Waves of Pain
By Kimetara
3rd Interlude/POV
Disclaimer: FFVII belongs to Squaresoft.
AN: Hah! This story is not dead! Yeah! ^_^ *dances*
Uh...sorry for my long disappearance. I've just been swamped with homework. In fact, I have to go type up a research report and my History Day topic...oh well.
Anyway (sorry for going a bit OT there), this is the prologue for "Waves of Pain," the fic this series of interludes is the prequel for (go check it out! Lol), so you needn't read if you already have. It's only here to show chronological order.
The day will come
When you find yourself alone
Drifting, drowning in the sea you've created...
I stand here, and I watch them. My...companions, I suppose.
I watch Cid skillfully pilot the Highwind. It's obvious of his love for the craft.
I listen to Barret and Cait Sith speaking. They're talking about Marlene, of course. The toy has admitted that Marlene is fine, and allowed Barret to speak to her. As a result, he does not hold as much resentment toward the executive as before.
I keep an eye out for the ninja. I know she will take any chance that appears to steal my materia – especially after the Wutai incident.
I can see Nanaki napping. I watch our "leader" stare out the window, brooding on another far out of his reach. I see warm burgundy eyes, a shade deeper than mine, gazing at the blond wistfully.
I wish for them all to drown.
I have nothing against them. It's a horrible thought, the thought of a monster...and yet, I can't help it.
I'm drowning. I want them all to know of what I have, what I still am, going through.
Why?
...do I actually want them to understand my pain? My sins? Does it matter to me if I am alone?
"Vincent?"
I looked up as a kind voice sounded my name. "Yes?" It's Tifa. Why is she here?
She smiled and settled down near me. "Mind if I talk a bit?"
"...do as you like." Unlike the others, Tifa never feared me. I respect her for that. It's more than I'm capable of.
"Okay." Tifa was quiet for a moment. "...I've heard somewhere that true happiness is being able to live in the present," she finally remarked.
"..."
"What do you think?"
Why was she asking me this? "I don't remember," I answered, my voice flat.
Tifa's eyes looked up at me, her eyes sad. "Don't remember being happy? That's terrible..." She bit her lip. "I think...it would be nice...to have no regrets from the past and no responsibilities for the future. But I also think," she continued thoughtfully, "that we'd be different people without that. I think our pain shapes us, molds us into stronger people." Abruptly, Tifa locked eyes with mine. "If we let it," she drew out slowly, never wavering in her gaze.
"What's that supposed to mean?" It slipped. I didn't mean for it to, but it did. Would it be another sin among the many I carry?
She smiled, a ting of melancholy touching the expression. "Don't drown in your sorrows, Vincent," she answered softly. "Let the pain carry you until you're strong enough to go on your own, but don't allow it to engulf your being."
"What would you know?" I asked harshly.
"I've lived through the death of both of my parents. I've lived through my town being burnt to ashes. I've worked in the slums as a bar waitress. I've seen and heard men strive to keep afloat by drowning themselves in liquor...and I've seen them fail and go under." Tifa paused. "...and I'm struggling myself," she finished, almost inaudibly. I believe the only reason I caught it was thanks to my enhanced hearing.
"Don't allow that to happen to you, okay Vincent?" she requested, beginning to stand.
"Why does it matter?" My voice had returned to its normal emotionless tone. I wasn't sure whether I was grateful or otherwise.
She's smiling at me again. How can she do that? "Because I care, silly," she answered, her tone affectionate before turning and walking back to Cloud's side, once more going unnoticed.
I blinked. Nobody had ever spoken to me like that since...Lucrecia... Everybody else had been too afraid. Afraid of me as a Turk, afraid of me as a monster.
Then...does she...understand?
But how can she keep on smiling?
I closed my eyes, and I remembered hers. Yes, she understood, I could see her fight the waves of pain in her eyes.
And I understood her.
Her smile was her mask – more subtle than mine, but a mask all the same.
I had received my wish...Tifa was drowning.
Suddenly I no longer desired her such a fate. She had no reason for it, as I did...
One more sin, amongst many...
I shall atone for this one as well.
I will fulfill her wish. I won't drown in my sorrows...as long as she doesn't either.
AN: Like I said, this is only here to show chronological order (since it is already a part of my story), so you needn't review if you don't like. Rather, go on to the next chapter and review that one. ^_^
