Teardrops in the Sea
By Kimetara
4th Interlude/POV
Disclaimer: Same as usual, you guys...
I've been such a fool at times.
I know it.
I can't believe some of the things I've done...
Like all those times I could I have stopped her.
I could have killed Hojo.
I could have persuaded her harder.
But no, instead I ran away, because I was too hurt by rejection to see the tears in her eyes.
I always feel so shamed when I think of it...
And when I ignored the friendly advances made unto me. All of Cloud's comments, Nanaki's wisdom, Cid's good-natured cursing, Tifa's smiles... I presided over them all, cold and aloof, sure of myself in my pain and unwilling to see the sorrow of others.
But strangely, Tifa had reached me. Perhaps because, beneath her bright exterior, she understands the ache I feel.
But she's always so happy.
So optimistic.
Despite her harsh past and Cloud's ignorance, she continues to support and brighten the group, with a depth that Yuffie and Aeris' perkiness failed to achieve.
A few days ago, she was laughing as the ninja pretended to pour water over Nanaki's head. Yuffie was giggling, even when Red snarled at her, and Tifa stepped in and settled the amiable dispute. Even though we were on the Highwind, and searching for Sephiroth, the three were happy, if not for very long.
Nanaki soon resumed his worried expression, and Yuffie became bored and searched for another being to irritate, but Tifa stayed seemingly content, a small smile playing on her face.
I watched her, and she noticed, and came to sit by me as she had before. I still remembered that conversation.
Eventually, I asked, "How do you keep yourself from drowning?"
She thought for a moment. "I'm...not sure. I try to keep other people happy, I guess, because when they're happy, I'm happy. It helps me to feel more..." she searched for the word, "...adequate."
My gaze settled on the floor. "Then there is no hope for me," I murmured.
The fighter blinked. "Why on earth would you say that, Vincent?"
"I could not bring happiness to anyone. My actions are only capable of causing pain."
She gave me an odd look, then said the most surprising thing.
"Actions are like teardrops in the sea...you know they're there, but you can never, ever call them back," she quoted. "Yuffie told me that once, when I asked her why she never felt badly about the things she did."
"Yuffie?" If it weren't for all my years as a Turk, I was sure my expression would have been priceless.
"Yes." She smiled. "I know, I was surprised too. But she told me it was something one of her mentors had told her...probably the woman that stands before Wutai's entrance, near the cat house."
"I see." Now that my shock had dimmed, I wondered – what did this have to do with me?
I suppose Tifa picked up my questioning, because she began explaining the quote. "I think that it has two meanings – one, to be careful of your actions, because you can't take them back. But you already do that," she smiled. "It's the second meaning that she used it for, and the one I want you to see..." she paused, waiting to see if I would ask. I didn't.
After a moment, the female shrugged, and went on with her explanation. "I think it also means that there's no use feeling terribly over something that you've done, because there's nothing more you can do." She smiled again. "Yuffie takes that meaning a bit too lightly, since she doesn't even feel badly about something she did five minutes ago, but you Vincent..." Tifa shook her head. "It's been so long...maybe you ought to let go."
I was silent.
"...I'm sorry," she sighed. "I know I've told you that before, and I know I promised to stay out of it."
"...it's alright," I answered finally. She was, after all, only trying to care. I had no reason to be annoyed. In truth, a small part of me warmed at her concern, although one I quickly suppressed.
She smiled at me again. "Thank you." She seemed happy, for some odd reason. I almost asked her why.
Almost. I managed to hold my tongue. However, she told me on her own.
"I'm glad, Vincent. You seem...I don't know. Less...distant," she laughed, a bit embarrassed by the sound of it. "...it's good to be friends," she finished quietly. I wasn't sure whether I was meant to overhear her last comment or not, so I refrained from remarking. Rather, I noticed that the bridge had slowly emptied, and that we were, with the exception of Cait Sith, the only ones left.
It was then Tifa yawned and stood. "It's getting a bit late...I'm going to go get some sleep. `Night, Vincent. Sweet dreams." She smiled at me for the last time, then left for her room.
Sweet dreams?
I could only hope...
AN: Yes, if you'll note, these are not all random interludes and they do all relate and build on each other. That's why I felt it was necessary to include the prologue of "Waves of Pain," or else the order would have been all messed up.
But anyway...please R&R! *goes back to report*
