I said that I would finish it, so here goes:
-Abysst
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing.
Chapter 9: This Is It
***
Hilde awoke to a splitting headache and streaming light filtering in through the open curtains of her living room windows. She lay sprawled on the carpet of her rug, one hand loosely clutching a madly beeping phone and the other propped up against the side of the couch. She had somehow managed to lay her leg across the surface of the coffee table and the other one was crunched in between the couch and table.
She sat up carefully and slumped her back against the lower frame of the couch. A weary sense of déjà vu pervaded her senses and she groggily recalled a night just barely a week ago when she had found her sleeping arrangements much to the same capacity.
However...she had been drunk, she was sure of that. The wracking headache assaulting her now was not of a hangover nature, but more of a physical hurt starting at one central point...she reached up and gently stroked the side of her head wincing immediately and drawing her hand back. There was probably a big lump.
She blinked furiously for a few seconds contemplating nothing in particular and rubbing the backs of her palms directly above the swell of her cheeks. A whine from her left caused her to lift her eyes and turn her head-an action that resulted in a grimace. She looked out of the glassy door of the balcony to a wiggly golden-bodied puppy scratching desperately at the window. She frowned. *Where did that dog come from? I don't have a-*
Abruptly her thoughts cut off as a wave, no, a whole damn ocean of images flooded her mind. She remembered that drunken night a week ago pulling in a strange man-Duo-and lying him on her couch. She remembered the myriad dreams of Jeff and his captivating grin. She remembered the picture of him and Mindy-oh God, how could she forget-and the jealousy, the hurt, and the anger that had coursed through her body.
"No," she groaned clutching her pounding head in her arms, "Stop, too much."
She remembered the harsh _smack!_ of Duo's fist as it connected with Jeff's perfect chin-certainly a delightful sound, but why had Duo hit Jeff? She remembered Jeff's words stinging as the desert sand in a windstorm and of a computer full of bugs (what the hell?!), and a roly-poly little mass of fur and tongue-Bob, no, Steve-and the dangerous aura of a tall dark man-Blake.
She shivered.
She remembered Ferris wheels (cart number sixteen, please) and Jeff's insistent, thorough, enduring kiss, melting into the feel of someone else's lips. "...You're a great kisser..."
Duo.
His lips warm and inviting, not needy and greedy like Jeff's. His hands holding up a sweet cotton swab-the cotton candy-before their faces, and her own hands-one behind his neck and one laced in the silk of his chestnut braid. Steve's constant yipping fading away behind her...
Crash!
Something knocking her knees from behind-she reels forward-smacks into a chest (Duo) he pulls her to her feet and asks if she is alright, *_Am_ I alright?* and she is lost in the depths of his bottomless cobalt eyes. Intense, sad, murderous?
Yuy.
They suddenly transform into the severe gaze of the murderer who killed men- shot them once in the head. "...He wasn't a very nice man..." Relena's voice drifts from below and Hilde sees her tired beaten face of someone plagued with sleepless nights and terrible memories. "...am I to be responsible for taking his life?..."
Cold steel.
Being shoved into her temple. Someone grips the tops of her arm-tightly. Steve is outside barking like crazy, Hilde is inside trying to fight back a wave of nausea and panic while a man dressed eerily like Blake rumbles into his cell phone.
Ring!
A phone shrills and Hilde holds it up to her ear. This could be her last chance. Someone is crying and taking big watery gulps of air. Her squally voice is easy to identify. Mindy. "It's Jeff...his plane's crashed...he's dead..."
Gone.
Hilde slyly ducks down her head and sneaks a glance behind under the cover of her lashes. Duo's form is merged in with the elusive shadows always seeming to follow him. He nods and vanishes.
"I hope you and your wife enjoy the show!"
Hilde grasped the caps of her drawn knees so tightly that the tips of her knuckles turned white. Her head throbbed and her chest hitched, as though someone were slicing a portion of her ribs from her body. Big rivulets of tears swam down the contours of her face as the barrage of memories tapered reluctantly away.
She cried for Jeff and for Duo and for Mindy and for Steve. She cried for Relena and even that murderous son-of-a-bitch Heero Yuy. She let out all the stress, exhaustion, tension, anger, jealousy, and bitterness flow out of her like electricity flowing out of a copper wire. She simply wanted the feelings gone. She wanted the pain to leave and never come back.
Steve whined again from his perch by the door. Carefully, Hilde pushed herself from her crouch and stumbled over to the dog on wobbly legs. She carefully replaced the insistent receiver in the cradle as she passed by. Lifting the latch serving as a lock, Hilde pulled back on the handle and let the squirming dog dance into the room, first wriggling all over her and then ducking over to his spot underneath the coffee table. She watched the dog only for a moment before stepping out into the breeze of the morning outside.
*This is where it started,* she thought leaning over the edge of the wrought iron railing and gazing wistfully into the turbulent sea below. Another river of tears threatened to break the dam she had mentally built as she looked into the speckled overcast of the sky. *This is where everything went wrong.* She wished she had someone to blame for all the pain she felt. She wished she could blame Jeff for hurting her. But that wasn't reasonable, after all, a person couldn't simply transform into another person. And Mindy, the witch who had stolen her job and her place in Jeff's heart. That was unfair, Mindy had no more control over Jeff than she did. She was merely playing the cards she was dealt. And Duo, who could have predicted his sudden drop (literally) into her life?
*Why did he stay?* she wondered angrily. *Why did he stay, it only made me become more attached to him.*
But that wasn't right either. In the end, the confused tangle of relations was too complex to unwind. If she really wanted to lay the blame on someone, there was really only one to blame. "Myself," she whispered into the caressing wind.
*I was weak. I gave in to Jeff and Duo. In the end, I've only got myself to blame.*
She sniffled and pushed herself up from the railing. This was stupid. Why waste time on regretting the unavoidable? What she needed was a long nap and more time to sift through her complicated feelings.
She walked back inside, closed the door behind her and went to bed.
***
She woke to the sound of the phone and wearily picked it up.
"Hello?" she asked in a husky voice. Running a hand through her hair she looked over at the clock. It was nearly ten at night.
"Hilde?" Relena's voice came from the other line. "I've been calling all day, where have you been?"
"Sleeping," Hilde replied sitting up. Her head had cleared a bit, but not by much.
"Sleeping? Hilde, are you all right?" Relena asked, concerned threaded heavily in her tone.
"Yes...no," Hilde admitted touching her wrist to her forehead.
"What's the matter?" Relena asked and Hilde spilled her guts starting from the day she and Jeff broke up to last night not leaving a minute detail out of the story.
"Oh Hilde," Relena replied when Hilde had finished. Tears were dribbling down her face again.
"But the bad part about it is that I keep going back to the message I left on Jeff's phone. He deserved it, I know he did, but if I'd known that it would be the very last he heard from me before...before..." she stopped, not wanting to vocalize her thoughts. "Well, I just wish with all my heart that I could've left him with a better picture of me. Of _us_."
"Hilde," Relena started carefully, " I want you to listen to me because I think you feel extremely guilty over what happened. You think it's your fault."
"But it is my fault! Don't you see? If I hadn't set up that stupid interview, or...or if only it was _me_ who went instead, he wouldn't be...wouldn't be...dead..."
"Hilde, listen to me!" Relena's voice rose in pitch trying to wrench Hilde from her sudden bout of passionate guilt. "Hilde, he _wanted_ to go. There was _nothing_ you could have done to stop him from his interview. You told me yourself that he _always_ gets what he wants and he wanted that interview. Don't push it onto yourself. Please."
Hilde leaned back in the bed closing her eyes and mulling through the black fuzziness of her mind. None of her thoughts wanted to come in straight. "I just don't know what to do now," she finally said in a defeated voice. "What do I do now? I can't go back to work, and the one person that I really want to talk to...really _need_ to talk to is gone."
"Why did he go?" Relena asked gently knowing very perfectly well who _he_ was.
"He had to," Hilde replied and slumped her free hand behind her shoulder gripping the back of her neck. "He couldn't stay here, even if he wanted to."
"So everything that Blake said-"
"Was a lie," Hilde cut in. "Duo was many things, yes, I'll admit that, and a little off his rocker at times would be correct. But Duo was _not_ a murderer."
"Do you know that for sure?" Relena asked quietly.
"Ye..." Hilde trailed off recalling yesterday (it seemed so distantly far ago) when Relena had gazed through the darkened window of the convict's cell. Her ringed eyes imploring some peace that wasn't granted. Perhaps Relena had glanced the same righteous innocence in Yuy that Hilde had instantly recognized in Duo. The two did have the common demeanor of noble air surrounding them-as though theirs was a cause beyond mortal comprehension. She sighed resignedly. "I see your point."
"Come move in with me," Relena said a moment later.
"What? I couldn't possibly-" Hilde started before Relena cut in.
"Nonsense," she replied, "I have a spare bedroom in my apartment and you could become my full-time secretary. I've been meaning to get one for so long. You can handle my paperwork and take my calls. You know, little things like that."
"For a foreign ambassador?" Hilde asked, "Come on Relena, I mean, I hardly think I'm qualified for that kind of position. Besides, paperwork and myself...don't get along too well."
"Well then I guess you'll both have to put aside your differences and learn, won't you?" Relena asked in a resolute manner.
"But what about Steve? Duo had a dog, which I guess is kind of mine now. I can't just leave him."
"Not a problem," the politic replied. "My tenant allows pets."
"Really?"
"No, but I know that I can talk her into it," Relena replied and Hilde could almost _hear_ the grin and sly wink following it.
***
Hilde trudged up the stairs toting a stack of folded cardboard boxes behind her. When she reached her level, she carefully propped the containers on the wall next to the door and fished her keys out of her pockets. Steve had already been taken over to Relena's earlier that day, so she didn't worry about a bombard at the entrance. As she mulled through the ring she reminisced on the outrageous prices from the little moving store next to her complex. "Twenty dollars for four boxes," muttered Hilde incredulously. She had given in and purchased twelve simply because she didn't want to waste the effort of finding something cheaper. "With my luck," she continued selecting one key and holding it up to the light to inspect it. It was the correct one. "They're all in on it together," she completed the thought and inserted the key into the door handle reaching out to grab the boxes at the same time.
The door gave and swung open a few inches.
She froze as fear iced through every vein in her body and she quickly whipped her hand back from the door. She watched as the dark beyond the frame seemed to sift around the edges and sweep through her frenzied mind. Taking several deep breaths, she removed the canister of pepper spray from her pocket and squeezed the bottle tightly. Since the break in, she made it a point not to leave her house without her gun, but she had merely crossed the street and left it not feeling she would actually need it.
Now she would have to pay for her mistake. Blake's men were back, she was sure of this. They either weren't satisfied with their last search, or wanted to interrogate her again. An unexpected sliver of anger coiled around her heart as she contemplated the door. This was her home, goddammit, these men had no _right_ to invade her personal space and property. Acting on her briefly felt emotion, she kicked the door open the rest of the way and edged in holding her canister straight before her face and clutching it frantically with both hands.
The apartment was dimly lit; even the open living room was dampened due to the overcast of clouds wrapping around the sunlight. She cautiously peeked around the corner of the kitchen and peered down the hall frowning in confusion and wariness when nobody was to be found.
"Hilde."
Movement and sound from the living room jerked a stifled scream from her tense lips. She whirled around and faced her adversary with two fingers poised over the button on top, ready for whatever action needed to be taken.
The shadowy figure of a man stood before her dimly lit window. Because the angled light coming from the balcony illuminated the space behind him, Hilde could not discern the facial features of the man. "Hilde." His voice was harsh and scratchy, but still held a note of familiarity. Hilde was sure she had heard it before.
"Hilde..." The man took a step forward and Hilde gasped aloud as light flooded his face. Flashing hazel eyes, wild knotted brown hair, a tattered business suit, and a pale sharply angled face-it was Jeff.
Hilde gasped and took a step back. Her limbs quivered and her hands shook so much that the can slipped from her fingers and rolled to the ground near Jeff's worn loafers. "Jeff," she whispered because her voice had suddenly abandoned her. "How...where..." she trailed off and backed up more nearly screaming as her back touched the wall behind her. Was he a ghost? The mere idea seemed absolutely absurd, but so many raging emotions were running rampart through Hilde's heart that she could easily image Jeff as a poltergeist come to avenge his death.
"Hilde," Jeff spoke again and took a step forward. There was an almost wild look in his eyes. He stopped and clutched his head. His body lurched around dizzily and he took two steps backward and sank into the couch groaning slightly.
Alarm welled through Hilde. He obviously wasn't dead, but he was hurt. She rushed forward and stooped at his side. "Jeff, are you alright?" she asked.
He nodded while donning a grimace and put his hands in his lap. "Hilde, I didn't know what to after the plane crashed...there were so many trees...so much metal and blood...I must've gotten away and wandered through the woods...it's really just a blur of pictures..."
"Jeff, take it easy," Hilde said shaking his shoulders slightly and easing him back so that he was reclining against the back of the seat. "Why don't you relax, get your thoughts straight and I'll make some tea."
She stood and breezed to the kitchen flicking on a few lights as she passed. Her hands still shook, which was evident by the clatter of the ceramic of the mug as she placed it on the counter and spilled the hot tea as she poured.
When she returned, Jeff was sitting just as he was with his hands folded between his knees. He was looking off beyond the wall of the bathroom and into space and didn't stir from his meditative position until Hilde sat down beside him carefully setting the cup on the table before him.
He mumbled his thanks and took a long sip of the tea while he watched Hilde over the rim of the mug. His eyes seemed to absorb every detail of Hilde's face, greedily drinking in her appearance. When he finished he set down the cup and went on staring at Hilde directly in the eyes. She was slightly perturbed by his behavior and surprised herself by directly meeting his gaze. Weeks ago she would've dropped her eyes feeling overwhelmed by the depth of his gaze compared to her own shallow stare. But now, his eyes didn't leave any impression on either her mind or heart. The only feeling she felt as she looked at him in return was polite curiosity.
She felt a little surprised by the fact that she wasn't overcome with feelings of love and happiness that he was in fact alive. Perhaps, in some inner corner of her heart, she knew he hadn't died, just as she had known Duo was a kind soul. But her lack of feelings (besides a very slight case of relief) seemed only to magnify how distanced she and Jeff had become.
While lost in thoughts of her own, Jeff had drained his drink. He cleared his throat and said, "Hilde, you know how much of a skeptical person I am, but something's happened to me that's...changed me. I've been terrible to you Hilde, terrible, unfair, and a complete bastard. But I was brought back here because...because we belong together Hilde.
"After the plane crashed I was confused and disorientated. I couldn't remember whom I was or where I was supposed to be going. I didn't die because the seat next to mine folded over and shielded the impact of the crash from me. I...crawled out of the wreck and stumbled through the woods the plane crashed into. I don't exactly remember what happened while I was out there. I remember running into trees and getting caught in thorns and brush, and even those memories are sketchy.
"But for some reason I kept flashing back to when we were both in school. Every memory we've ever shared or experienced together was all my mind wanted to dwell on. You were all I could think about while I was out there Hilde. I had nothing, I couldn't even remember my own name, but I could remember yours as clear as a bell could ring.
"I don't know how much time passed, but I somehow found a road and managed to get a ride, right into the city. I began to remember things about myself, mainly because the people giving me rides asked a lot of questions, which I just suddenly answered. As though I'd known all the time. But I still thought of you.
"And then, one day while I'm dozing in the back of a truck, I suddenly remember our fights and the last time we spoke. Hilde, I can't describe how...despaired I became. I was frantic to get back, to apologize, and hopefully to reconcile."
Jeff kneeled to the floor and took Hilde's hand in his own. He smiled a dazzling smile, which pierced the dank shadows lurking on the ceiling overhead. Kneading Hilde's knuckles with his fingers, he bowed his head touching his forehead to the back of her hand. Raising his head, he smiled again and to Hilde's surprise, she saw a gleam of tears glistening on his cheeks. "Hilde," he said while still in his kneeling position, "I'm not complete because you're my other half. All my life you've cared for me and loved me and I haven't returned the feeling, at least, not as strongly as you have. And for that, I don't deserve you."
He raised her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss on the back of them. "But I want you to know that I'm ready to start over. I'm not perfect, but I won't use that as an excuse for what I did to you. You deserve to be worshipped, to be cherished, to be loved." He drew closer to Hilde so that his chest was touching her knees. "Hilde, I want to be the one to do all of that. And not just occasionally, but every day of my life. I'm not just asking for another chance. I _will_ do this right for your sake Hilde, because you're an angel. My angel."
"I'm not sure I understand what you're saying," Hilde replied after taking a moment to mull over his words.
"Well then I'll put it simply," Jeff responded, "Hilde, will you marry me?"
No sooner had the words tumbled from his mouth than did Hilde feel her throat constrict painfully. A well of tears surged down her cheeks and dribbled onto Jeff's caressing hands. She gasped trying to draw a proper breath so she could collect the words she wanted to say. Her whole body felt weak from his powerful sentiment-laden speech, but her resolve had been sharpened to a steely point in the few weeks when her life had been turned upside down.
She swallowed and gently freed one of her hands bringing it to Jeff's face so she could trace the contour of his cheek. "Oh Jeff..." she whispered.
***
Author's Note: Well, that's it! Just kidding, there's still the epilogue, which will hopefully tie up all the loose ends. Also, I am planning on drastically editing all the chapters to this story and I WILL have the story edited and revised before the epilogue goes out. Thanks to all the readers who came back-even after all this time. I really appreciate your support! Also, if you find yourself with a spare second after finishing this story, feel free to leave a review. I would really appreciate that too! Thanks!
Tschüs!
-Abysst
-Abysst
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing.
Chapter 9: This Is It
***
Hilde awoke to a splitting headache and streaming light filtering in through the open curtains of her living room windows. She lay sprawled on the carpet of her rug, one hand loosely clutching a madly beeping phone and the other propped up against the side of the couch. She had somehow managed to lay her leg across the surface of the coffee table and the other one was crunched in between the couch and table.
She sat up carefully and slumped her back against the lower frame of the couch. A weary sense of déjà vu pervaded her senses and she groggily recalled a night just barely a week ago when she had found her sleeping arrangements much to the same capacity.
However...she had been drunk, she was sure of that. The wracking headache assaulting her now was not of a hangover nature, but more of a physical hurt starting at one central point...she reached up and gently stroked the side of her head wincing immediately and drawing her hand back. There was probably a big lump.
She blinked furiously for a few seconds contemplating nothing in particular and rubbing the backs of her palms directly above the swell of her cheeks. A whine from her left caused her to lift her eyes and turn her head-an action that resulted in a grimace. She looked out of the glassy door of the balcony to a wiggly golden-bodied puppy scratching desperately at the window. She frowned. *Where did that dog come from? I don't have a-*
Abruptly her thoughts cut off as a wave, no, a whole damn ocean of images flooded her mind. She remembered that drunken night a week ago pulling in a strange man-Duo-and lying him on her couch. She remembered the myriad dreams of Jeff and his captivating grin. She remembered the picture of him and Mindy-oh God, how could she forget-and the jealousy, the hurt, and the anger that had coursed through her body.
"No," she groaned clutching her pounding head in her arms, "Stop, too much."
She remembered the harsh _smack!_ of Duo's fist as it connected with Jeff's perfect chin-certainly a delightful sound, but why had Duo hit Jeff? She remembered Jeff's words stinging as the desert sand in a windstorm and of a computer full of bugs (what the hell?!), and a roly-poly little mass of fur and tongue-Bob, no, Steve-and the dangerous aura of a tall dark man-Blake.
She shivered.
She remembered Ferris wheels (cart number sixteen, please) and Jeff's insistent, thorough, enduring kiss, melting into the feel of someone else's lips. "...You're a great kisser..."
Duo.
His lips warm and inviting, not needy and greedy like Jeff's. His hands holding up a sweet cotton swab-the cotton candy-before their faces, and her own hands-one behind his neck and one laced in the silk of his chestnut braid. Steve's constant yipping fading away behind her...
Crash!
Something knocking her knees from behind-she reels forward-smacks into a chest (Duo) he pulls her to her feet and asks if she is alright, *_Am_ I alright?* and she is lost in the depths of his bottomless cobalt eyes. Intense, sad, murderous?
Yuy.
They suddenly transform into the severe gaze of the murderer who killed men- shot them once in the head. "...He wasn't a very nice man..." Relena's voice drifts from below and Hilde sees her tired beaten face of someone plagued with sleepless nights and terrible memories. "...am I to be responsible for taking his life?..."
Cold steel.
Being shoved into her temple. Someone grips the tops of her arm-tightly. Steve is outside barking like crazy, Hilde is inside trying to fight back a wave of nausea and panic while a man dressed eerily like Blake rumbles into his cell phone.
Ring!
A phone shrills and Hilde holds it up to her ear. This could be her last chance. Someone is crying and taking big watery gulps of air. Her squally voice is easy to identify. Mindy. "It's Jeff...his plane's crashed...he's dead..."
Gone.
Hilde slyly ducks down her head and sneaks a glance behind under the cover of her lashes. Duo's form is merged in with the elusive shadows always seeming to follow him. He nods and vanishes.
"I hope you and your wife enjoy the show!"
Hilde grasped the caps of her drawn knees so tightly that the tips of her knuckles turned white. Her head throbbed and her chest hitched, as though someone were slicing a portion of her ribs from her body. Big rivulets of tears swam down the contours of her face as the barrage of memories tapered reluctantly away.
She cried for Jeff and for Duo and for Mindy and for Steve. She cried for Relena and even that murderous son-of-a-bitch Heero Yuy. She let out all the stress, exhaustion, tension, anger, jealousy, and bitterness flow out of her like electricity flowing out of a copper wire. She simply wanted the feelings gone. She wanted the pain to leave and never come back.
Steve whined again from his perch by the door. Carefully, Hilde pushed herself from her crouch and stumbled over to the dog on wobbly legs. She carefully replaced the insistent receiver in the cradle as she passed by. Lifting the latch serving as a lock, Hilde pulled back on the handle and let the squirming dog dance into the room, first wriggling all over her and then ducking over to his spot underneath the coffee table. She watched the dog only for a moment before stepping out into the breeze of the morning outside.
*This is where it started,* she thought leaning over the edge of the wrought iron railing and gazing wistfully into the turbulent sea below. Another river of tears threatened to break the dam she had mentally built as she looked into the speckled overcast of the sky. *This is where everything went wrong.* She wished she had someone to blame for all the pain she felt. She wished she could blame Jeff for hurting her. But that wasn't reasonable, after all, a person couldn't simply transform into another person. And Mindy, the witch who had stolen her job and her place in Jeff's heart. That was unfair, Mindy had no more control over Jeff than she did. She was merely playing the cards she was dealt. And Duo, who could have predicted his sudden drop (literally) into her life?
*Why did he stay?* she wondered angrily. *Why did he stay, it only made me become more attached to him.*
But that wasn't right either. In the end, the confused tangle of relations was too complex to unwind. If she really wanted to lay the blame on someone, there was really only one to blame. "Myself," she whispered into the caressing wind.
*I was weak. I gave in to Jeff and Duo. In the end, I've only got myself to blame.*
She sniffled and pushed herself up from the railing. This was stupid. Why waste time on regretting the unavoidable? What she needed was a long nap and more time to sift through her complicated feelings.
She walked back inside, closed the door behind her and went to bed.
***
She woke to the sound of the phone and wearily picked it up.
"Hello?" she asked in a husky voice. Running a hand through her hair she looked over at the clock. It was nearly ten at night.
"Hilde?" Relena's voice came from the other line. "I've been calling all day, where have you been?"
"Sleeping," Hilde replied sitting up. Her head had cleared a bit, but not by much.
"Sleeping? Hilde, are you all right?" Relena asked, concerned threaded heavily in her tone.
"Yes...no," Hilde admitted touching her wrist to her forehead.
"What's the matter?" Relena asked and Hilde spilled her guts starting from the day she and Jeff broke up to last night not leaving a minute detail out of the story.
"Oh Hilde," Relena replied when Hilde had finished. Tears were dribbling down her face again.
"But the bad part about it is that I keep going back to the message I left on Jeff's phone. He deserved it, I know he did, but if I'd known that it would be the very last he heard from me before...before..." she stopped, not wanting to vocalize her thoughts. "Well, I just wish with all my heart that I could've left him with a better picture of me. Of _us_."
"Hilde," Relena started carefully, " I want you to listen to me because I think you feel extremely guilty over what happened. You think it's your fault."
"But it is my fault! Don't you see? If I hadn't set up that stupid interview, or...or if only it was _me_ who went instead, he wouldn't be...wouldn't be...dead..."
"Hilde, listen to me!" Relena's voice rose in pitch trying to wrench Hilde from her sudden bout of passionate guilt. "Hilde, he _wanted_ to go. There was _nothing_ you could have done to stop him from his interview. You told me yourself that he _always_ gets what he wants and he wanted that interview. Don't push it onto yourself. Please."
Hilde leaned back in the bed closing her eyes and mulling through the black fuzziness of her mind. None of her thoughts wanted to come in straight. "I just don't know what to do now," she finally said in a defeated voice. "What do I do now? I can't go back to work, and the one person that I really want to talk to...really _need_ to talk to is gone."
"Why did he go?" Relena asked gently knowing very perfectly well who _he_ was.
"He had to," Hilde replied and slumped her free hand behind her shoulder gripping the back of her neck. "He couldn't stay here, even if he wanted to."
"So everything that Blake said-"
"Was a lie," Hilde cut in. "Duo was many things, yes, I'll admit that, and a little off his rocker at times would be correct. But Duo was _not_ a murderer."
"Do you know that for sure?" Relena asked quietly.
"Ye..." Hilde trailed off recalling yesterday (it seemed so distantly far ago) when Relena had gazed through the darkened window of the convict's cell. Her ringed eyes imploring some peace that wasn't granted. Perhaps Relena had glanced the same righteous innocence in Yuy that Hilde had instantly recognized in Duo. The two did have the common demeanor of noble air surrounding them-as though theirs was a cause beyond mortal comprehension. She sighed resignedly. "I see your point."
"Come move in with me," Relena said a moment later.
"What? I couldn't possibly-" Hilde started before Relena cut in.
"Nonsense," she replied, "I have a spare bedroom in my apartment and you could become my full-time secretary. I've been meaning to get one for so long. You can handle my paperwork and take my calls. You know, little things like that."
"For a foreign ambassador?" Hilde asked, "Come on Relena, I mean, I hardly think I'm qualified for that kind of position. Besides, paperwork and myself...don't get along too well."
"Well then I guess you'll both have to put aside your differences and learn, won't you?" Relena asked in a resolute manner.
"But what about Steve? Duo had a dog, which I guess is kind of mine now. I can't just leave him."
"Not a problem," the politic replied. "My tenant allows pets."
"Really?"
"No, but I know that I can talk her into it," Relena replied and Hilde could almost _hear_ the grin and sly wink following it.
***
Hilde trudged up the stairs toting a stack of folded cardboard boxes behind her. When she reached her level, she carefully propped the containers on the wall next to the door and fished her keys out of her pockets. Steve had already been taken over to Relena's earlier that day, so she didn't worry about a bombard at the entrance. As she mulled through the ring she reminisced on the outrageous prices from the little moving store next to her complex. "Twenty dollars for four boxes," muttered Hilde incredulously. She had given in and purchased twelve simply because she didn't want to waste the effort of finding something cheaper. "With my luck," she continued selecting one key and holding it up to the light to inspect it. It was the correct one. "They're all in on it together," she completed the thought and inserted the key into the door handle reaching out to grab the boxes at the same time.
The door gave and swung open a few inches.
She froze as fear iced through every vein in her body and she quickly whipped her hand back from the door. She watched as the dark beyond the frame seemed to sift around the edges and sweep through her frenzied mind. Taking several deep breaths, she removed the canister of pepper spray from her pocket and squeezed the bottle tightly. Since the break in, she made it a point not to leave her house without her gun, but she had merely crossed the street and left it not feeling she would actually need it.
Now she would have to pay for her mistake. Blake's men were back, she was sure of this. They either weren't satisfied with their last search, or wanted to interrogate her again. An unexpected sliver of anger coiled around her heart as she contemplated the door. This was her home, goddammit, these men had no _right_ to invade her personal space and property. Acting on her briefly felt emotion, she kicked the door open the rest of the way and edged in holding her canister straight before her face and clutching it frantically with both hands.
The apartment was dimly lit; even the open living room was dampened due to the overcast of clouds wrapping around the sunlight. She cautiously peeked around the corner of the kitchen and peered down the hall frowning in confusion and wariness when nobody was to be found.
"Hilde."
Movement and sound from the living room jerked a stifled scream from her tense lips. She whirled around and faced her adversary with two fingers poised over the button on top, ready for whatever action needed to be taken.
The shadowy figure of a man stood before her dimly lit window. Because the angled light coming from the balcony illuminated the space behind him, Hilde could not discern the facial features of the man. "Hilde." His voice was harsh and scratchy, but still held a note of familiarity. Hilde was sure she had heard it before.
"Hilde..." The man took a step forward and Hilde gasped aloud as light flooded his face. Flashing hazel eyes, wild knotted brown hair, a tattered business suit, and a pale sharply angled face-it was Jeff.
Hilde gasped and took a step back. Her limbs quivered and her hands shook so much that the can slipped from her fingers and rolled to the ground near Jeff's worn loafers. "Jeff," she whispered because her voice had suddenly abandoned her. "How...where..." she trailed off and backed up more nearly screaming as her back touched the wall behind her. Was he a ghost? The mere idea seemed absolutely absurd, but so many raging emotions were running rampart through Hilde's heart that she could easily image Jeff as a poltergeist come to avenge his death.
"Hilde," Jeff spoke again and took a step forward. There was an almost wild look in his eyes. He stopped and clutched his head. His body lurched around dizzily and he took two steps backward and sank into the couch groaning slightly.
Alarm welled through Hilde. He obviously wasn't dead, but he was hurt. She rushed forward and stooped at his side. "Jeff, are you alright?" she asked.
He nodded while donning a grimace and put his hands in his lap. "Hilde, I didn't know what to after the plane crashed...there were so many trees...so much metal and blood...I must've gotten away and wandered through the woods...it's really just a blur of pictures..."
"Jeff, take it easy," Hilde said shaking his shoulders slightly and easing him back so that he was reclining against the back of the seat. "Why don't you relax, get your thoughts straight and I'll make some tea."
She stood and breezed to the kitchen flicking on a few lights as she passed. Her hands still shook, which was evident by the clatter of the ceramic of the mug as she placed it on the counter and spilled the hot tea as she poured.
When she returned, Jeff was sitting just as he was with his hands folded between his knees. He was looking off beyond the wall of the bathroom and into space and didn't stir from his meditative position until Hilde sat down beside him carefully setting the cup on the table before him.
He mumbled his thanks and took a long sip of the tea while he watched Hilde over the rim of the mug. His eyes seemed to absorb every detail of Hilde's face, greedily drinking in her appearance. When he finished he set down the cup and went on staring at Hilde directly in the eyes. She was slightly perturbed by his behavior and surprised herself by directly meeting his gaze. Weeks ago she would've dropped her eyes feeling overwhelmed by the depth of his gaze compared to her own shallow stare. But now, his eyes didn't leave any impression on either her mind or heart. The only feeling she felt as she looked at him in return was polite curiosity.
She felt a little surprised by the fact that she wasn't overcome with feelings of love and happiness that he was in fact alive. Perhaps, in some inner corner of her heart, she knew he hadn't died, just as she had known Duo was a kind soul. But her lack of feelings (besides a very slight case of relief) seemed only to magnify how distanced she and Jeff had become.
While lost in thoughts of her own, Jeff had drained his drink. He cleared his throat and said, "Hilde, you know how much of a skeptical person I am, but something's happened to me that's...changed me. I've been terrible to you Hilde, terrible, unfair, and a complete bastard. But I was brought back here because...because we belong together Hilde.
"After the plane crashed I was confused and disorientated. I couldn't remember whom I was or where I was supposed to be going. I didn't die because the seat next to mine folded over and shielded the impact of the crash from me. I...crawled out of the wreck and stumbled through the woods the plane crashed into. I don't exactly remember what happened while I was out there. I remember running into trees and getting caught in thorns and brush, and even those memories are sketchy.
"But for some reason I kept flashing back to when we were both in school. Every memory we've ever shared or experienced together was all my mind wanted to dwell on. You were all I could think about while I was out there Hilde. I had nothing, I couldn't even remember my own name, but I could remember yours as clear as a bell could ring.
"I don't know how much time passed, but I somehow found a road and managed to get a ride, right into the city. I began to remember things about myself, mainly because the people giving me rides asked a lot of questions, which I just suddenly answered. As though I'd known all the time. But I still thought of you.
"And then, one day while I'm dozing in the back of a truck, I suddenly remember our fights and the last time we spoke. Hilde, I can't describe how...despaired I became. I was frantic to get back, to apologize, and hopefully to reconcile."
Jeff kneeled to the floor and took Hilde's hand in his own. He smiled a dazzling smile, which pierced the dank shadows lurking on the ceiling overhead. Kneading Hilde's knuckles with his fingers, he bowed his head touching his forehead to the back of her hand. Raising his head, he smiled again and to Hilde's surprise, she saw a gleam of tears glistening on his cheeks. "Hilde," he said while still in his kneeling position, "I'm not complete because you're my other half. All my life you've cared for me and loved me and I haven't returned the feeling, at least, not as strongly as you have. And for that, I don't deserve you."
He raised her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss on the back of them. "But I want you to know that I'm ready to start over. I'm not perfect, but I won't use that as an excuse for what I did to you. You deserve to be worshipped, to be cherished, to be loved." He drew closer to Hilde so that his chest was touching her knees. "Hilde, I want to be the one to do all of that. And not just occasionally, but every day of my life. I'm not just asking for another chance. I _will_ do this right for your sake Hilde, because you're an angel. My angel."
"I'm not sure I understand what you're saying," Hilde replied after taking a moment to mull over his words.
"Well then I'll put it simply," Jeff responded, "Hilde, will you marry me?"
No sooner had the words tumbled from his mouth than did Hilde feel her throat constrict painfully. A well of tears surged down her cheeks and dribbled onto Jeff's caressing hands. She gasped trying to draw a proper breath so she could collect the words she wanted to say. Her whole body felt weak from his powerful sentiment-laden speech, but her resolve had been sharpened to a steely point in the few weeks when her life had been turned upside down.
She swallowed and gently freed one of her hands bringing it to Jeff's face so she could trace the contour of his cheek. "Oh Jeff..." she whispered.
***
Author's Note: Well, that's it! Just kidding, there's still the epilogue, which will hopefully tie up all the loose ends. Also, I am planning on drastically editing all the chapters to this story and I WILL have the story edited and revised before the epilogue goes out. Thanks to all the readers who came back-even after all this time. I really appreciate your support! Also, if you find yourself with a spare second after finishing this story, feel free to leave a review. I would really appreciate that too! Thanks!
Tschüs!
-Abysst
