Chapter 24
-----
Once safely off the sub, Cid suggested that they create a diversion to distract the Hair Club's attention from Junon before going after the sub they'd just sunk. Cait Sith reasoned that since the Hair Club was planning to launch Huge Materia into the Comet, the last one would be on the Rocket in Cid's hometown. Thus it was that Cid, Zack, and Trent entered the rundown hamlet to find it crawling with Hair Club guards.
"Jeez," said Zack, munching idly on a flapstick, "How the devil are we going to get in there?"
"I guess we could try to sneak on through the ventilation system," suggested Cid, "or maybe a fuel pipe."
"PIPE!" roared Trent.
"Mhehe," responded Zack...
Cid walked boldly through the entrance hatch, followed by two men in Hair Club uniforms. One appeared to be a member of RAZOR.
"We're taking over this mission," said Cid, "Skedadle."
The man in the captain's uniform turned around. "Oh, fooey," he said, "I wanted to go into space!" He started to sniffle, and then burst into tears.
"Er," said Cid, feeling rather nasty now, "Maybe I can find some use for you...what skills do you have?"
"Um," sniffled the captain, "I'm a multicelled organism..."
"That's JUST what we're looking for!" exclaimed Cid, "You can tend the navigational system!"
"Yippee!" shouted the captain.
At this point Palmer's face came over the vidcomm system.
"Hello, everybody, Comic Relief department here!"
"What do you want?" asked Cid.
"I just wanted to warn you never to put a tabby's hindquarters on your wall."
"Huh, why?"
"Because that would be a catastrophe! Get it? Cat-ass-trophy! BWAHAHA!"
"That's not funny, Palmer."
"That's what Comic Relief is supposed to do in a comic story. Be very unfunny and not plug the author's website at http://bleys.ihateclowns.com/."
"What did you REALLY call for, Palmer?"
"Oh yeah...just thought I'd warn you that we're launching."
"When does the countdown start?"
"Oh, there is no countdown. We've got a tard with a book of matches trying to start the engine up right now."
A resounding boom filled the room and the rocket began to climb.
"Ta-ta!" shouted Palmer, "And remember that the pun is the lowest form of humor!"
The screen went blank.
Cid turned to the erstwhile Captain. "What does your screen show Captain..."
"Kirk," responded the man.
"Ok, Captain Kirk, can you get us out of the collision course with Meteor?"
"Why?"
"Because it might kinda hurt when we hit, that's why."
"Oh, I'm afraid not...we're locked in by Ground Control. We don't need to worry about the collision, though--this cabin is equipped with an airbag."
Cid rolled his eyes.
Zack opened a side door. "Here," he called, "I found the Huge Materia!"
Cid and Trent followed him in. The materia was surrounded by a forcefield, controlled by a passworded lock.
"How are we to guess the password?" cried Cid in despair.
Trent looked at the keyboard. "It was Palmer who set this up, right?"
"Yeah," replied Cid.
P-I-P-E, keyed in Trent. A buzzer sounded, and a computerized voice sounded, "Incorrect password."
P-U-N, keyed in Trent. Once again the buzzer sounded. "Steee-rike two!" crowed the computerized voice, "One more and YOOOOU'RE OUT!"
Desperate, Trent glanced around the room. His eyes fell on what appeared to be a cat sticking out of the wall, its tail drooping lazily.
C-A-T-A-S-T-R-O-P-H-E, keyed in Trent. This time a chime sounded, and the force shield went down. Trent grabbed the Huge Materia and ran for the escape pods.
Cid called to Captain Kirk, "Um, I think it would be a good idea to leave the rocket now, Captain."
Kirk scoffed, "No faith in the technology, eh, Captain Cid? I'll stay with the ship to the bitter end!"
"You're going to crash into an enormous flaming ball of stone, you know that."
"Airbags," enunciated Kirk clearly, "I have airbags."
"Yeah," muttered Zack, "One's sitting atop your shoulders"
The collision of the Rocket with Meteor was visible everywhere on the Planet. The lightshow was so spectacular that nobody noticed the escape pod carrying our somewhat intrepid heroes back to the planet, in a nice soft touchdown in the Southern Sea. Trent used the PHS to contact the Highwind, and soon they were back at Junon. The people of Junon milled about in despair at the sight of the spectacular failure of the Rocket to destroy Meteor. In the confusion, Cid, Arsechimp, and Trent boarded the Submarine and recovered the last Huge Materia, since the Hair Club sub they had shot was still sitting undisturbed at the bottom of the sea.
"What now," asked Vincent back on the Highwind when it was all done, "We've got to find a way to destroy Meteor and stop Sephy."
"If anybody knows a way," mused Arsechimp slowly, "It would be Grandfather."
Cid ordered the pilot to set a course for Cosmo Canyon.
Preview of Chapter 25:
"Neither dandruff nor global annhilation is particularly 'fun', Boogergoblin."
"We were all pretty drunk at the time, and mad at him for an incident involving a rather large urine stain."
"I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can BE THE BEST DAMN URINE I CAN BE!"
-----
Once safely off the sub, Cid suggested that they create a diversion to distract the Hair Club's attention from Junon before going after the sub they'd just sunk. Cait Sith reasoned that since the Hair Club was planning to launch Huge Materia into the Comet, the last one would be on the Rocket in Cid's hometown. Thus it was that Cid, Zack, and Trent entered the rundown hamlet to find it crawling with Hair Club guards.
"Jeez," said Zack, munching idly on a flapstick, "How the devil are we going to get in there?"
"I guess we could try to sneak on through the ventilation system," suggested Cid, "or maybe a fuel pipe."
"PIPE!" roared Trent.
"Mhehe," responded Zack...
Cid walked boldly through the entrance hatch, followed by two men in Hair Club uniforms. One appeared to be a member of RAZOR.
"We're taking over this mission," said Cid, "Skedadle."
The man in the captain's uniform turned around. "Oh, fooey," he said, "I wanted to go into space!" He started to sniffle, and then burst into tears.
"Er," said Cid, feeling rather nasty now, "Maybe I can find some use for you...what skills do you have?"
"Um," sniffled the captain, "I'm a multicelled organism..."
"That's JUST what we're looking for!" exclaimed Cid, "You can tend the navigational system!"
"Yippee!" shouted the captain.
At this point Palmer's face came over the vidcomm system.
"Hello, everybody, Comic Relief department here!"
"What do you want?" asked Cid.
"I just wanted to warn you never to put a tabby's hindquarters on your wall."
"Huh, why?"
"Because that would be a catastrophe! Get it? Cat-ass-trophy! BWAHAHA!"
"That's not funny, Palmer."
"That's what Comic Relief is supposed to do in a comic story. Be very unfunny and not plug the author's website at http://bleys.ihateclowns.com/."
"What did you REALLY call for, Palmer?"
"Oh yeah...just thought I'd warn you that we're launching."
"When does the countdown start?"
"Oh, there is no countdown. We've got a tard with a book of matches trying to start the engine up right now."
A resounding boom filled the room and the rocket began to climb.
"Ta-ta!" shouted Palmer, "And remember that the pun is the lowest form of humor!"
The screen went blank.
Cid turned to the erstwhile Captain. "What does your screen show Captain..."
"Kirk," responded the man.
"Ok, Captain Kirk, can you get us out of the collision course with Meteor?"
"Why?"
"Because it might kinda hurt when we hit, that's why."
"Oh, I'm afraid not...we're locked in by Ground Control. We don't need to worry about the collision, though--this cabin is equipped with an airbag."
Cid rolled his eyes.
Zack opened a side door. "Here," he called, "I found the Huge Materia!"
Cid and Trent followed him in. The materia was surrounded by a forcefield, controlled by a passworded lock.
"How are we to guess the password?" cried Cid in despair.
Trent looked at the keyboard. "It was Palmer who set this up, right?"
"Yeah," replied Cid.
P-I-P-E, keyed in Trent. A buzzer sounded, and a computerized voice sounded, "Incorrect password."
P-U-N, keyed in Trent. Once again the buzzer sounded. "Steee-rike two!" crowed the computerized voice, "One more and YOOOOU'RE OUT!"
Desperate, Trent glanced around the room. His eyes fell on what appeared to be a cat sticking out of the wall, its tail drooping lazily.
C-A-T-A-S-T-R-O-P-H-E, keyed in Trent. This time a chime sounded, and the force shield went down. Trent grabbed the Huge Materia and ran for the escape pods.
Cid called to Captain Kirk, "Um, I think it would be a good idea to leave the rocket now, Captain."
Kirk scoffed, "No faith in the technology, eh, Captain Cid? I'll stay with the ship to the bitter end!"
"You're going to crash into an enormous flaming ball of stone, you know that."
"Airbags," enunciated Kirk clearly, "I have airbags."
"Yeah," muttered Zack, "One's sitting atop your shoulders"
The collision of the Rocket with Meteor was visible everywhere on the Planet. The lightshow was so spectacular that nobody noticed the escape pod carrying our somewhat intrepid heroes back to the planet, in a nice soft touchdown in the Southern Sea. Trent used the PHS to contact the Highwind, and soon they were back at Junon. The people of Junon milled about in despair at the sight of the spectacular failure of the Rocket to destroy Meteor. In the confusion, Cid, Arsechimp, and Trent boarded the Submarine and recovered the last Huge Materia, since the Hair Club sub they had shot was still sitting undisturbed at the bottom of the sea.
"What now," asked Vincent back on the Highwind when it was all done, "We've got to find a way to destroy Meteor and stop Sephy."
"If anybody knows a way," mused Arsechimp slowly, "It would be Grandfather."
Cid ordered the pilot to set a course for Cosmo Canyon.
Preview of Chapter 25:
"Neither dandruff nor global annhilation is particularly 'fun', Boogergoblin."
"We were all pretty drunk at the time, and mad at him for an incident involving a rather large urine stain."
"I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can BE THE BEST DAMN URINE I CAN BE!"
