-Severus Snape-
One week later...
Dripping water echoing off the stone walls. Silence except for that. Not this time, no, I won't be fooled this time.
* * * * * * * * * *
"Severus."
"Yes, Father?"
"Come here."
* * * * * * * * * *
Blink several times. Stone walls. Dripping. Reality. Wake up. Disappears. I'm in my house. No, I'm not. Yes, now I can see it clearly...
* * * * * * * * * *
I felt a deep dread as I cautiously made my way down the hall to where my father stood; a towering, menacingly serious figure. I instinctively straightened my posture perfectly and stared up at the man in the face, trying not to look smug or defiant. After all, he always told me that I had those looks, even when I wasn't thinking about it.
"Your mother told me where you were today," my father said sternly. I bowed my head and kicked at the rug to distract myself, but a quick smack on the ear caught my attention again.
"I like to play with the kids on the other side of the wall," I said as kindly as I could. That resulted in another smack.
"How many times do I have to tell you, Severus? They're not like us! They're Mudbloods and Muggles! Do you remember what I told you about them? Yes?" He glowered at me.
"Yes, Father," I mumbled. "They're dirty slum and are stupid and dangerous."
"That's right," the stern man confirmed with an authoritative nod of his head; an older me, practically. "And you won't be playing with them again."
"Daddy!" I protested. Smack. "Father," I said most politely, "I don't understand."
"Of course not, son," my father growled. "You're just a child, but when you're older, you'll learn to tell the difference."
"Like when I go to school?" I suggested.
"Yes, when you're old enough to go to school, I assure you; you'll be able to tell."
"What am I supposed to do for four years, then?" I asked.
"You will stay on our side of the wall."
"All right, Father."
"There's a good boy," Father grunted. "Now run along and make some normal friends."
* * * * * * * * * *
"Severus! If you don't show yourself right now, you're going to regret it!"
"Go away, Father, I don't want to talk to you!"
"Open this door!"
"NO!"
"If I have to force it open, I'm beating you silly!" Father banged on the door in fury, but I refused to open it, holding the lock with white fingers to keep him from bursting in on me. I didn't answer him.
"I'm giving you to the count of three!" he bellowed madly. "One!... Two!..."
I unlocked the door and stood back as my father threw it open. Anger coursed through his features as he glared at me with rage. But there was silence. And his look relaxed to concern.
"Severus?" My father entered the room. "Turn on the light, boy."
I flipped the switch and stared at the ground as he approached me, stooping from his great height to observe me. I avoided his eyes.
"Severus... What happened?" my father asked quietly. He raised a hand and took me under the chin to survey the damage. I tried to shake him loose, but he boxed my ears as he often liked to do and cleared his throat, standing. "Back straight, Severus, stare forward... that's right. Now tell me what happened, young man."
"I got in a fight," I said solemnly.
"Why?" he asked unsympathetically.
"The... other boys... They don't like me."
"Why not?"
"I - Father... I started it," I said truthfully.
"Started what? The fight?" he asked.
"Yes."
"Tell me what happened, boy!" Father growled.
"We just started arguing, is all," I said as lightly as I could. "But I threw the first punch. I know I shouldn't have; they're bigger than me. But they said mean things, Father! They called me an outcast and told me I didn't belong here, and they said you thought the same thing. I told them it wasn't true, Father, but they kept on being mean to me! I had to do something."
"You're better than that," my father said harshly, smacking me again.
"What was I supposed to do?" I asked.
"Quit whining!" he hissed.
"What was I supposed to do?" I repeated.
"FORGET about them!" he retorted.
"But I want to play; I can't play by myself!" I said. "I grow terribly bored. I want to go to school."
"You're still two years away, boy, now just be patient!" my father said. "In the meantime, just... play with the boys! No wonder they hurt you, son! You're a whining brat! Go back to them and quit pouting!"
"I'm not like them," I said quietly, feeling on the verge of tears. I sniffed once.
"Severus!" he scolded.
I suddenly threw myself into his arms and started to cry hard. "You love me, don't you, Daddy?" I whispered through sobs.
Father stiffened and pulled my arms from around his shoulders and shoved me hard enough to make me stumble back and fall. "Not when you act like that," he spat, and left, shutting the door behind him.
* * * * * * * * * *
"Who have we here?" I said sweetly, just come around the corner to bump into my, I say sarcastically, FAVORITE group of people in the Great Hall. "His Majesty and his gang of royal followers," I jeered.
"Shut up, Snape, I don't want to fight with you," James Potter said, starting to walk past me, accompanied by his school chums, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black.
"Oh, Your Majesty!" I said with a high and exaggerated tone. "Humble, too!"
He turned to face me; his friends did likewise. "Stop it."
"Yes, Snape; don't you have vampires to get back to or something?" Remus Lupin chimed in.
"Ha ha ha," I said sarcastically. "What, tired from all the attention? Finally found out you're all mortal?"
"Look, Snape. We're just going to go eat lunch, all right? Don't hurt yourself," Sirius Black muttered, spinning around and stepping off to his table. The others began to follow.
"Oy, Jamsie, don't forget to have your subjects roll out the red carpet for ya!" I called, stalking the threesome. They ignored me. "Too cool, Potter, too good for eeeverything, aren'tcha? Too high and mighty for your own kind, goody-goody Mudblood Fucker-"
James whipped around and jumped into me, throwing the two of us to the ground.
"Yeah you know who I'm talking about!" I laughed. "Getting a little angry, there, Potter?" He punched me in the face, and it was suddenly chaos; shouting, fighting, kicking, punching, the works. James's friends joined in, and soon teachers came to break it up.
When a teacher dragged James away from me, I could admire the damage I'd done. But I wasn't completely damage free myself.
"Who started this?" the old bat of a charms teacher shrieked, shrilly. All pointed at me.
"Severus Snape!" she huffed. "Detention! Immediately after classes today! As for the rest of you... We will have punishments arranged!"
"Fine-" I started before my owl suddenly swooped down in front of me with a note in his claws, appearing as if from out of nowhere.
"What's this creature doing here?" the teacher huffed as another owl followed suit, but hovered above Sirius Black's head.
"It's lunch time, professor," Remus Lupin reminded her, kindly.
"That's right," the teacher said with a sigh. You children may open your letters, but if I catch you fighting one more time, it's suspension for all of you!" And she swooped off back to her table.
I snatched my letter from the owl's claws and watched him fly away out the window. Stepping off to the side, throwing smug glances at the little gang, I tore open my letter.
Dear Severus, (it read)
I was going to wait until the time was right, but I decided not to for very long before I told you of the recent tragedy of your mother's death. It was an illness that we simply could not cure, and I'm sorry to have to tell you this in the middle of your school year. I would like for you to come home as soon as the weekend comes so we may arrange a funeral. She was suffering, but at least now the pain is gone for her. Good-bye.
~Father
I looked up from the letter to discover that the threesome of boys were staring at me. Only then did I notice that I had been subconsciously gripping the note so hard it was almost in half.
"My father's taking me to get the newest racing broom this weekend!" I boasted loudly, folding the paper quickly and shoving it into my pocket with shaking fingers. "By the third year next year, it wouldn't be a surprise if I were promoted to the Slytherin Quidditch team Keeper with that broom!" And I strutted off down the hall, forgetting completely about lunch.
* * * * * * * * * *
It was pouring down rain in the dead of the night. A perfect scene for me to be dashing away from home as fast as I could run. Home. Ha. That place wasn't home. Not anymore.
A crack of thunder rumbled across the sky, but I saw no lightning. The storm raged on and I pounded down the sidewalk, holding my arms up as if enjoying it, but in all reality, I was trying frantically to wash away the blood.
Blood, everywhere. All over the house where I had accidentally spread it. The authorities will be coming shortly, oh yes, and they would be looking for me there. I would be far away by the time they came, I would.
My own father... I had murdered my own father. I really didn't mean to; it had been a total furious breakdown; a mistake. Blood, God, blood all over, have to get it off of me!
It was partly my mother's death's fault for what had happened earlier. She had driven him to insanity practically; I'm sure it was that. Abuse every summer I wasn't at school... Until this summer, of course! Summer of the fifth year is special, ah, it is!
I wouldn't put up with my father any longer! I had killed him in cold blood, with a knife! Slowly, stabbing him, slashing him, and I would do it again! I hated him! I hated him and now he's gone!
Now he's gone and I have to get this blood off of my hands, off of my face, off of my robes. I'm glad it's pouring, so glad it's pouring, thank God it's raining so I can wash this all away, and wash away fifteen years of wasted life! It's over! He told me to take things like a man; your advice is great, father! Daddy-Son-of-a-Bitch, I hope you're suffering, as I quote you!
* * * * * * * * * *
I was in Azkaban. I knew it. This was it. A cell. Surrounded. Dripping water....
"Sit up, son."
"Hello, Father. Back already?"
"Back; I don't think so. You've come to me."
"Oh, so where am I?"
"You're home."
"Oh, I thought it was prison... a few years ago..."
"Yes, well, that was when you were young. Now you can tell the difference, can't you?"
"The dementors, Father..."
"What, were they teasing you again? I told you to stand up to them."
"Of course."
"It's what I always said, wasn't it?"
"But you're here now."
"I was always here, son. Remember?"
"Yes, quite." I stared up at him, just a little boy again. "Father, I'm sorry."
"For what?" he asked.
"Are you all right? You're looking a little pale."
"I'm fine, Severus. I'm only worried about YOU."
"Your hair, Father! Your hair is falling out!" I stared at him frightfully as hundreds of strands of his dark hair fell to the ground next to my bed.
"What are you talking about?" he asked, his voice rasping.
"What's happening to you!?" I shouted, reaching out for him. His hair fell away to a naked scalp, and his skin drooped. His eyes sunk into his skull and I could see the veins in his cheeks clearly as he clawed at my cloak. I tried to break free.
"You killed me, you killed me, you killed me, you killed me, you killed me!" he shrieked, shriveling to a screaming corpse, holding me in a death grip. His hands and arms were raw bone, his head a grinning, gaping dead and rotting face.
"Let me go, Father! I didn't mean to, I didn't!" I shouted in fear. Blood spurted from his mouth and covered me - I was drowning, drowning in his blood, swim, swim, and all the while he was shrieking...
"You killed me, you killed me, you killed me, you killed me, you killed me, you killed me, you killed me!"
Breath! Breath!
Breath!
Oh, horror! Breath!
SNAP OUT OF IT, SEVERUS.
"Let me go!"
"NO, LISTEN, YOU MUST."
"It's not real!"
NO, IT'S NOT! IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, CALM DOWN. IT'S OVER.
"I want out of here!"
YOU'RE OUT NOW.
Darkness.
A/N: Fun long chapter, eh? Long to me... But you must admit, I am quite a big shi - I mean - shot. ;) More to come! Actual stuff happening! Had enough crazy Snapey? Hmmm...?
One week later...
Dripping water echoing off the stone walls. Silence except for that. Not this time, no, I won't be fooled this time.
* * * * * * * * * *
"Severus."
"Yes, Father?"
"Come here."
* * * * * * * * * *
Blink several times. Stone walls. Dripping. Reality. Wake up. Disappears. I'm in my house. No, I'm not. Yes, now I can see it clearly...
* * * * * * * * * *
I felt a deep dread as I cautiously made my way down the hall to where my father stood; a towering, menacingly serious figure. I instinctively straightened my posture perfectly and stared up at the man in the face, trying not to look smug or defiant. After all, he always told me that I had those looks, even when I wasn't thinking about it.
"Your mother told me where you were today," my father said sternly. I bowed my head and kicked at the rug to distract myself, but a quick smack on the ear caught my attention again.
"I like to play with the kids on the other side of the wall," I said as kindly as I could. That resulted in another smack.
"How many times do I have to tell you, Severus? They're not like us! They're Mudbloods and Muggles! Do you remember what I told you about them? Yes?" He glowered at me.
"Yes, Father," I mumbled. "They're dirty slum and are stupid and dangerous."
"That's right," the stern man confirmed with an authoritative nod of his head; an older me, practically. "And you won't be playing with them again."
"Daddy!" I protested. Smack. "Father," I said most politely, "I don't understand."
"Of course not, son," my father growled. "You're just a child, but when you're older, you'll learn to tell the difference."
"Like when I go to school?" I suggested.
"Yes, when you're old enough to go to school, I assure you; you'll be able to tell."
"What am I supposed to do for four years, then?" I asked.
"You will stay on our side of the wall."
"All right, Father."
"There's a good boy," Father grunted. "Now run along and make some normal friends."
* * * * * * * * * *
"Severus! If you don't show yourself right now, you're going to regret it!"
"Go away, Father, I don't want to talk to you!"
"Open this door!"
"NO!"
"If I have to force it open, I'm beating you silly!" Father banged on the door in fury, but I refused to open it, holding the lock with white fingers to keep him from bursting in on me. I didn't answer him.
"I'm giving you to the count of three!" he bellowed madly. "One!... Two!..."
I unlocked the door and stood back as my father threw it open. Anger coursed through his features as he glared at me with rage. But there was silence. And his look relaxed to concern.
"Severus?" My father entered the room. "Turn on the light, boy."
I flipped the switch and stared at the ground as he approached me, stooping from his great height to observe me. I avoided his eyes.
"Severus... What happened?" my father asked quietly. He raised a hand and took me under the chin to survey the damage. I tried to shake him loose, but he boxed my ears as he often liked to do and cleared his throat, standing. "Back straight, Severus, stare forward... that's right. Now tell me what happened, young man."
"I got in a fight," I said solemnly.
"Why?" he asked unsympathetically.
"The... other boys... They don't like me."
"Why not?"
"I - Father... I started it," I said truthfully.
"Started what? The fight?" he asked.
"Yes."
"Tell me what happened, boy!" Father growled.
"We just started arguing, is all," I said as lightly as I could. "But I threw the first punch. I know I shouldn't have; they're bigger than me. But they said mean things, Father! They called me an outcast and told me I didn't belong here, and they said you thought the same thing. I told them it wasn't true, Father, but they kept on being mean to me! I had to do something."
"You're better than that," my father said harshly, smacking me again.
"What was I supposed to do?" I asked.
"Quit whining!" he hissed.
"What was I supposed to do?" I repeated.
"FORGET about them!" he retorted.
"But I want to play; I can't play by myself!" I said. "I grow terribly bored. I want to go to school."
"You're still two years away, boy, now just be patient!" my father said. "In the meantime, just... play with the boys! No wonder they hurt you, son! You're a whining brat! Go back to them and quit pouting!"
"I'm not like them," I said quietly, feeling on the verge of tears. I sniffed once.
"Severus!" he scolded.
I suddenly threw myself into his arms and started to cry hard. "You love me, don't you, Daddy?" I whispered through sobs.
Father stiffened and pulled my arms from around his shoulders and shoved me hard enough to make me stumble back and fall. "Not when you act like that," he spat, and left, shutting the door behind him.
* * * * * * * * * *
"Who have we here?" I said sweetly, just come around the corner to bump into my, I say sarcastically, FAVORITE group of people in the Great Hall. "His Majesty and his gang of royal followers," I jeered.
"Shut up, Snape, I don't want to fight with you," James Potter said, starting to walk past me, accompanied by his school chums, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black.
"Oh, Your Majesty!" I said with a high and exaggerated tone. "Humble, too!"
He turned to face me; his friends did likewise. "Stop it."
"Yes, Snape; don't you have vampires to get back to or something?" Remus Lupin chimed in.
"Ha ha ha," I said sarcastically. "What, tired from all the attention? Finally found out you're all mortal?"
"Look, Snape. We're just going to go eat lunch, all right? Don't hurt yourself," Sirius Black muttered, spinning around and stepping off to his table. The others began to follow.
"Oy, Jamsie, don't forget to have your subjects roll out the red carpet for ya!" I called, stalking the threesome. They ignored me. "Too cool, Potter, too good for eeeverything, aren'tcha? Too high and mighty for your own kind, goody-goody Mudblood Fucker-"
James whipped around and jumped into me, throwing the two of us to the ground.
"Yeah you know who I'm talking about!" I laughed. "Getting a little angry, there, Potter?" He punched me in the face, and it was suddenly chaos; shouting, fighting, kicking, punching, the works. James's friends joined in, and soon teachers came to break it up.
When a teacher dragged James away from me, I could admire the damage I'd done. But I wasn't completely damage free myself.
"Who started this?" the old bat of a charms teacher shrieked, shrilly. All pointed at me.
"Severus Snape!" she huffed. "Detention! Immediately after classes today! As for the rest of you... We will have punishments arranged!"
"Fine-" I started before my owl suddenly swooped down in front of me with a note in his claws, appearing as if from out of nowhere.
"What's this creature doing here?" the teacher huffed as another owl followed suit, but hovered above Sirius Black's head.
"It's lunch time, professor," Remus Lupin reminded her, kindly.
"That's right," the teacher said with a sigh. You children may open your letters, but if I catch you fighting one more time, it's suspension for all of you!" And she swooped off back to her table.
I snatched my letter from the owl's claws and watched him fly away out the window. Stepping off to the side, throwing smug glances at the little gang, I tore open my letter.
Dear Severus, (it read)
I was going to wait until the time was right, but I decided not to for very long before I told you of the recent tragedy of your mother's death. It was an illness that we simply could not cure, and I'm sorry to have to tell you this in the middle of your school year. I would like for you to come home as soon as the weekend comes so we may arrange a funeral. She was suffering, but at least now the pain is gone for her. Good-bye.
~Father
I looked up from the letter to discover that the threesome of boys were staring at me. Only then did I notice that I had been subconsciously gripping the note so hard it was almost in half.
"My father's taking me to get the newest racing broom this weekend!" I boasted loudly, folding the paper quickly and shoving it into my pocket with shaking fingers. "By the third year next year, it wouldn't be a surprise if I were promoted to the Slytherin Quidditch team Keeper with that broom!" And I strutted off down the hall, forgetting completely about lunch.
* * * * * * * * * *
It was pouring down rain in the dead of the night. A perfect scene for me to be dashing away from home as fast as I could run. Home. Ha. That place wasn't home. Not anymore.
A crack of thunder rumbled across the sky, but I saw no lightning. The storm raged on and I pounded down the sidewalk, holding my arms up as if enjoying it, but in all reality, I was trying frantically to wash away the blood.
Blood, everywhere. All over the house where I had accidentally spread it. The authorities will be coming shortly, oh yes, and they would be looking for me there. I would be far away by the time they came, I would.
My own father... I had murdered my own father. I really didn't mean to; it had been a total furious breakdown; a mistake. Blood, God, blood all over, have to get it off of me!
It was partly my mother's death's fault for what had happened earlier. She had driven him to insanity practically; I'm sure it was that. Abuse every summer I wasn't at school... Until this summer, of course! Summer of the fifth year is special, ah, it is!
I wouldn't put up with my father any longer! I had killed him in cold blood, with a knife! Slowly, stabbing him, slashing him, and I would do it again! I hated him! I hated him and now he's gone!
Now he's gone and I have to get this blood off of my hands, off of my face, off of my robes. I'm glad it's pouring, so glad it's pouring, thank God it's raining so I can wash this all away, and wash away fifteen years of wasted life! It's over! He told me to take things like a man; your advice is great, father! Daddy-Son-of-a-Bitch, I hope you're suffering, as I quote you!
* * * * * * * * * *
I was in Azkaban. I knew it. This was it. A cell. Surrounded. Dripping water....
"Sit up, son."
"Hello, Father. Back already?"
"Back; I don't think so. You've come to me."
"Oh, so where am I?"
"You're home."
"Oh, I thought it was prison... a few years ago..."
"Yes, well, that was when you were young. Now you can tell the difference, can't you?"
"The dementors, Father..."
"What, were they teasing you again? I told you to stand up to them."
"Of course."
"It's what I always said, wasn't it?"
"But you're here now."
"I was always here, son. Remember?"
"Yes, quite." I stared up at him, just a little boy again. "Father, I'm sorry."
"For what?" he asked.
"Are you all right? You're looking a little pale."
"I'm fine, Severus. I'm only worried about YOU."
"Your hair, Father! Your hair is falling out!" I stared at him frightfully as hundreds of strands of his dark hair fell to the ground next to my bed.
"What are you talking about?" he asked, his voice rasping.
"What's happening to you!?" I shouted, reaching out for him. His hair fell away to a naked scalp, and his skin drooped. His eyes sunk into his skull and I could see the veins in his cheeks clearly as he clawed at my cloak. I tried to break free.
"You killed me, you killed me, you killed me, you killed me, you killed me!" he shrieked, shriveling to a screaming corpse, holding me in a death grip. His hands and arms were raw bone, his head a grinning, gaping dead and rotting face.
"Let me go, Father! I didn't mean to, I didn't!" I shouted in fear. Blood spurted from his mouth and covered me - I was drowning, drowning in his blood, swim, swim, and all the while he was shrieking...
"You killed me, you killed me, you killed me, you killed me, you killed me, you killed me, you killed me!"
Breath! Breath!
Breath!
Oh, horror! Breath!
SNAP OUT OF IT, SEVERUS.
"Let me go!"
"NO, LISTEN, YOU MUST."
"It's not real!"
NO, IT'S NOT! IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, CALM DOWN. IT'S OVER.
"I want out of here!"
YOU'RE OUT NOW.
Darkness.
A/N: Fun long chapter, eh? Long to me... But you must admit, I am quite a big shi - I mean - shot. ;) More to come! Actual stuff happening! Had enough crazy Snapey? Hmmm...?
