For disclaimer see chapter 1
Oh and please review.
5 Minutes Later in the Mansions Laundry room
"It worked once before and it'll work again." Jubilee informed us.
"Now all we've got to do is get rid of the people who clean the clothes" Ev pointed out.
"That's simple enough" Mel said as we all huddled toward her to listen to her plan.
"ARRGGGHHH!! The washing machines have a life of their own run…run to the hills" Screamed Mrs Laundry Lady.
I ran behind her and bolted the door behind her "Good work girls"
Ev and Jubilee came out from their hiding place behind the washing machine where moments earlier they had launched an attack on the poor unsuspecting workers. Evelyn had squirted them whilst Jubilee had rocked the machine while barraging the Laundry Lady with abuse about the quality of the washing powder. Bless we all knew the lady was proof that evolution CAN go in reverse but that was just ridiculous.
An hour later
"I'm Henry the 8th I am…"
2 Hours later
"I'm hungry"
"I need a wee"
"I'm hungry"
"I need a wee"
"WILL YOU TWO SHUT THE HELL UP!?!" My patience with Jubilee and Kats whinging had come to breaking point "There's lots of soap powder left to eat and Kat, you can pee in the sink"
I looked at Kat who's cheeks were bulging with, if the tell tale sign of the foam dribbling down her chin was anything to go by, had already tried eating the soap.
"Jesus Kat has your slinky finally kinked" I asked
"Are you trying to say am I thick?" She asked confused soapy suds dribbling down her chin as she did so
"Yes!!"
"Well I'm not thick I was just doing as you said" she protested innocently
For the second time that day I decided not to get involved in their petty squabbles and rose above the situation as is befitting of the leader of Retribution X.
"Right Kat you come with me" I instructed
"Oh goody a trip" She squealed then added suspiciously "Where are we going? We're not going to tepee Elvis's room again are we?"
"No of course not!!" I replied innocently
"Good because that trip was scary, he had naughty videos in his room and he left the toilet seat up with the thing floating in it"
"Where are you going?" Mel asked
"Well she's going to have a wee because I can't put up with her whinging anymore and I'm going for provisions, do NOT let anyone in?" I looked at them suspiciously "Even if they offer you muffins got it?"
The Kitchen
We tried to remain inconspicuous, well as inconspicuous as you can be while humming the theme to mission impossible.
"Can I take an orange" Kat asked
"No we need essentials" I said sternly "Grab as much chocolate as you can"
"What about cigarettes?"
"None of us smoke dumb-ass!"
"Oh right yeah I forgot"
"Quick before some one comes then it up to the bedroom and awaaaaay"
The Stairs
We were now humming the James Bond theme…or at least attempting to it just kept somehow turning into Mission Impossible.
"I've got it, I've got it!!"
"No Kat that was mission Impossible again" I stopped quickly nearly dropping the chocolate I was carrying "Shhh…Someone's coming hide"
Five Minutes later in the boys shower room
"Do you think it's safe to come out now" Kat whispered
I was about to reply but at that moment the door opened, I slammed the door shut on our shower cubicle.
"Scott is that you" came Hanks voice
I cleared my throat "Umm yes it is" I said trying to sound like a pansy but probably failing.
"Not singing today then?" He asked
"No I've got a sore throat"
"Go on give us a verse"
'God is Hank tone deaf' I thought to myself it was a well known fact among the residents of the X mansion that Scott could not sing.
"Well if you insist" I replied in my best Scott voice nudging Kat indicating that she should sing as she was the only other person in the whole mansion who could hold a tune as poorly as Kat.
"At first I was afraid I was petrified
Thought I could never live without you by my side…"
"What may I ask are you doing in here young ladies" I looked up to see Hanks blue fuzzy face peering over the top of the shower cubicle at us.
"How did you know it was us?" I asked
"For a start Kat is too good a singer to be Scott…" we both looked at him incredulously had he been listening to the same song as we had? "…although the song was spot on"
"Lucky guess!" Kat shrugged.
"And secondly last time I saw Scott he didn't have four feet!"
"That much of a give away huh?" I asked grimly
"May I ask what exactly you're doing in here? I thought you would be out celebrating the success of your campaign!"
"We would if Scott and Jean weren't Logan's replacements"
"Ah I sympathise with you, I know what it's like having Scott around, after all he is the leader of the X Men!"
Girls Bedroom
Hank had promised to keep our ware bouts a secret from the good family Summers, hence forth known as the Brady Bunch. He also promised that he and the good Priest Wagner would slip cookies down to us.
Me and Kat however where now packing large rucksacks full of the food and 3 days worth of clothes. I also grabbed my duvet and then we proceeded on the perilous journey down to the Laundry room.
Outside the Laundry room
"Honey we're home!!"
"God it really was a jungle out there!"
"How do we know its you?" Came Evelyn's voice from behind the bolted door.
'I know' I thought giving the cogs in my brain a dusting 'lets check how well the follow orders'
"Let me in or else"
"Or else what"
Good these kids were showing promise, I tried a different tack.
"I've got chocolate"
I heard mumbling from behind the door which sounded like "She said not to let people in for muffins, but she didn't say anything about chocolate"
Then "you may enter stranger!"
The Next Morning
"Ohh look there tumble dryer has a load of clothes in them" Ev pointed out
"Let's put the tumble dryer on see what happens" I suggested hoping secretly it was Scott's favourite suit and that we could shrink it.
"Houston we have a problem!" Mel said in her best (I.e. everyone else in the whole worlds worst) American accent
"What that?"
"Weeeelllllllllll….It appears that there is something obstructing the path of the hinge…."
"In English Mel" Jubilee said irritably
"Some things stopping the door from shutting" Mel responded huffily.
"Proceed with operation P.U.I.S." They looked at me puzzled I sighed did they know nothing "Poke Until It Shuts"
"Oh!"
5 Minutes later
"Is it meant to groan when you poke it?" Mel asked worried
"Keep doing it and see if it stops"
6 Minutes later
"Is it still groaning?" I asked
"Yes"
"Then it's time to up the Tempo, pass me that coat hanger"
We all crowded around the tumble dryer.
"Maybe it's a sign from God!" Evelyn said excitedly "Like the talking fish"
"The talking fish?!"
"Yeah it spoke to him and told him it was god!"
"Then
what did he do?"
"He chopped its head off!"
We poked the bundle of rags some more, only to hear that the groans were replaced by snuffles.
"It might be a hedgehog"
"Sorry to disillusion you Mel but Hedgehogs don't grow that big!"
"It might be a mutant hedgehog!"
"Like that would happen!"
"Beside we don't have Hedgehogs in America" Evelyn helpfully pointed out.
"Let's poke it with the hooky end of the coat hanger"
"!?"
"WILL YOU STOP POKING ME WITH A BLOODY COAT HANGER!!"
"Arrgghh…Kat what are you doing in the tumble dryer?" Jubilee asked
"It was warm" Kat said rubbing her eyes sleepily before shooting me an accusing stare "And SOMEONE wouldn't share their duvet!"
A week later
The team of Retribution X aided by Hank and Kurt (whose smalls Mel thrust herself forward to wash and no one argued) had successfully succeeded in bringing the Mansion to its knees. Word from above had it that Scott was wandering around in his underwear due to our refusal to wash anything without a bribe, and besides even if Scott and Jean did go against the Professors command (as if that would happen) and actually attempt to bribe us we wouldn't do it for them.
However after a week of being cooped up in the Laundry room we were getting fed up, hungry, irritated and…well smelly.
Knock Knock
"Who is it?"
"It's me Logan"
Kat cowered in a corner at the sound of his voice
"What do you want?"
"I've just come to say I've got soap"
Mel's ears pricked up and made her way to the door I jumped up trying to hold her back "Don't do it"
Mel looked at me pityingly "But we must we owe it to the F.O.H"
"Friends of humanity"
"Oh is that what it stands for?"
"Yes! Why what do you think it stood for?"
"Friends of Hygiene"
I would have laughed but she made her way to the door, I tried to stop her but it was too late.
"AMBUSH!!"
The last thing I saw was Scott, Logan, Jean and Remy in what appeared to be dirty underwear before falling into a daze (well wouldn't you after seeing Scott in greying (and browning) Y-fronts that were way too tight.
