THE WORLD IS GONNA END. AGAIN
AN: Hey! Well this is Chapter 3 and my mission is to make it longer than the last (yet again.) Thanks for the reviews (all the NICE people) - Oh and like, hello, this fic is in the HUMOUR section, which generally means that it is a JOKE. Therefore I am not dissin Quistis. Got it? Good. Oh yeah and I also call Rinoa a slut in this fan fic - if you have a problem then see the note above. I like Rinoa too.
SQUALL'S BIG PROBLEM
Quistis and Irvine arrived outside the studios just in time to see everybody going in for the talk show. They cunningly sneaked in through the back door and took their seats in the audience. All of a sudden music sounded and a spotlight shone on the set in front of them.
"And now ladies and gentleman, please welcome the woman with the gift of the gab, the world famous talk show host - It's Eddddea!!!!"
Quistis and Irvine gasped in shock as their old matron walked onto the set, a microphone and cards in her hand. She took a bow and the audience went wild.
"Pssst, how come Cid never told me that she was a talk show host? Did you know about this Irvine?" Quistis whispered.
"Beats me, but she does look sexy in that little skirt." Irvine leered.
"Ugh! She's like 40 Irvine!"
"Ah well I can dream," Irvine winked at her, "now sssh, I'm watchin' the show."
"Today's topic is 'my girlfriend's having my father's baby'. My first guest on the show today is Squall. Now Squall is happily married to Rinoa and thinks the baby she's pregnant with is his. Well have we got a shock for him! Bring on Rinoa!" Edea spoke.
Rinoa Heartilly, alleged slut of Final Fantasy 8 walked onto the set and sat in the yellow chair.
"Damn she got fat!" Irvine noted.
"Irvine, did you like not listen to anything Edea just said? She's PREGNANT," Quistis rolled her eyes.
"Whoa! No I was too busy staring at Edea's breasts - Ow!" Quistis whacked him over the head.
"Hi Rinoa and welcome to the show," Edea carried on, "so we hear you've got a little bit of a dilemma and you've got something to say to your husband? Come on out Squall!"
Squall walked onto the platform, kissed Rinoa on the cheek and sat in the seat next to her.
"Hey what's going on?" Squall looked puzzled.
"Squall, I have something to tell you." Rinoa started. Squall nodded at her, looking a little worried, "well. the baby's not yours!"
Squall looked shocked, the audience booed. Quistis covered her mouth in mock horror
"That was pretty obvious. I mean c'mon, Rinoa's not exactly a saint. She's had an affair with me many a time!" Irvine grinned. Quistis smacked him upside the head.
"Well whose is it?" Squall looked pissed off.
"Laguna's," Rinoa bit her lip and looked down at her feet.
"My dad's!!! You slept with my father!! When? How? Why?" Squall got up to his feet.
"I was drunk! And you never show me any attention anymore! Besides I love Laguna and we're going to elope!!" Rinoa stood and faced him.
"Why you little whore," Squall reached out to strangle her but the security guys stepped in.
"Whew, it sure is hotting up in here," Edea laughed, the audience cheered. Well guess what guys, we're gonna crank up the heat some more. Can I welcome on stage, Rinoa's lover and Squall's father, Laguna!"
Laguna walked onstage, the audience booed. Laguna gave them the finger and Squall leapt towards him, tackling him.
"I hate you! I hate you!" Squall yelled like a baby. Rinoa ran over to Laguna and kissed him. Squall began to swear again.
"Hi Laguna. Now I believe you have something to tell Rinoa." Edea smirked.
"Yes. er, sweetie. Well about the whole eloping thing. Well I cant."
"What? Why?" Rinoa began to look sad.
"Because, er, I dunno how to say this. I'm gay! I'm eloping with Kiros!" Laguna moved out of the way as Rinoa went to bitch slap him. Squall laughed.
"Why you.!" Rinoa lunged at him and Squall joined in. then Kiros jumped out of the audience.
"Hey you ho, get offa my man!" Kiros yelled, joining in the scuffle. Security was everywhere; Edea and the audience loved it. Finally the hostess turned to the microphone.
"Well that's it from another show. Remember love and peace guys - sleeping with your boyfriend's gay father is NEVER a good option. Until next time. see ya!"
The show ended, Quistis and Irvine sat, stunned.
"Well I always thought Kiros was gay cos I mean he does look like a girl but like, Laguna???" Quistis turned to Irvine.
"Wow does this mean Rinoa's available?" Irvine drooled. Quistis rolled her eyes.
"She's like pregnant, Irvine and she's suffering deep emotional trauma. Hey look, there's Squall!! Hey Squall!!!"
Squall turned towards the two. Blood was dripping down his face and his cheek had already begun to swell.
"Whoa man, I feel your pain." Irvine sympathised.
"Yeah well, she was a whore anyway." Squall shrugged.
"That's the spirit!" Quistis grinned, "Anyway, we need your help." Quistis explained the whole crappy story to Squall. He took a moment to consider the facts and then reluctantly agreed to join them on their escapades.
"Ah well, that bitch has ruined my life, I got nothing else to do. Why not?"
Back at the Garden, Quistis began to search through her remaining files. The next one she pulled out was SELPHIE TILMITT.
"Yay! It's my girl!" Irvine cheered.
"Well in that case, do you wanna ring her?" Quistis handed him Selphie's contact number. Irvine dialled but yet again he was left with the answering machine.
""Hey hey hey! Welcome to Selphie Inc. Don't worry I'll be back soon, just leave an ickle message and I'll reply as soon as I can. Love and peace and happiness and sunshine guys!""
Irvine decided to leave a message.
"Hey snookums baby. It's me Irvy. Just wanna tell you that you're damn hot and we should've sooo got it together in the game!"
Squall then punched Irvine knocking him flat on the floor. Quistis looked shocked.
"Damn he was annoying!" Squall said.
"True, true." Quistis grinned, "So Selphie Inc. huh? Is that a company she owns?"
"I think so, I'll search on the web for it. Let's go."
^With another step of the journey completed, Quistis, Squall and an out cold Irvine search the internet for a trace of Selphie's company. What is it? Where is it? Will she annoy the others to death with her constant dizziness? Will Irvine annoy the others to death with his constant pervertedness? Is pervertedness even a word? Coming soon in Chapter 4^
EN: I hope you liked that chapter. It took me ages to finish it cos I'm such a lazy-ass I cant be bothered most times. Sorry for abusing Rinoa lots but I'll try to be nicer to her in forthcoming chapters. Please R & R. I really really appreciate all the comments. Cheers muchly.
AN: Hey! Well this is Chapter 3 and my mission is to make it longer than the last (yet again.) Thanks for the reviews (all the NICE people) - Oh and like, hello, this fic is in the HUMOUR section, which generally means that it is a JOKE. Therefore I am not dissin Quistis. Got it? Good. Oh yeah and I also call Rinoa a slut in this fan fic - if you have a problem then see the note above. I like Rinoa too.
SQUALL'S BIG PROBLEM
Quistis and Irvine arrived outside the studios just in time to see everybody going in for the talk show. They cunningly sneaked in through the back door and took their seats in the audience. All of a sudden music sounded and a spotlight shone on the set in front of them.
"And now ladies and gentleman, please welcome the woman with the gift of the gab, the world famous talk show host - It's Eddddea!!!!"
Quistis and Irvine gasped in shock as their old matron walked onto the set, a microphone and cards in her hand. She took a bow and the audience went wild.
"Pssst, how come Cid never told me that she was a talk show host? Did you know about this Irvine?" Quistis whispered.
"Beats me, but she does look sexy in that little skirt." Irvine leered.
"Ugh! She's like 40 Irvine!"
"Ah well I can dream," Irvine winked at her, "now sssh, I'm watchin' the show."
"Today's topic is 'my girlfriend's having my father's baby'. My first guest on the show today is Squall. Now Squall is happily married to Rinoa and thinks the baby she's pregnant with is his. Well have we got a shock for him! Bring on Rinoa!" Edea spoke.
Rinoa Heartilly, alleged slut of Final Fantasy 8 walked onto the set and sat in the yellow chair.
"Damn she got fat!" Irvine noted.
"Irvine, did you like not listen to anything Edea just said? She's PREGNANT," Quistis rolled her eyes.
"Whoa! No I was too busy staring at Edea's breasts - Ow!" Quistis whacked him over the head.
"Hi Rinoa and welcome to the show," Edea carried on, "so we hear you've got a little bit of a dilemma and you've got something to say to your husband? Come on out Squall!"
Squall walked onto the platform, kissed Rinoa on the cheek and sat in the seat next to her.
"Hey what's going on?" Squall looked puzzled.
"Squall, I have something to tell you." Rinoa started. Squall nodded at her, looking a little worried, "well. the baby's not yours!"
Squall looked shocked, the audience booed. Quistis covered her mouth in mock horror
"That was pretty obvious. I mean c'mon, Rinoa's not exactly a saint. She's had an affair with me many a time!" Irvine grinned. Quistis smacked him upside the head.
"Well whose is it?" Squall looked pissed off.
"Laguna's," Rinoa bit her lip and looked down at her feet.
"My dad's!!! You slept with my father!! When? How? Why?" Squall got up to his feet.
"I was drunk! And you never show me any attention anymore! Besides I love Laguna and we're going to elope!!" Rinoa stood and faced him.
"Why you little whore," Squall reached out to strangle her but the security guys stepped in.
"Whew, it sure is hotting up in here," Edea laughed, the audience cheered. Well guess what guys, we're gonna crank up the heat some more. Can I welcome on stage, Rinoa's lover and Squall's father, Laguna!"
Laguna walked onstage, the audience booed. Laguna gave them the finger and Squall leapt towards him, tackling him.
"I hate you! I hate you!" Squall yelled like a baby. Rinoa ran over to Laguna and kissed him. Squall began to swear again.
"Hi Laguna. Now I believe you have something to tell Rinoa." Edea smirked.
"Yes. er, sweetie. Well about the whole eloping thing. Well I cant."
"What? Why?" Rinoa began to look sad.
"Because, er, I dunno how to say this. I'm gay! I'm eloping with Kiros!" Laguna moved out of the way as Rinoa went to bitch slap him. Squall laughed.
"Why you.!" Rinoa lunged at him and Squall joined in. then Kiros jumped out of the audience.
"Hey you ho, get offa my man!" Kiros yelled, joining in the scuffle. Security was everywhere; Edea and the audience loved it. Finally the hostess turned to the microphone.
"Well that's it from another show. Remember love and peace guys - sleeping with your boyfriend's gay father is NEVER a good option. Until next time. see ya!"
The show ended, Quistis and Irvine sat, stunned.
"Well I always thought Kiros was gay cos I mean he does look like a girl but like, Laguna???" Quistis turned to Irvine.
"Wow does this mean Rinoa's available?" Irvine drooled. Quistis rolled her eyes.
"She's like pregnant, Irvine and she's suffering deep emotional trauma. Hey look, there's Squall!! Hey Squall!!!"
Squall turned towards the two. Blood was dripping down his face and his cheek had already begun to swell.
"Whoa man, I feel your pain." Irvine sympathised.
"Yeah well, she was a whore anyway." Squall shrugged.
"That's the spirit!" Quistis grinned, "Anyway, we need your help." Quistis explained the whole crappy story to Squall. He took a moment to consider the facts and then reluctantly agreed to join them on their escapades.
"Ah well, that bitch has ruined my life, I got nothing else to do. Why not?"
Back at the Garden, Quistis began to search through her remaining files. The next one she pulled out was SELPHIE TILMITT.
"Yay! It's my girl!" Irvine cheered.
"Well in that case, do you wanna ring her?" Quistis handed him Selphie's contact number. Irvine dialled but yet again he was left with the answering machine.
""Hey hey hey! Welcome to Selphie Inc. Don't worry I'll be back soon, just leave an ickle message and I'll reply as soon as I can. Love and peace and happiness and sunshine guys!""
Irvine decided to leave a message.
"Hey snookums baby. It's me Irvy. Just wanna tell you that you're damn hot and we should've sooo got it together in the game!"
Squall then punched Irvine knocking him flat on the floor. Quistis looked shocked.
"Damn he was annoying!" Squall said.
"True, true." Quistis grinned, "So Selphie Inc. huh? Is that a company she owns?"
"I think so, I'll search on the web for it. Let's go."
^With another step of the journey completed, Quistis, Squall and an out cold Irvine search the internet for a trace of Selphie's company. What is it? Where is it? Will she annoy the others to death with her constant dizziness? Will Irvine annoy the others to death with his constant pervertedness? Is pervertedness even a word? Coming soon in Chapter 4^
EN: I hope you liked that chapter. It took me ages to finish it cos I'm such a lazy-ass I cant be bothered most times. Sorry for abusing Rinoa lots but I'll try to be nicer to her in forthcoming chapters. Please R & R. I really really appreciate all the comments. Cheers muchly.
