A/N: Hello, back again. Love everyone who has reviewed, especially to Incurelf (my new friend!) and Moon Dragon who seems to be sticking with us! As I keep saying, we have a lot of university work on at the moment, so please forgive us, as Babes, wonderful as it is, isn't our top priority. Any offers of anyone wanting to write my essay for Shakespeare and the Classical Example module of my course, while I write Babes, will be considered!
I know the pace has slowed down a bit, we're trying to get back to our flippant selves again. Maybe when Two Towers is released we'll have new stuff to think about! Ra.
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Ah. The Ring. Oh yes, of course, the Ring. Great danger. In fact the Fellowship had to almost forgotten about the Ring, so confused (and secretly delighted of course) they had been by the appearance of the girls.
Galadriel gave the girls a more than curious glance. But she was an elf of great grace and dignity, and she'd take her time… and deal with them later. Right now she had important mind reading business to do.
She scanned the minds of the Fellowship, one by one: The following were the results.
Frodo: This hobbit was wondering about the ring, why Bilbo was a mad old hobbit who could do weird things to his face, and rather inventive ways of dealing with the problem that Rachel was 5'8. Most of these were rather rude, and Galadriel tried, and failed to ignore them. He was also wondering whether he should give the ring to Rachel. Galadriel mentally ran away from the scary images of imagined hobbit/human love.
Sam: Gardening, Bill the Pony and jealousy of Rachel.
Merry: Aargh, more images of hobbit/human love, but this time involving honey and yogurt. Galadriel was even more disturbed. He also was thinking how pretty Kelly would look wearing the Ring, and was planning to ambush Frodo at the first opportunity.
Pippin: Food, and where was he going to get his extra income, now Gandalf was gone. He'd been Pippin's best customer for his supply of mushrooms and weed. Dammit.
Aragorn: Shameless self promotion, a list of trademarked Aragorn poses (Aragorn twirls his sword, Aragorn swirls his sexy leather jacket, Aragorn looks mean), did he look like a girl in Arwen's jewel, was Boromir better than him, and should he have a wash and shave or go for the rugged manly look? Sex. Also how did he keep Arwen from Eowyn, Eowyn from Arwen and Hannah as far away from both as possible? Oh and what about that sexy barmaid he'd been trying to impress with his brooding looks at Bree before the hobbits had interrupted? Would Hannah like the Ring? A few crude plans for ambushing Frodo at the first opportunity.
Boromir: Did he have a bigger sword than Aragorn? Would his dad like Pam? Rude thoughts about Pam and the Horn of Gondor. Would Pam like the Ring? It'd be a good present for her. Plans to ambush Frodo at the first opportunity.
Gimli: Still a bit upset about Gandalf, should he grow his beard even longer, and if he gave the Ring to Hannah, would she like him more than Aragorn? Lot of replays of Hannah's kiss, where she didn't pull away in disgust but instead fell for his rugged dwarven charms… and sculptured dwarven body (which Galadriel noticed was actually rather muscled…well these dwarves are full of surprises). Was also planning to jump on Frodo at the first opportunity.
Legolas: Am I the prettiest elf ever? Damn the Fangirls for chasing him. Gemma's pretty. Almost as pretty as he was. Did he need to buy more hair serum? Gemma would look good in the Ring… ambush Frodo at first chance.
Galadriel gave up in disgust. All obsessed by sex. The whole bloody lot of them. She wondered briefly whether she should warn Frodo. She eyed the girls. They seemed alright. Slowly she focused on each of them on turn.
Apart from a few rogue thoughts about the Fellowship… Boromir had a rather nice chest she noted from Pam's thoughts, and hobbits could do interesting things with food she discovered from Kelly and Rachel… Galadriel decided they were sensible enough lasses, and would probably do a better job of destroying the Ring than the now rather unfocused Fellowship. She smiled warmly at them.
"Welcome brave warriors from far off lands (the girls sniggered again). You must be weary from your exertions. Come with me, and we shall find you a place where you can relax."
The girls were happy. The Fellowship tried to follow, and were glared at. Galadriel looked again.
'Alright, you can come too.' She pointed at Gimli much to the dismay of the other blokes.
The girls [and dwarf] were led into what looked like a huge bathroom, separated into sections, each with a huge swimming pool sized bath and lots on nice smelly stuff.
'What? You didn't think that Elves were naturally that attractive did you?" Galadriel grinned.
The girls grinned back. They were beginning to like Galadriel, even if she did have a granddaughter that looked like a horse. Soon all were happily splashing about, and feeling clean for the first time in ages. They'd suddenly realised how grubby they had become (well, this isn't a movie you know, we get dirty and sweat, and hair grows where we don't want it… all the stuff you can deal with in normality, but hello? Traipsing through Middle Earth was a different matter!) and how bloody knackered they were.
They had even been supplied copies of Cosmoelf to read, including articles such as 'Is Your Ranger a Player?', 'Help, I'm a Human in Love with A Hobbit…. Does Size Really Matter?', 'My Elf Lover is Prettier Than I Am', 'Does Your Man Of Gondor Like Jewellery More Than You?' and disturbingly, 'Twenty Reasons Why Dwarves Are Hot!'
Soon after the girls and a very fresh looking Gimli were wrapped up in robes while their clothes were cleaned, lying on big squishy sofas, while handsome elves served them drinks, and provided cucumber slices for their eyes. Gimli had it explained to him that they weren't for eating. Galadriel had also found hair dryers, hair straighteners and mascara for the girls. They were in heaven. Even Rachel put up with it.
Galadriel joined them. "I understand that you are taking on a difficult task, but if you do not stray from the path, you shall succeed."
The girls nodded solemnly.
"Right then. Boring warning bit out of the way." Galadriel rubbed her hands together. "Let's gossip!"
The girls were confused. Big powerful elf queens were supposed to be dignified and not share gossip. Plus wasn't she able to read minds?
"You're no fun!" She complained. "Tell me anyway."
The girls eagerly launched into a debate over which of the Fellowship was sexier. It had been some time since they had.
Meanwhile, the Fellowship were sulking having been abandoned by Gandalf, and now their womenfolk. A bizarre singing filled the air.
'What do they sing?'
'It is a lament for Gandalf,' Legolas blushed. 'I would tell you, but the grief is still too near.'
There was no way he was telling them it was a song singing about what he used to do when he was younger. He bet Haldir had put them up to it. Oh alright then. when he was little Legolas used to pull…
Oh sorry…. Sam decided to start singing. And interrupted… as usual.
Aragorn was a nervous wreck. He didn't like the idea that Hannah was chatting to Arwen's Gran. Who knows what she might say?
Suddenly Merry had an idea…
'No way! With a hobbit? I didn't know that was possible…" Galadriel paused, there was a weird noise. Everyone turned and listened. Silence. "Anyway, as I was saying, when Legolas was little, about a 1000years old he would pull open his…"
The noise again. Galadriel gave the girls a look, and elegantly walked to the door. She pulled it open.
Merry, Boromir and Legolas fell into the room. Aragorn who had been struggling to get closer to the door had managed to remain upright.
Galadriel stood over them, tapping her slim elfin foot.
The girls were horrified. Rachel was shocked at getting caught being a girl, she was never one for being a girlie girl, Pam, Gemma and Kelly quickly whipped the cucumber from their eyes, and Gemma tried to rub the face mask from her skin. Hannah was sulking.
Merry was grinning daftly at Kelly. A woman and food. It was the perfect combination. Except he could think of better things than cucumber… like chocolate…OW! Galadriel kicked him as she picked up on his filthy thoughts.
The four members of the Fellowship noticed Gimli and gaped.
The dwarf had had his hair and beard straightened into long silky locks, and was now happily wearing a strawberry face mask, designed especially for dry skins, and having a manicure, given by a rather smitten male elf. [It was the first dwarf that had ever appreciated his talents with an emery board]
"Out!" Galadriel ordered. "Haven't you boys got something better to do?"
They were still staring at Gimli.
"What?" the dwarf asked. "Just because we're travelling doesn't mean I can't take care of my appearance?"
They didn't really have an answer to that. Although Aragorn and Boromir did shuffle slightly and try to disguise their tangled hair. [Wasn't it manly?]
Galadriel clicked her fingers, and a few hefty looking elf guards walked in, grabbed the kicking and protesting hobbit, and the even more kicking and protesting two men (Legolas went happily, he knew what was coming) and dragged them into the bathroom.
There was a huge splash, followed by several thrashing noises, and howls of dismay
["I am son of the Steward of Gondor you know? *gurgle*splash*aargh*
"I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, King of all….*blubblubglubblub*"
"Ooh, tastes like lime,"
"Make sure you get all of the tangles out…."]
Hannah, Pam and Kelly looked a bit worried. 'They'll be okay won't they?' Kelly asked.
"They'll be fine, its just a very long time since any of them had a bath." Galadriel smiled.
[Top bird, the girls thought.]
Anyway, it had been a long time since the girls had slept in a nice bed, and were delighted when Galadriel told them they were to be assigned rooms in the palace. A small group of guards led them through the palace.
'Psst….'
A voice whispered from down a side corridor. Pam noticed and nudged Kelly. They paused.
'Psst…"
Kelly noticed a redhead hiding round a corner. She wasn't quite an elf… in fact, she seemed quite like them….
"Who are you?" Pam whispered, hanging back.
The girl looked furtively around. "This is for you."
She thrust a bottle at Kelly. "I'm Incurelf… I just thought I'd say hi."
"Oh, right, hi," Kelly didn't know what to say. "Why are you hiding?"
"I'm not supposed to be here… But I've been here for three months learning to be an elf." She shook Kelly by the shoulders. "I'm not insane!"
Pam prised her away. "We know you're not, sweetie."
The redhead nodded and then faded away into the shadows.
Kelly and Pam looked at the bottle.
Oooooh.
Alcohol.
This could be fun. Stuck in Middle Earth, and now with the opportunity to get hammered again.
The girls were very happy.
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Okay, we'll try and get on with this soon; this is just fillers I guess. Whetting your appetite for when we have proper time to write again.
Love to all.
