Warning - This story contains male/male slash and suicide. So if this is not your thing I politely suggest looking elsewhere.
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Chapter 3 "Revelations"
After Harry had the left the owlery, Harry sat down in a particular large patch of straw. Oblivious to the owl droppings all around him, he lay back, letting his mind wander.
// What would be the best thing to do, I wonder, // Harry pondered. // Coming out with it directly won't be the easiest thing to do, but it would be right. On the other hand Cedric doesn't want me to tell. //
At the thought of Cedric Harry held himself tighter, suddenly aware of the cold around him. He could see the cloudless sky outside partially, and the sight of such starkness made him even colder.
"Maybe it's time to go back to the dorm." Harry said, out loud.
"Yes, I'm sure it will be much more comfortable," Dumbeldore commented, slipping out of the shadows, "although not as quiet."
Harry jumped up.
"How long have you been here!" Harry exclaimed.
// Say not long, say not long. // Harry wished.
"I've just arrived Harry, don't you worry, and if I got here earlier would that have been a problem?" Dumbeldore asked in a calming vioce.
"Oh no sir, I'm sorry for snapping, I've just got alot on my mind." Harry replied, inching his way towards the trapdoor.
"Well as long as we are here, quite by accident, we could say. How about a little chat?"
"I really would like to get some sleep, sir," Harry said, "and I don't wan't to inconvenience you."
"Harry, you don't need to avoid the issue, mark my words Harry, you did the right thing, what happens now is your choice," Dumbeldore said.
Harry opened his mouth to speak, but Dumbeldore silenced him.
"No words are needed, just make the descision you feel best, I have every trust in you." With that, Dumbeldore left. Leaving Harry alone, yet again.
After a few moments of standing alone in silence, Harry too left the owlery, closing the trapdoor gently behind him.
Creeping through the darkened corridors, he was aware of how much time he had actually spent in the tower, the only light visible was from the torches hanging over the walls. In any other circumstance Harry would have almost certainly bumped into Filch or Peeves, but tonight the castle was almost deadly silent.
Harry reached the portrait without incident, and without thinking, stepped over the unconcious form of Neville.
// Nothing will bother him tonight, I think, // Harry thought, // and not me for a start. //
"Vivictius Rombosa." He whispered, and with a feeble, drowsy wave of the Fat Lady's hand, the portrait swung open.
"Night dearie..." She called after him, as he entered the common room.
No one was awake at that time, so Harry, not wishing to disturb anyone, settled himself into one of the chairs, and curled up. The warmth of the fire calmed him, and he began to think in a different light.
// Maybe it is for the best if I don't tell anyone, I mean if it's what Cedric wants... // Harry thought, // who would know? I don't know for sure if Dumbeldore knows. //
The thought of being able to get away with it was a torture, making the descision to easy too make. Too easy to do what he knew was wrong.
Eventually even the thoughts became tiresome, and he drifted off into dreamless sleep.
The next worning he was ruffly awoken by what at first appeared to be a talking teddy bear. The lack of light told Harry it was still in the early hours of the morning.
"We's is wanting to clean the chair please" said the unfamiliar house elf.
"Oh sorry," Harry said, getting up. He got up a little too quickly, and fell back into the chair. The house elf stood there expectantly and Harry took all the time he needed, rubbing life back into his stiff limbs. When he had sufficiently recovered, he got up, and made his way downstairs towards the great hall to get some breakfast.
As usual there were only a straggle of people awake, mostly eager first years, or the academic elite, fresh from a night's studying.
Harry sat himself down, and helped himself to a bowl of porridge.
"Hello Harry, lovely morning isn't it?" Colin asked, "can I sit here?"
Without waiting for a reply he set his tray down next to Harry's. Harry moved accross to accommodate.
"Congradulations about the trophy Harry, I would have thought you would have got it before, seeing as you banished you know who so many times." Said Colin heaping porridge into his mouth.
"I'd rather you didn't bring that up Colin, and what are you doing up this early?" Harry asked, not hungry anymore.
Colin turned bright red. Swallowing quickly, he looked up from his bowl.
"I've met this Hufflepuff, you see, and last night..." He started, but Harry cut him off.
"Spare me the details." Harry said, " and I would appreciate it if you left me alone for a while..."
Harry thought that Colin might take this badly, but Colin's happy, blank expression did not change.
"Ok sure, planning something heroic are we?" He gave Harry a nudge, and walked off to talk to another first year.
Harry stared into his bowl. Thinking of many more interesting ways his descision could be made harder. Harry did not notice the great hall filling up as he stared into his bowl, when he again looked up, a whole fifteen minutes later, the room was quite more full, and he noticed Ron making his way over.
"Where were you last night," asked Ron, "I haven't seen you since dinner yesterday, when you stormed out."
"I didn't storm, I just needed to leave," Harry said in defense.
"Oh, right, well anyway me and my brothers noticed the way you acted when you were around all the others that night you came back from the hospital wing. Anything I should know about?" His friend asked, "You can be honest, I know Dumbeldore told everyone to leave you alone after the incident, but taking modesty to a level where you are making a scene, that's a different thing."
// If only it was that simple... // Harry thought. And brushed off the comment, not wanting confrontation.
"No, I just don't deserve it, that's all." Harry said, light heartedly.
Noticing Harry's discomfort, Ron turned looked at Harry and studied him for a second.
"But why not? If it's about Spruce, something you don't want to talk about..." Ron said.
// Oh god he doesn't think... // Harry mused.
"No, of course not, I'm not trying to play the hero and look macho for Spruce, if that's what you are thinking." Harry said chukling, glad of his own laughter. "She's got more chance of looking macho, I think, her arm's are about twice the size of mine."
Ron too laughed at this. But then the serious look came back to his face.
"You can trust me Harry..." Ron said in a sincere voice, "no matter what it is."
// I'm sure I can, but it's more a fact of trusting myself, // thought Harry, looking at the mist slowly rising of the lake.
"Look Ron, I know I can trsut you, it's just it's not something I think you could help me with," said Harry pausing, "it's something I need to work out myself."
Harry watched as Ron tried unsuccessfully to skip a stone accross the lake. Ron tried a few more time in silence before Harry continued.
"Oh two that time, Ron you are improving" Harry commented, Harry took a deep breath, "Ron, I didn't save Spruce, or Cedric either, on that matter. All that I did was barrel into Cedric, causing mroe damage then good."
Ron looked him over.
"I see, well..." Ron said doubtfully, "that wasn't what I had expected, well if you really didn't save either of them, who did? I don't really see your problem, if it's just a matter of credit I'm sure whoever did won't mind it. That pretty boy Cedric could have used a good weight on his head to stop the swelling"
"Well it was..." Harry stopped himself in time. "I don't really know who did, I just don't, and don't say anything about Cedric, if you actually new him you would find he's not as bad as you think."
What, so now it's not Spruce, it's Cedric" said Ron. giving Harry a friendly punch on the arm. Seeing no friendly response from Harry, doubt came into Ron's eyes.
"It's not is it? I mean if that's what you want..." Ron said, remarkably less sure of himself. " I mean when we were, you didn't seem keen, well at least something makes sense." With that Ron departed.
// Yeah Ron, we didn't work out, you maybe need to get over that... // Harry thought, and left the serenity of the lake for the morning hustle of the castle.
_______________________________
Chapter 3 "Revelations"
After Harry had the left the owlery, Harry sat down in a particular large patch of straw. Oblivious to the owl droppings all around him, he lay back, letting his mind wander.
// What would be the best thing to do, I wonder, // Harry pondered. // Coming out with it directly won't be the easiest thing to do, but it would be right. On the other hand Cedric doesn't want me to tell. //
At the thought of Cedric Harry held himself tighter, suddenly aware of the cold around him. He could see the cloudless sky outside partially, and the sight of such starkness made him even colder.
"Maybe it's time to go back to the dorm." Harry said, out loud.
"Yes, I'm sure it will be much more comfortable," Dumbeldore commented, slipping out of the shadows, "although not as quiet."
Harry jumped up.
"How long have you been here!" Harry exclaimed.
// Say not long, say not long. // Harry wished.
"I've just arrived Harry, don't you worry, and if I got here earlier would that have been a problem?" Dumbeldore asked in a calming vioce.
"Oh no sir, I'm sorry for snapping, I've just got alot on my mind." Harry replied, inching his way towards the trapdoor.
"Well as long as we are here, quite by accident, we could say. How about a little chat?"
"I really would like to get some sleep, sir," Harry said, "and I don't wan't to inconvenience you."
"Harry, you don't need to avoid the issue, mark my words Harry, you did the right thing, what happens now is your choice," Dumbeldore said.
Harry opened his mouth to speak, but Dumbeldore silenced him.
"No words are needed, just make the descision you feel best, I have every trust in you." With that, Dumbeldore left. Leaving Harry alone, yet again.
After a few moments of standing alone in silence, Harry too left the owlery, closing the trapdoor gently behind him.
Creeping through the darkened corridors, he was aware of how much time he had actually spent in the tower, the only light visible was from the torches hanging over the walls. In any other circumstance Harry would have almost certainly bumped into Filch or Peeves, but tonight the castle was almost deadly silent.
Harry reached the portrait without incident, and without thinking, stepped over the unconcious form of Neville.
// Nothing will bother him tonight, I think, // Harry thought, // and not me for a start. //
"Vivictius Rombosa." He whispered, and with a feeble, drowsy wave of the Fat Lady's hand, the portrait swung open.
"Night dearie..." She called after him, as he entered the common room.
No one was awake at that time, so Harry, not wishing to disturb anyone, settled himself into one of the chairs, and curled up. The warmth of the fire calmed him, and he began to think in a different light.
// Maybe it is for the best if I don't tell anyone, I mean if it's what Cedric wants... // Harry thought, // who would know? I don't know for sure if Dumbeldore knows. //
The thought of being able to get away with it was a torture, making the descision to easy too make. Too easy to do what he knew was wrong.
Eventually even the thoughts became tiresome, and he drifted off into dreamless sleep.
The next worning he was ruffly awoken by what at first appeared to be a talking teddy bear. The lack of light told Harry it was still in the early hours of the morning.
"We's is wanting to clean the chair please" said the unfamiliar house elf.
"Oh sorry," Harry said, getting up. He got up a little too quickly, and fell back into the chair. The house elf stood there expectantly and Harry took all the time he needed, rubbing life back into his stiff limbs. When he had sufficiently recovered, he got up, and made his way downstairs towards the great hall to get some breakfast.
As usual there were only a straggle of people awake, mostly eager first years, or the academic elite, fresh from a night's studying.
Harry sat himself down, and helped himself to a bowl of porridge.
"Hello Harry, lovely morning isn't it?" Colin asked, "can I sit here?"
Without waiting for a reply he set his tray down next to Harry's. Harry moved accross to accommodate.
"Congradulations about the trophy Harry, I would have thought you would have got it before, seeing as you banished you know who so many times." Said Colin heaping porridge into his mouth.
"I'd rather you didn't bring that up Colin, and what are you doing up this early?" Harry asked, not hungry anymore.
Colin turned bright red. Swallowing quickly, he looked up from his bowl.
"I've met this Hufflepuff, you see, and last night..." He started, but Harry cut him off.
"Spare me the details." Harry said, " and I would appreciate it if you left me alone for a while..."
Harry thought that Colin might take this badly, but Colin's happy, blank expression did not change.
"Ok sure, planning something heroic are we?" He gave Harry a nudge, and walked off to talk to another first year.
Harry stared into his bowl. Thinking of many more interesting ways his descision could be made harder. Harry did not notice the great hall filling up as he stared into his bowl, when he again looked up, a whole fifteen minutes later, the room was quite more full, and he noticed Ron making his way over.
"Where were you last night," asked Ron, "I haven't seen you since dinner yesterday, when you stormed out."
"I didn't storm, I just needed to leave," Harry said in defense.
"Oh, right, well anyway me and my brothers noticed the way you acted when you were around all the others that night you came back from the hospital wing. Anything I should know about?" His friend asked, "You can be honest, I know Dumbeldore told everyone to leave you alone after the incident, but taking modesty to a level where you are making a scene, that's a different thing."
// If only it was that simple... // Harry thought. And brushed off the comment, not wanting confrontation.
"No, I just don't deserve it, that's all." Harry said, light heartedly.
Noticing Harry's discomfort, Ron turned looked at Harry and studied him for a second.
"But why not? If it's about Spruce, something you don't want to talk about..." Ron said.
// Oh god he doesn't think... // Harry mused.
"No, of course not, I'm not trying to play the hero and look macho for Spruce, if that's what you are thinking." Harry said chukling, glad of his own laughter. "She's got more chance of looking macho, I think, her arm's are about twice the size of mine."
Ron too laughed at this. But then the serious look came back to his face.
"You can trust me Harry..." Ron said in a sincere voice, "no matter what it is."
// I'm sure I can, but it's more a fact of trusting myself, // thought Harry, looking at the mist slowly rising of the lake.
"Look Ron, I know I can trsut you, it's just it's not something I think you could help me with," said Harry pausing, "it's something I need to work out myself."
Harry watched as Ron tried unsuccessfully to skip a stone accross the lake. Ron tried a few more time in silence before Harry continued.
"Oh two that time, Ron you are improving" Harry commented, Harry took a deep breath, "Ron, I didn't save Spruce, or Cedric either, on that matter. All that I did was barrel into Cedric, causing mroe damage then good."
Ron looked him over.
"I see, well..." Ron said doubtfully, "that wasn't what I had expected, well if you really didn't save either of them, who did? I don't really see your problem, if it's just a matter of credit I'm sure whoever did won't mind it. That pretty boy Cedric could have used a good weight on his head to stop the swelling"
"Well it was..." Harry stopped himself in time. "I don't really know who did, I just don't, and don't say anything about Cedric, if you actually new him you would find he's not as bad as you think."
What, so now it's not Spruce, it's Cedric" said Ron. giving Harry a friendly punch on the arm. Seeing no friendly response from Harry, doubt came into Ron's eyes.
"It's not is it? I mean if that's what you want..." Ron said, remarkably less sure of himself. " I mean when we were, you didn't seem keen, well at least something makes sense." With that Ron departed.
// Yeah Ron, we didn't work out, you maybe need to get over that... // Harry thought, and left the serenity of the lake for the morning hustle of the castle.
