[A/N. I still don't know whether or not I really like this story. Sometimes
I like it, and other times I read it and think blah! But like I keep saying
I am determined to finish it before I begin "The Oriole's Opera."]
ELEVEN:
As the plane flew towards New York I leant my head against the window and stared out into the white clouds. They looked like marshmallows and for a little while I occupied my mind by thinking about how it would feel to touch them. But inevitably my mind drifted back to the reason I was flying to New York: Billy. I wondered how it would feel to see him again. It had been awhile now, but even the time hadn't changed my feelings. I knew my actions had hurt Billy terribly, and how could they not have? He'd told me he understood, but that didn't mean he really did. I sighed and shifted in my seat.
The man beside me threw me an annoyed glance. "First time flying?" He asked me. He was dressed neatly in a gray business suit and had been reading a journal during the flight, and looked as though he were in his mid to late forties.
"Oh no-I've flown a few times before." I replied.
"Ah- you just seem kind of restless to me so I thought it might have been your first time flying." He said.
I smiled slightly at that comment. "Yeah, well I am pretty restless." I admitted. "I'd much rather be home than going to New York, but I guess sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do."
"You're telling me." He said. "It's my daughter's birthday today and we were having her and her husband and children over for a meal, and then I get called to this urgent meeting. I don't know- movie stars these days- or should I say ones who think they're movie stars but aren't really?"
I frowned. My mother thought she was going to become a movie star so I knew only too well what he meant. Just thinking about her reminded me that the last time I'd been on a plane had been coming back to the Cape after seeing her. I don't know why, but it seemed as though I had been thinking about her quite a bit in the last few days.
"What-don't you like movie stars?" The man asked me.
"Not really no- what's her name? Your client I mean?" I asked.
"Sorry, I don't think I can tell you that. Client confidentiality and all that." The man replied.
"Oh, it's just I know someone who's trying to become a movie star, but I haven't really heard from her in awhile." I explained. "I hadn't though of her for awhile but now I sometimes seem to find myself wondering how Gina is. Not that I miss Archie mind you."
A strange look crossed the man's face. "Who?" He asked.
"Gina Simons." I said. "That's my friend."
He started laughing, and I stared at him surprised. Below me the skyline of New York came into view and the pilot's voice came over the loudspeaker telling us to make sure we had our seatbelts buckled and our seats in their right position for the descent into New York.
"It can be such a small world can't it?" The man said shaking his head. "You see the person I am flying to New York to see is none other than my client Gina Simons. I'm her lawyer and she wanted to see me urgently about suing someone."
"Suing someone?" I repeated. "Is she in trouble?" I wondered why I actually cared after all my mother had done to me- to her very own daughter, but despite this I still cared.
"Not trouble as such." The man replied. "A magazine published pictures of her which she finds distasteful and she wants to sue them. I tried to explain to her that if she can be seen as a public figure due to having been in movies, it might not be so easy to sue. But she insisted I fly out right this second."
"That would be right." I said wryly. My mother had always been the sort of person who wanted what she wanted right now.
The plane was coming in for it's landing and all thoughts of my mother flew out of my mind. I thought again of Billy, and wondered whether perhaps I should have brought Lara to see him since I was pretty sure that she was his daughter. Each day it seemed she looked more like him than anyone else, but nobody had really commented on it yet.
"Are you going to see her when you're here?" The man asked as the plane roughly landed.
"No- I've got to see someone who is in hospital and they don't expect to live." I replied. "And then I have to get back home to my husband and daughter."
"Well maybe," He suggested as we taxied up to the terminal. "You'd like me to give her a message from you?"
I smiled slowly. "Sure. Tell her Melody said hi." I agreed. I could just imagine the look on my mother's face when she got that message.
"Is that all?" He asked surprised.
"Tell her also that Cary and I've got a daughter now, Cary's business is going great guns and we couldn't be happier. Tell her it's getting closer every day to when we get all the money." I replied. That last bit would really annoy my mother knowing how she felt about money. It was hard to believe I had been able to buy off my own mother, and even now that angered me. But I didn't want this strange man to think that I was angry, or even upset.
"Okay, I'll let her know." The man said as we got off the plane. "And I hope something wonderful happens and your friend is all right."
That brought my mind back to the reason I was in New York: Billy. Outside the airport I hailed a taxi and had them take me directly to the hospital where Billy was. As the cab drove along I stared out the window at the place which had been home to me for a few months. Strangely enough it didn't feel like home now, for me home was where Cary and Lara were. The cab stopped in front of the hospital entrance and I paid the driver and walked inside. I went up to the nurse's station. "My name is Melody Logan and I'm here to see Billy-" I began but the nurse interrupted me.
"Melody Logan- there's a note here telling you to go straight in. It's good you came because I don't know how much longer he's going to hold on for." She said.
I was shocked. "I didn't realise it was that bad." I said softly.
"Internal injuries." The nurse replied nonchalantly. "Car accidents are not pretty Miss Logan."
I didn't bother to correct her and tell her it was Mrs. Logan. Instead I asked where Billy was, and was given instructions. Outside his room I stopped and took a deep breath, wondering what I was going to see in there. I've never been great with sickness and injuries before, but I've never been bad either. I took another deep breath and walked into the room. Billy was lying in the bed, and I was shocked to see all the tubes and machines. I must have made some noise, because the woman seated beside him looked up. Her eyes met mine.
"Melody?" She asked.
"Marina?" I asked.
We both nodded, and she stood up. "It's good you came. Billy asks for you when he's conscious." She told me.
"Is he conscious often?" I asked, and my eyes slid to the bed. Billy's face was so pale it was gray.
"He has his moments." She explained. "But they're not all that often. The doctors have suggested he can hear me, but perhaps he doesn't want to open his eyes and speak to me..I don't know. I worry he blames me for the accident since I was driving, and look at me..I got off pretty much scott free when the man I love is lying there, fighting for his life." She said.
I didn't know what to say to that, so I said nothing.
"To tell you the truth I didn't think you'd come. From what Billy's said about you, well you didn't strike me as the sort of person who cared." She said coldly.
I was shocked. So she knew everything then? And Billy had said these things to her- he must have been even more hurt than I had thought he was.
She caught the look on my face. "Oh don't worry, Billy wouldn't speak ill of you. I'm just telling you the way I see it." She assured me.
"I didn't mean to hurt him." I said, feeling like a kid who had to defend themselves from someone.
"I'm sure you didn't." She replied, her tone implying otherwise. "I've got to go and do a few things. You can have some time alone with him- but try not to stay too long or the nurses will be annoyed." She went back to her chair and picked up her jacket and bag, and then leant over Billy, kissed him on the cheek and whispered something. Then she left the room, and I was alone with him.
I took yet another deep breath and went to the chair she'd vacated. I looked at him. His eyes were closed, and his breathing seemed pretty easy. If it weren't for all the tubes coming out from him I might have thought he was just asleep. I picked up his limp hand. "Billy, it's me, Melody. Billy can you open your eyes please? I want to tell you something."
There was no response, and I tried again. "Please Billy, you've got to hear this." I said.
Still no response and I sighed and looked away, thinking back to my time in New York. I knew I'd never loved Billy like I should have loved him, but with Cary in my mind all the time it was too hard to do anything else. And even though leaving him had been hard I knew Cary was the one I belonged with.
"Melody?" Billy whispered and I turned back to him. His eyes were open, and his lips curved in a faint smile. "You came."
"Of course I came." I said trying to sound bright and cheerful. "And when are you going to get your butt up and out of bed hmm?"
"I'm going to die." Billy said, and I felt tears prick at my eyes.
"Billy!" I scolded. "Don't say things like that."
"It's the truth." He said calmly. "It doesn't bother me now- I know it is going to happen and there is nothing I can do about it."
I didn't know what to say to that, but I shook my head.
"The thing is Melody- well death is like the next adventure for me. Life hasn't always been that great, maybe death will be different?" Billy wondered.
"Billy, you can't die. You've got things to live for. What about Marina? She loves you very much." I told him.
"She thinks she loves me. And then when times get tough, or something happens, she'll leave." Billy said firmly.
I felt sick- was he thinking like this because of what I'd done to him? Had my actions been a lot worse than I had thought they were? "Listen Billy- about what happened, about how I went b-"
"Don't Melody." Billy interrupted his voice firmer than it had been since I'd arrived. "I don't want to talk about that."
I nodded. We were silent for awhile before Billy spoke again. "I've seen a photo of Lara." He said.
I was shocked. "You have? How?"
"Holly sent me one from the Christening." Billy replied.
I frowned, wondering why Holly would have done that.
"Cute kid..reminds me a lot of the photos of myself and my sister when we were babies." Billy said, a small smile on his face again. I frowned, was he trying to tell me that he knew Lara was his?
"She is a cute kid." I agreed. "And she's very smart, very good..we love her very much."
Billy nodded. "I should hope so..Melody, are you ever going to tell her she's mine?" He asked.
So he did know! "I don't know." I admitted. I hadn't thought of it because it would also then mean letting Cary know he wasn't really her father, and that would kill him.
"Well even if you don't," Billy said weakly. "At least I will die knowing I've done something worthwhile." He looked as though he was getting tired, and I remembered Marina's comments about not staying too long.
"Billy," I assured him, squeezing his hand. "You've done something great. Lara is wonderful, and she's going to grow up into a beautiful, happy person. I can't thank you enough for giving me her, even if I've never said so before."
A tear rolled down Billy's cheek. "Thank you." He whispered back, and then he sighed. "I'm tired Melody. I think I might go to sleep."
"Okay Billy," I said softly. "And then when you wake up Marina will be back here and you'll see the love in her eyes and know you must fight for your life."
Billy shook his head slowly. "I think it's too late for that." He told me, and his eyes closed. His head seemed to roll onto the side, and his hand went even limper. I knew instinctively that he was dead. Holding his hand I sat there crying for awhile. Crying for the fact that I'd hurt him even though he'd refused to blame me for it or even speak about it. Crying for the fact that Lara had just lost a father, even if she'd never know so.
Eventually I dried my eyes and left the room. I found the nurse's station and told them that I thought he might be dying. The nurse didn't look surprised. "He's lived a few days longer than we expected to tell you the truth." She told me, as she paged the doctor and then hurried to Billy's room. I didn't stay.
ELEVEN:
As the plane flew towards New York I leant my head against the window and stared out into the white clouds. They looked like marshmallows and for a little while I occupied my mind by thinking about how it would feel to touch them. But inevitably my mind drifted back to the reason I was flying to New York: Billy. I wondered how it would feel to see him again. It had been awhile now, but even the time hadn't changed my feelings. I knew my actions had hurt Billy terribly, and how could they not have? He'd told me he understood, but that didn't mean he really did. I sighed and shifted in my seat.
The man beside me threw me an annoyed glance. "First time flying?" He asked me. He was dressed neatly in a gray business suit and had been reading a journal during the flight, and looked as though he were in his mid to late forties.
"Oh no-I've flown a few times before." I replied.
"Ah- you just seem kind of restless to me so I thought it might have been your first time flying." He said.
I smiled slightly at that comment. "Yeah, well I am pretty restless." I admitted. "I'd much rather be home than going to New York, but I guess sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do."
"You're telling me." He said. "It's my daughter's birthday today and we were having her and her husband and children over for a meal, and then I get called to this urgent meeting. I don't know- movie stars these days- or should I say ones who think they're movie stars but aren't really?"
I frowned. My mother thought she was going to become a movie star so I knew only too well what he meant. Just thinking about her reminded me that the last time I'd been on a plane had been coming back to the Cape after seeing her. I don't know why, but it seemed as though I had been thinking about her quite a bit in the last few days.
"What-don't you like movie stars?" The man asked me.
"Not really no- what's her name? Your client I mean?" I asked.
"Sorry, I don't think I can tell you that. Client confidentiality and all that." The man replied.
"Oh, it's just I know someone who's trying to become a movie star, but I haven't really heard from her in awhile." I explained. "I hadn't though of her for awhile but now I sometimes seem to find myself wondering how Gina is. Not that I miss Archie mind you."
A strange look crossed the man's face. "Who?" He asked.
"Gina Simons." I said. "That's my friend."
He started laughing, and I stared at him surprised. Below me the skyline of New York came into view and the pilot's voice came over the loudspeaker telling us to make sure we had our seatbelts buckled and our seats in their right position for the descent into New York.
"It can be such a small world can't it?" The man said shaking his head. "You see the person I am flying to New York to see is none other than my client Gina Simons. I'm her lawyer and she wanted to see me urgently about suing someone."
"Suing someone?" I repeated. "Is she in trouble?" I wondered why I actually cared after all my mother had done to me- to her very own daughter, but despite this I still cared.
"Not trouble as such." The man replied. "A magazine published pictures of her which she finds distasteful and she wants to sue them. I tried to explain to her that if she can be seen as a public figure due to having been in movies, it might not be so easy to sue. But she insisted I fly out right this second."
"That would be right." I said wryly. My mother had always been the sort of person who wanted what she wanted right now.
The plane was coming in for it's landing and all thoughts of my mother flew out of my mind. I thought again of Billy, and wondered whether perhaps I should have brought Lara to see him since I was pretty sure that she was his daughter. Each day it seemed she looked more like him than anyone else, but nobody had really commented on it yet.
"Are you going to see her when you're here?" The man asked as the plane roughly landed.
"No- I've got to see someone who is in hospital and they don't expect to live." I replied. "And then I have to get back home to my husband and daughter."
"Well maybe," He suggested as we taxied up to the terminal. "You'd like me to give her a message from you?"
I smiled slowly. "Sure. Tell her Melody said hi." I agreed. I could just imagine the look on my mother's face when she got that message.
"Is that all?" He asked surprised.
"Tell her also that Cary and I've got a daughter now, Cary's business is going great guns and we couldn't be happier. Tell her it's getting closer every day to when we get all the money." I replied. That last bit would really annoy my mother knowing how she felt about money. It was hard to believe I had been able to buy off my own mother, and even now that angered me. But I didn't want this strange man to think that I was angry, or even upset.
"Okay, I'll let her know." The man said as we got off the plane. "And I hope something wonderful happens and your friend is all right."
That brought my mind back to the reason I was in New York: Billy. Outside the airport I hailed a taxi and had them take me directly to the hospital where Billy was. As the cab drove along I stared out the window at the place which had been home to me for a few months. Strangely enough it didn't feel like home now, for me home was where Cary and Lara were. The cab stopped in front of the hospital entrance and I paid the driver and walked inside. I went up to the nurse's station. "My name is Melody Logan and I'm here to see Billy-" I began but the nurse interrupted me.
"Melody Logan- there's a note here telling you to go straight in. It's good you came because I don't know how much longer he's going to hold on for." She said.
I was shocked. "I didn't realise it was that bad." I said softly.
"Internal injuries." The nurse replied nonchalantly. "Car accidents are not pretty Miss Logan."
I didn't bother to correct her and tell her it was Mrs. Logan. Instead I asked where Billy was, and was given instructions. Outside his room I stopped and took a deep breath, wondering what I was going to see in there. I've never been great with sickness and injuries before, but I've never been bad either. I took another deep breath and walked into the room. Billy was lying in the bed, and I was shocked to see all the tubes and machines. I must have made some noise, because the woman seated beside him looked up. Her eyes met mine.
"Melody?" She asked.
"Marina?" I asked.
We both nodded, and she stood up. "It's good you came. Billy asks for you when he's conscious." She told me.
"Is he conscious often?" I asked, and my eyes slid to the bed. Billy's face was so pale it was gray.
"He has his moments." She explained. "But they're not all that often. The doctors have suggested he can hear me, but perhaps he doesn't want to open his eyes and speak to me..I don't know. I worry he blames me for the accident since I was driving, and look at me..I got off pretty much scott free when the man I love is lying there, fighting for his life." She said.
I didn't know what to say to that, so I said nothing.
"To tell you the truth I didn't think you'd come. From what Billy's said about you, well you didn't strike me as the sort of person who cared." She said coldly.
I was shocked. So she knew everything then? And Billy had said these things to her- he must have been even more hurt than I had thought he was.
She caught the look on my face. "Oh don't worry, Billy wouldn't speak ill of you. I'm just telling you the way I see it." She assured me.
"I didn't mean to hurt him." I said, feeling like a kid who had to defend themselves from someone.
"I'm sure you didn't." She replied, her tone implying otherwise. "I've got to go and do a few things. You can have some time alone with him- but try not to stay too long or the nurses will be annoyed." She went back to her chair and picked up her jacket and bag, and then leant over Billy, kissed him on the cheek and whispered something. Then she left the room, and I was alone with him.
I took yet another deep breath and went to the chair she'd vacated. I looked at him. His eyes were closed, and his breathing seemed pretty easy. If it weren't for all the tubes coming out from him I might have thought he was just asleep. I picked up his limp hand. "Billy, it's me, Melody. Billy can you open your eyes please? I want to tell you something."
There was no response, and I tried again. "Please Billy, you've got to hear this." I said.
Still no response and I sighed and looked away, thinking back to my time in New York. I knew I'd never loved Billy like I should have loved him, but with Cary in my mind all the time it was too hard to do anything else. And even though leaving him had been hard I knew Cary was the one I belonged with.
"Melody?" Billy whispered and I turned back to him. His eyes were open, and his lips curved in a faint smile. "You came."
"Of course I came." I said trying to sound bright and cheerful. "And when are you going to get your butt up and out of bed hmm?"
"I'm going to die." Billy said, and I felt tears prick at my eyes.
"Billy!" I scolded. "Don't say things like that."
"It's the truth." He said calmly. "It doesn't bother me now- I know it is going to happen and there is nothing I can do about it."
I didn't know what to say to that, but I shook my head.
"The thing is Melody- well death is like the next adventure for me. Life hasn't always been that great, maybe death will be different?" Billy wondered.
"Billy, you can't die. You've got things to live for. What about Marina? She loves you very much." I told him.
"She thinks she loves me. And then when times get tough, or something happens, she'll leave." Billy said firmly.
I felt sick- was he thinking like this because of what I'd done to him? Had my actions been a lot worse than I had thought they were? "Listen Billy- about what happened, about how I went b-"
"Don't Melody." Billy interrupted his voice firmer than it had been since I'd arrived. "I don't want to talk about that."
I nodded. We were silent for awhile before Billy spoke again. "I've seen a photo of Lara." He said.
I was shocked. "You have? How?"
"Holly sent me one from the Christening." Billy replied.
I frowned, wondering why Holly would have done that.
"Cute kid..reminds me a lot of the photos of myself and my sister when we were babies." Billy said, a small smile on his face again. I frowned, was he trying to tell me that he knew Lara was his?
"She is a cute kid." I agreed. "And she's very smart, very good..we love her very much."
Billy nodded. "I should hope so..Melody, are you ever going to tell her she's mine?" He asked.
So he did know! "I don't know." I admitted. I hadn't thought of it because it would also then mean letting Cary know he wasn't really her father, and that would kill him.
"Well even if you don't," Billy said weakly. "At least I will die knowing I've done something worthwhile." He looked as though he was getting tired, and I remembered Marina's comments about not staying too long.
"Billy," I assured him, squeezing his hand. "You've done something great. Lara is wonderful, and she's going to grow up into a beautiful, happy person. I can't thank you enough for giving me her, even if I've never said so before."
A tear rolled down Billy's cheek. "Thank you." He whispered back, and then he sighed. "I'm tired Melody. I think I might go to sleep."
"Okay Billy," I said softly. "And then when you wake up Marina will be back here and you'll see the love in her eyes and know you must fight for your life."
Billy shook his head slowly. "I think it's too late for that." He told me, and his eyes closed. His head seemed to roll onto the side, and his hand went even limper. I knew instinctively that he was dead. Holding his hand I sat there crying for awhile. Crying for the fact that I'd hurt him even though he'd refused to blame me for it or even speak about it. Crying for the fact that Lara had just lost a father, even if she'd never know so.
Eventually I dried my eyes and left the room. I found the nurse's station and told them that I thought he might be dying. The nurse didn't look surprised. "He's lived a few days longer than we expected to tell you the truth." She told me, as she paged the doctor and then hurried to Billy's room. I didn't stay.
