A/N: Hello! Pam's back again! And yet more reviews have come in! We are really pleased that every one likes this, and we love all our reviewers (grovel grovel) please review more! We need it!
***********************
Incurelf: Hello again m'dear! Boromir, Richard Sharpe, Alec Trevelyan, Mellors, hey, if its played by Sean Bean I like it! (Except maybe dodgy Irish character in Patriot Games... but that's for personal reasons!). Although the first three I mention are my favourites. *starts drooling again* . Oh and obviously Kelly has a thing for Dominic Monaghan - she started off liking Leggy, but we were watching the commentary on the DVD of Fellowship, and she just suddenly switched. Oh well, that's Kelly for you! And our regards to Pretty Elf! [Can I have my lip gloss back please? Ta petal]
Elfy Baby Blue: Funky name! Thank you for your lovely words. Haven't stopped grinning yet!
Taurus Dragon: Oh my! We're on a favourites list? Thank you! Hope this chapter will make you laugh. Oh and drink a pint of water before going to bed... always stops my hangover. Oh and a bacon sandwich and a can of cherry coke is the ultimate hangover cure! Never fails for Kel and I. *laughs*.
Allyblue: Darling! They love us! Mwah mwah! Didn't Sean look lovely last night on the BAFTAS? And Sir Ian [Serena] McKellen is a poppet! Although still upset that you rang me just as they were introducing Sean, didn't hear what Stephen Fry was saying! At least we have it on video. So one BAFTAS vid, and pizza do you on Friday night? And lots of Blue Stuff? My preciouss-ss! Mwah mwah!
****************************
In fact the romantic picture of hobbit/human love was spoiled even further by the fact that Frodo wasn't even standing on a rock. In fact, he was standing on a tentacle... and its owner wasn't too happy (maybe it was jealous...)
It took Rachel a few moments of air kissing to realise that actually her beloved was being whipped around, about twenty feet above her head, by his hairy hobbit ankles.
"Don't worry Mr. Frodo sir, I'll save you...."
Sam made a desperate leap forward waving his pathetic little sword.
However Hell hath no fury like a Rachel deprived of her hobbit....
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH MY FRODO, YOU OVERSIZED PIECE OF SUSHI???????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Aragorn, who had been sulking in the corner kicking rocks (Arwen wouldn't return his calls, and he couldn't even fight with Boromir because they weren't talking over the horse comment) jumped to his feet and drew Isildur's sword, pleased finally to have something heroic to do. And he even paused for a moment so that he could pose in the traditional "I'm like not supposed to be the hero, but everyone knows I am anyway" Aragorn trademarked stance.
Merry was also delighted because he now had a chance to impress Kelly with his stone throwing skills... and Pippin being Pippin decided to join in.... (Kelly was telling Pippin about all the lovely [short] girls that she would set him up with, if he tutored her in being Scottish)
Also technically it was Pippin's fault for waking the Watcher, and he felt it was time to make amends.
Pretty Elf, having listened to Gemma compliment him on his, ahem, bow skills, was also eager to show off.
Gandalf was taking the opportunity to sit down and have a quick puff on his weed.
Boromir was more than content to let Pam keep playing with his long sword, but felt obliged (well he could fight better than Aragorn anyway) to get up and join in. So he pulled his long sword out of Pam's firm grip and waded into the water. (Also he could probably do with a bath if things kept progressing this well with Pam)
Frodo was still being swung about by his hairy hobbit ankles, but to add to the confusion there were three highly sexed males of various species (Merry, Legolas and Boromir) all determined to show off to their new lady companions, a testosterone filled alpha male who was anxious to prove his worth (Aragorn), two small hobbits with swords and stones, a mad dwarf with an axe, and a stoned wizard in the water.
Along with a rather ugly octopus like creature.
And beating the hell out of the lot of them was a hobbit deprived Rachel.
Gemma, Kelly, and Pam were busy comparing notes on land, and occasionally beaming in the direction of their new 'friends' and oohing and aahing at appropriate moments.
"He wants you to go back to Gondor with him?"
"Yeah.. I think he's homesick. And he wants me to meet his father." Pam made a grimace.
"Ooooh. Not good." Kelly knew what Pam was getting at....(Hopefully so should anybody who's read ROTK)
"Not really..."
Gandalf was trying to do back stroke but kept getting distracted by his hands and murmuring about the 'pretty colours'. This meant though that he wasn't fiercely holding onto his staff.
Rachel grabbed the staff.
***************KAZAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM******************
There was a blinding flash of light..... And a strange bubbling noise.
Frodo fell twenty feet into the water with a splash. Everyone else stopped fighting, and glanced around themselves in confusion. Gandalf started giggling. Rachel was trying to get to Frodo.
There were little pink bunny rabbits everywhere. Yes. Pink. With stripes. And some with polka dots. And some with both stripes and polka dots. And all were singing.
(There were various songs being sung. Most were doing poppy chart stuff, but there were a few opera singing ones, and some doing various numbers from musicals... it was a cacophony of bunny singing.)
And what do rabbits do? Even when they used to be evil slimey squid things?
Yes, nearly all of them were shagging.
Shagging like bunnies one might say.
The girls, the blue stuff still holding some influence on them, got the serious giggles. Even Rachel when she wasn't kissing Frodo.
(A/N to her co-authors: Frodo appears to have realised that Rachel isn't evil, and more fun to hang out with than Sam.... this was all rather sudden, with very little build up... hmmmmm... Rachel....)
It took a while to clear up the bunnies. Because they were magical bunnies and more kept appearing. Damn their fluffy horniness. And the girls and the tramp wizard stoner bloke kept giggling.
Finally though they got into the Mines of Moira ("Moria!!!!!!!!!" Gandalf kept shouting... he was coming off his trip and remembering how irritating the girls were)
They got lost. Of course. For two days....
Of course this meant that everyone got to know each other pretty well, Pam and Boromir kept sloping off, (Boromir had offered to show Pam the Horn of Gondor....she needed no encouragement.... *snigger*) as did Gemma and Pretty Elf, who didn't even mind his hair getting mussed up. Kelly and Rachel were feeling frustrated due to the logistics of hobbit/human relations. They just simply don't work. But there was lots of hobbit/human kissing going on.
Sam and Pippin felt left out and were sulking and eating lots. Gimli and Aragorn had been taught how to play poker by Kelly, and were now gambling away merrily.
(Gimli was winning and extracting lots of promises for when Aragorn was King- there would be a law that all dwarf women should shave, and dwarf tossing would be banned as a national sport. A/N: No really! In Jamaica dwarf tossing is a sport!)
Gandalf was sitting in a corner muttering to himself.
On one of the rare occasions that the Fellowship (plus four) were together, Pam decided to teach them how to play rugby.
"Backwards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"BAckwards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"BACKWARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How many fucking times do I have to tell you, you can only pass the ball BACKWARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Kelly... put Merry down... I don't care if he is on your team, no groping your team members during the scrum....."
"I don't bloody care if you're half the size, bloody deal with it!"
"Elf-Boy - no bows...."
"Boromir... you're only supposed to grab my waist...."
"Merry... I don't give a fuck if that's as high as you can reach, Kelly's arse is not a legal tackling point according to League rules..."
"Same to you Frodo and Rachel...."
"No GIMLI...............NO FUCKING AXES....... PUT THE FUCKING AXES DOWN DWARF BOY..............."
Pam gave up. Kelly and Rachel were groping hobbits, Legolas was admiring himself as an athletic type, and Gemma was encouraging him. Aragorn and Sam were at least trying, but Boromir kept tackling her (even when Pam wasn't holding the ball) despite being on her team.
She picked up the lump of rock they had been using as a ball and drop kicked it high into the mines.
They waited for it to crash back to (middle) earth.
Gemma looked up, and screamed.... "RUN FOR COVER".......
Something bigger than the rock was falling in the direction of the Fellowship.... dramatic music.....
Everyone ducked under the nearest shelter.. except Gimli...
"A dwarf shall not hide in his own mine.... My kin built these very mines..." he spread his arms wide.....
"ooooooofffffffff"
Gimli caught the falling object....
"Hannah?"
Three surprised female voices piped up from underneath the rock. (Rachel was kissing Frodo again)
Hannah looked around dazed, from her position lying in the arms of a dwarf.
"Huh?"
"Hannah?"
Three slightly different female voices piped up.
(Kelly was kissing Merry)
Hannah gazed at the dwarf, her eyes not focusing....
"My hero...." she gasped, "You saved me..."
She kissed Gimli......
"HANNAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Three different female voices piped up
(Pam/Boromir, you get the idea....)
Hannah pulled away from the dwarf.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
She was struggling so hard, Gimli dropped her.
"ikissedadwarfikissedadwarfikissedadwarfikissedadwarf"
Hannah was shaking on the ground....
Aragorn stared at her... and began to smile.
Gandalf rolled his eyes, more bloody females...
Gemma and Legolas...yeah yeah.
Kelly, Pam and Rachel grabbed Hannah.
"What happened?"
"Where am I?"
Hannah looked around once more.....
"Moira?" she gasped.
("Moria.... its fucking Moria..." Gandalf hissed)
"Did you fall down a hole too?" Kelly asked.
"As a matter of fact I did!" Hannah smiled. "I was looking for you guys, and I fell in a hole, and I was falling for a very long time and then ikissedadwarfikissedadwarfikissedadwarfikissedadwarf"
Hannah curled up into the foetal position again and rocked back and forth.
When she recovered she looked up at the girls...
"So what do we do now?"
********************
Will Gandalf go loco over the vast amount of women that have fallen into Middle Earth?
Will Hannah get over the trauma of kissing Gimli?
Will the fangirls come back?
All will be revealed soon. Maybe. Hopefully.
R&R dammit!
***********************
Incurelf: Hello again m'dear! Boromir, Richard Sharpe, Alec Trevelyan, Mellors, hey, if its played by Sean Bean I like it! (Except maybe dodgy Irish character in Patriot Games... but that's for personal reasons!). Although the first three I mention are my favourites. *starts drooling again* . Oh and obviously Kelly has a thing for Dominic Monaghan - she started off liking Leggy, but we were watching the commentary on the DVD of Fellowship, and she just suddenly switched. Oh well, that's Kelly for you! And our regards to Pretty Elf! [Can I have my lip gloss back please? Ta petal]
Elfy Baby Blue: Funky name! Thank you for your lovely words. Haven't stopped grinning yet!
Taurus Dragon: Oh my! We're on a favourites list? Thank you! Hope this chapter will make you laugh. Oh and drink a pint of water before going to bed... always stops my hangover. Oh and a bacon sandwich and a can of cherry coke is the ultimate hangover cure! Never fails for Kel and I. *laughs*.
Allyblue: Darling! They love us! Mwah mwah! Didn't Sean look lovely last night on the BAFTAS? And Sir Ian [Serena] McKellen is a poppet! Although still upset that you rang me just as they were introducing Sean, didn't hear what Stephen Fry was saying! At least we have it on video. So one BAFTAS vid, and pizza do you on Friday night? And lots of Blue Stuff? My preciouss-ss! Mwah mwah!
****************************
In fact the romantic picture of hobbit/human love was spoiled even further by the fact that Frodo wasn't even standing on a rock. In fact, he was standing on a tentacle... and its owner wasn't too happy (maybe it was jealous...)
It took Rachel a few moments of air kissing to realise that actually her beloved was being whipped around, about twenty feet above her head, by his hairy hobbit ankles.
"Don't worry Mr. Frodo sir, I'll save you...."
Sam made a desperate leap forward waving his pathetic little sword.
However Hell hath no fury like a Rachel deprived of her hobbit....
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH MY FRODO, YOU OVERSIZED PIECE OF SUSHI???????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Aragorn, who had been sulking in the corner kicking rocks (Arwen wouldn't return his calls, and he couldn't even fight with Boromir because they weren't talking over the horse comment) jumped to his feet and drew Isildur's sword, pleased finally to have something heroic to do. And he even paused for a moment so that he could pose in the traditional "I'm like not supposed to be the hero, but everyone knows I am anyway" Aragorn trademarked stance.
Merry was also delighted because he now had a chance to impress Kelly with his stone throwing skills... and Pippin being Pippin decided to join in.... (Kelly was telling Pippin about all the lovely [short] girls that she would set him up with, if he tutored her in being Scottish)
Also technically it was Pippin's fault for waking the Watcher, and he felt it was time to make amends.
Pretty Elf, having listened to Gemma compliment him on his, ahem, bow skills, was also eager to show off.
Gandalf was taking the opportunity to sit down and have a quick puff on his weed.
Boromir was more than content to let Pam keep playing with his long sword, but felt obliged (well he could fight better than Aragorn anyway) to get up and join in. So he pulled his long sword out of Pam's firm grip and waded into the water. (Also he could probably do with a bath if things kept progressing this well with Pam)
Frodo was still being swung about by his hairy hobbit ankles, but to add to the confusion there were three highly sexed males of various species (Merry, Legolas and Boromir) all determined to show off to their new lady companions, a testosterone filled alpha male who was anxious to prove his worth (Aragorn), two small hobbits with swords and stones, a mad dwarf with an axe, and a stoned wizard in the water.
Along with a rather ugly octopus like creature.
And beating the hell out of the lot of them was a hobbit deprived Rachel.
Gemma, Kelly, and Pam were busy comparing notes on land, and occasionally beaming in the direction of their new 'friends' and oohing and aahing at appropriate moments.
"He wants you to go back to Gondor with him?"
"Yeah.. I think he's homesick. And he wants me to meet his father." Pam made a grimace.
"Ooooh. Not good." Kelly knew what Pam was getting at....(Hopefully so should anybody who's read ROTK)
"Not really..."
Gandalf was trying to do back stroke but kept getting distracted by his hands and murmuring about the 'pretty colours'. This meant though that he wasn't fiercely holding onto his staff.
Rachel grabbed the staff.
***************KAZAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM******************
There was a blinding flash of light..... And a strange bubbling noise.
Frodo fell twenty feet into the water with a splash. Everyone else stopped fighting, and glanced around themselves in confusion. Gandalf started giggling. Rachel was trying to get to Frodo.
There were little pink bunny rabbits everywhere. Yes. Pink. With stripes. And some with polka dots. And some with both stripes and polka dots. And all were singing.
(There were various songs being sung. Most were doing poppy chart stuff, but there were a few opera singing ones, and some doing various numbers from musicals... it was a cacophony of bunny singing.)
And what do rabbits do? Even when they used to be evil slimey squid things?
Yes, nearly all of them were shagging.
Shagging like bunnies one might say.
The girls, the blue stuff still holding some influence on them, got the serious giggles. Even Rachel when she wasn't kissing Frodo.
(A/N to her co-authors: Frodo appears to have realised that Rachel isn't evil, and more fun to hang out with than Sam.... this was all rather sudden, with very little build up... hmmmmm... Rachel....)
It took a while to clear up the bunnies. Because they were magical bunnies and more kept appearing. Damn their fluffy horniness. And the girls and the tramp wizard stoner bloke kept giggling.
Finally though they got into the Mines of Moira ("Moria!!!!!!!!!" Gandalf kept shouting... he was coming off his trip and remembering how irritating the girls were)
They got lost. Of course. For two days....
Of course this meant that everyone got to know each other pretty well, Pam and Boromir kept sloping off, (Boromir had offered to show Pam the Horn of Gondor....she needed no encouragement.... *snigger*) as did Gemma and Pretty Elf, who didn't even mind his hair getting mussed up. Kelly and Rachel were feeling frustrated due to the logistics of hobbit/human relations. They just simply don't work. But there was lots of hobbit/human kissing going on.
Sam and Pippin felt left out and were sulking and eating lots. Gimli and Aragorn had been taught how to play poker by Kelly, and were now gambling away merrily.
(Gimli was winning and extracting lots of promises for when Aragorn was King- there would be a law that all dwarf women should shave, and dwarf tossing would be banned as a national sport. A/N: No really! In Jamaica dwarf tossing is a sport!)
Gandalf was sitting in a corner muttering to himself.
On one of the rare occasions that the Fellowship (plus four) were together, Pam decided to teach them how to play rugby.
"Backwards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"BAckwards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"BACKWARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How many fucking times do I have to tell you, you can only pass the ball BACKWARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Kelly... put Merry down... I don't care if he is on your team, no groping your team members during the scrum....."
"I don't bloody care if you're half the size, bloody deal with it!"
"Elf-Boy - no bows...."
"Boromir... you're only supposed to grab my waist...."
"Merry... I don't give a fuck if that's as high as you can reach, Kelly's arse is not a legal tackling point according to League rules..."
"Same to you Frodo and Rachel...."
"No GIMLI...............NO FUCKING AXES....... PUT THE FUCKING AXES DOWN DWARF BOY..............."
Pam gave up. Kelly and Rachel were groping hobbits, Legolas was admiring himself as an athletic type, and Gemma was encouraging him. Aragorn and Sam were at least trying, but Boromir kept tackling her (even when Pam wasn't holding the ball) despite being on her team.
She picked up the lump of rock they had been using as a ball and drop kicked it high into the mines.
They waited for it to crash back to (middle) earth.
Gemma looked up, and screamed.... "RUN FOR COVER".......
Something bigger than the rock was falling in the direction of the Fellowship.... dramatic music.....
Everyone ducked under the nearest shelter.. except Gimli...
"A dwarf shall not hide in his own mine.... My kin built these very mines..." he spread his arms wide.....
"ooooooofffffffff"
Gimli caught the falling object....
"Hannah?"
Three surprised female voices piped up from underneath the rock. (Rachel was kissing Frodo again)
Hannah looked around dazed, from her position lying in the arms of a dwarf.
"Huh?"
"Hannah?"
Three slightly different female voices piped up.
(Kelly was kissing Merry)
Hannah gazed at the dwarf, her eyes not focusing....
"My hero...." she gasped, "You saved me..."
She kissed Gimli......
"HANNAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Three different female voices piped up
(Pam/Boromir, you get the idea....)
Hannah pulled away from the dwarf.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
She was struggling so hard, Gimli dropped her.
"ikissedadwarfikissedadwarfikissedadwarfikissedadwarf"
Hannah was shaking on the ground....
Aragorn stared at her... and began to smile.
Gandalf rolled his eyes, more bloody females...
Gemma and Legolas...yeah yeah.
Kelly, Pam and Rachel grabbed Hannah.
"What happened?"
"Where am I?"
Hannah looked around once more.....
"Moira?" she gasped.
("Moria.... its fucking Moria..." Gandalf hissed)
"Did you fall down a hole too?" Kelly asked.
"As a matter of fact I did!" Hannah smiled. "I was looking for you guys, and I fell in a hole, and I was falling for a very long time and then ikissedadwarfikissedadwarfikissedadwarfikissedadwarf"
Hannah curled up into the foetal position again and rocked back and forth.
When she recovered she looked up at the girls...
"So what do we do now?"
********************
Will Gandalf go loco over the vast amount of women that have fallen into Middle Earth?
Will Hannah get over the trauma of kissing Gimli?
Will the fangirls come back?
All will be revealed soon. Maybe. Hopefully.
R&R dammit!
