April 5th

So I hadn't been seeing Hannah around outside of class for quite some time. I thought I was just missing her, but I found out from Ernie Macmillan, her best friend, that I hadn't been seeing her because she was spending a lot of time in the girls washroom. Forcing herself to throw up.

Christ. I thought she had been getting thinner lately, but I figured it was just stress of finals coming up. She was eating right and everything so I didn't worry. And she was making herself sick in the bathroom. But the worst part? "I was doing it for you Seamus. I thought you would like me better if I was thinner."

"Am I that shallow?" I asked.

"No, of course not. I just thought, I thought that if I was prettier I wouldn't have to compete." And she looked at me like she expected me to say, well of course! Why didn't I see it before? You just want me to like you better so you're regurgitating everything you're eating.

I kind of just stood there for a bit, and said nothing. And then I loked at her and told her to stop. I told her that she didn't need to be so thin. Told her that I loved her. And the funny thing? It's not that I love her, even though I do. I've loved people before. No, the funny thing is, I never told anyone before. Not even my mother.

But today, suddenly, it was important for Hannah to know that I loved her. Everyone else already knew. But today Hannah needed to know. So I told her.

"I love you. I love you so much." That's what I said.