Disclaimer: I don't own the copyright to SSBM.

Author's note: I will make fun of about every character in this fic. Don't get offended.

Soon Crazy Hand arrived and asked everyone to enter the building. He registered each one after they paid their tuition fee. They were all assigned dorms rooms with one other person. As fate would have it, Marth was stuck with Sandbag. So everyone was told their classes for the year and wished good luck. It was almost five a clock, so everyone went to their dorms to prepare for—

~DAY ONE~

Marth was sleeping peacefully in bed, dreaming a wonderful dream. Suddenly, a huge weight landed on his stomach. He yelled and sat up to see Sandbag sitting on his stomach.

Marth: What are you doing?!

Sandbag: Wake up! Your first class is in one hour!

Marth: What, are you in it with me?

Sandbag: Yes.

Marth: (groans) Which class?

Sandbag: Uh, I forgot…

Marth: Great.

Sandbag: I remember which room it was in, though.

Marth: Okay, whatever, but first I'm getting some breakfast.

Sandbag: Me too!

Marth walked in the cafeteria, Sandbag rolling around, bumping into walls. Marth sat down beside Sonic the Hedgehog right after getting something to eat.

Marth: Hi, who are you?

Sonic: I'm Sonic.

Marth: I'm Marth, nice to meet you. Who's that guy? (pointing to Bomberman)

Sonic: Oh, that's Bomberman…(whispers) careful; he's a masochist pyromaniac.

Marth: Ouch…

Bomberman: I LOVE PAIN!! (pauses for a moment) Behold, the power I control with this match! I will now burn down the universe!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HEHEHE HEH!!!! HOOHOOOHOOO!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Shadow the Hedgehog: Shut up, freak!

Kirby: (addressing Jiggalypuff) let's go sit somewhere else.

A Toad (not as in a frog, but the little guy in a diaper wearing a mushroom on his head) walks passed Gannondorf, who grabs the poor fellow.

Gannondorf: Hey, punk, got any money?

Toad: N-n-n-n-no…

Gannondorf laughs, and then flicks the Toad across the room. It was screaming and wailing pitifully until it hit a wall.

Dr. Mario: (standing in the entrance of the cafeteria) HEY EVERYBODY!! GOOD MORNING!!

Everyone: SHUT UP!!

King Dedede: (talking to Mario) Hey, mustache boy! Is that your nose or do you have one heck of a zit?

Mario: Shut up.

King Dedede: You gonna make me?

Bowser walked up to Dedede and clutches his throat. Then he threw him into Gannondorf.

Bowser: This seat's reserved for me.

Mario: That's awfully nice of you to stand up for me!

Bowser gets up, picks Mario up, and start walking toward the bathrooms.

Mario: HEY!! What are you doing?

Bowser: It's time for the give-a-sissy-a-swirly game.

Mario: NOO!! MERCY!! PLEASE!!

A few minutes later, Mario walks out, with his hair all swirly and wet. Bowser walks out too, after swirlying the Toad who Gannondorf flicked across the room.

Peach: BOWSER!! I saw that!

Bowser: Aw, come on, they deserved it! They were wusses!!

Gannondorf approached Bowser.

Gannondorf: You're gonna pay for throwing that penguin at me!

Bowser: Sure. Hey, your fly is open.

Gannondorf: Oh, thank you.

Bowser punches Gannondorf into a wall. Link and Young Link walk up to Bowser.

Y. Link: Hey, that was our uncle!

Bowser: And?

Link: Thanks; he was a real pain in the butt.

Y. Link: But big brother, I thought we LIKED Uncle Gannondorf.

Link: (whispers fiercely to Y. Link) Shut up! If we're not nice to this guy, he'll pulverize us! (addresses Bowser) Uh, please excuse my brother. He was born without the benefits of a brain.

Bower: Are you gonna shut up now?

Link: Uh, sure…

Suddenly, Bomberman jumps up on top of a table and screams: FOOD FIGHT!!!

Bomberman chunked a huge plate of food at someone, who, in a rage, threw stuff back. He missed, and hit someone else. In a few minutes, everyone was engaged in a gruesome battle. The whole place was smeared in food. The fight ended when Bomberman, being the pyromaniac he is, burned down the cafeteria.