DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the other characters mentioned and I'm not making any money out of this. Only the plot is mine.

WARNING: This fan fic contains slash themes, which is male/male relationships. If homosexual themes bother you, don't read this.

Rated: R, not really worth it yet but I'm anticipating events to come ;)

Chapter 5

The following week consisted mainly of just getting through the day to day drudgery of school. The day of Lupin's funeral, the school had held a minute's silence at dinner. Dumbledore made another speech, and Harry hadn't been able to cope. He'd felt the eyes of every single person in the hall on his back, as he stood stiffly and left. He'd gone back to his spot by the lake, hoping that the dark waters would somehow offer him some comfort. The silence deafened him as he dropped to his knees, silent tears streaming down his face.

Draco had watched from afar as the guilt slowly broke Harry apart. He'd known where Harry would go when he left the hall, so he'd left dinner as soon as he could without drawing too much attention to himself. There was nothing he wanted to do more at that moment than to gather Harry up in his arms and comfort him. But Draco was fighting his feelings for the boy. There was no way Harry would ever trust him after the reputation he had built for himself. Harry would never understand the need for lies and manipulation in the world Draco lived in; he was far too naïve for that. There would be no future for such a relationship, and therefore Draco saw no point in pursuing it. It was just such a shame that he felt so drawn to Harry; that he was captivated by everything about him; that Harry was the only one who had ever made him stutter. So it was because of this that Draco watched over Harry from a distance until his friends found him and gently pulled him back inside.

It was so tragic, the hole inside of Draco which he had, only recently, was distinctly Harry Potter-shaped. Over the past week he'd done nothing but think of Potter. He'd realised how they always actively sought each other out; how they challenged one another; pushed each other harder every day. It had taken five years, but Draco had finally realised that the one person who challenged him physically, mentally and emotionally; the one person who had ever managed to get under his skin, was the one person he would never be able to have. He knew Potter had feelings for him as well; that he had begun to realise what Draco was also just discovering, but he also knew that Potter was fighting his feelings just the way he was. It had to be obvious to him as well that the damage was already done and there would never be complete trust between them. Love, affection, lust, but never trust.

This realisation greatly depressed Draco, as he sat and fantasised about how different things might have been, if they had been living in another time. Draco thought about how they could have sat by the fire together, exchanging friendly banter, talking about Quidditch. Then the image would change, and Potter was standing behind him, running his hands over Draco's back, down his sides and placing light feathery kisses along the back of his neck. Deliciously soft lips, tracing patterns on his skin as fingers danced through his hair. Gentle and firm, determined but kind. They would take each other over and over, and their kisses would be filled with wild and romantic promises of love.

Draco had thought about removing this new-found knowledge from his mind, he knew perfectly well how to do it. He considered that he would be better off not knowing these things. Then he thought about Potter, and Lupin, and his father, and Voldemort, and he realised that he would be no better off. Something had poisoned his world and eventually it would seep in and ruin everything he wished to preserve. There was no point in hiding from it. He remembered his father's words to him: It is time to stand up and be counted. It was time for Draco to pick a side. Draco stood up, and for the first time in his young life, made an adult decision.

**********

For Harry, the majority of the week had passed peacefully. Ron and Hermione seemed to realise his need for solitude and he was grateful that they didn't try to push him. The day of Lupin's funeral had been by far the worst day. Both Dumbledore and Sirius had thought it would be best if Harry didn't go. It was likely to be a very emotional day, and they believed it would be better for Harry to have the support of his friends around him. Harry had wanted to go, mainly for Sirius' sake, but he understood. His place was at Hogwarts.

It was obvious to everyone that Harry was not taking Lupin's death well. As the days grew warmer, Harry's mood seemed to darken, and it seemed that there was no-one who he was willing to talk to. It became part of his routine to wonder the halls at night, always eventually ending up at his place by the lake. His mind was haunted by memories of the dead, and tortured by thoughts of what he could have done to prevent it.

The pressure of the wizarding world's ideals that he would once again be their saviour was gradually wearing him down. He desperately wanted to help; wanted to be involved, but how could he when Dumbledore insisted on treating him like an ignorant child? He was constantly frustrated as he saw friends fighting Voldemort whilst he had to be content with sitting by and watching the outcome from the relative safety of Hogwarts. He didn't want to watch as, one by one, his friends were murdered. He wanted to help.

His last conversation with Sirius before he left Hogwarts to return to his hideout kept replaying in his mind.

"Harry" Sirius had said, "Will you promise me something?"

"What?"

"Promise me you won't go looking for revenge. You're time will come." There had been a concerned look on his face.

"I'm tired of waiting Sirius."

"I know you're frustrated, but you're not ready yet. You must see that."

"I do. I won't do anything. There's nothing I can do." The relief on Sirius' face had been obvious and it had brought a rare smile to Harry's face.

**********

"Can I help you Mr Malfoy?"

This was not a normal shop in which the regular customer could enter. Only the select few were privy to the information that was required in order to get there. Lucius Malfoy looked at the cluttered and dusty interior with barely disguised disgust. He would never understand why such places insisted on retaining such a dark and dingy atmosphere, as though they had something to hide; which, of course, they did. He longed to pull down the thick drapes which covered the large windows and let the warm light reach objects which hadn't seen the sun in centuries. He glanced around at the mostly useless gadgets and antiques which covered every surface, cleverly disguising the true nature of this place. He studiously ignored the hovering shopkeeper as he completed his survey of his surroundings. It was always best to keep other people waiting; it makes them uncomfortable and ensures you the upper hand in any negotiations. He finally turned his icy stare to the aging man before him.

"Yes. I have a package to collect."

"Oh yes." The shopkeeper murmured. He fumbled around behind the counter before retrieving the correct box. He hesitated momentarily before handing the artefact over, as though he was unsure as to whether he should be parting with it to this particular customer. "There you are sir. I trust everything is in order?"

Lucius' eyes glittered as he looked at his purchase.

"Yes thank you. He will be most pleased." He dropped a bag of coins on the counter and swept out of the shop, leaving the shopkeeper to let out a deep sigh of relief.

**********

Harry had been in Dumbledore's office for half an hour now, and he was getting more and more frustrated by the minute. The old professor had been patient with him, understanding as ever, but even Harry could see he was getting tired of him. Hermione had warned him against bothering Dumbledore, saying that Harry just had to accept things as they were, he was an unqualified student with only a handful of O.W.L's to his name. He would only get in the way. He should have listened to her. Dumbledore was giving nothing away.

"But sir! I know there's a plan, Snape was trying to tell me about it! Just let me help."

"Harry, I realise you're frustrated. We all know how personally you take these things and the pressures you feel from your status in our world. You just have to accept that there is nothing you can do. Leave it to the Order to sort these things out. I can assure you, Remus Lupin's sacrifice will not be forgotten."

"You don't understand! I don't want to be the victim in this anymore. I always get dragged into these things. This time I volunteer!"

"Harry!" said Dumbledore sharply. "One day I am sure you will have a part to play, but it will not be today." Despite Dumbledore's words, Harry remained determined.

"Now my dear boy, you must return to your dormitory. I have an important meeting to attend." Harry's ears perked up at the sad note to Dumbledore's voice. As he stood to leave he said,

"I'll find out you know. Somehow I will."

"Goodnight Harry."

Harry left the office with no intention of going to bed. He would find out about this meeting. It had to have something to do with their plans. He hid around the corner and trained his eyes on the statue leading to the office he had just left. When Dumbledore left, he would follow him wearing his invisibility cloak.

However, after ten minutes Dumbledore still hadn't left, and Harry was getting fidgety, worrying abut getting caught loitering in the corridors after hours. Suddenly, he heard slow footsteps approaching and saw a dark figure approaching. Straining to see this mysterious figure, Harry's heart leapt into his throat. It was Draco Malfoy, looking effortlessly beautiful as ever, but he had a pensive look on his face. 'Why does he want to see Dumbledore? What does he have to do with any of this?'

Harry had been avoiding thinking about Malfoy. He'd been pining for him for months, longing just to be near him. As the same time though, he had no reason to trust the boy. Harry just had to look at his family and his list lengthened. He'd tried to tell himself that it was just physical lust, Malfoy was built like an Adonis and Harry was sixteen, but he knew this wasn't true. There was something more; something magnetic pulling him to Malfoy.

He'd been very confused after what had happened at the lake. Malfoy had been nervous, touchy; almost human. It had been a side of him Harry hadn't seen. It bred hope in his love-starved heart, but Harry was still wary. Maybe Malfoy had just been feeling guilty, maybe it was one of Lucius' plots to get close to him, but a voice in his head kept suggesting that it was more than that.

Harry was terrified of getting hurt, and it terrified him even more that his feelings might somehow be reciprocated. He was painfully aware that if it all ended in tears, they would certainly be his. He needed to know more. So Harry settled down and prepared to wait for Malfoy to return from seeing Dumbledore, brimming with anticipation, dread and excitement at the mere idea of being alone with Malfoy again.

**********

Draco had decided. He would do this for all of the people he had seen consumed by hate, he would do this for Potter, and most of all he would do this for himself. He had to rid himself of the darkness that had surrounded his childhood.

He sat down in front of Dumbledore's desk, and doubted if he'd ever felt so nervous as the old man looked at him like he could see his soul.

"Mr Malfoy. To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Sir, I have come, of my own free will, to provide you with information on my father and to, urm, offer my services to the Order." A look of sadness flickered in Dumbledore's eyes and he sighed.

"I see. What, may I ask, has brought you to this decision Draco?" Draco shifted uncomfortably. He'd expected this question but not so soon.

"Certain events were brought to my attention over the summer, and also recently, that have, shall we say, altered my perspective on certain issues." He knew he was being vague and cagey, but it was the only game he knew how to play and Dumbledore appeared to sense this.

"I presume you are aware of the possible consequences of you revealing this information to us? Are you sure you want to do this?"

Why was Dumbledore trying to talk him out of this? 'I'd have thought he'd jump at the chance to get such a high profile spy.'

"I'm sure."

"There's no going back after this."

"I know."

Dumbledore sighed again and for a moment, Draco could see every wrinkle and shadow on his old face.

"Very well. I shall call an emergency meeting of the Order of the Phoenix and we shall talk more then. I must warn you that certain members will take some convincing of your true loyalties to our cause."

"I have enough evidence." said Draco darkly. "You trust me though do you sir?" suddenly this seemed very important to Draco. Dumbledore stared at him for a long time.

"Yes, I do. I would like you to speak with Professor Snape before the meeting as well."

"Yes sir." Draco had also expected this. He'd long known of his Potions master's affiliations to the dark side.

"Sir, I have one condition."

"Yes?"

"I never want Potter to find out about this."

"As you wish. Thank you for this Draco."

"You're welcome." As Draco was leaving, he heard Dumbledore mutter,

"Another young life. When will this end?"

**********

Draco left Professor Dumbledore's office with a heavy heart. He had just betrayed his father and everything he had been brought up to believe in, and now he was scared. He wasn't sure he had done the right thing. He knew he had good reasons for turning away from the path set out for him by his father, but had he had to twist the knife after already burying it so deep in Lucius' back? With any luck Lucius would never find out what he had just done. However, his actions in the future were another matter entirely.

Draco was walking back towards the dungeons. He was lost in thought and waling fast, it was after hours and he didn't want to have to answer any of Filch's awkward questions, when an arm snaked out and dragged him behind a suit of armour. He managed to stifle a startled yell when he saw the owner of the arm. It was Potter, staring suspiciously at him and looking as gorgeous as ever.

"Jesus, you scared the crap out of me!" Draco proclaimed in an indignant voice.

"Why were you in Dumbledore's office?" asked Potter. 'Straight and to the point, I see.' Draco raised an eyebrow, trying to ignore the way his pulse was racing slightly too fast just from being near him.

"Excuse me?" he asked, polite but cold. Perfect poker face.

"I know it was something important" he said, his tone challenging Draco to deny it. "He made me leave so he could talk to you. I saw you go in. He never makes me leave."

Draco kept his eyebrow raised. 'How did he know I was coming?!'

"You were spying on me?" he smirked. It was getting more and more difficult to keep up his care-free façade.

"No." said Potter slightly too quickly. His cheeks took on a distinctly pink shade. 'Oh now that's just too adorable.' Attempting to retain his calm exterior, Draco leant in to Harry and whispered,

"I never knew you cared." And then winked in what he knew was an extremely infuriating manner. Potter's eyes locked with his and Draco could see him fight to keep control. Potter took a step backwards, took a deep breath, and his composure returned.

"What were you talking about that was so important?" he repeated.

"That, Potter, is none of your damn business." Said Draco, who was furiously trying to remind himself of his resolution to distance himself from Potter. It was becoming very difficult. 'You know it will end badly. You know there's no other way. Stop it before it begins.'

"Was it something to do with the Order?" asked Potter sharply. Draco hesitated, he didn't want to lie, but he couldn't simply tell him the truth. 'Why can't you lie? It's those damn eyes again.'

"I-" but Draco was cut off by the sound of quick footsteps from the end of the corridor.

"Shit!" said Potter, looking around. "It's Filch. Quick, come here before he sees us. I can't afford to lose any more house points!" He'd pulled a shimmering cloak from his pocket and had draped it over his shoulders. Draco gasped when suddenly all he could see was Potter's head.

"Hurry!" whispered Potter urgently and he held the invisibility cloak open. Never one to miss an opportunity, Draco grinned and stepped into the confines of the cloak. Filch was getting nearer and they could now hear him calling for Mrs Norris. Potter stifled a gasp when he saw the cat standing behind Draco, staring at the spot where the two boys had just disappeared.

However, all of this had become background to Draco when he stepped into the cloak. Large as it was, it simply wasn't made for two sixteen year old boys and they were forced to stand chest to chest, almost forehead to forehead. Draco felt like he was completely surrounded by Potter; his breath, his smell, his skin. He'd never been this close to him before, and it felt so new and familiar at the same time. Potter smelt like vanilla and soap, but mostly of something distinctly Harry; it was the pure definition of him and was completely indescribable. Draco could hear Filch's voice in the background coming nearer, and he saw Potter listening intently, looking concerned.

He shifted slightly and tilted his head, getting Potter's attention. For an infinitely long moment they simply stared at each other, Filch's voice drifting away to nothing as he drowned in warm green pools of light. The temptation was too much. Draco saw fear and indecision flicker through Potter's eyes, so he lifted his hand and cupped his cheek, stroking softly. 'Just this once' Draco promised himself. Potter continued to stare, seemingly puzzled, and then he turned his head so that his lips were on Draco's palm, kissing gently. The friction caused by this simple movement made his lower stomach spin. Potter turned his infinite eyes back and moved closer. Draco felt so tense he couldn't breathe, and he couldn't wait any longer. He put his hand on the back of Potter's neck and pulled him in.

He could feel Potter's ragged breath on him as their lips finally touched. Draco hadn't been prepared for the sublime nature of just the softest touch of lip on lip; Potter's lips on his. He could barely move or think. Tremulously, he let his tongue trace along Potter's lower lip, gently tasting. Potter opened his mouth and, achingly slow, they began to explore one another's mouths; tasting tongues, teeth, gums, and trying to familiarise themselves with every inch.

It seemed to last for an eternity, but not long enough. When Draco finally reluctantly prised himself from Potter's lips, he looked around to find that Filch and Mrs Norris were long gone. He turned back sadly and took his hand away from Potter's, where their fingers had intertwined. He touched his lips thoughtfully, still tasting him there. 'The first and last time.' Then, with the largest amount of self-control and strength of character ever shown by a Malfoy, he whispered,

"Harry, we can't do this. You know it's better this way. Just so you know though, I really wish things were different. I'm sorry."

Then he just turned and walked away.

**********

Killing me over and over.

Just one touch and I'd be lost,

Floundering in everything that's you.

You torture me with smiles and tears,

Waiting for me to give in;

Knowing that I never will.

Self-denial is the price I pay,

I said too much

Making you turn away from me.

I'm the poison that killed us,

Before we even began.

Just one touch and I'd be lost,

Floundering in everything that's you.

A/N: thank you so much everyone that reviewed! I'm in double figures now! Yeah!!! OK that sounded really pathetic. Don't forget to review this time, do I sound desperate?