Final Chapter
-----
"That is one big-ass hole," breathed Bare-It in awe.
"Yeah," said Tifa, "And this pit's pretty deep, too."
With Cid's Knights remaing aboard the Highwind in case there was a need for a fast escape, Trent and Company descended carefully into the deep spiral pit that was the Northern Crater. The Crater, Trent realized, that was the Promised Land--A boundless source of Mako. And Sephy was in it, with the Bastardly Productions Trousers. Trent shuddered at the thought.
Cid noticed the shudder. "I see you've been made aware of Raistlin and BOU's latest contest," he commented.
Trent hadn't, but now he couldn't get the thought out of his mind. He shuddered again.
Bare-It walked through Trent's field of view and he shuddered again.
Arsechimp started to--
"Arsechimp, stop that!"
"Sorry."
Two-thirds of the way down the spiral, one of the party members tripped an alarm. There was an awful howling and great iron giants started bursting out of the walls like the Kool-Aid man on crack.
"RUN!" shouted Bare-It. The party ran.
Only minutes later, everybody was huffing and puffing.
"Er," commented Arsechimp, "I can't help but notice that those giants we're running from appear to be playing Cricket instead of pursuing."
Trent looked back. The dog was right.
"Who's winning?"
Bare-It checked his pulse.
"We are, I think...Since they're not over here."
At long last, the party reached the bottom of the crater.
And waited.
And waited.
And waited.
"Well," said Bare-It, "I can't help but notice that nothing's happeni--!"
"BOO! HAPPY NEW YEAR!" shouted a voice...a voice emanating from the place where a head should have been. It was Jehova.
A stone whistled through the air where Jehova's head would have been if it still existed.
Trent whirled. "All right, who threw that!"
Eight abashed faces looked back at him.
"Listen up: Nobody is going to stone ANYBODY until I say so! Even if they do say 'Jehova'!"
A rock whizzed by Trent's head. "I saw that!" shouted Zack, "It was Cait Sith! It was him all along!"
"Nuh-Uh," said Cait Sith, "You threw the first one!"
Jehova's claws raked across Trent's back, "I can't STAND this any longer!" she raged, "SOMEBODY pay attention to me!"
Aeris and Arsechimp were at a loss--Their favorite spot to attack simply wasn't THERE on Jehova. Bare-It was quicker on the draw. He fired several rounds into the headless naked chick...but they appeared to have no discernable effect.
"What have you learned, my son?" asked Jehova.
"DAMMIT!" swore Bare-It.
"Not good enough," said Jehova, "Boot to the head."
THWACK!
"Hey! You booted me in the head!"
Jehova tried to nod.
"I wasn't ready! Try that again, you headless bi--"
"Boot to the head."
THWACK!
"Dammit, you're lucky you don't have a head for me to b--"
"Boot to the head"
THWACK!
(Author's note: If you've enjoyed this segment, pick up the Frantics' album 'Boot to the Head'...NYEAH NYEAH!)
Trent drew his sword and mightily attempted to cut off Jehova's head.
"Oops," he said, "I forgot."
"Boot to the head."
THWACK!
(Author's note: Sorry. That was the last time, I promise)
Trent fell back, dazed. Zack rushed at Jehova. "Boot to the head!"
SWISH!
"You missed," said Jehova, "Boot to the head."
THWACK!
(Author's note: I really mean it this time. No more booting of heads.)
It was Vincent who finally broke the impasse.
"Aw, let's leave poor Jehova alone," he said, "She's just trying to get ahead."
"Not funny, little man."
"Terribly sorry, ma'am. I suppose I got a little heady there for a bit."
"You're only making it worse for yourself."
"What, you think you can threaten me?"
"Yes, mortal, I can bloody well threaten you."
"My my, what a big head you ha--never mind."
Jehova shrieked in frustration.
"Be right back," Vincent said, "I have to use the head."
Jehova exploded.
"By the way," he concluded, "I love what you've done with your hair."
"C'mon," urged Trent, "Jehova won't stay blown up for long. I'm amazed that with her regenerative powers, she hasn't grown a new head by now."
"Stop right there," came a new, familiar voice. It was Sephy Lee Roth.
Sephy made an impressive figure, hovering overhead, larger-than-life, with one daemon-black wing protruding from his back. His eyes were like orbs of cyan fire, glaring hate down upon the party like the inexorable fall of meteor itself.
"Prepare yourself," he sneered, "for the void!"
With a flourish, Sephy hit the PLAY button on the remote control to the bitchin' sound system installed at the bottom of the Crater.
"Go, go, greased lighting..." blared the speakers.
"Er, oops," stammered Sephy, "Ma must've been listening to that. Let's try disc five."
"Sunshine, lolly-pops and--"
"AAARGH!" raged Sephy, clicking at his remote again.
"Skinamarinky-dinky-dink..." trilled Sharon, Lois, and Bram.
"IT'S NOT FAIR," wailed Sephy, slamming at the remote once again.
This time it worked. The haunting tones of "One Winged Angel" began to emanate from the stereo.
"I don't suppose that you can forget about that little gaffe and go back to being impressed?" suggested Sephy sheepishly.
Trent's answer came out of his sheath.
* * *
Sweat poured down the brows of the party members, but it was over. They watched Sephy's form disintegrate after a minute-long battle that had seemed like hours. Had unexpected help not come in the form of Zack's moogle friends, Sephy would have crushed them all. Exhausted, the party members began to return to the Highwind.
The stone underfoot began to break away. A rift opened up between Trent and the rest of the Party. He reached out to them, but the split was too wide to jump, let alone reach across. Dejected, Trent turned around.
In front of him was Sephy Lee Roth.
Not the one-winged archangel they'd just fought, but the man Trent remembered from five years ago. Two legs, two arms, one head...Yup, just plain ol' Sephy. Alive. This wasn't over yet.
Sephy stood barechested, wearing the Bastardly Productions Trousers, with Masamune at the ready. Trent drew Ultima Weapon, and "centered" himself, upon a balance point, the center of his spirit; achieved kioshizumeru, and then launched himself like an arrow at Sephy.
The battle they fought wasn't merely physical. Sephy drew on the Trousers and Jehova to lay waste to the surrounding countryside with massive bursts of magic, flailing madly to reach Trent. Trent felt the center of his ki, his spirit, and felt an answering power coming from Zack's pouch. He blocked Sephy's thrusts; protected himself, his friends, and most major population centers.
He couldn't protect everywhere. The amounts of magical energy drawn by Sephy were too great. Trent felt, rather than saw, a massive bolt of energy smash the top off of the Hair Club building in Midgar; felt Round Island sink into the sea; heard the anguish of the goblins as their islands, too, were riven.
There was a brief respite, as Sephy prepared his most devastating attack yet. Trent looked overhead, and saw red streaks coming off of Meteor, into Sephy's open palm.
"Fool," panted Sephy, "Did Boogergoblin teach you nothing? An astral body cannot exist without a lifestream. Meteor is an object of destruction because its lifestream is composed of the souls of everybody who failed, destroying everything they tried to protect. They failed...and so will you!" Sephy hurled the red energy at Trent.
Magic closed around Trent's heart like a fist. He didn't just see, but he was King Arthur, condemning Guinevere to burn at the stake for her affair with Lancelot du Lac; felt Arthur's despair. He was Kevin Landwaster, in the moments after the Ritual of Desecration, when he realized that the Land was ravaged, and the Despiser lived. He was Orion, fearing Anya dead. Hari Seldon, upon his determination of the Galaxy's doom. He was Beechen on the dark rocks of Whern, and Lews Therin, slaying his wife and children.
Trent wasn't the only one affected. He felt Zack's decision to leap into the rift. Felt the moogles try to stop him, only to be pulled into the rift themselves. He felt the despair of Priscilla, of Shera, of Zack's parents. Kioshizumeru started slipping away...
Zack's magically-generated despair didn't last long, as he drew further away from its source in Sephy, and retained his proximity to his pouch. He realized that he didn't want to die after all, as he plummeted into a boundless deep, drawing his Moogle friends with him. They flapped their vestigial wings uselessly. As he saw the ground rushing up at him, he decided to check his pouch, find out what was the source of this mysterious energy.
The white globe he'd found at Corel Prison was glowing a soft green...
The approach of the ground slowed, and halted. Zack started going upwards again. He saw rivulets of soft green reaching from the orb to the wings of the Moogles supporting him, causing them to expand, until they could support Zack's weight, and drew him ever so slowly upwards.
Trent fell to his knees in weakness. He could feel Sephy's triumph. He heard the whoosh of Masamune preparing to take his head, when the voices of his despair solidified, spoke with one unified voice
{Redeem us}
Trent now felt other memories coming from the lifestream of Meteor, the things that the souls of the dead had fought to preserve. The green vales of Camelot, the hills of Andelain, the fireless people of the Earth's first dark winter. He saw Trantor in its glory, and the Stones of Avebury, and the proud Hall of the Servants
{It's not over,} came the voice of Kevin Landwaster, {I went to desecration to save the Land from Despite. Despair leads to failure. Succeed, and all is well. Succeed here, and we are redeemed.}
{There's still time,} came Hari Seldon, {You can still prevent the end. Redeem us.}
{Redeem us,} echoed all the voices.
Trent felt the return of the power in Zack's pouch, and an answering strength coming from the Ultima Weapon. He saw Sephy's eyes gleaming in triumph, but he was still too weak to fight.
Aeris's soft voice lifted in song. Soon, it was joined by Tifa's dulcet tones. Then, Bare-It's deep baritone, Arsechimp's rasping bark, Cait-Sith's sickly caterwaul, Vincent's harsh rasp, and Cid's gruff growl.
Kioshizumeru flooded into Trent, and he leaped, and struck. Directly at Sephy's belt.
The Bastardly Productions Trousers pooled around Sephy's ankles. Poised to strike, he triped over them.
Sephy Lee Roth was wearing Little Mermaid panties.
Preview of the Epilogue:
"We set you up with someone female."
"I happen to be a trained ninja!"
"Oh, I know, underwear's not your speed...but you did ask!"
-----
"That is one big-ass hole," breathed Bare-It in awe.
"Yeah," said Tifa, "And this pit's pretty deep, too."
With Cid's Knights remaing aboard the Highwind in case there was a need for a fast escape, Trent and Company descended carefully into the deep spiral pit that was the Northern Crater. The Crater, Trent realized, that was the Promised Land--A boundless source of Mako. And Sephy was in it, with the Bastardly Productions Trousers. Trent shuddered at the thought.
Cid noticed the shudder. "I see you've been made aware of Raistlin and BOU's latest contest," he commented.
Trent hadn't, but now he couldn't get the thought out of his mind. He shuddered again.
Bare-It walked through Trent's field of view and he shuddered again.
Arsechimp started to--
"Arsechimp, stop that!"
"Sorry."
Two-thirds of the way down the spiral, one of the party members tripped an alarm. There was an awful howling and great iron giants started bursting out of the walls like the Kool-Aid man on crack.
"RUN!" shouted Bare-It. The party ran.
Only minutes later, everybody was huffing and puffing.
"Er," commented Arsechimp, "I can't help but notice that those giants we're running from appear to be playing Cricket instead of pursuing."
Trent looked back. The dog was right.
"Who's winning?"
Bare-It checked his pulse.
"We are, I think...Since they're not over here."
At long last, the party reached the bottom of the crater.
And waited.
And waited.
And waited.
"Well," said Bare-It, "I can't help but notice that nothing's happeni--!"
"BOO! HAPPY NEW YEAR!" shouted a voice...a voice emanating from the place where a head should have been. It was Jehova.
A stone whistled through the air where Jehova's head would have been if it still existed.
Trent whirled. "All right, who threw that!"
Eight abashed faces looked back at him.
"Listen up: Nobody is going to stone ANYBODY until I say so! Even if they do say 'Jehova'!"
A rock whizzed by Trent's head. "I saw that!" shouted Zack, "It was Cait Sith! It was him all along!"
"Nuh-Uh," said Cait Sith, "You threw the first one!"
Jehova's claws raked across Trent's back, "I can't STAND this any longer!" she raged, "SOMEBODY pay attention to me!"
Aeris and Arsechimp were at a loss--Their favorite spot to attack simply wasn't THERE on Jehova. Bare-It was quicker on the draw. He fired several rounds into the headless naked chick...but they appeared to have no discernable effect.
"What have you learned, my son?" asked Jehova.
"DAMMIT!" swore Bare-It.
"Not good enough," said Jehova, "Boot to the head."
THWACK!
"Hey! You booted me in the head!"
Jehova tried to nod.
"I wasn't ready! Try that again, you headless bi--"
"Boot to the head."
THWACK!
"Dammit, you're lucky you don't have a head for me to b--"
"Boot to the head"
THWACK!
(Author's note: If you've enjoyed this segment, pick up the Frantics' album 'Boot to the Head'...NYEAH NYEAH!)
Trent drew his sword and mightily attempted to cut off Jehova's head.
"Oops," he said, "I forgot."
"Boot to the head."
THWACK!
(Author's note: Sorry. That was the last time, I promise)
Trent fell back, dazed. Zack rushed at Jehova. "Boot to the head!"
SWISH!
"You missed," said Jehova, "Boot to the head."
THWACK!
(Author's note: I really mean it this time. No more booting of heads.)
It was Vincent who finally broke the impasse.
"Aw, let's leave poor Jehova alone," he said, "She's just trying to get ahead."
"Not funny, little man."
"Terribly sorry, ma'am. I suppose I got a little heady there for a bit."
"You're only making it worse for yourself."
"What, you think you can threaten me?"
"Yes, mortal, I can bloody well threaten you."
"My my, what a big head you ha--never mind."
Jehova shrieked in frustration.
"Be right back," Vincent said, "I have to use the head."
Jehova exploded.
"By the way," he concluded, "I love what you've done with your hair."
"C'mon," urged Trent, "Jehova won't stay blown up for long. I'm amazed that with her regenerative powers, she hasn't grown a new head by now."
"Stop right there," came a new, familiar voice. It was Sephy Lee Roth.
Sephy made an impressive figure, hovering overhead, larger-than-life, with one daemon-black wing protruding from his back. His eyes were like orbs of cyan fire, glaring hate down upon the party like the inexorable fall of meteor itself.
"Prepare yourself," he sneered, "for the void!"
With a flourish, Sephy hit the PLAY button on the remote control to the bitchin' sound system installed at the bottom of the Crater.
"Go, go, greased lighting..." blared the speakers.
"Er, oops," stammered Sephy, "Ma must've been listening to that. Let's try disc five."
"Sunshine, lolly-pops and--"
"AAARGH!" raged Sephy, clicking at his remote again.
"Skinamarinky-dinky-dink..." trilled Sharon, Lois, and Bram.
"IT'S NOT FAIR," wailed Sephy, slamming at the remote once again.
This time it worked. The haunting tones of "One Winged Angel" began to emanate from the stereo.
"I don't suppose that you can forget about that little gaffe and go back to being impressed?" suggested Sephy sheepishly.
Trent's answer came out of his sheath.
* * *
Sweat poured down the brows of the party members, but it was over. They watched Sephy's form disintegrate after a minute-long battle that had seemed like hours. Had unexpected help not come in the form of Zack's moogle friends, Sephy would have crushed them all. Exhausted, the party members began to return to the Highwind.
The stone underfoot began to break away. A rift opened up between Trent and the rest of the Party. He reached out to them, but the split was too wide to jump, let alone reach across. Dejected, Trent turned around.
In front of him was Sephy Lee Roth.
Not the one-winged archangel they'd just fought, but the man Trent remembered from five years ago. Two legs, two arms, one head...Yup, just plain ol' Sephy. Alive. This wasn't over yet.
Sephy stood barechested, wearing the Bastardly Productions Trousers, with Masamune at the ready. Trent drew Ultima Weapon, and "centered" himself, upon a balance point, the center of his spirit; achieved kioshizumeru, and then launched himself like an arrow at Sephy.
The battle they fought wasn't merely physical. Sephy drew on the Trousers and Jehova to lay waste to the surrounding countryside with massive bursts of magic, flailing madly to reach Trent. Trent felt the center of his ki, his spirit, and felt an answering power coming from Zack's pouch. He blocked Sephy's thrusts; protected himself, his friends, and most major population centers.
He couldn't protect everywhere. The amounts of magical energy drawn by Sephy were too great. Trent felt, rather than saw, a massive bolt of energy smash the top off of the Hair Club building in Midgar; felt Round Island sink into the sea; heard the anguish of the goblins as their islands, too, were riven.
There was a brief respite, as Sephy prepared his most devastating attack yet. Trent looked overhead, and saw red streaks coming off of Meteor, into Sephy's open palm.
"Fool," panted Sephy, "Did Boogergoblin teach you nothing? An astral body cannot exist without a lifestream. Meteor is an object of destruction because its lifestream is composed of the souls of everybody who failed, destroying everything they tried to protect. They failed...and so will you!" Sephy hurled the red energy at Trent.
Magic closed around Trent's heart like a fist. He didn't just see, but he was King Arthur, condemning Guinevere to burn at the stake for her affair with Lancelot du Lac; felt Arthur's despair. He was Kevin Landwaster, in the moments after the Ritual of Desecration, when he realized that the Land was ravaged, and the Despiser lived. He was Orion, fearing Anya dead. Hari Seldon, upon his determination of the Galaxy's doom. He was Beechen on the dark rocks of Whern, and Lews Therin, slaying his wife and children.
Trent wasn't the only one affected. He felt Zack's decision to leap into the rift. Felt the moogles try to stop him, only to be pulled into the rift themselves. He felt the despair of Priscilla, of Shera, of Zack's parents. Kioshizumeru started slipping away...
Zack's magically-generated despair didn't last long, as he drew further away from its source in Sephy, and retained his proximity to his pouch. He realized that he didn't want to die after all, as he plummeted into a boundless deep, drawing his Moogle friends with him. They flapped their vestigial wings uselessly. As he saw the ground rushing up at him, he decided to check his pouch, find out what was the source of this mysterious energy.
The white globe he'd found at Corel Prison was glowing a soft green...
The approach of the ground slowed, and halted. Zack started going upwards again. He saw rivulets of soft green reaching from the orb to the wings of the Moogles supporting him, causing them to expand, until they could support Zack's weight, and drew him ever so slowly upwards.
Trent fell to his knees in weakness. He could feel Sephy's triumph. He heard the whoosh of Masamune preparing to take his head, when the voices of his despair solidified, spoke with one unified voice
{Redeem us}
Trent now felt other memories coming from the lifestream of Meteor, the things that the souls of the dead had fought to preserve. The green vales of Camelot, the hills of Andelain, the fireless people of the Earth's first dark winter. He saw Trantor in its glory, and the Stones of Avebury, and the proud Hall of the Servants
{It's not over,} came the voice of Kevin Landwaster, {I went to desecration to save the Land from Despite. Despair leads to failure. Succeed, and all is well. Succeed here, and we are redeemed.}
{There's still time,} came Hari Seldon, {You can still prevent the end. Redeem us.}
{Redeem us,} echoed all the voices.
Trent felt the return of the power in Zack's pouch, and an answering strength coming from the Ultima Weapon. He saw Sephy's eyes gleaming in triumph, but he was still too weak to fight.
Aeris's soft voice lifted in song. Soon, it was joined by Tifa's dulcet tones. Then, Bare-It's deep baritone, Arsechimp's rasping bark, Cait-Sith's sickly caterwaul, Vincent's harsh rasp, and Cid's gruff growl.
Kioshizumeru flooded into Trent, and he leaped, and struck. Directly at Sephy's belt.
The Bastardly Productions Trousers pooled around Sephy's ankles. Poised to strike, he triped over them.
Sephy Lee Roth was wearing Little Mermaid panties.
Preview of the Epilogue:
"We set you up with someone female."
"I happen to be a trained ninja!"
"Oh, I know, underwear's not your speed...but you did ask!"
