Shichiban Sho
-----
When the party reached Kalm, they met at the Inn.
"Trent," called Bare-It
"Yes?"
"Tell me a story."
"There once was a man named Dave, who found a dead --"
"That's not a story, that's a dirty limerick."
"Sorry....Um...Well, listen to the story 'bout a love gone wrong --"
"That's not a story, that's a song about John Wayne Bobitt set to the tune of the theme from 'The Beverly Hillbillies'."
"Sorry....Um....Let me tell you about the time that I caught that massive trout in the Goober River, and--Hey, Bare-It!"
"Wha?"
"Wake up, I'm telling a story here!"
"Is it the one about the massive trout?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, it--Dammit, Bare-It, wake up!"
"Do you promise you won't tell the story about the trout?"
"Well...OK, no trout story."
Several minutes passed.
"Hey Trent," called Bare-It.
"Yes?"
"Tell me a story."
So Trent sat down to tell the story of how Sephy Lee Roth went bad.
"It was a dark and stormy night, and-"
"Hey, I thought this was going to be a true story!" interrupted Bare-It.
"It is a true story," answered Trent, "Just because something happened on a dark and stormy night doesn't mean that it's not a true story. Terribly sorry, Bare-It, but Sephy didn't consult the fucking weather before he lost his goddamn mind."
"No story that starts with 'It was a dark and stormy night' is true."
"Bare-It, have you ever seen a dark and stormy night?"
"You mean like last Thursday? Sure."
"Well, I guess it didn't really happen, because the sun wasn't shining."
"Hey, all I said was--"
"Do you want to hear this story or not?"
"I'll be good."
"It was a dark and stormy night, and the Shinra had been called in due to monsters being sighted around Nibelheim, the town where I grew up. It all started in the truck on the way in.
"I'm bored," I said.
Sephy replied, "Yeah, me too."
"Wanna play charades?"
"Sure. What's this."
"Um...it's a...um...can I have a hint?"
"OK, it is something that flies"
"Oh, geez, this is tough...is it...a cat? A mouse! No, no, wait...It's a bird! It's a plane! Oh! oh! I've got it! It's Superman!"
"Yes, Superman it is. Your turn."
"OK, what's....THIS?"
"That's a cross-section of a particle accelerator"
"Damn!"
Then, one of the grunt soldiers said, "Are we there yet?", and Sephy casually beheaded him. Four minutes and thirty-eight seconds later, the truck was rolled onto its roof. We emerged from the back of the truck to find that there was a dragon playing with it. I stood there like a brick of shit while Sephy disembowelled the dragon. Coincidentally, we were just outside the gates of Nibelheim anyway. We walked through the town gates, and Sephy turned to one of the grunt soldiers who had come with us and said, "Are you OK, son?"
"Yeah," replied the kid, "I think I'll be OK."
"It might help you overcome your motion sickness if you take your helmet off."
"No, I like the groovy night-vision effects"
"Yeah. Those goggles are spiffy. Almost makes me want to be a grunt instead of the head of SOLDIER."
"You want to trade jobs?"
"Naw, because as head of SOLDIER, I can do THIS", and Sephy gestured at a house, which burst into flames. "Magic is cool," he concluded.
Sephy and the others headed for the Inn, but I went to see my mother, and then to the house next to it."
"Trent?" asked Tifa.
"Yes?"
"Did you go in my house?"
"Yes."
"Did you go in my room?"
"Yes."
"Did you take photographs?"
"Yes."
"Did you play my piano?"
"Yes."
"Did you pee on my carpet?"
"Yes."
"Did you paw through my underwear?"
"Y..no."
"Oh, good. That's a relief. Continue with your story."
"Much later that night, I returned to the Inn. Sephy was the only one still awake. He was sitting on a balcony, drinking beer. I grabbed a cold one and joined him.
"Wolves are cool," I said.
"Yeah," replied Sephy, "They are."
"What'cha looking at?"
Sephy gestured with his beer bottle. I looked down, cursing my lack of night vision goggles, and could barely make out...dogs mating.
Sephy giggled, "Isn't that gross?"
"Yeah," I responded. We sat down and watched the two dogs grinding at each other, and--
"Arsechimp?"
"Yes?"
"Quit humping my leg."
"Do I have to?"
"I'm gonna call that a 'Yes'."
"Damn."
"The next day, we started for the reactor, deep inside the Nibelheim mountains. Sephy had hired a guide. It was probably somebody I knew, but I just stared at her butt-ugly hat. It was a terrible hat. I've seen better hats hanging out of a dog's mouth. I mean, I know my hats, and it was one bad hat. I had nightmares about that hat for months.
Some twit asked me and Sephy (Mostly just Sephy, actually) to pose for a picture with the hat..I mean, guide. A few minutes later, we were underway. We'd gone about twelve meters when the bridge collapsed from under us. Normally, people who fall off of suspension bridges in knife-peaked, treacherous mountains don't live to tell the tale, but for some reason, none of us had worse than a few bruises. I guess it's something like the same principle that let me fall hundreds of feet from the upper plate at the Sector 5 reactor, through the church roof, and live. I think Main Characters have invisible parachutes or something.
We dusted ourselves off and headed into the caves of Nibelheim. Shortly, we encountered one of the fabled Mako springs.
"Holy heapin' hunks of himno!" exclaimed the hat...I mean, guide, "What the hell is that?"
"Don't you know anything?" replied Sephy.
"Well, I know my times tables."
"What's six times four?"
"Shut up."
"No, actually it's 26."
"Are you saying that's a heap of 26 over there?"
"No, that's a Mako spring. It's where materia is formed in its natural shape."
"Oh. Cool. So what's 26?"
"Um...six times four is 26."
"No it's not."
"That's right, it's a Mako spring."
"OK. Got it. Six times four is a Mako spring."
Sephy looked a little puzzled, but let the subject drop.
Several minutes later, the Mako Reactor loomed above us. Sephy motioned for me to join. The hat-guide started to come along, but Sephy said no.
"Please?" she asked.
"No," replied Sephy.
"I'll give you a cookie."
Sephy wavered, and I stepped in and said, "No."
Sephy glared at me, but let it slide.
"I'll give you my hat."
This didn't even tempt Sephy a bit. Together, we went in. Sephy started looking through some tanks on the west end of the room, and I started on the east. Several minutes later, he let out a startled gasp. I rushed over to investigate, and peered into the tank.
There, inside the tank, was a newly forming salesman.
"Angels and ministers of grace defend us," I breathed, "How could such a monstrosity be unleashed upon this world?"
Sephy, pale, answered, "I think...I think...that they're doing this on purpose. Infusing human beings with Mako...Like when making SOLDIER members, only a stronger concentration."
"Bastards!" I exclaimed.
"Was," stammered Sephy, licking his lips, "Was...I...made this way?"
He howled and drew his sword, slashing about wildly. I nimbly leaped out of the way, but he punctured a tank, and fluid gushed out, as did several fish. A cat napping in the corner lost an ear, and hissed at Sephy, but finally showed the prudence to get the hell out of the way.
That evening, we returned to the Shinra manor. Sephy found a hidden passage, and went to study in the hidden basement library. After a decent interval, I went after him.
"Erm," I coughed, "Wolves are cool?"
Sephy turned, and looked at me, eyes glowing cyan. A shiver ran down my spine, then up again, and did the dance of joy on my head. Then it jumped down and started humping Sephy's leg--
"Arsechimp?"
"Yes?"
"Get away from me."
"Where was I? Oh yes. Sephy's gaze held mine for a long instant, and he said, "This doesn't concern you. Go to sleep."
I returned upstairs and slept.
Later that night, I was awakened by the sounds of human torment. I sat bolt upright. The grunt soldier who had been sitting outside my room was missing his head. I burst out of the Shinra manor to find Nibelheim in flames. I saw the last surviving grunt soldier laying on the ground, and checked his pulse. A man rushed out of a nearby building and called out, "Are you still sane?"
I never was sane, but I reassured him that I was. He said he'd help out on one end of the city, and I should do the other. I turned around--
And saw my mother's blackened corpse arrayed outside the remains of her house. She had died trying to escape through the upstairs window.
"For this," I screamed, "Sephy Lee Roth must DIE!"
I drew my sword and scanned the wreckage of the village I had grown up in. There, off towards the Shinra Manor was my adversary. As I watched, too far away to do any good, he casually sliced an old man in half. His eyes met mine, and he laughed. Slowly, casually, he turned around and disappeared into the flames.
I pursued Sephy through the Nibelheim Mountains until we reached the Mako Reactor. Just outside the reaction chamber, I saw our hat guide crouched beside a corpse--
"That guide...was that you, Tifa?"
Tifa was too choked up with the memory of her father's death to do anything but nod.
"So it was Tifa, then. Crouched beside her father's corpse, she swore vengeance against Shinra and Sephy Lee Roth, just as I had only minutes ago (But blast, it seemed like hours!). Tifa ran off to confront Sephy. Knowing I was too late, I rushed after her.
I passed through the doors to the reaction chamber just in time to see Sephy slice Tifa from chin to belly. She crumpled like a rag doll down the stairs. As I stood over her crumpled form, I heard, "Trent...our promise...you never came..." Then her eyes closed, and she lay still.
Blinking back tears, I pursued Sephy through the next portal.
He was standing there in front of Jehova, laughing maniacally.
"Sephy Roth!" I screamed, drawing my sword. "How dare you? How dare you! I gave you everything. Years of my life! We fought together in the war, and you repay me by destroying my hometown? By killing my mother, and Tifa, and her father. You son of a whore, I TRUSTED you!"
Sephy spoke only a single word: "Fool."
"Trent?" Tifa asked.
"Hmm?"
"How bad...was I?"
"Dead. I could have sworn you were dead. But, hey, I guess you must have pulled through. I...don't remember what happened after that. Don't remember how I challenged Sephy Lee Roth...and lived."
"RIPOFF!" exclaimed Bare-It, spraying popcorn across the floor, "You mean to tell me you brought us this far, and you're not even going to tell us how it ended? This is like one of those 'To Be Continued...' episodes on TV. You're a poop head, Trent Strife. Poop. Head!"
"So," asked Aeris, "What's next. Do we just sit here until Sephy finds the Trousers, or do we go after him?"
"Sit here," sulked Bare-It.
"That was a rhetorical question."
"Oh."
Trent, Aeris, and Arsechimp decided to go out looking for clues as to where Sephy might have gone, leaving Tifa with her re-awakened grief for the death of her father, and Bare-It to his hissy fit.
One young lady approached the group, petted Arsechimp, and said, "What a nice puppy!" and then happily walked off, while Trent and Aeris worked to restrain the enraged canine.
"Did you hear that?" raged Arsechimp, "Me? A puppy? That's so insulting. Why, I oughtta...." he railed on for several more minutes, while a crowd of bystanders came to gawk at the talking dog.
"Hey!" called one of the bystanders, "Can he fetch, too?"
Trent expected to have to restrain Arsechimp again, but found him preoccupied. He traced the path of Arsechimp's eyes, and found...a poodle, with a nice pink bow in her hair.
"Uh-oh. Aeris, quick, get a hose!"
Arsechimp sniffed. "I am in perfect control of myself. But...damn, she's fine."
Trent decided to take advantage of the crowd to ask a few questions. He motioned to one bystander, and said, "Have you seen anything...out of the ordinary lately?"
"Aw, no, life is good. We've got ample energy, and ample toupees, and we owe it all to the Hair Club for Men!"
"No, no, I mean, anything locally out of the ordinary. Strangers, strange happenings...preferably the sort that happen whether or not drugs have been ingested.
"Hey," volunteered another bystander, "I saw a guy go by in a black cape yesterday, headed east towards the grasslands."
{Bingo!}
"Yeah, me too," added a second bystander, "Except the guy I saw was headed west."
{Oh, shit!}
"Me too!" chirped a third, "He bought seven plums from the peddler and headed off towards Midgar!"
"Yes," said a fourth, "Black capes are very much in style these days."
"Yep," said the second bystander, "Very vogue. Very sexy."
The third bystander added, "The guy I saw in the black cape was wearing the latest. He looked suave in it. Hey buddy," he said, turning to Trent, "Do you want to buy a black cape?"
"Don't call me buddy."
"OK, Ramona, do you want to buy a black cape?"
Trent drew his sword.
"Guess not, Ramona."
Trent beheaded the third bystander.
"Hey, that reminds me," said the first bystander, "The guy I saw headed east had a headless naked chick with him!"
"That's the guy I'm looking for," Trent said, sheathing his sword, "Thanks."
"Don't mention it, Ramona!"
From a window overlooking the town of Kalm, a black-cloaked figure watched the scene below him and sang his ABC's.
Preview of Chapter 8:
"Oh, yeah, he's a nice fellow alright! Raving nazi, but you'll never meet a nicer fellow."
"I'm not carrying a sack of chocobo shit around."
"Every sperm is saaaaaaacred..."
-----
When the party reached Kalm, they met at the Inn.
"Trent," called Bare-It
"Yes?"
"Tell me a story."
"There once was a man named Dave, who found a dead --"
"That's not a story, that's a dirty limerick."
"Sorry....Um...Well, listen to the story 'bout a love gone wrong --"
"That's not a story, that's a song about John Wayne Bobitt set to the tune of the theme from 'The Beverly Hillbillies'."
"Sorry....Um....Let me tell you about the time that I caught that massive trout in the Goober River, and--Hey, Bare-It!"
"Wha?"
"Wake up, I'm telling a story here!"
"Is it the one about the massive trout?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, it--Dammit, Bare-It, wake up!"
"Do you promise you won't tell the story about the trout?"
"Well...OK, no trout story."
Several minutes passed.
"Hey Trent," called Bare-It.
"Yes?"
"Tell me a story."
So Trent sat down to tell the story of how Sephy Lee Roth went bad.
"It was a dark and stormy night, and-"
"Hey, I thought this was going to be a true story!" interrupted Bare-It.
"It is a true story," answered Trent, "Just because something happened on a dark and stormy night doesn't mean that it's not a true story. Terribly sorry, Bare-It, but Sephy didn't consult the fucking weather before he lost his goddamn mind."
"No story that starts with 'It was a dark and stormy night' is true."
"Bare-It, have you ever seen a dark and stormy night?"
"You mean like last Thursday? Sure."
"Well, I guess it didn't really happen, because the sun wasn't shining."
"Hey, all I said was--"
"Do you want to hear this story or not?"
"I'll be good."
"It was a dark and stormy night, and the Shinra had been called in due to monsters being sighted around Nibelheim, the town where I grew up. It all started in the truck on the way in.
"I'm bored," I said.
Sephy replied, "Yeah, me too."
"Wanna play charades?"
"Sure. What's this."
"Um...it's a...um...can I have a hint?"
"OK, it is something that flies"
"Oh, geez, this is tough...is it...a cat? A mouse! No, no, wait...It's a bird! It's a plane! Oh! oh! I've got it! It's Superman!"
"Yes, Superman it is. Your turn."
"OK, what's....THIS?"
"That's a cross-section of a particle accelerator"
"Damn!"
Then, one of the grunt soldiers said, "Are we there yet?", and Sephy casually beheaded him. Four minutes and thirty-eight seconds later, the truck was rolled onto its roof. We emerged from the back of the truck to find that there was a dragon playing with it. I stood there like a brick of shit while Sephy disembowelled the dragon. Coincidentally, we were just outside the gates of Nibelheim anyway. We walked through the town gates, and Sephy turned to one of the grunt soldiers who had come with us and said, "Are you OK, son?"
"Yeah," replied the kid, "I think I'll be OK."
"It might help you overcome your motion sickness if you take your helmet off."
"No, I like the groovy night-vision effects"
"Yeah. Those goggles are spiffy. Almost makes me want to be a grunt instead of the head of SOLDIER."
"You want to trade jobs?"
"Naw, because as head of SOLDIER, I can do THIS", and Sephy gestured at a house, which burst into flames. "Magic is cool," he concluded.
Sephy and the others headed for the Inn, but I went to see my mother, and then to the house next to it."
"Trent?" asked Tifa.
"Yes?"
"Did you go in my house?"
"Yes."
"Did you go in my room?"
"Yes."
"Did you take photographs?"
"Yes."
"Did you play my piano?"
"Yes."
"Did you pee on my carpet?"
"Yes."
"Did you paw through my underwear?"
"Y..no."
"Oh, good. That's a relief. Continue with your story."
"Much later that night, I returned to the Inn. Sephy was the only one still awake. He was sitting on a balcony, drinking beer. I grabbed a cold one and joined him.
"Wolves are cool," I said.
"Yeah," replied Sephy, "They are."
"What'cha looking at?"
Sephy gestured with his beer bottle. I looked down, cursing my lack of night vision goggles, and could barely make out...dogs mating.
Sephy giggled, "Isn't that gross?"
"Yeah," I responded. We sat down and watched the two dogs grinding at each other, and--
"Arsechimp?"
"Yes?"
"Quit humping my leg."
"Do I have to?"
"I'm gonna call that a 'Yes'."
"Damn."
"The next day, we started for the reactor, deep inside the Nibelheim mountains. Sephy had hired a guide. It was probably somebody I knew, but I just stared at her butt-ugly hat. It was a terrible hat. I've seen better hats hanging out of a dog's mouth. I mean, I know my hats, and it was one bad hat. I had nightmares about that hat for months.
Some twit asked me and Sephy (Mostly just Sephy, actually) to pose for a picture with the hat..I mean, guide. A few minutes later, we were underway. We'd gone about twelve meters when the bridge collapsed from under us. Normally, people who fall off of suspension bridges in knife-peaked, treacherous mountains don't live to tell the tale, but for some reason, none of us had worse than a few bruises. I guess it's something like the same principle that let me fall hundreds of feet from the upper plate at the Sector 5 reactor, through the church roof, and live. I think Main Characters have invisible parachutes or something.
We dusted ourselves off and headed into the caves of Nibelheim. Shortly, we encountered one of the fabled Mako springs.
"Holy heapin' hunks of himno!" exclaimed the hat...I mean, guide, "What the hell is that?"
"Don't you know anything?" replied Sephy.
"Well, I know my times tables."
"What's six times four?"
"Shut up."
"No, actually it's 26."
"Are you saying that's a heap of 26 over there?"
"No, that's a Mako spring. It's where materia is formed in its natural shape."
"Oh. Cool. So what's 26?"
"Um...six times four is 26."
"No it's not."
"That's right, it's a Mako spring."
"OK. Got it. Six times four is a Mako spring."
Sephy looked a little puzzled, but let the subject drop.
Several minutes later, the Mako Reactor loomed above us. Sephy motioned for me to join. The hat-guide started to come along, but Sephy said no.
"Please?" she asked.
"No," replied Sephy.
"I'll give you a cookie."
Sephy wavered, and I stepped in and said, "No."
Sephy glared at me, but let it slide.
"I'll give you my hat."
This didn't even tempt Sephy a bit. Together, we went in. Sephy started looking through some tanks on the west end of the room, and I started on the east. Several minutes later, he let out a startled gasp. I rushed over to investigate, and peered into the tank.
There, inside the tank, was a newly forming salesman.
"Angels and ministers of grace defend us," I breathed, "How could such a monstrosity be unleashed upon this world?"
Sephy, pale, answered, "I think...I think...that they're doing this on purpose. Infusing human beings with Mako...Like when making SOLDIER members, only a stronger concentration."
"Bastards!" I exclaimed.
"Was," stammered Sephy, licking his lips, "Was...I...made this way?"
He howled and drew his sword, slashing about wildly. I nimbly leaped out of the way, but he punctured a tank, and fluid gushed out, as did several fish. A cat napping in the corner lost an ear, and hissed at Sephy, but finally showed the prudence to get the hell out of the way.
That evening, we returned to the Shinra manor. Sephy found a hidden passage, and went to study in the hidden basement library. After a decent interval, I went after him.
"Erm," I coughed, "Wolves are cool?"
Sephy turned, and looked at me, eyes glowing cyan. A shiver ran down my spine, then up again, and did the dance of joy on my head. Then it jumped down and started humping Sephy's leg--
"Arsechimp?"
"Yes?"
"Get away from me."
"Where was I? Oh yes. Sephy's gaze held mine for a long instant, and he said, "This doesn't concern you. Go to sleep."
I returned upstairs and slept.
Later that night, I was awakened by the sounds of human torment. I sat bolt upright. The grunt soldier who had been sitting outside my room was missing his head. I burst out of the Shinra manor to find Nibelheim in flames. I saw the last surviving grunt soldier laying on the ground, and checked his pulse. A man rushed out of a nearby building and called out, "Are you still sane?"
I never was sane, but I reassured him that I was. He said he'd help out on one end of the city, and I should do the other. I turned around--
And saw my mother's blackened corpse arrayed outside the remains of her house. She had died trying to escape through the upstairs window.
"For this," I screamed, "Sephy Lee Roth must DIE!"
I drew my sword and scanned the wreckage of the village I had grown up in. There, off towards the Shinra Manor was my adversary. As I watched, too far away to do any good, he casually sliced an old man in half. His eyes met mine, and he laughed. Slowly, casually, he turned around and disappeared into the flames.
I pursued Sephy through the Nibelheim Mountains until we reached the Mako Reactor. Just outside the reaction chamber, I saw our hat guide crouched beside a corpse--
"That guide...was that you, Tifa?"
Tifa was too choked up with the memory of her father's death to do anything but nod.
"So it was Tifa, then. Crouched beside her father's corpse, she swore vengeance against Shinra and Sephy Lee Roth, just as I had only minutes ago (But blast, it seemed like hours!). Tifa ran off to confront Sephy. Knowing I was too late, I rushed after her.
I passed through the doors to the reaction chamber just in time to see Sephy slice Tifa from chin to belly. She crumpled like a rag doll down the stairs. As I stood over her crumpled form, I heard, "Trent...our promise...you never came..." Then her eyes closed, and she lay still.
Blinking back tears, I pursued Sephy through the next portal.
He was standing there in front of Jehova, laughing maniacally.
"Sephy Roth!" I screamed, drawing my sword. "How dare you? How dare you! I gave you everything. Years of my life! We fought together in the war, and you repay me by destroying my hometown? By killing my mother, and Tifa, and her father. You son of a whore, I TRUSTED you!"
Sephy spoke only a single word: "Fool."
"Trent?" Tifa asked.
"Hmm?"
"How bad...was I?"
"Dead. I could have sworn you were dead. But, hey, I guess you must have pulled through. I...don't remember what happened after that. Don't remember how I challenged Sephy Lee Roth...and lived."
"RIPOFF!" exclaimed Bare-It, spraying popcorn across the floor, "You mean to tell me you brought us this far, and you're not even going to tell us how it ended? This is like one of those 'To Be Continued...' episodes on TV. You're a poop head, Trent Strife. Poop. Head!"
"So," asked Aeris, "What's next. Do we just sit here until Sephy finds the Trousers, or do we go after him?"
"Sit here," sulked Bare-It.
"That was a rhetorical question."
"Oh."
Trent, Aeris, and Arsechimp decided to go out looking for clues as to where Sephy might have gone, leaving Tifa with her re-awakened grief for the death of her father, and Bare-It to his hissy fit.
One young lady approached the group, petted Arsechimp, and said, "What a nice puppy!" and then happily walked off, while Trent and Aeris worked to restrain the enraged canine.
"Did you hear that?" raged Arsechimp, "Me? A puppy? That's so insulting. Why, I oughtta...." he railed on for several more minutes, while a crowd of bystanders came to gawk at the talking dog.
"Hey!" called one of the bystanders, "Can he fetch, too?"
Trent expected to have to restrain Arsechimp again, but found him preoccupied. He traced the path of Arsechimp's eyes, and found...a poodle, with a nice pink bow in her hair.
"Uh-oh. Aeris, quick, get a hose!"
Arsechimp sniffed. "I am in perfect control of myself. But...damn, she's fine."
Trent decided to take advantage of the crowd to ask a few questions. He motioned to one bystander, and said, "Have you seen anything...out of the ordinary lately?"
"Aw, no, life is good. We've got ample energy, and ample toupees, and we owe it all to the Hair Club for Men!"
"No, no, I mean, anything locally out of the ordinary. Strangers, strange happenings...preferably the sort that happen whether or not drugs have been ingested.
"Hey," volunteered another bystander, "I saw a guy go by in a black cape yesterday, headed east towards the grasslands."
{Bingo!}
"Yeah, me too," added a second bystander, "Except the guy I saw was headed west."
{Oh, shit!}
"Me too!" chirped a third, "He bought seven plums from the peddler and headed off towards Midgar!"
"Yes," said a fourth, "Black capes are very much in style these days."
"Yep," said the second bystander, "Very vogue. Very sexy."
The third bystander added, "The guy I saw in the black cape was wearing the latest. He looked suave in it. Hey buddy," he said, turning to Trent, "Do you want to buy a black cape?"
"Don't call me buddy."
"OK, Ramona, do you want to buy a black cape?"
Trent drew his sword.
"Guess not, Ramona."
Trent beheaded the third bystander.
"Hey, that reminds me," said the first bystander, "The guy I saw headed east had a headless naked chick with him!"
"That's the guy I'm looking for," Trent said, sheathing his sword, "Thanks."
"Don't mention it, Ramona!"
From a window overlooking the town of Kalm, a black-cloaked figure watched the scene below him and sang his ABC's.
Preview of Chapter 8:
"Oh, yeah, he's a nice fellow alright! Raving nazi, but you'll never meet a nicer fellow."
"I'm not carrying a sack of chocobo shit around."
"Every sperm is saaaaaaacred..."
