-Severus Snape-
Depressed and confused, I tried to sort things out, or at least gather the concept that Voldemort was out of his mind. What an unpredictable person he was; it was always so hard to guess what he was up to, or what he thought of a person. Me, for example; I thought at least that he had forgiven me by now! But our recent confrontations told me I was so very wrong... He could not trust me a bit, and I guessed that he hated me. But that could not be! He 'kept me', as he put it...
What does that even MEAN, though? He said that I was such a damnable person, and that is why he keeps me... No sense! No sense in that at all! The man is mad! Why didn't he kill me? Why doesn't he kill me now? Why does he wish to have me around when I've caused him to lose his trust in me? Oh, I need to stop questioning everything; it's all getting so confusing!
Then the answers hit me. It is because he is of the most pure evil! It's as simple as that. He has gone beyond normal human emotions and thoughts, and whatever he seems to care about really means nothing to him! In the end, when all his cover is stripped, it only comes down to how many are dead, because the pleasure is the kill and the more the kill the more the pleasure for yourself, and yourself is all it comes down to, dog eat dog, dog eat dog, dog eat dog, I understand!
He keeps me because I am a killer! Because I am a ruthless, thoughtless slave and I ENJOY it! I'm HIS dog, ready to die for him, and WHY? What is my life worth? I kill for fun, but what do I get? A life as pond scum, obeying orders, being a slave... But at the same time, the excitement! The chase, and being a rebel! A wanted man! Ten thousand for his head!
No. That's not true. Not ten thousand... absolutely NOTHING. A lifetime in Azkaban. Not fun.
Not fun if they can catch me! There's still the chase!
The chase is getting old! I run too fast!
I'll give myself up! Try to escape, then!
No, that's absolute stupidity! I'll get myself killed!
Ah, but what is life worth, anyway?
Start something new! Run from Voldemort and start your OWN rebellion! Become some individual person of chaos, confuse the Ministry of Magic; hero or terrorist? What am I? That is only for me to decide! Ha ha! How glorious! How thrilling! How new! How thoughtful! In a few years, it will be BOTH Voldemort and the Ministry after my skin! What a challenge! Forget about utter stupidity for a while and tell me this is a brilliant plan!
I would not tell Voldemort what I had decided; that was apparent. He surely wouldn't be in any good humor for that. I had to escape sometime, and when better than during a raid? He would never expect me to run away like I was planning to. This was perfect.
"Snape."
I jolted as I was suddenly driven from my deep thinking and planning, hearing the familiar voice of Voldemort outside the door I used as my shield against him. He didn't ask for me, he demanded of it.
"Yes, master," I addressed him.
"Come out here, Snape, and speak to your master civilly," Voldemort hissed softly.
I shivered with anger because of my new found realization, my plan, and that gave me courage and strength. I was my own person. I had no master to obey.
I did as I was told obediently, opening the door with a calm swing. There he stood, tall and menacing. He had power, and I came back to the need for a share in it. I quickly reminded myself that I would be stronger alone.
"Yes, master?" I repeated innocently.
"You left in such a hurry. I was wondering if everything... is all right?" He wasn't asking me out of politeness or of sympathy. He just wanted to know what I was up to in here.
"I was cooling down, master," I lied sincerely. "I decided that I had not enough control to be in your presence."
He smiled coldly. "And who's fault is that, of your terrible temper?" he asked.
"Only mine, master, I will not act like that again," I said.
"No plot against me has crossed your mind, has it?" he asked in his irritating humor. He does read minds, he does read minds, he DOES read minds!
"Never, my master," I said in all seriousness. "I would never plot anything of the sort."
"You trust me, don't you, Severus? I am your master, after all," he said calmly, still not in any way that could be mistaken as polite or sympathetic. "Because if you cross me, I can become what has never existed in your nightmares! I know you all too well, Severus. Understand that. I know all that goes through your head." He does read minds, he does, he does! "And if you show any sign of resistance, you will pay a horrible price."
"I understand," I said, unfaltering. "I would do nothing to cross you, master, trust me on that one; you must."
"Ah," he interrupted. "But I MUSTN'T! And I don't, Severus. I don't. You keep living. You keep surviving. Every day you come closer and closer to the edge, and you just can't wait to fall off, can you? And then you'll keep falling and falling, and I'll be at the top, laughing as you fall all the way down! Until you hit the bottom, but you will still survive, but that's only if you cross me. That's the only way you'll live, but by the time you reach the bottom, you won't WANT to live anymore, that's the problem!" And he laughed again, as he had before. "I can't wait," he added.
"You'll be disappointed," I said. But inside my head, I was saying, "Yes, you'll be disappointed because I'll push you off the edge first! Then we'll see who'll be laughing after that."
Depressed and confused, I tried to sort things out, or at least gather the concept that Voldemort was out of his mind. What an unpredictable person he was; it was always so hard to guess what he was up to, or what he thought of a person. Me, for example; I thought at least that he had forgiven me by now! But our recent confrontations told me I was so very wrong... He could not trust me a bit, and I guessed that he hated me. But that could not be! He 'kept me', as he put it...
What does that even MEAN, though? He said that I was such a damnable person, and that is why he keeps me... No sense! No sense in that at all! The man is mad! Why didn't he kill me? Why doesn't he kill me now? Why does he wish to have me around when I've caused him to lose his trust in me? Oh, I need to stop questioning everything; it's all getting so confusing!
Then the answers hit me. It is because he is of the most pure evil! It's as simple as that. He has gone beyond normal human emotions and thoughts, and whatever he seems to care about really means nothing to him! In the end, when all his cover is stripped, it only comes down to how many are dead, because the pleasure is the kill and the more the kill the more the pleasure for yourself, and yourself is all it comes down to, dog eat dog, dog eat dog, dog eat dog, I understand!
He keeps me because I am a killer! Because I am a ruthless, thoughtless slave and I ENJOY it! I'm HIS dog, ready to die for him, and WHY? What is my life worth? I kill for fun, but what do I get? A life as pond scum, obeying orders, being a slave... But at the same time, the excitement! The chase, and being a rebel! A wanted man! Ten thousand for his head!
No. That's not true. Not ten thousand... absolutely NOTHING. A lifetime in Azkaban. Not fun.
Not fun if they can catch me! There's still the chase!
The chase is getting old! I run too fast!
I'll give myself up! Try to escape, then!
No, that's absolute stupidity! I'll get myself killed!
Ah, but what is life worth, anyway?
Start something new! Run from Voldemort and start your OWN rebellion! Become some individual person of chaos, confuse the Ministry of Magic; hero or terrorist? What am I? That is only for me to decide! Ha ha! How glorious! How thrilling! How new! How thoughtful! In a few years, it will be BOTH Voldemort and the Ministry after my skin! What a challenge! Forget about utter stupidity for a while and tell me this is a brilliant plan!
I would not tell Voldemort what I had decided; that was apparent. He surely wouldn't be in any good humor for that. I had to escape sometime, and when better than during a raid? He would never expect me to run away like I was planning to. This was perfect.
"Snape."
I jolted as I was suddenly driven from my deep thinking and planning, hearing the familiar voice of Voldemort outside the door I used as my shield against him. He didn't ask for me, he demanded of it.
"Yes, master," I addressed him.
"Come out here, Snape, and speak to your master civilly," Voldemort hissed softly.
I shivered with anger because of my new found realization, my plan, and that gave me courage and strength. I was my own person. I had no master to obey.
I did as I was told obediently, opening the door with a calm swing. There he stood, tall and menacing. He had power, and I came back to the need for a share in it. I quickly reminded myself that I would be stronger alone.
"Yes, master?" I repeated innocently.
"You left in such a hurry. I was wondering if everything... is all right?" He wasn't asking me out of politeness or of sympathy. He just wanted to know what I was up to in here.
"I was cooling down, master," I lied sincerely. "I decided that I had not enough control to be in your presence."
He smiled coldly. "And who's fault is that, of your terrible temper?" he asked.
"Only mine, master, I will not act like that again," I said.
"No plot against me has crossed your mind, has it?" he asked in his irritating humor. He does read minds, he does read minds, he DOES read minds!
"Never, my master," I said in all seriousness. "I would never plot anything of the sort."
"You trust me, don't you, Severus? I am your master, after all," he said calmly, still not in any way that could be mistaken as polite or sympathetic. "Because if you cross me, I can become what has never existed in your nightmares! I know you all too well, Severus. Understand that. I know all that goes through your head." He does read minds, he does, he does! "And if you show any sign of resistance, you will pay a horrible price."
"I understand," I said, unfaltering. "I would do nothing to cross you, master, trust me on that one; you must."
"Ah," he interrupted. "But I MUSTN'T! And I don't, Severus. I don't. You keep living. You keep surviving. Every day you come closer and closer to the edge, and you just can't wait to fall off, can you? And then you'll keep falling and falling, and I'll be at the top, laughing as you fall all the way down! Until you hit the bottom, but you will still survive, but that's only if you cross me. That's the only way you'll live, but by the time you reach the bottom, you won't WANT to live anymore, that's the problem!" And he laughed again, as he had before. "I can't wait," he added.
"You'll be disappointed," I said. But inside my head, I was saying, "Yes, you'll be disappointed because I'll push you off the edge first! Then we'll see who'll be laughing after that."
