Take a Hike!

"You can't be serious," Rogue looked at the adults. "An overnight hike in the woods? Alone?"

"Think of this as survival training," Footloose said.

"Yeah the only way we'll survive is if they leave," Logan whispered to Jinx.

"You just wanna get rid of us so you can get sloshed," Althea looked at Shipwreck.

"We do not!" Shipwreck snapped. "We wanna get rid of you so we can have a decent night's sleep!"

"Oh yeah Shipwreck that's a lot better," Alpine rolled his eyes.

"Look here's a map of the trail. We'll all meet you over here on the other side of the mountain." Roadblock showed them the direction. "There's a convenience store as well as a ranger station there."

"Conveniently that's also where there's a bar," Althea pointed out.

"Well at least we know you can read a map," Logan said sarcastically.

"Why are we doing this?" Ray asked. "Camping out was your stupid idea!"

"Five will get you ten Shipwreck will try getting the girls drunk so he can get some action," Pietro said.

"Well duh he told you that plan before we left," Lance said.

"What was that?" Ororo and Cover Girl glared at him.

"Okay time to go!" Shipwreck started shoving the kids down the trail. "Have a good hike! Don't kill each other and try not to burn down the forest huh? Goodbye! So Long! Have fun!"

Half an hour later the mutants were trekking through the forest. "I hate this weekend," Bobby stumbled along. "I think I just walked through another batch of poison ivy!"

"Yeah well I got a bazillion bug bites!" Ray grumbled scratching his arm.

"Me too!" Kurt grumbled. "And having fur doesn't help! Believe me!"

"Hey I've got scratches from branches attacking me all over my legs but you don't hear me complaining!" Amara snapped.

"Actually you just did," Pietro remarked.

"Shut up!" Amara snapped.

"I have a headache…" Lance muttered.

"You always have a headache!" Pietro said. "Every time we all go out together you have a headache!"

"Yeah and you would think that someone with such a fast brain would have figured out why by now," Lance snapped at him. "Not exactly quick on the uptake are you?"

"Just what is that supposed to mean?" Pietro snapped.

"It means you drive everyone nuts that's what he means!" Forge snapped.

"For once I am in complete agreement with him," Peter grumbled. "I am getting a headache now!"

"I'm hot," Jamie whined.

"So am I," Rogue grumbled. "I'm hot, sweaty, dirty…I HATE THIS!"

"OW! I got another bug bite!" Ray grumbled.

"Yeah well now I got another scratch on my leg!" Kitty snapped. "And I just stepped in a mud puddle! Eww! My hiking boots are ruined!"

"I broke a nail," Tabitha looked at her hands. Everyone glared at her. "Hey do you have any idea how long it took me to get these nails perfect?"

"I'm hungry," Fred whined.

"There's a news bulletin," Pietro grumbled. "Tell me again why we are not using our powers?"

"Man against nature and all that crap," Rogue told him. "Okay so now which way do we go?"

"This way," Althea pointed.

"But that way leads away from the mountain," Kitty said.

"Bingo," Althea said.

"Look this is the best way up the mountain," Roberto pointed. "We go this way."

"Trust me guys you wanna go this way," Althea said. "I think there's a hotel over there someplace. We can check in for the night."

"Yeah why should we have to stay outside and starve to death?" Fred nodded.

"And how are you gonna pay for it?" Kitty asked.

"Easy," Lance pulled out some cash. "We swiped the beer money from the adults."

"I don't believe it!" Amara groaned.

"Yeah," Tabitha said. "We should have thought of that."

"Look at it this way," Pietro said. "We're making sure that the adults don't get drunk and are irresponsible. We're doing a good thing. We're making society a better safer place."

"Only the Misfits would think of stealing as making a contribution to society," Ray grumbled.

"Have you ever seen a GI Joe drunk?" Todd asked. "It's not pretty."

"Trust me," Althea waved. "We're doing the world a favor!"

"Look you guys can't do this! It's wrong!" Kitty snapped. "It goes against the point of survival training!"

"You actually bought that line?" Todd asked.

"Since when did you become a Jean Grey clone?" Wanda asked.

"When she started stringing along two guys at the same time!" Pietro snickered. Kitty went to hit him, but he dodged her. "Still too slow Kit Kat!"

"Hey they didn't say how we were to survive this hike," Althea pointed out.

"She's right," Xi nodded.

"Come on Kitty let's ditch this," Lance asked.

"No we are not!" Peter snapped.

"Peter's right," Kitty said. "You Misfits may not be up to the challenge but we X-Men are!"

"We are?" Bobby asked.

"Fine Kitty," Althea held up her hand. "You win. You X-Men can stay outside in the bug infested woods and freeze while we Misfits will have to suffer in comfort. Enjoy your victory. Come on team, let's go."

"Fine! Go!" Kitty shouted as they left. "Who needs you anyway? Good riddance!"

"Uh Kitty…" Sam asked. "Don't they have the compass and map?"

"Oh…Fudge," Kitty grumbled.

"Way to go fearless leader," Rogue muttered.

************************************************************************

"How can we be lost?" Pietro asked an hour later. "We have the compass, a map and two ninjas in training…"

"Three ninjas!" Todd piped up.

"Three ninjas in training," Pietro rolled his eyes. "Even though one of them is lousy at it."

"I'm better than you!" Todd snapped.

"Please," Pietro preened. "Just last session the Blind Master told me that my form was perfect and all I needed to work on was my shouting."

"That's his way of saying you don't have any heart in what you're doing yo," Todd sniffed. "And if your form was so damn perfect how come I kicked your butt huh?"

"You did not kick my butt we were practicing!" Pietro snapped.

"Oh yeah," Todd drawled. "You were practicing kissing the canvas that's what you were practicing! Right Avalanche? Yo, Avalanche?"

"I am not gonna get into this argument again," Lance spoke through clenched teeth. "I am going to ignore you!"

"Well that's polite," Pietro snapped.

"Well I don't care if it hurts your feelings!" Lance whirled around and yelled at the ground behind him. "If you really want to help me then say something useful instead of insulting me! What? Take that back! No! No! I am not gonna get into this argument again!"

"He ain't talking to us is he?" Todd asked Pietro.

"No he is not," Pietro sighed. "AL WE GOT A LITTLE PROBLEM HERE!"

"What's wrong?" Althea asked. Then she saw Lance screaming at the ground. "Oh…"

"He's arguing with his spirit animal again isn't he?" Wanda groaned.

"Well it does happen to sound and act like Pietro," Xi pointed out.

"You have a point," Wanda nodded.

"I'm not listening!" Lance closed his eyes and stuck his fingers in his ears. "I'm not listening…la, la, la, la!"

"Did you give Lance his medication?" Althea asked.

"I thought you did it?" Todd looked at her.

"Oh great," Wanda groaned. "Here we go again!"

"Well at least we'll have some nice entertainment during this hike from hell," Pietro shrugged.

"NO! STOP!" Lance winced. He dropped to his knees. His eyes widened as if he was seeing something. "All right…I'll listen…"

"You don't think he's having another attack do you?" Xi asked with a worried look in his eye.

"I don't think so," Wanda said. "The ground isn't shaking."

Lance knelt there with his eyes glazed as if he was in a trance. "Lance? Yo hoo!" Pietro waved his hand in front of his face. "Earth to Lance? Come in Avalanche!"

"I don't think he's listening," Todd said.

"Who does listen to Pietro?" Fred chuckled.

"Hey!" Pietro snapped. Then Lance got to his feet. "Hey Lance uh…can you hear me or anything?"

"The Coyote says we should go this way…" Lance had a far off look in his eye. He started to stumble towards a certain direction. "There's a storm coming. Follow the Coyote…"

"Okay why not?" Fred shrugged as they followed him.

"We're already lost what have we got to lose?" Todd said.

"He can't be any worse than Pietro," Xi admitted.

"Hey!" Pietro snapped.

Twenty minutes later they came upon what looked like a huge waterfall. "Cool! I'm gonna go for a swim!" Fred grinned.

"Not so fast!" Althea pointed. "Take a look who's down there!"

There relaxing in a red bikini was the Baroness. "Oh goody," Wanda grumbled softly. "There's a sight I would have loved to have gone without seeing."

"So what do we do?" Fred asked.

"Hey I got an idea," Todd went into the bushes and came out with a little frog.

"Toad you can't control frogs, can you?" Althea questioned.

"No but they do have a little habit of following me around," Todd grinned. Another frog hopped out of the bushes next to him. "See?"

"I see it but I don't believe it…" Althea blinked. "But this does give me an idea."

Meanwhile the Baroness lounged drinking some tropical drink when suddenly the water started to swirl around her. "What?" She looked around. "What's happening?"

She then heard a loud croaking sound. She looked up and saw a large wave loom over her. On top of the wave were at least a dozen frogs. She screamed as the wave crashed down around her. "AGGHH!" The Baroness screamed. "FROGS! AGGGGHHH!"

She floundered in the water covered in frogs. "GET THEM OFF ME! AGGGHH!" She splashed out of the water and ran for her life.

The Misfits laughed as they came out of the bushes. "That was priceless!" Wanda snickered. "Way to go Al!"

"Thanks little guys!" Todd waved to the frogs.

"What the hell was the Baroness doing here in the middle of nowhere?" Pietro scratched his head.

"Well she forgot her clothes," Xi held them up. "And her credit card."

"We ain't in the middle of nowhere," Todd pointed. "Look." Not far away was a huge hotel.

"Shall we?" Pietro grinned.

"Let's go," Fred grinned. He took Lance by the hand. "Good job Lance!"

"Can we go to the zoo now?" Lance asked in a very small voice.

"Uh soon Lance," Althea sighed. She whispered to Fred. "Watch him will ya?"

"No problem," Fred nodded. "Come on buddy let's go see some animals or something!"

They entered the hotel and couldn't believe the opulence around them. Obviously it was a hotel for the extremely wealthy. "Wow!" Todd's eyes widened. "Look at this joint!"

"Okay make a note guys," Althea said. "In the future we will always listen to the Coyote in Lance's head. Got it?"

"No problem," Pietro grinned. "Hey guys, why don't we put the Baroness' card to good use, shall we?"

"Now you're talking," Todd nodded. Then he noticed Lance staring into an aquarium looking very happy. "But uh…let's see if this place has a pharmacy first huh?"

"Toad this is one of those places where rich folks come," Althea said. "They got drugs in a vending machine over there."

"So they do," Todd noticed. "You think they have Lance's medication yo?"

"Well if they don't they gotta have something that's close enough for it," Pietro said. "Let's just pop a couple of pills in him and see what they do."

"We are not going to do that!" Althea snapped. She went over to the concierge. "Excuse me sir, but our friend over there has…uh…lapsed on his medication. Do you know where we can find a doctor to look at him?"

The man looked at her in a disdainful way. "I am not sure that we are qualified…" Althea showed him the credit card. He looked at it and ran the credit through. His eyes widened. "Why of course young lady. No problem!" He rang a bell. "Pharmacist!"

Immediately a young doctor walked up. "Hello everybody!" He smiled.

"Hi Doctor Nick!" Everyone in the lobby shouted happily.

The Concierge smiled. "Your patient is over there."

"Hmm," Doctor Nick looked at Xi. "You seem to have a rather bad skin condition."

"Not him," Althea dragged Lance over. "Him!"

"Oh," Doctor Nick looked at Lance. "What drugs was he using?"

"He's on something called Exono-phobico twenty something," Fred scratched his head.

"Exonophobocan 24? Oh yes we have plenty of that," Doctor Nick said. "Has he been hallucinating?"

"Mr. Bobo?" Lance blinked.

"Does that answer your question?" Pietro pointed.

"Yes, well we'll give him some Quaaludes first, in order to calm him down. And then a nice relaxing massage will help." Doctor Nick nodded.

"Are you sure?" Althea asked.

"Hey if I know anything it's drugs," Dr. Nick told her. He snapped his fingers. "Rickshaws!" Immediately several rickshaws pulled by brightly clad attendants appeared. "Come! To the Tranquility Room!"

"Shall we?" Wanda asked. "I could do with a massage."

"Why not?" Todd hopped in one with Althea and they all went on their merry way.

************************************************************************

"I can't believe we're lost!" Kurt moaned.

"Why can't you believe it?" Rogue said. "So far nothing's gone right on this stupid trip!"

"Well at least the Misfits are just as miserable as we are," Kitty said. "Wherever they are."

"That's the one silver lining in this cloud filled weekend," Roberto groaned.

"Speaking of clouds…" Rogue grumbled as the sky rumbled and it got darker.

"Oh no…" Roberto grumbled. "Don't tell me it's gonna…" Then it started to rain.

"It is," Tabitha grumbled. "Way to go Kitty!"

"Yeah thanks to your stupid ethics we're stuck out here!" Bobby snapped.

"Oh shut up and keep walking!" Kitty snapped.

Next: What further miseries shall befall the X-Men? What fun will the Misfits have? What will happen when the adults realize that there's no money for beer? Keep sending me those suggestions. I'll use as many as I can! The more the better!