Chapter 18
Needing you
"Buffy, Spike we're back and we brought ice cream" Willow called out as Dawn and her entered the front door. It took Buffy a second to realize that Willow was calling to her. Without thinking she pushed Spike away and tried to straighten her clothes and hair. Buffy was still a little disheveled when Dawn and Willow came into the kitchen. Willow took one look at the Buffy and Spike and knew something was amiss, but before she could say anything Buffy was digging into the grocery bag to find the ice cream.
"You got three kinds strawberry, chocolate chip cookie dough, and mint chip. Willow my stomach loves you" Buffy said giving Willow a big smile.
"Just think of me as the girl with the goodies" Willow declared.
"Me too, I picked out the chocolate chip cookie dough. I know it's Spike's favorite" a happy Dawn added, while getting bowls and spoons out of the cabinet. "How much do you want Spike?" Dawn asked.
"I think I'll pass. There are things I should be doing, so I'll be taking off. See you ladies later, but I'll take a rain check on the ice cream" he said as he headed for the door.
"Spike you can't leave. We have that thing" Buffy called after him.
Spike stopped but didn't turn around. "And what thing would that be. Luv?"
"That thing we were going to talk to the gang about" Buffy replied tentatively.
Spike turned to face her, "Well I best be staying then, shouldn't I." A brief smile crossed his lips and he promptly told Dawn he would take a very large bowl of ice cream after all.
*~*~*~*~*~*
"Well Buffy are you going to spill about this thing you need to talk to us about?" Willow finally asked.
Buffy glanced at Spike and took a deep breath. " It's like this Will," she voiced as she walked around the kitchen island until she was directly in front of Spike. Bending down she gently let her lips graze his. When she pulled away she could see astonishment as well as love and devotion on his face. That was all the encouragement she needed. "Spike and I are seeing each other" she declared never taking her eyes from his.
Dawn squealed causing both Buffy and Spike jumped. "I knew it, I knew it. Oh my this is ……… soooo great" a jubilant Dawn yelled as she lunged at Buffy and Spike giving them both hugs.
Dawn's outburst gave Willow time to think. She really wanted Buffy to be happy and she liked Spike. But liking someone didn't mean you thought they were good enough for your best friend. Watching Buffy, Dawn, and Spike hug and laugh she could see a lighthearted happiness that had been missing from the group since the whole Glory thing started. Then it dawned on her Buffy seemed whole. For the first time since they had brought her back she seemed whole. She wasn't laughing and putting on a happy face because it was expected of her. The realization warmed Willow's heart and lifted some of the guilt she had been carrying around for months. But, can I be ok with them as a couple? However, Willow's thoughts were cut short when Dawn called her name.
"Willow isn't this great? I knew they were right for each other" Dawn enthusiastically expounded.
Willow encountered three sets of eyes watching and anxiously waiting for her response. She thought about all they had been through and how happiness seemed fleeting at best on the hellmouth. If Buffy and Spike could find some happiness in this world then she could be happy for them. Willow smiled at them and said, "I think it's great too Dawn." The look of relief that crossed Buffy's face before she gave Willow a big hug told Willow just how much her approval meant to Buffy.
The group decided to retire to the living room and finish talking about Spike and Buffy's new relationship. Spike sat in the armchair while Buffy sat on the armrest of the chair. He had one arm wrapped around her waist possessively, while the fingers on his other hand nervously made little patterns on her knee and thigh. Her arm was wrapped around his shoulders and neck and her fingers ideally played with his curly locks. She had messed it up enough earlier that it was no longer slicked down. She loved the way his hair curled and became unmanageable after they made love. Calm down Buffy you are sitting in a room with your best friend and sister she told herself. Keep those thought at bay at least for now. Returning her attention to Willow and Dawn she gave them both big smiles.
"It was the journal wasn't it? They are in love and you could see what you could have with Spike. I'm right. I know I am right" Dawn told Buffy.
Buffy groaned and told her " Maybe a little bit, but Dawn they are not us. Every thing that happens in your life changes you. Every event makes you someone new. That Buffy and I are miles from being alike."
"If that is true then why are you both attracted to Spike" Dawn asked.
"I said we were miles apart. I didn't say either of us was blind" Buffy retorted. That got a chuckle from Spike who had been very quiet since this whole conversation had started.
"So you always thought I was hot" Spike smirked. Buffy swatted his chest and said, "Shut up Spike." That only got another chuckle from him and he pulled her onto his lap. There was no resistance from her and she made herself comfortable on his lap and let him wrap his arms around her.
Willow watched them and thought if anyone was blind she was. How could she have not seen this? Her mind drifted back to when Buffy had found out that Spike was in love with her. Buffy was going on and on about Spike. What would have happened if I had told her that dating Spike might not be such a bad idea? Would she have considered it? The truth is, I never would have told her that, at least not than. I am not sure I believe it now, but I do know that Spike stayed after Buffy died and fought by our sides and helped with Dawn. Therefore, if she is happy with him than I am too. I wonder how Xander and Giles are going to take the news? I just hope Spike doesn't end up on the wrong end of a pointy stick.
"I've had enough of this love fest. You two are getting way to cute for my taste, so why don't we get back to the journal" Dawn told the couple.
Buffy glimpsed at Spike solemnly before turning to Dawn sand saying "I'm not going to be reading anymore of the journal. Spike and I talked about it and we both think we should leave well enough alone."
"Your not serous. You promised!" Dawn yelled.
"Dawn they are not us and I think we should let it go" Buffy told the upset teenager.
"That's right. We all have to live with what Buffy wants. You got Spike and that is all you wanted so lets close the book. It doesn't matter what anyone else wants" Dawn said sarcastically.
Willow chimed in "Dawn, maybe Buffy's right. I am not sure I want to know what my alternative universe self is like. Seeing your other self is not all it's cracked up to be. I should know. Besides it is up to Buffy, Whistler gave her the journal."
"Fine everyone take Buffy's side. What else is new?" she said as she stormed out of the house.
Buffy got up to follow her, but Spike grabbed her hand and told her "Let me talk to her luv." Giving him a tentative nod she agreed and Spike headed out the door to find Dawn.
*~*~*~*~*~*
He found her sitting on the ground leaning against a tree in the back yard. "What do you want?" Dawn barked at him.
"Talk" he said as he pulled a pack of cigarettes from his duster pocket and lit one.
"There is nothing you can say that is going to make me forgive her" Dawn replied.
"Don't reckon there is, but there are a few things I am going to tell you anyway" he retorted.
"Oh let me guess, Buffy is happy now. We are together and we must make Buffy happy" Dawn spouted.
"I thought that was what you wanted too?" Spike asked.
"Of course I want her happy, but she is not the only one interested in that journal" Dawn told him. Spike let out a sigh, but before he could say anything Dawn continued, "What if there is information that will help us defeat a Big Dad? They may know things that we don't."
"First Bit, not to likely that there would be a great deal of useful information about Big Bads except for me of course and I can tell you anything you need to know about me. It's a girl's diary not a watcher's journal. There is a big difference. Second, for the most part we have already faced the same demons they have and we are still standing" he tried to explain to her.
"So as long as we are standing everything is alright?" she questioned.
"Dawn try to understand. Maybe some of us can't relive some things even if they are happening to someone else. Think about who just showed up in the journal, my old grandsire Angelus. Dawn that was a bad time for Buffy and for me" he told her.
"I remember, I was there too!" she retorted.
"Don't think you do Dawn. You didn't live with that wanker for months. Didn't see him in action. Looking back I think that was when I really fell in love with your sister. I could empathize with her. The things that bloody bastard did to me and to her. I was a demon I could take it, but she was just a girl. She was the slayer of course, but still a girl. He did the same kind of things to Dru before he turned her. Kept telling him to just kill her. It wasn't right his little games. So you see I don't want her to have to relive that time. Too bloody painful for all of us!" Spike emphasized.
Dawn took a moment to reply. She knew she wasn't going to win this one. Spike may care about her and want to keep her save, but he loved Buffy and she would always come first with him. Taking a deep breath she asked "What if there is something in there about who and what I really am. Doesn't my peace of mind count for anything?"
Spike knew he had to be careful how he answered this one. "Dawn I'm sorry, but I think alternate Buffy's journal is about alternate Buffy. However, if Buffy lets me I could skim it and see if there is anything that might answer that question for you" he told her.
"Just forget it! It's probably all about Buffy anyway" Dawn said as she got up from the ground and started to head into the house.
Spike knew he hadn't helped much. After tossing his cigarette to the ground he followed the Dawn back into the house.
TBC
