A/N: Hey is the room getting smaller is my head getting bigger?!
Thank you to everyone who's reviewed, we're really glad that you like this! Please keep reading.
On a personal note: BIG CONGRATULATIONS ARE DUE TO KELLY!!
Love ya honey, and I'm so excited and happy for you! Pam.xxxxxxx
Oh, and I'm a little bit hyper at the moment because in a weeks time (Sat 1st March) we're going up to London to see Sean Bean in 'Macbeth'!! I've promised Kel that I'm on my best behaviour, I won't due anything stupid (streak, storm the stage, declare undying love to Sean during the quiet bits) - but I can't guarantee it! I have to add this note to make people jealous, and because I am seriously hyper!
*************************
To all our reviewers - who are being phenomenally nice and lovely!
Dave Rocks: Thank you! We also want to find one of those holes [what do you mean they don't exist?] - if we do, I promise we'll tell you where it is!
Brassy Bane: To be honest, we didn't write it when we were drunk, we just get the ideas! Chapters are usually written with a raging hangover. And thank you for the compliment on our grammar (hope to God you weren't being sarcastic) - we're English students, it would be terrible if we didn't have a reasonable grasp of it. And be warned! It might get a bit more Mary Sue-ish. I mean, what is the point of falling to Middle Earth if you can't seduce your favourite character? Just a warning, but I hope you'll keep reading anyway!
Incurelf: Aah! You reviewed again! We love you! In this case, it is not the drugs the people in the white coats have been giving you (and that is entirely your business!), Kelly is doing another chapter. Kelly and I [Pam] are the two who actually write this - Gemma and Rachel just slob about on the sofa occasionally shouting out ideas. Oh and you might have to fight Gemma for Legolas! And we're going as fast as we can! I mean, 5 Chapters in three days!
********************************
Night was drawing in.
Stuffed with pizza and under the influence of the Blue Stuff, the girls were knackered. All they wanted to do was sleep!
Pam stood up and stretched. In the way that only Pam can do (people have put forward the theory of mild narcolepsy) she fell asleep mid stretch. Boromir - in a bit of a panic- caught her two inches above the floor. He was now sitting bolt upright with Pam's head in his lap, too scared to move.
"Gimli...What do I do?" he hissed, gesturing at the snoring girl.
"Enjoy it?" the dwarf sniggered. Even Legolas stopped admiring himself long enough to have a laugh at the petrified warrior.
"Nothing in my training prepared me for this.." Boromir muttered.
The Hobbits, [including Merry who had been forcibly removed from Kelly - part of the enemy] were as far away from the girls as they could (suspicious minds these hobbits). Frodo kept glancing furtively at Rachel, who was winking constantly at him. Frodo huddled closer to Sam!
The hobbits made Gimli and Aragorn sleep between them and the girls. It was safer that way.
"Aagh!"
The strange cry at dawn woke everyone up. Particularly Boromir.
"Aagh! Late! Late!"
Pam jumped up and ran into the bathroom. "Late!" she whimpered around her toothbrush.
"What are you doing girl?" Kelly asked from the doorway.
"Am late! Have lecture. Haven't prepared the 'Orestia'! Neither have you! And Paul Lawley's taking us! She stared in horror at Kelly. "Well, don't just bloody stand there, woman! Tell me everything you know about Greek tragedy!"
[Of course due to the foreign object in Pam's mouth - no laughing in the back there!- this came out as 'anfgusdknhgfsdbnuhnvkl;sdjkafaokvandasdfnsdgknhbpadhakdkb!]
She fought with the taps.
"Pam, sweetie...do you notice anything odd?" Kelly asked gently.
Pam frowned. "Yes. These bloody taps aren't working." [faucet for all those Americans out there]
"That's a tree, sweetie. And you're trying to brush your teeth with a twig."
"Yuck!" Pam spat bits of bark out of her mouth.
"And we're in Middle Earth."
"Oh yeah!' Pam brightened. Then she moaned. "Oh, my fucking head!"
Kelly was remarkably perky - she had a good resistance to the Blue Stuff herself.
"Yeah - Gemma's being sick, and Rachel's feeling so bad that she's even leaving Frodo alone. So I don't think we're going to make it to our lecture."
"Shame."
The girls were hung-over. Frodo was still petrified of Rachel. Boromir was nursing a bleeding nose, from where Pam's head had connected with it on her mad dash. He also hadn't slept a wink all night. And Aragorn was convinced that every noise he heard was Arwen coming back. He was therefore a nervous wreck.
Gandalf decided it was time to make a move... again. He told the girls that they would be heading into the mountains. Pam, being the only one with mountain experience [no - a weekend on Snowdonia does not count Kel!] immediately got very bossy and started demanding what equipment and insurance the group had. Gandalf rolled his eyes and walked off to bang his head against a tree.
"Good thing I brought this then." Pam said waving a bar of Kendal Mint Cake around.
Kelly privately wondered why Pam carried Kendal Mint Cake with her.
"The sooner we bloody well get going then..." Rachel groaned and staggered forward. Gemma followed her. Unfortunately they headed the way the Fellowship had just come, and had to run to catch up with the rest of the group who had gone the right way.
("Nothing like that sweet minty goodness when you're stuck up a mountain," Pam was enthusing to Gimli who was listening avidly. "Much better than Mithril.")
Hangovers raging the girls soon decided that this wasn't as much fun as they thought it would be.
Also, as the reset of the Fellowship headed over a peak in the distance, they realised they weren't as fit as they should be or had thought they were.
(Apparently, sitting around watching DVD's, eating bacon sandwiches and drinking cherry coke - with the odd foray outside to go to a lecture or shopping- is not conductive to a healthy life style.)
As each member of the Fellowship climbed the rocky outcrop, they paused heroically, composing their features into a suitably intense and brooding expression. Boromir was the last through, and it was a few moments before Rachel staggered up.
Something big and heavy smacked her in the head.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!" she howled.
Pam and Gemma caught her, narrowly avoiding a domino effect of females.
A guy sitting on a camera rig was rifling through a script.
"Aragorn...check. Hobbits...check. Boromir...check. Strange random girls... nope,... no mention here."
He glanced curiously at the girls.
"Bastard!" Rachel swore. "Don't you need a bloody license or something to operate that stuff?!"
"Well...the script says that Boromir is the last through. Doesn't mention anyone else."
"Hello?! Like standing right here!" Rachel was getting very agitated. Getting hit in the head by a large swinging camera had not helped her hangover one bit. "Why don't you check before you swing that bloody camera about!"
"Because you're not supposed to be here. This is entirely your fault."
"Right! That's it! I'm going to ram that fucking camera right up your arse!!!!!!!!!!"
(Pam, Kelly and Gemma struggle to pull Rachel off the camera man whom she is throttling. There is an awful lot of swearing and people's mother's are being insulted. Which isn't very nice.)
Rachel was finally removed from the camera man's person. She began to calm down. The camera man muttered something like 'crazy bitch' and narrowly avoided death once more. He then noticed Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas and Gimli poking interestedly around his camera.
"hey - hey you -in the stupid outfits! Yeah.. you! Get away from that! Shoo!"
Various swords, axes and bows were drawn.
"Fine..." the camera man backed away, hands up. "Its yours... keep it. Fucking loco people!"
And with that he fled out of this story.
They decided it might be time to have a break. The hobbits immediately started cooking. Gandalf and Gimli puffed on their weed. Aragorn preened over his sword.
Boromir decided to show Pam his skills with his nice long sword, and Merry showed off to Kelly with his smaller, but perfectly formed and entirely useable sword.
All was well until they saw the cloud.
"Ai! Ai! A cloud!" screamed Legolas. (Moisture made his hair frizzy)
"Birds..." muttered Kelly.
"It's moving against the wind!" Boromir added.
"Birds..." Pam sighed.
"Hide!" Aragorn yelled.
The Fellowship hid in various places, except the girls, who due to living in Devon had experienced the evil seagulls, and weren't the least bit frightened of birds. (And someone had to keep an eye on Bill the Pony)
"You can come out now!" yelled Gemma.
Slowly the Fellowship began to emerge from their hiding places.
"Hey...where's Boromir?" asked Pippin.
Kelly's head whipped round. "And Pam's missing as well... Aha!"
She suddenly spotted a very familiar pair of trainers and denimed legs sticking out of a bush. Next to some blue boots and legs. The bush appeared to be giggling.
Kelly grabbed the legs attached to the trainers and pulled. A blushing Pam slid out of the bush. Legolas and Aragorn did the same to a grinning Boromir.
Rachel sighed and turned to Gemma. "That's five quid I owe you then. I was convinced that she'd jump him...not the other way round!"
"Oh, right!' sulked Aragorn, "You get to bring your girlfriend along on this quest!"
"She's not my girlfriend!" Boromir blushed. "I can barely remember her name!"
"Pam." Pam supplied helpfully.
"Yeah, but she still gets to come along..." Aragorn suddenly squinted at Boromir and jumped back. "Aaaaagh! What's that stuff on your face?"
Boromir touched the sticky stuff that coated his beard, chin and mouth. "Aah! What new devilry is this?"
Pam paused in her application of lip gloss. "You weren't complaining a second ago!"
Aragorn grabbed the tube and chucked it away as if it might scald him. It landed in a nearby bush.
"Hey!" Pam protested, her lip trembling slightly. It was her favourite.
"Leave her alone!" Boromir yelled at Aragorn.
Pam and Kelly were impressed... although they could capably look after themselves (in fact Pam could kickbox and Kelly had a piercing death stare she had perfected) it was nice when a man did it sometimes. In the right situation of course!
[Nobody noticed Legolas rummaging in the bush and pocketing what he found... although everyone thought the elf had lovely shiny lips for the rest of the story.]
"Sticking up for your girlfriend? Boromir's got a girlfriend, Boromir's got a girlfriend!" Aragorn taunted Boromir in a silly voice.
"Yeah.. well... at least my girlfriend doesn't look like a horse!"
The fellowship gasped. (It disguised the smirks.)
"Eowyn doesn't look like a horse!"
"I was talking about Arwen."
"Oh."
"She looks like a horse and she sounds like a horse. And it was her dad, who thankfully, stopped her from coming. Which was good for everyone but you, ranger boy! Gondor has no horse and Gondor needs no horse!"
Legolas and Gimli were now openly smirking. The hobbits were doing it behind their hands.
"Gandalf..."Aragorn said through gritted teeth. "Tell Boromir that Eow- I mean - Arwen, does not look like a horse!"
Gandalf shuffled his feet.
"Um... Arwen does not... Oh my! Is that the time? C'mon, c'mon, we have a Ring to destroy and all that, can't hang around here all day, no we have to get to Mordor!"
Gandalf strode purposefully off. Relieved the Fellowship followed.
Boromir and Aragorn were both sulking. The silence was only broken by the occasional 'neighing' sound. Bizarrely, it didn't always come from the direction of Boromir.
*************************
Could things get any worse for THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING?
[pause to wait for music to die down.
'Just where exactly is that bloody orchestra coming from? Kelly asked]
Of course it could! It started to snow.....................................
****************************
C'mon people... review! We need to be marked on our work! We're doing a creative writing module! We need criticism! Please? Pretty please!
Oh, and Kelly's back for the next chapter.
Thank you to everyone who's reviewed, we're really glad that you like this! Please keep reading.
On a personal note: BIG CONGRATULATIONS ARE DUE TO KELLY!!
Love ya honey, and I'm so excited and happy for you! Pam.xxxxxxx
Oh, and I'm a little bit hyper at the moment because in a weeks time (Sat 1st March) we're going up to London to see Sean Bean in 'Macbeth'!! I've promised Kel that I'm on my best behaviour, I won't due anything stupid (streak, storm the stage, declare undying love to Sean during the quiet bits) - but I can't guarantee it! I have to add this note to make people jealous, and because I am seriously hyper!
*************************
To all our reviewers - who are being phenomenally nice and lovely!
Dave Rocks: Thank you! We also want to find one of those holes [what do you mean they don't exist?] - if we do, I promise we'll tell you where it is!
Brassy Bane: To be honest, we didn't write it when we were drunk, we just get the ideas! Chapters are usually written with a raging hangover. And thank you for the compliment on our grammar (hope to God you weren't being sarcastic) - we're English students, it would be terrible if we didn't have a reasonable grasp of it. And be warned! It might get a bit more Mary Sue-ish. I mean, what is the point of falling to Middle Earth if you can't seduce your favourite character? Just a warning, but I hope you'll keep reading anyway!
Incurelf: Aah! You reviewed again! We love you! In this case, it is not the drugs the people in the white coats have been giving you (and that is entirely your business!), Kelly is doing another chapter. Kelly and I [Pam] are the two who actually write this - Gemma and Rachel just slob about on the sofa occasionally shouting out ideas. Oh and you might have to fight Gemma for Legolas! And we're going as fast as we can! I mean, 5 Chapters in three days!
********************************
Night was drawing in.
Stuffed with pizza and under the influence of the Blue Stuff, the girls were knackered. All they wanted to do was sleep!
Pam stood up and stretched. In the way that only Pam can do (people have put forward the theory of mild narcolepsy) she fell asleep mid stretch. Boromir - in a bit of a panic- caught her two inches above the floor. He was now sitting bolt upright with Pam's head in his lap, too scared to move.
"Gimli...What do I do?" he hissed, gesturing at the snoring girl.
"Enjoy it?" the dwarf sniggered. Even Legolas stopped admiring himself long enough to have a laugh at the petrified warrior.
"Nothing in my training prepared me for this.." Boromir muttered.
The Hobbits, [including Merry who had been forcibly removed from Kelly - part of the enemy] were as far away from the girls as they could (suspicious minds these hobbits). Frodo kept glancing furtively at Rachel, who was winking constantly at him. Frodo huddled closer to Sam!
The hobbits made Gimli and Aragorn sleep between them and the girls. It was safer that way.
"Aagh!"
The strange cry at dawn woke everyone up. Particularly Boromir.
"Aagh! Late! Late!"
Pam jumped up and ran into the bathroom. "Late!" she whimpered around her toothbrush.
"What are you doing girl?" Kelly asked from the doorway.
"Am late! Have lecture. Haven't prepared the 'Orestia'! Neither have you! And Paul Lawley's taking us! She stared in horror at Kelly. "Well, don't just bloody stand there, woman! Tell me everything you know about Greek tragedy!"
[Of course due to the foreign object in Pam's mouth - no laughing in the back there!- this came out as 'anfgusdknhgfsdbnuhnvkl;sdjkafaokvandasdfnsdgknhbpadhakdkb!]
She fought with the taps.
"Pam, sweetie...do you notice anything odd?" Kelly asked gently.
Pam frowned. "Yes. These bloody taps aren't working." [faucet for all those Americans out there]
"That's a tree, sweetie. And you're trying to brush your teeth with a twig."
"Yuck!" Pam spat bits of bark out of her mouth.
"And we're in Middle Earth."
"Oh yeah!' Pam brightened. Then she moaned. "Oh, my fucking head!"
Kelly was remarkably perky - she had a good resistance to the Blue Stuff herself.
"Yeah - Gemma's being sick, and Rachel's feeling so bad that she's even leaving Frodo alone. So I don't think we're going to make it to our lecture."
"Shame."
The girls were hung-over. Frodo was still petrified of Rachel. Boromir was nursing a bleeding nose, from where Pam's head had connected with it on her mad dash. He also hadn't slept a wink all night. And Aragorn was convinced that every noise he heard was Arwen coming back. He was therefore a nervous wreck.
Gandalf decided it was time to make a move... again. He told the girls that they would be heading into the mountains. Pam, being the only one with mountain experience [no - a weekend on Snowdonia does not count Kel!] immediately got very bossy and started demanding what equipment and insurance the group had. Gandalf rolled his eyes and walked off to bang his head against a tree.
"Good thing I brought this then." Pam said waving a bar of Kendal Mint Cake around.
Kelly privately wondered why Pam carried Kendal Mint Cake with her.
"The sooner we bloody well get going then..." Rachel groaned and staggered forward. Gemma followed her. Unfortunately they headed the way the Fellowship had just come, and had to run to catch up with the rest of the group who had gone the right way.
("Nothing like that sweet minty goodness when you're stuck up a mountain," Pam was enthusing to Gimli who was listening avidly. "Much better than Mithril.")
Hangovers raging the girls soon decided that this wasn't as much fun as they thought it would be.
Also, as the reset of the Fellowship headed over a peak in the distance, they realised they weren't as fit as they should be or had thought they were.
(Apparently, sitting around watching DVD's, eating bacon sandwiches and drinking cherry coke - with the odd foray outside to go to a lecture or shopping- is not conductive to a healthy life style.)
As each member of the Fellowship climbed the rocky outcrop, they paused heroically, composing their features into a suitably intense and brooding expression. Boromir was the last through, and it was a few moments before Rachel staggered up.
Something big and heavy smacked her in the head.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!" she howled.
Pam and Gemma caught her, narrowly avoiding a domino effect of females.
A guy sitting on a camera rig was rifling through a script.
"Aragorn...check. Hobbits...check. Boromir...check. Strange random girls... nope,... no mention here."
He glanced curiously at the girls.
"Bastard!" Rachel swore. "Don't you need a bloody license or something to operate that stuff?!"
"Well...the script says that Boromir is the last through. Doesn't mention anyone else."
"Hello?! Like standing right here!" Rachel was getting very agitated. Getting hit in the head by a large swinging camera had not helped her hangover one bit. "Why don't you check before you swing that bloody camera about!"
"Because you're not supposed to be here. This is entirely your fault."
"Right! That's it! I'm going to ram that fucking camera right up your arse!!!!!!!!!!"
(Pam, Kelly and Gemma struggle to pull Rachel off the camera man whom she is throttling. There is an awful lot of swearing and people's mother's are being insulted. Which isn't very nice.)
Rachel was finally removed from the camera man's person. She began to calm down. The camera man muttered something like 'crazy bitch' and narrowly avoided death once more. He then noticed Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas and Gimli poking interestedly around his camera.
"hey - hey you -in the stupid outfits! Yeah.. you! Get away from that! Shoo!"
Various swords, axes and bows were drawn.
"Fine..." the camera man backed away, hands up. "Its yours... keep it. Fucking loco people!"
And with that he fled out of this story.
They decided it might be time to have a break. The hobbits immediately started cooking. Gandalf and Gimli puffed on their weed. Aragorn preened over his sword.
Boromir decided to show Pam his skills with his nice long sword, and Merry showed off to Kelly with his smaller, but perfectly formed and entirely useable sword.
All was well until they saw the cloud.
"Ai! Ai! A cloud!" screamed Legolas. (Moisture made his hair frizzy)
"Birds..." muttered Kelly.
"It's moving against the wind!" Boromir added.
"Birds..." Pam sighed.
"Hide!" Aragorn yelled.
The Fellowship hid in various places, except the girls, who due to living in Devon had experienced the evil seagulls, and weren't the least bit frightened of birds. (And someone had to keep an eye on Bill the Pony)
"You can come out now!" yelled Gemma.
Slowly the Fellowship began to emerge from their hiding places.
"Hey...where's Boromir?" asked Pippin.
Kelly's head whipped round. "And Pam's missing as well... Aha!"
She suddenly spotted a very familiar pair of trainers and denimed legs sticking out of a bush. Next to some blue boots and legs. The bush appeared to be giggling.
Kelly grabbed the legs attached to the trainers and pulled. A blushing Pam slid out of the bush. Legolas and Aragorn did the same to a grinning Boromir.
Rachel sighed and turned to Gemma. "That's five quid I owe you then. I was convinced that she'd jump him...not the other way round!"
"Oh, right!' sulked Aragorn, "You get to bring your girlfriend along on this quest!"
"She's not my girlfriend!" Boromir blushed. "I can barely remember her name!"
"Pam." Pam supplied helpfully.
"Yeah, but she still gets to come along..." Aragorn suddenly squinted at Boromir and jumped back. "Aaaaagh! What's that stuff on your face?"
Boromir touched the sticky stuff that coated his beard, chin and mouth. "Aah! What new devilry is this?"
Pam paused in her application of lip gloss. "You weren't complaining a second ago!"
Aragorn grabbed the tube and chucked it away as if it might scald him. It landed in a nearby bush.
"Hey!" Pam protested, her lip trembling slightly. It was her favourite.
"Leave her alone!" Boromir yelled at Aragorn.
Pam and Kelly were impressed... although they could capably look after themselves (in fact Pam could kickbox and Kelly had a piercing death stare she had perfected) it was nice when a man did it sometimes. In the right situation of course!
[Nobody noticed Legolas rummaging in the bush and pocketing what he found... although everyone thought the elf had lovely shiny lips for the rest of the story.]
"Sticking up for your girlfriend? Boromir's got a girlfriend, Boromir's got a girlfriend!" Aragorn taunted Boromir in a silly voice.
"Yeah.. well... at least my girlfriend doesn't look like a horse!"
The fellowship gasped. (It disguised the smirks.)
"Eowyn doesn't look like a horse!"
"I was talking about Arwen."
"Oh."
"She looks like a horse and she sounds like a horse. And it was her dad, who thankfully, stopped her from coming. Which was good for everyone but you, ranger boy! Gondor has no horse and Gondor needs no horse!"
Legolas and Gimli were now openly smirking. The hobbits were doing it behind their hands.
"Gandalf..."Aragorn said through gritted teeth. "Tell Boromir that Eow- I mean - Arwen, does not look like a horse!"
Gandalf shuffled his feet.
"Um... Arwen does not... Oh my! Is that the time? C'mon, c'mon, we have a Ring to destroy and all that, can't hang around here all day, no we have to get to Mordor!"
Gandalf strode purposefully off. Relieved the Fellowship followed.
Boromir and Aragorn were both sulking. The silence was only broken by the occasional 'neighing' sound. Bizarrely, it didn't always come from the direction of Boromir.
*************************
Could things get any worse for THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING?
[pause to wait for music to die down.
'Just where exactly is that bloody orchestra coming from? Kelly asked]
Of course it could! It started to snow.....................................
****************************
C'mon people... review! We need to be marked on our work! We're doing a creative writing module! We need criticism! Please? Pretty please!
Oh, and Kelly's back for the next chapter.
