Doot doo..Longer chapter this time.actually winding down to the end. Thanks
again for all the responses. I really do appreciate them. And now.on with
Chapter four! :-D
I woke up with a start. "What the fuck was that?" I muttered to myself. I was sweating all over and my heart was beating a mile a minute. That dream..that dream was-
"A nightmare." I whispered. I leaned back in my bed trying to calm my nerves. Was that really what he felt? Was I really that cruel to him? All those thoughtless comments that came out of my mouth.
"You annoy me."
"Your songs are crap."
"I hate your music."
"Leave and never come back."
God, I am an asshole, I thought. No wonder he was always crying. I'm surprised he's still around. It's a good thing I realized this before-
Reality came crashing down on me once again. He was gone. He had left. And I knew why. It wasn't because of me, wasn't because of what I said or did. He had left me for someone else. That.that child of a man, Sakuma Ryuichi stole him away from me.
"It's time I show Sakuma Ryuichi that Yuki Eiri doesn't like his toys stolen." I muttered to myself as I picked up the phone. I hesitated for a minute, anticipating my inner voice to protest. He didn't. I snickered. Guess that dream shook him up too. Good. I could use the quiet right now. I dialed the number for NG studios.
"Hello, you have reached NG studios. This is Excel, how may I direct your call?"
"I'd like to speak with Seguchi Tohma."
"Please hold."
I waited listening to the elevator music. It sounded familiar. After a few more seconds I knew why. It was Sleepless Beauty by Nittle Grasper. That brat used to listen to it non-stop for hours. Thinking of him made me angry and the fact that the singer was Sakuma Ryuichi made it even worse.
"I'm sorry, but Seguchi-san is in a meeting right now. Would you care to leave a message?"
"This is urgent. Try again." I snapped at her.
"I'm sorry sir, but he has asked not to be disturbed. But if you leave a message-"
"Listen, I'm having a really bad day. Now just get on the phone and tell Seguchi Tohma that Yuki Eiri would like to have a word with him. And if you refuse I'll make sure you're out on the street before the day is done."
The girl gulped and stammered "Hai" before putting me on hold again. This time the music was The Rage Beat, one of his songs. I was ready to pull the phone out of the wall when the phone line finally cut in.
"Eiri-san? What's wrong?" Tohma asked, concern in his voice.
"I need a favor." I said.
"A favor?" Tohma sounded surprised.
"Yes a favor. I need the address of Sakuma Ryuichi."
Tohma was silent. "Did you hear me?" I asked my patience wearing thin.
"Yes, I heard you." Tohma said. "Why do you want Ryuichi's address?"
"I didn't ask for an interview. I just need the address." I snapped. Tohma was entirely too nosey for his own good.
"Fine. I'll give it to you on one condition."
"What" I growled.
"You can't hurt him. Ryuichi has a concert tonight and I'm not about to cancel it because you got a little jealous."
"Argh! What do you know about it?!? I'm not jealous. Now just give me the damn address!" I was furious. If he wasn't my oldest friend and my brother-in-law why I'd-
"Here it is." Tohma read me the address as I copied it down. "Now promise you won't hurt him." Tohma added.
"Fine." I said before I slammed the phone down. I won't hurt him Tohma, I thought as I made my way out the door. Besides, it doesn't hurt once you're dead. It was the first smile I'd smiled all day.
Shuichi walked slowly up the steps to Tohma's office. It had been about an hour and a half since Mr. K told him Seguchi wanted to see him. He and Hiro helped take Ryuichi home. Even though the bullets were only blanks, they sure packed quite a punch. Ryuichi had a concert tonight and Shuichi didn't want his idol to perform badly because he was hurt. Not that Sakuma-san ever performs badly, Shuichi thought. Even if he was on his death bed I'd bet he could still sing like a god.
Shuichi neared Tohma's door and gulped. Nothing good ever came from a private meeting with Seguchi Tohma. A meeting always meant that something was going to change, which isn't too bad. Some changes are good, like Fujisaki Suguru. But a PRIVATE meeting was something extremely different. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he had a private meeting with Tohma. Why does he want to see me alone, wondered Shuichi. He knocked on the door.
"Come in."
Shuichi nervously entered the room. "Ummm, you wanted to see me?"
"Ah! Yes, Shindo-kun. I'm just checking on your progress. How is the new album coming along?" Tohma was smiling. Shuichi's nervousness grew. Tohma smiling wasn't necessarily a good thing.
"Very well actually. Hiro and I made up some really good songs and Fujisaki is putting a killer beat behind it. All in all, I'd say things are running smoothly."
"Glad to hear it. Do you have any tracks completely finished yet?"
"Just one. We're supposed to finish mixing it today." Shuichi's stomach began unknotting itself. Whew, he thought. He only wants to talk about Bad Luck business. That's a relief.
"Good, then you won't mind showcasing it at the Nittle Grasper concert tonight."
"Showcasing?" Shuichi felt a bit confused. Nittle Grasper had the entire two hour block booked solid. Where would Bad Luck showcase?
"Yes, you see we have a spare fifteen minutes at the beginning of the concert and I thought it would be an excellent promotion for your new album." Tohma smiled again. This time Shuichi smiled back.
"I'd love too! Of course I will have to talk it over with Hiro and Fujisaki, but I don't see any problems."
"Perfect." Tohma went back to whatever he was doing at his desk. Shuichi turned to go out when a thought struck his mind.
"Uh, Seguchi-san?" he asked timidly.
"Yes?" Tohma responded without looking up.
"Is that all you wanted to see me about? I mean, Mr. K could have told us about the concert and we as a band could have let you know about the progress of the album, so I was wondering why-"
"Why was it that I only asked you up here?" Tohma cut in.
"Well, yea." Shuichi stood there while Tohma took his grand ole time to answer the question. After a few minutes, Shuichi began to wonder if Tohma had forgotten that he was still standing there. He was just about to leave when Tohma finally opened his mouth.
"I saw Yuki Eiri this morning."
"Oh?" Shuichi said trying to sound indifferent. It wasn't working.
"Yes. He was acting very unusual. Do you know anything about this?" Tohma looked at Shuichi. He just shrugged and said casually, "What do I care if Yuki is acting odd. It's not my problem."
Tohma stood up and walked over to him. He wasn't smiling. Shuichi would have given anything to have that smile back. A non-smiling Tohma was even worse than a smiling one. Shuichi backed up against the door.
"If Yuki is acting different then it is your problem. I've been trying too damn hard and for too damn long to keep him happy and I'm not about to let someone like you to mess things up. I hate to threaten you, Shindo-kun. Bad Luck is the most promising act at NG. But if Yuki Eiri is at all hurt by you, I can ruin you faster then you can say 'law suit'. Got me?"
Shuichi nodded his head.
"Good." Tohma said but he wasn't backing off. "Now, I want you to tell me what's going on."
Shuichi's mind struggled to think up an answer. He was too afraid that the truth would make Tohma angry. "Well, you see.uhhh" Suddenly the intercom cut in.
"Seguchi-san?"
"What" Tohma replied agitated.
"There's a phone call for you on line 2."
"I'm in a conference right now. I don't want to be disturbed." Tohma's eyes never left Shuichi's face. His knees began to shake.
"Well, I'm waiting."
Shuichi's eyes darted around the room. He didn't look Tohma in the face. Please, let me think of something, Shuichi prayed. Just then he heard the click of the intercom.
"Excel, I thought I told you-" Tohma scolded but the girl interrupted.
"It's Yuki Eiri. He says it's urgent."
"Put him through." Tohma looked at Shuichi then smiled. "Glad we could have this chat. I'll see you at the concert tonight. Excuse me as I take this call."
Shuichi stood there baffled. He didn't know what just had happened. Tohma walked over to the desk and picked up the phone. "Eiri-san? What's wrong?" His voice was filled with concern as he motioned Shuichi out of the room. Shuichi backed out trying his best to listen to the conversation.
"A favor?" was the last thing he heard as he shut Tohma's door. He just stood there for a bit thinking things through. "Yuki's acting different.." "A Monkey in a tree." "A favor." What was Yuki doing? After all the fights he'd had with Yuki he'd never known him to act this bizarrely before. But, then again, this fight was different. Shuichi had never been this hurt before. He hadn't told anyone this, but it took everything he had not to lock himself in his room crying. He was in terrible pain. Last night was just the icing on the cake. You see, it had been one year ago last night that Aizawa and his 'friends' had raped him. He'd been having nightmares all week. And the fact that Yuki had tried to end their relationship once again was Shuichi's breaking point. He had to leave. He didn't want to believe that their relationship was over. He just said that last night because he was so angry and scared. And now, Yuki was acting strange. Was it because of him? Was Yuki finally trying to get him back?
"Probably not." Shuichi said down heartedly. "I'm kidding myself if I think the Great Yuki Eiri would go out of his way and risk his reputation to find me."
Yet, Shuichi thought. There was a time when Yuki would do just that. But all that had changed now. Yuki had become colder, more secluded. He didn't let Shuichi into his world at all. He had to push Yuki every step of the way. And it made him tired. But, perhaps, Yuki had changed once again. Maybe he had a change of heart and wanted Shuichi back.
"And maybe pigs will fly. Yuki will never change. And as much as I love him despite all his flaws, I just wish he would bend once again. For me."
Shuichi hurried down to the studio. He just got an idea for a great song.
More than once I reprimanded myself for heading over to Sakuma Ryuichi's apartment. This is stupid, I told myself. Crazy. I don't care about that brat enough to do this. Let him date whoever he wants. It doesn't concern me.
Ahhhh, but it does concern you, said a familiar voice from deep inside.
What? You're back? I was just beginning to enjoy the silence. And besides, I really don't care.
Then why are you going to Sakuma's apartment?
I didn't have an answer. So I kept walking, reminding myself that the man I was about to see had seduced the fool into leaving me. Why else would have left? Not that I wanted him back, mind you. I just don't like to be made a fool of.
I walked up to the apartment building and checked the address. Yea, this is the place, I thought. I went up to the door and rang the bell.
"A-WOO-GA!"
What the hell? Was that the bell? I pressed it again.
"A-WOO-GA!" I shook my head. This guy is nuts.
"Shu-chan! Come in, the door is open na no da!" called a voice from inside. I had to take a deep breath. Remember, you have to talk to him first BEFORE you kill him.
I walked into the apartment. It wasn't that nicely decorated. It still had the air of someone who had just moved in. There were boxes stacked in random corners. A box of Strawberry Pocky was lying on the kitchen counter. It was empty. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. Can't even pick up after himself, I thought. How does he expect to keep that neat freak with these kinds of habits.
"Shu-chan! Are you ready to play, na no da?" called Ryuichi happily. He walked into the living room, his Kumagoro in hand. I stared. He was wearing a pair of his leather pants and no shirt. A towel was across his shoulders and his hair was damp. I clenched my teeth. Ryuichi stopped smiling when he saw who was really standing there.
"Yuki Eiri?" he sounded surprised.
I didn't respond. I was trying to contain my anger. Here he was waiting for him in nothing but a pair of leather pants?!? Something was most definitely up. Ryuichi began looking around the apartment. "Is Shuichi with you?"
"No." I managed to spit out. "He is not with me. I came by myself. Tohma gave me the address."
Ryuichi smiled. It appeared he wasn't bothered by my menacing appearance. Looked like I'd have to try harder. "Have a seat, na no da. Want some Pocky?"
"Tell me" I said, ignoring Ryuichi's offer. "Tell me what you're doing with him."
"Shu-chan? We're just playing, aren't we Kuma?" He nodded the pink bunny in agreement. This infuriated me further.
"Cut the childish bullshit, Sakuma-san. Now just give me a straight answer. What are you doing with him?" Ryuichi stopped smiling.
"Him? I don't know what you're talking about."
"You know exactly what I'm talking about. That pink haired brat is over here more times then I can count. Now, I want to know what's going on." I was beginning to lose my cool. I hated it.
"He has a name, Eiri. It's Shuichi. Why not use it sometime." He said defensively.
"Just tell me!" I roared.
"Nothing." Ryuichi said fast. "There is nothing going on between Shuichi and me, ok?" Ryuichi sat down on the couch. I stood puzzled. I wasn't convinced.
"Oh really. Nothing. Then why the hell does he come over here all the time? To bake cookies?" I said sarcastically.
Ryuichi picked up his pink bunny and began talking through it. "Actually, we backed a whole sheet of chocolate cookies yesterday, na no da." That was the last straw. I grabbed the bunny and launched it behind the couch. Ryuichi stared in amazement.
"You've got ten seconds to explain yourself before you become that bunny. Talk. Now." I growled. Ryuichi looked down.
"Do you know why I act silly all the time, Eiri?"
"What does this have to do with-" He cut me off.
"Do you? Do you actually know why I play with a pink bunny and add nonsense words to the end of all my sentences?" He sounded serious.
"Because you're a moron and can't act any different?" I answered coldly. Ryuichi chuckled.
"I think you understand me better then you say you do. But I'll explain anyway. Ever since I was young I craved love and attention. It seemed that the only way I could get it was to act a fool all the time. People would laugh and I would feel loved. But now I know it's not true love I feel. It's the love of entertainment. Not the real me. Everyone sees me as a clown. No one knows the true Sakuma Ryuichi anymore. They just know and expect the clown. It was what I had known for so long, I began to lose myself in that image. But then I met Shuichi. He saw through my mask. Saw the true Ryuichi inside. The Ryuichi that wrote all the heartfelt Nittle Grasper songs. He is my friend, my best friend. And I hold that dearer then any love anyone else has ever given me."
I was confused. "So then, you're not sleeping with him?" Ryuichi laughed.
"No. When I look at Shuichi I see myself. Or rather, what I should have been. Shuichi is someone who doesn't hide behind a mask. He isn't afraid to put his true feelings on the line. He opens himself up for the world to see without fear of loneliness or rejection. And besides, he's in love with you. And I won't make Shuichi sad. Which is why I'm worried about him." Ryuichi looked at me more seriously then he ever had before.
"Oh? And why exactly are you worried?" I asked him, trying to sound aloof.
"Shuichi has become more somber over the past few months. More subdued.and I'm wondering whether it's because of you." I was taken aback. Him? Subdued? That's not how he acted at home.
"I don't know what you're talking about. So the little idiot is a bit quieter. So what. Maybe I can get some peace for once." Ryuichi stared at me and then sighed.
"You just don't get it do you. Well, for your sake I hope you figure it out soon. Or else Shuichi will be lost to you for ever." That's it. I had had enough.
"I'll be going now." I stood up, but something was nagging at my mind. "But one last question. Why did you say that I understood you more then what I was saying?"
"Because you hide behind a mask too. It's ironic that you hide behind your fear of love when all along you have love staring you in the face. I on the other hand, hide behind a façade of love when really I'm desperate for it. We're actually quite alike, you and I." Ryuichi stood up and walked back into the bedroom. Before I left he added "Come to the concert tonight if you really want to fix things."
I left and began walking back to the apartment. I had a lot of things to think about.
I woke up with a start. "What the fuck was that?" I muttered to myself. I was sweating all over and my heart was beating a mile a minute. That dream..that dream was-
"A nightmare." I whispered. I leaned back in my bed trying to calm my nerves. Was that really what he felt? Was I really that cruel to him? All those thoughtless comments that came out of my mouth.
"You annoy me."
"Your songs are crap."
"I hate your music."
"Leave and never come back."
God, I am an asshole, I thought. No wonder he was always crying. I'm surprised he's still around. It's a good thing I realized this before-
Reality came crashing down on me once again. He was gone. He had left. And I knew why. It wasn't because of me, wasn't because of what I said or did. He had left me for someone else. That.that child of a man, Sakuma Ryuichi stole him away from me.
"It's time I show Sakuma Ryuichi that Yuki Eiri doesn't like his toys stolen." I muttered to myself as I picked up the phone. I hesitated for a minute, anticipating my inner voice to protest. He didn't. I snickered. Guess that dream shook him up too. Good. I could use the quiet right now. I dialed the number for NG studios.
"Hello, you have reached NG studios. This is Excel, how may I direct your call?"
"I'd like to speak with Seguchi Tohma."
"Please hold."
I waited listening to the elevator music. It sounded familiar. After a few more seconds I knew why. It was Sleepless Beauty by Nittle Grasper. That brat used to listen to it non-stop for hours. Thinking of him made me angry and the fact that the singer was Sakuma Ryuichi made it even worse.
"I'm sorry, but Seguchi-san is in a meeting right now. Would you care to leave a message?"
"This is urgent. Try again." I snapped at her.
"I'm sorry sir, but he has asked not to be disturbed. But if you leave a message-"
"Listen, I'm having a really bad day. Now just get on the phone and tell Seguchi Tohma that Yuki Eiri would like to have a word with him. And if you refuse I'll make sure you're out on the street before the day is done."
The girl gulped and stammered "Hai" before putting me on hold again. This time the music was The Rage Beat, one of his songs. I was ready to pull the phone out of the wall when the phone line finally cut in.
"Eiri-san? What's wrong?" Tohma asked, concern in his voice.
"I need a favor." I said.
"A favor?" Tohma sounded surprised.
"Yes a favor. I need the address of Sakuma Ryuichi."
Tohma was silent. "Did you hear me?" I asked my patience wearing thin.
"Yes, I heard you." Tohma said. "Why do you want Ryuichi's address?"
"I didn't ask for an interview. I just need the address." I snapped. Tohma was entirely too nosey for his own good.
"Fine. I'll give it to you on one condition."
"What" I growled.
"You can't hurt him. Ryuichi has a concert tonight and I'm not about to cancel it because you got a little jealous."
"Argh! What do you know about it?!? I'm not jealous. Now just give me the damn address!" I was furious. If he wasn't my oldest friend and my brother-in-law why I'd-
"Here it is." Tohma read me the address as I copied it down. "Now promise you won't hurt him." Tohma added.
"Fine." I said before I slammed the phone down. I won't hurt him Tohma, I thought as I made my way out the door. Besides, it doesn't hurt once you're dead. It was the first smile I'd smiled all day.
Shuichi walked slowly up the steps to Tohma's office. It had been about an hour and a half since Mr. K told him Seguchi wanted to see him. He and Hiro helped take Ryuichi home. Even though the bullets were only blanks, they sure packed quite a punch. Ryuichi had a concert tonight and Shuichi didn't want his idol to perform badly because he was hurt. Not that Sakuma-san ever performs badly, Shuichi thought. Even if he was on his death bed I'd bet he could still sing like a god.
Shuichi neared Tohma's door and gulped. Nothing good ever came from a private meeting with Seguchi Tohma. A meeting always meant that something was going to change, which isn't too bad. Some changes are good, like Fujisaki Suguru. But a PRIVATE meeting was something extremely different. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he had a private meeting with Tohma. Why does he want to see me alone, wondered Shuichi. He knocked on the door.
"Come in."
Shuichi nervously entered the room. "Ummm, you wanted to see me?"
"Ah! Yes, Shindo-kun. I'm just checking on your progress. How is the new album coming along?" Tohma was smiling. Shuichi's nervousness grew. Tohma smiling wasn't necessarily a good thing.
"Very well actually. Hiro and I made up some really good songs and Fujisaki is putting a killer beat behind it. All in all, I'd say things are running smoothly."
"Glad to hear it. Do you have any tracks completely finished yet?"
"Just one. We're supposed to finish mixing it today." Shuichi's stomach began unknotting itself. Whew, he thought. He only wants to talk about Bad Luck business. That's a relief.
"Good, then you won't mind showcasing it at the Nittle Grasper concert tonight."
"Showcasing?" Shuichi felt a bit confused. Nittle Grasper had the entire two hour block booked solid. Where would Bad Luck showcase?
"Yes, you see we have a spare fifteen minutes at the beginning of the concert and I thought it would be an excellent promotion for your new album." Tohma smiled again. This time Shuichi smiled back.
"I'd love too! Of course I will have to talk it over with Hiro and Fujisaki, but I don't see any problems."
"Perfect." Tohma went back to whatever he was doing at his desk. Shuichi turned to go out when a thought struck his mind.
"Uh, Seguchi-san?" he asked timidly.
"Yes?" Tohma responded without looking up.
"Is that all you wanted to see me about? I mean, Mr. K could have told us about the concert and we as a band could have let you know about the progress of the album, so I was wondering why-"
"Why was it that I only asked you up here?" Tohma cut in.
"Well, yea." Shuichi stood there while Tohma took his grand ole time to answer the question. After a few minutes, Shuichi began to wonder if Tohma had forgotten that he was still standing there. He was just about to leave when Tohma finally opened his mouth.
"I saw Yuki Eiri this morning."
"Oh?" Shuichi said trying to sound indifferent. It wasn't working.
"Yes. He was acting very unusual. Do you know anything about this?" Tohma looked at Shuichi. He just shrugged and said casually, "What do I care if Yuki is acting odd. It's not my problem."
Tohma stood up and walked over to him. He wasn't smiling. Shuichi would have given anything to have that smile back. A non-smiling Tohma was even worse than a smiling one. Shuichi backed up against the door.
"If Yuki is acting different then it is your problem. I've been trying too damn hard and for too damn long to keep him happy and I'm not about to let someone like you to mess things up. I hate to threaten you, Shindo-kun. Bad Luck is the most promising act at NG. But if Yuki Eiri is at all hurt by you, I can ruin you faster then you can say 'law suit'. Got me?"
Shuichi nodded his head.
"Good." Tohma said but he wasn't backing off. "Now, I want you to tell me what's going on."
Shuichi's mind struggled to think up an answer. He was too afraid that the truth would make Tohma angry. "Well, you see.uhhh" Suddenly the intercom cut in.
"Seguchi-san?"
"What" Tohma replied agitated.
"There's a phone call for you on line 2."
"I'm in a conference right now. I don't want to be disturbed." Tohma's eyes never left Shuichi's face. His knees began to shake.
"Well, I'm waiting."
Shuichi's eyes darted around the room. He didn't look Tohma in the face. Please, let me think of something, Shuichi prayed. Just then he heard the click of the intercom.
"Excel, I thought I told you-" Tohma scolded but the girl interrupted.
"It's Yuki Eiri. He says it's urgent."
"Put him through." Tohma looked at Shuichi then smiled. "Glad we could have this chat. I'll see you at the concert tonight. Excuse me as I take this call."
Shuichi stood there baffled. He didn't know what just had happened. Tohma walked over to the desk and picked up the phone. "Eiri-san? What's wrong?" His voice was filled with concern as he motioned Shuichi out of the room. Shuichi backed out trying his best to listen to the conversation.
"A favor?" was the last thing he heard as he shut Tohma's door. He just stood there for a bit thinking things through. "Yuki's acting different.." "A Monkey in a tree." "A favor." What was Yuki doing? After all the fights he'd had with Yuki he'd never known him to act this bizarrely before. But, then again, this fight was different. Shuichi had never been this hurt before. He hadn't told anyone this, but it took everything he had not to lock himself in his room crying. He was in terrible pain. Last night was just the icing on the cake. You see, it had been one year ago last night that Aizawa and his 'friends' had raped him. He'd been having nightmares all week. And the fact that Yuki had tried to end their relationship once again was Shuichi's breaking point. He had to leave. He didn't want to believe that their relationship was over. He just said that last night because he was so angry and scared. And now, Yuki was acting strange. Was it because of him? Was Yuki finally trying to get him back?
"Probably not." Shuichi said down heartedly. "I'm kidding myself if I think the Great Yuki Eiri would go out of his way and risk his reputation to find me."
Yet, Shuichi thought. There was a time when Yuki would do just that. But all that had changed now. Yuki had become colder, more secluded. He didn't let Shuichi into his world at all. He had to push Yuki every step of the way. And it made him tired. But, perhaps, Yuki had changed once again. Maybe he had a change of heart and wanted Shuichi back.
"And maybe pigs will fly. Yuki will never change. And as much as I love him despite all his flaws, I just wish he would bend once again. For me."
Shuichi hurried down to the studio. He just got an idea for a great song.
More than once I reprimanded myself for heading over to Sakuma Ryuichi's apartment. This is stupid, I told myself. Crazy. I don't care about that brat enough to do this. Let him date whoever he wants. It doesn't concern me.
Ahhhh, but it does concern you, said a familiar voice from deep inside.
What? You're back? I was just beginning to enjoy the silence. And besides, I really don't care.
Then why are you going to Sakuma's apartment?
I didn't have an answer. So I kept walking, reminding myself that the man I was about to see had seduced the fool into leaving me. Why else would have left? Not that I wanted him back, mind you. I just don't like to be made a fool of.
I walked up to the apartment building and checked the address. Yea, this is the place, I thought. I went up to the door and rang the bell.
"A-WOO-GA!"
What the hell? Was that the bell? I pressed it again.
"A-WOO-GA!" I shook my head. This guy is nuts.
"Shu-chan! Come in, the door is open na no da!" called a voice from inside. I had to take a deep breath. Remember, you have to talk to him first BEFORE you kill him.
I walked into the apartment. It wasn't that nicely decorated. It still had the air of someone who had just moved in. There were boxes stacked in random corners. A box of Strawberry Pocky was lying on the kitchen counter. It was empty. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. Can't even pick up after himself, I thought. How does he expect to keep that neat freak with these kinds of habits.
"Shu-chan! Are you ready to play, na no da?" called Ryuichi happily. He walked into the living room, his Kumagoro in hand. I stared. He was wearing a pair of his leather pants and no shirt. A towel was across his shoulders and his hair was damp. I clenched my teeth. Ryuichi stopped smiling when he saw who was really standing there.
"Yuki Eiri?" he sounded surprised.
I didn't respond. I was trying to contain my anger. Here he was waiting for him in nothing but a pair of leather pants?!? Something was most definitely up. Ryuichi began looking around the apartment. "Is Shuichi with you?"
"No." I managed to spit out. "He is not with me. I came by myself. Tohma gave me the address."
Ryuichi smiled. It appeared he wasn't bothered by my menacing appearance. Looked like I'd have to try harder. "Have a seat, na no da. Want some Pocky?"
"Tell me" I said, ignoring Ryuichi's offer. "Tell me what you're doing with him."
"Shu-chan? We're just playing, aren't we Kuma?" He nodded the pink bunny in agreement. This infuriated me further.
"Cut the childish bullshit, Sakuma-san. Now just give me a straight answer. What are you doing with him?" Ryuichi stopped smiling.
"Him? I don't know what you're talking about."
"You know exactly what I'm talking about. That pink haired brat is over here more times then I can count. Now, I want to know what's going on." I was beginning to lose my cool. I hated it.
"He has a name, Eiri. It's Shuichi. Why not use it sometime." He said defensively.
"Just tell me!" I roared.
"Nothing." Ryuichi said fast. "There is nothing going on between Shuichi and me, ok?" Ryuichi sat down on the couch. I stood puzzled. I wasn't convinced.
"Oh really. Nothing. Then why the hell does he come over here all the time? To bake cookies?" I said sarcastically.
Ryuichi picked up his pink bunny and began talking through it. "Actually, we backed a whole sheet of chocolate cookies yesterday, na no da." That was the last straw. I grabbed the bunny and launched it behind the couch. Ryuichi stared in amazement.
"You've got ten seconds to explain yourself before you become that bunny. Talk. Now." I growled. Ryuichi looked down.
"Do you know why I act silly all the time, Eiri?"
"What does this have to do with-" He cut me off.
"Do you? Do you actually know why I play with a pink bunny and add nonsense words to the end of all my sentences?" He sounded serious.
"Because you're a moron and can't act any different?" I answered coldly. Ryuichi chuckled.
"I think you understand me better then you say you do. But I'll explain anyway. Ever since I was young I craved love and attention. It seemed that the only way I could get it was to act a fool all the time. People would laugh and I would feel loved. But now I know it's not true love I feel. It's the love of entertainment. Not the real me. Everyone sees me as a clown. No one knows the true Sakuma Ryuichi anymore. They just know and expect the clown. It was what I had known for so long, I began to lose myself in that image. But then I met Shuichi. He saw through my mask. Saw the true Ryuichi inside. The Ryuichi that wrote all the heartfelt Nittle Grasper songs. He is my friend, my best friend. And I hold that dearer then any love anyone else has ever given me."
I was confused. "So then, you're not sleeping with him?" Ryuichi laughed.
"No. When I look at Shuichi I see myself. Or rather, what I should have been. Shuichi is someone who doesn't hide behind a mask. He isn't afraid to put his true feelings on the line. He opens himself up for the world to see without fear of loneliness or rejection. And besides, he's in love with you. And I won't make Shuichi sad. Which is why I'm worried about him." Ryuichi looked at me more seriously then he ever had before.
"Oh? And why exactly are you worried?" I asked him, trying to sound aloof.
"Shuichi has become more somber over the past few months. More subdued.and I'm wondering whether it's because of you." I was taken aback. Him? Subdued? That's not how he acted at home.
"I don't know what you're talking about. So the little idiot is a bit quieter. So what. Maybe I can get some peace for once." Ryuichi stared at me and then sighed.
"You just don't get it do you. Well, for your sake I hope you figure it out soon. Or else Shuichi will be lost to you for ever." That's it. I had had enough.
"I'll be going now." I stood up, but something was nagging at my mind. "But one last question. Why did you say that I understood you more then what I was saying?"
"Because you hide behind a mask too. It's ironic that you hide behind your fear of love when all along you have love staring you in the face. I on the other hand, hide behind a façade of love when really I'm desperate for it. We're actually quite alike, you and I." Ryuichi stood up and walked back into the bedroom. Before I left he added "Come to the concert tonight if you really want to fix things."
I left and began walking back to the apartment. I had a lot of things to think about.
