All right, I admit it, I don't own anything. Well, except my bird and mind, and maybe a small piece of the plot………. But really, it all belongs to Jason Katims, and so many others who are very happy and rich. I'm just borrowing them to have a little fun and change things.
I'll never forget the day my life changed again. It's one of those things that is always in the back of your mind, taunting you. It had started so perfect. That trip to Mrs. DeLuca's psychic, what she told me. That I would find happiness with Max.
Then HE came.
And my world was destroyed all over again.
The knowledge of what happened in our future, all because he choose me. I can barely live knowing what our love can cost.
Tell him that it wasn't love,
Say I tried - say I lied,
Tell him I'm unworthy of,
What he feels inside...
So, first off I went to Tess, after all, what better way to get him to fall in love with Tess than by helping her. And, after she realized that I honestly wasn't trying to trick her, she went along with it. No one will ever know what it was like to have to go to the wife of your soulmate, so you can help her get back with him. Knowing that if I succeeded, that I would have to watch them forever. But, it was worth it, to save the others.
Tell him that you heard me say,
What seemed right - just last night,
Simply seemed to fade away,
In the light of day...
And, of course that didn't work. Max and his bloody undying feelings. Then I was told off my HIM, so I went to Plan B. Making Tess his ideal mate didn't work. So I had to do it myself.
It took hours for me to convince myself, and to figure out what I would say. Then I made my way to his house.
He was working out when I got there. And seeing him without that shirt started to make me forget what I wanted to say. So I asked him to put a shirt on. I remember the look in his eyes, like I had punched him.
Then I told him my speech. Another thing I'll never forget as long as I live. I was heartless, I was cruel, and I know I killed a small part of him that day.
Tell him of the countless other lovers,
whom I tantalized - victimized...
Tell him of the many other times
I played this heartless game - just the same...
But HE still stayed. And I had to find another way. So I grasped onto my one lifeline. The knowledge of what happened with Maria and Michael. And, I went to the one person I could trust to help me with this.
Kyle was a godsend, and a sweetheart about the whole thing. He didn't push for answers that I couldn't give. In fact, he helped me more than I expected. He reminded me what it was like to laugh, and for a moment I forgot what was going on. For a moment I was completely happy.
Then Max came, and the moment was gone. I had thought that I would never see anything worse than what I had the night before. I was wrong, terribly wrong. And Max left. I suppose I'll never know what happened that night after he was gone, but I do know that I hurt him more than even I thought possible.
Tell him what I really am
is just a cold and empty sham,
Tell him anything – but not that I love him.
Kyle didn't want to leave me afterwards, knowing I would need someone. But I did get him to leave, and Future Max came out. I don't remember much about that night, I was devastated. I do know that we danced, I even heard our wedding song on the air as we danced. And then he was gone.
And then I had to face the others. Kyle was really my only companion for a while. I couldn't tell anyone, and that put a wedge between Maria and I, at least on my part. I don't even know if she ever felt it, though she probably did, and left me be knowing I would tell her in my own time.
Then there was them. Isabel was barely there at times, with whatever was haunting her, but she still let me know that she was angry with me. Michael knew something was going on, but not what. But he knew that in someway Max had been hurt, and I had to have been the one behind it. They never treated me different, but I could feel the anger like cold waves beating against my body.
And of course there was Max, who refused to believe what his eyes had told him.
Tell him that it wasn't love,
All we shared - all we cared,
Make him hate my memory,
Make him glad he's free,
So, once again I had to lie. I lost myself during that time, lost touch with my soul. And, over time he did start to hate me. I'm sure of it. And knowing that killed me a little more each day. But, irony of ironies, I had to save him when he was in New York. That night, Isabel saw what was in my mind. She knew what had happened. We both knew it. And we both made a silent vow never to talk of it again.
She is the one who will never tell.
If Michael had learned, he would have told Max eventually. If he thought it would in any way help them. Tess would have told Max too, I'm sure of that. But Iz, she was the last to let go of her fear of us. She has always been the one more concerned with everyone's safety. She will take my secret to her grave, which will now be a lot longer than twelve years from now.
Paint me evil - paint me cruel,
Say I broke every rule,
Make him feel that he's a fool,
For his loving me...
And, in time he did turn to Tess. Our friendship wasn't as strong as it had been, but we were friends again. Then Alex died.
Once again I destroyed what we had. I will never stop believing that an alien killed Alex. Because it is the only thing that makes sense. Alex would have never committed suicide. My quest has destroyed any ties I still have. The four refuse to talk to me, though I know that Isabel thinks I am right. Maria too refuses to believe now. Kyle believes, once again he is my only companion.
And Max, Max is furious with me. Not that I blame him. But I owe Alex the truth. And that is what I intend to give him. There is nothing holding me here anymore. And truthfully, I can't bear to stay. It still kills me to know what I have lost for the others to live. Everyday I die a little more watching Max and Tess together, knowing that it would have been me in his arms.
Don't let him know why I must leave him,
Why I must go so far away,
For if he knew how much I love him,
No pow'r on earth could make him stay.
So I am leaving. I'm going to Sweden to find the truth. And I have no intention of returning to America. I'm going to stay in Europe, start a new life there. Isabel knows that I am leaving. She came by the Crashdown last night and we talked. She has been having dreams of Alex, and she needed to be in the place where she said goodbye in the last dream, her hope is to say goodbye in life and maybe she will be at peace. We talked for hours, and we plan to keep in touch once I am gone.
She plans to keep an eye on Tess, and make sure she doesn't leave. So that in a few years when Kivar does come, they will be together and ready. She is going to tell them that Future Max came to her, warning them to stay together, and on earth. And that the Granolith is very powerful and can't fall into the wrong hands. Together, we hope that it will work. I'll find peace, and they'll be together.
He will stay where he belongs, with Tess, with Michael, and with Isabel. Together they will change the future. And at last I will have kept my promise to him, my Max, the one that will never exist now. The last days he had, watching the others die will never happen. Wherever he is, he can rest in peace knowing that the future won't repeat itself.
The plane is taking off, and ahead of me are possibilities I only dreamed of. And in my mind I can hear his voice from that night, and I finally believe him.
It's like I always told you Liz, you make your own destiny. The future is whatever you want it to be.
Please let me know what you think.
Review and I will be eternally greateful.
