, and it had a strange effect on all of the girls.

It made them very giggly.

And they wanted to sing and dance.

Despite not being very steady on their feet.

The Blue Stuff tasted very nice, and made them feel so good that they kept on drinking it.

"Does it come in pints?" Kelly asked.

"No," Rachel explained, "But it does come in pitchers!"

To celebrate this understanding, they had some more.

Finally (several hours later) they had had enough of the Blue Stuff to feel brave enough to face all the monsters that lurked outside in the dark. And even made them feel brave enough to go to Sam's, a tiny little place where they could dance.

The Blue Stuff was very magic indeed!

Kelly, Rachel, Gemma and Pam were still very giggly and were happy. They were dancing and singing, and feeling very jolly indeed.

Until Kelly fell in the hole.

A very random hole.

Kelly grabbed Rachel, as she fell, and Rachel fell in the hole!

Rachel grabbed Gemma, and Gemma fell in the hole!

Pam was left all alone by the hole. It was still dark, and although she wouldn't admit it, she was still a little bit scared. And now she was very lonely. So she jumped into the hole!

Pam landed on Gemma, who had landed on Rachel and all three of them had landed on a very squashed Kelly.

When they had managed to detangle themselves, they had a quick look around. It wasn't dark and scary here, but a very pretty golden shimmery wood. So they were happy because this place wasn't scary... so they danced some more and generally had a good time.

Until Rachel fell over the tramp.

She had thought that it was a pile of clothes, but it moved when she fell over it and then it admitted this strange sounding noise.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH"

The tramp had a pointy hat on, and was holding a big stick. He also had a huge nose and a messy beard. He hit Rachel over the head with the big stick.

"Fool of a Rachel!" he boomed.

Rachel didn't take kindly to being hit over the head with a big stick. She grabbed the other end of it. The tramp struggled a bit. Rachel pulled harder. They ended up in an undignified tug of war.

Pam and Kelly merely rolled their eyes at one another and giggled. Gemma went to help Rachel.

"Aaargh! She bit me!" the tramp screamed.

The tramp was losing.

A bush nearby was shaking violently. A small curly haired thing burst from the branches and dashed towards the strange scuffle that was going on!

"Leave Gandalf alone!" it cried. It tugged on Rachel's arm.

Rachel suddenly paused. And stared. Very slowly she stepped away from the tramp. Then picked up the owner of a pair of very blue eyes. And stared. And stared. The owner of those beautiful blue eyes began to panic....

"SAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Another thing exploded from the bush. Sam ran towards Rachel and Frodo. Frodo was kicking his feet helplessly.

"You leave Mr. Frodo alone, you big bully!"

The tramp and the remaining girls stared at the sight of Rachel being mobbed by two hobbits. Frodo managed to jump down and ran into the bushes again followed by Sam. Rachel suddenly grinned and ran after them.

Strange shrieks could be heard in the distance, along with the occasional 'Mr. Frodo, Mr. Frodo!!!!!" These punctuated the rest of the scene.

"Shouldn't we go after them?" Pam asked.

Gemma shrugged.

"She's happy..." Kelly agreed.

Pam was saved from her anxious worrying about the safety of the hobbits by the arrival of tall straggly looking man with a big sword and a girlie jewel around his neck.

He dramatically jumped into the scene, sword above his head, and paused to see whether anyone was paying any attention.... The girls were dancing again and waving their hands about in the sunshine. Gandalf was examining his staff for damage.

('Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!')

The warrior stopped. He cleared his throat....

"I am Aragorn, Son of Arathorn, Strider the Ranger, and Elessar, King of all of Middle Earth...."

No one paid any attention.

"Ahem... I am Aragorn, Son of....."

"We heard!" Gemma snapped.

Aragorn bristled at this lack of respect.... "But I am..."

"We know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Aragorn twirled his sword around. Again, no one was very impressed. He sighed and put it away.

"Where did Frodo and Sam go?"

The girls suddenly became very interested in their feet....

Aragorn looked at them again. "Who exactly are you?"

The girls had a brief huddle....

"Do you think we should give Elvish names?" Kelly whispered.

"Ooooh... I get to be Legolas!" Gemma squealed. Pam and Kelly scowled at her. "Oh, yeah, right, that's been taken...."
"Lets just give our real names...." Pam decided. She cleared her throat... and choked for a little while.

Kelly sighed, it was up to her... as usual. "I'm Kelly, that's Gemma, the one who's bent over double is Pam, and the one chasing hobbits is Rachel." Finished she folded her arms and stared defiantly at Aragorn.

A strange keening noise could be heard in the distance... and it had nothing to do with hobbits and Rachel.

Aragorn grabbed his sword. "Flee!" he yelled. Gandalf hid behind a tree, Aragorn behind a nearby log. The girls covered their ears at the terrible shrieking noise.

"What the hell is that?" Gemma asked....

A streak of green and blond ran very quickly by. He seemed to be screaming...

"Helpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelp"

Soon afterwards a stampede of teenage girls came into the clearing.

'Where is he?" one asked

"He came this way!"

"He can't have got far!"

They all looked at the stunned three girls who were staring petrified at thousands of girls looking at them.. Some of them had used sellotape to make their ears pointy.

"Hey...did you see an elf go by?" the leader looked questioningly at them.

A slim booted foot slid out from behind the nearest tree and kicked Kelly in the ankle.

"OW!" she shouted. The fangirls looked at her... "I mean... um... no, we haven't."

"Maybe he went that way...." Gemma pointed to the other side of the clearing.

"Yeah... He must have.. thanks... bye!"

The stampede headed off in the opposite direction, some shouting "I want your babies Leggy!"

A fierce battle cry was heard from the woods....

"For Gondor...."

A man and a dwarf flung themselves from the wood. They tried not to show too much relief at the sight of the empty clearing. Legolas, the Pretty Elf came out from his hiding place as did Gandalf and Aragorn.

The three newcomers looked around curiously at the girls. Kelly flicked her hair in the direction of the Pretty Elf, who smiled and flicked his back. The Pretty Elf decided that Kelly had nice shiny blonde hair (like his) and was worthy of a hair flicking competition. It continued for a while, until Kelly got bored. The Pretty Elf pouted prettily, he liked flicking his hair. Pam was waving at Boromir who got scared by the sudden appearance of all these women, and tried to hide behind Gimli. It didn't work. She started batting her big brown eyes at him. Boromir hid behind the tree.

Aragorn decided that he hadn't said anything for a while. "I am Aragorn, Son of Arathorn..."

Gimli elbowed him in the ribs. Aragorn collapsed winded.

"So this is Middle Earth..." Kelly mused.

All three girls started laughing hysterically.

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So what happens next?

Does Frodo survive Rachel?

And do the girls ever stop laughing?

How will the Fellowship cope with all the hormones that are flying about? This could get messy!