* * * UHP * * *

Ron, Harry, and Hermione sit down at the Gryffindor table. The mail starts to arrive. Hermione receives the Daily Prophetand the Witch Weekly. Hermione reaches for some fruits and reads the Daily Prophet. Harry and Ron fill their plates with eggs, bacon, and toast.

Rapidly, owls descend to Harry carrying many letters. A dozen letters are laying next to Harry when Hermione accidentally bumps her copy of Witch Weekly. It opens and Harry catches sight of something. He grabs it and thumbs through it. Ginny notices this and is trembling with dread. Harry lays the Witch Weekly and reads.

=== ARTICLE ===
All Things Harry Potter
The section of Witch Weekly that is devoted to all things Harry Potter.

This section of Witch Weekly is sponsored by the Unofficial Harry Potter fan club (UHP). This international organization has more than fifty thousand active members with nearly six hundred active chapters. For further details on how you can join this exciting club, please contact Doris Crockford, President UHP.

Update
by Ginny Weasley, Co-President of the Hogwarts Chapter.

Currently, Harry Potter is in the fifth year attending the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. With the end of Easter Holiday, Harry Potter returned to Hogwarts. By all accounts, Harry Potter enjoyed the holiday. Monday, Harry Potter greeted Professor Snape, the Potions master, in a courteous manner. This level of courtesy to Professor Snape is unusual for students of the Gryffindor House at Hogwarts. Whether this trend in Harry Potters happiness will continue is uncertain. On behalf of the entire fan club, I wish Harry Potter continued happiness.

Sightings
by Rita Skeeter

Tuesday: Harry Potter was spotted in Diagon Alley this past week accompanied by Ron Weasley. Harry Potter used the Floo Network to travel to the Leaky Cauldron. Harry Potter stopped at at Flourish and Blots, the stationery store, Gringotts Wizarding Bank, and Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor. He spent over an hour in Muggle London. Harry Potter returned to the Weasley Burrow for the remainder of his Easter Holiday.

Sunday: Harry Potter was seen boarding the train at platform 9 3/4 at Kings Cross Station.

Romance
by Colin Creevy, Co-President of the Hogwarts Chapter

Tragically deprived of love since the encounter with You-Know-Who, Harry Potter has been heavily rumored to be in pursuit of a girlfriend. This has been confirmed when Harry Potter was observed reading The Romantic Wizard outside the Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor in Diagon Alley. Harry Potter's girlfriend has yet to be determined. Rumors at Hogwarts indicate that Harry Potter is uncertain about who should become Harry Potter's girlfriend.

For those wanting to make a wager on the lucky finalist may contact Fred or George Weasley for further details.

Honorary Memberships
by Doris Crockford, President of UHP

The executive committee of UHP met in Diagon Alley on Friday. UHP has granted two honorary memberships to Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger. To date they have not applied for membership. These two must be devoted fans to become close friends to Harry Potter. Congratulations Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley.

Calendar for Harry Potter

11 May: Hogwarts Quidditch Final, Gryffindor vs Ravenclaw.

10 Jun: Start of finals week.

17 Jun: Hogwarts OWLs

30 Jun: Leaves Hogwarts for Summer Holiday

31 Jul: Sixteenth Birthday

01 Sep: Starts sixth year at Hogwarts

Summer Holiday
by Dennis Creevy, Member of the Hogwarts Chapter

In two and a half months, Harry Potter will begin the Summer Holiday. The state of Harry Potter's plans are unknown. In previous holidays, Harry Potter has split the summer between the Dursleys and the Weasleys. How much time will Harry Potter spend with the loving Dursleys this summer is unknown.

1996 Summer Convention
by Doris Crockford, President of UHP

The 1996 UHP Convention will be held in Aberdeen at the Marriott Hotel from July 27-31. This year UHP anticipates attendance of 1500, up from last year's attendance of 1400. Register on or before April 30, 1996 to qualify for the early bird rates. Low hotel rates are guaranteed for bookings before Jun 1, 1996. As always, we need volunteers. Please contact UHP headquarters.

UK Chapter Meetings for This Week

Tuesday, Kent: 12 Queens Rd, 7 pm.

Tuesday, Surrey: 35 King George's Rd, 8 pm.

Tuesday, Diagon Alley: Leaky Cauldron, 7 pm.

Tuesday, Hogsmeade: Three Broomsticks, 9 pm.

Wednesday, Little Hangleton: St. Mary's, 8 pm.

Wednesday, Edmonton: 43 King Edward's Rd, 6 pm potluck.

Wednesday, Kings Lynn: 16 Alderwood, 7 pm.

Thursday, Oxford: 15 Commercial, 8 pm.

Thursday, Southampton: 20 Aster Rd, 9 pm

Thursday, Manchester: 56 Sycamore Ct, 7 pm

Thursday, Aberdeen: 67 Havelock Rd, 8 pm.

Friday, Bristol: 14 Irvine Ln, 9 pm.

Friday, Dover: Worsley and Grove, 7 pm.

Friday, Ipswich: 18 Acorn Ct, 4 pm.

Friday, Enfield: 15 Beatrice Rd, 3 pm.

Saturday, Brighton: 12 Ashwood Ct, 1 pm.

Saturday, Plymouth: 46 Cavendish Ln, 2 pm.

Saturday, Reading: 42 Arthur Dent Bypass, 3 pm.

Sunday, Salisbury: 28 Harold Rd, 4 pm.

Sunday, Lockerbie: 55 Pan Am Ln, 5 pm.

Sunday, Exeter: 46 Astoria Ln, 6 pm.

Sunday, Northampton: Fred's Chicken Hut, 6 pm.

Monday, Portsmouth: 34 Dittermore Bk, 8 pm.

Monday, Glasgow: 40 Clark Rd, 8 am.

Monday, Luton: 9 Fernhurst, 7 pm.

UK Chapter Minutes for Last Week

Tuesday, Cardiff: 95 of 121. What Harry Potter wants in a girlfriend.

Tuesday, Godrics Hollow: 152 of 170. Harry Potter's sock selection.

Tuesday, Greenwich: 45 of 74. Harry Potter's loving Dursley relatives.

Wednesday, Cambridge: 77 of 80. Ideal gift for Harry Potter.

Wednesday, Winchester 65 of 84. Is Hermione Granger using a love potion on Harry Potter?

Wednesday, Leeds: 49 of 63. Harry Potter's triumph in the Triwizard Championship.

Wednesday, Brentwood: 61 of 79. Should Harry Potter comb his hair?

Thursday, Birmingham: 89 of 98. Illness explains Harry Potter's dropping marks at Hogwarts.

Thursday, Norwich: 67 or 83. How soon Harry Potter will propose to Ginny Weasley.

Thursday, Portree: 73 of 108. Reasons for Hagrid's influence on Harry Potter.

Friday, Guildford: 123 of 137. False rumors about Harry Potter's marks falling at Hogwarts.

Friday, Sunderland: 56 of 78. What Harry Potter likely spent his Triwizard winnings on; candy and jokes.

Friday, Belfast: 103 of 135. How Cornelius Fudge is helping Harry Potter.

Friday, Barking: 55 of 78. Rita Skeeter's crush on Harry Potter.

Saturday, Isle of Wright: 37 of 51. Is Harry Potter gay?

Saturday, Whetstone: 53 of 62. How Harry Potter should arrange his trunk at Hogwarts.

Saturday, Werlingham: 78 of 84. Boxers or briefs?

Sunday, Hogwarts: 85 of 114. Odds for Quidditch Final and entries for pool.

Sunday, Liverpool: 66 of 97. A possible Harry Potter sighting.

Sunday, Epsom: 35 of 46. Harry Potter as a professional Quidditch player.

Sunday, Hounslow: 42 of 58. Ideal girlfriends for Harry Potter.

Monday, Isle of Man: 21 of 35. What is Harry Potter's fascination with Dobby the House-Elf?

Monday, Swansea: 145 of 161. Why Draco Malfoy would be a good friend to Harry Potter.

Monday, Nottingham: 71 of 86. Is Harry Potter a virgin?

Chapter Secretaries
Ashlie Crockford, Witch Weekly Liaison and Secretary of UHP.

Please keep us informed about your chapter. Submit your meeting notice one week prior to publication; they should include location, data, and time. Submit the meeting minutes, including the attendance and main topic of discussion. Thank you.

UHP Gift Shop
by Doris Crockford, President of UHP

UHP Gift Shop is pleased to announce an expansion into Diagon Alley. This brings the total number of gift shops to four; now with locations in Diagon Alley, Godrics Hollow, New York, and Paris. Mail orders should still be sent to the Godrics Hallow location. Choose any of more than five hundred available designs and photographs resembling Harry Potter. Available items include clothing, underwear, lunch boxes, mugs, candlesticks, Quidditch supplies, toilet paper, linens, and many others.

================

Ron is looking over Harry's shoulder as he reads this.

Ron whips at Ginny, "You're a member? The Co-President of the Hogwarts Chapter? How long?"

Ginny replies, "Yes, I've been a member ever since I started Hogwarts. Colin conscripted me. He has every issue of the Harry Potter Quarterly."

The steel ring on Ginny's finger shimmers. The engraved lightening bolt glows for a moment.

"Harry Potter Quarterly?" asks the snobbish and sneering voice of Draco Malfoy.

Harry asks, "Thinking of subscribing? Am I your favorite subject?"

"I should've known! A magazine for the famous Harry Potter." says Draco.

Fortunately McGonagall was passing by the table. She asks, "Is there a problem Mr. Malfoy?"

"No Professor." says Draco. He wanders back to the Slytherins.

Harry takes a look at the pile of letters awaiting him, thirty of them. He thumbs through them and says, "Lemme guess, proposals."

"Watch it Harry, some of them could be cursed." says Hermione.

"Thanks." says Harry. He places the entire collection into his bag.

"You're keeping them?" asks Hermione.

Harry says, "I've got a topic for DADA. Might make for interesting reading with ... um ... you know."

Hermione mutters, "Strange. Suppose you'll want the Witch Weekly?"

"After you've done reading it tonight." says Harry.

"Certainly. I'll be interested on how this turns out." says Hermione.

"Understanding, I hope." says Harry.

Ron speaks up and says, "That's probably better, the honesty route. I mean, who knows how many more of these will show up by next week."

Harry suggest, "Ron, we could start a dating service."

"Potter's Dating Service? You're delusional Mr Potter." says Snape as he walks by.

* * * Letters and Curses * * *

Harry, Ron, and Hermione enter the classroom several minutes early and take seats up front. Lupin enters and proceeds to the front.

Harry speaks up and says "Professor Lupin."

"Yes Harry?" asks Lupin.

"Can you change today's lesson to curse detection?" asks Harry.

"We've been doing that for weeks." says Lupin.

"Detection in letters to be specific." says Ron.

"Without opening them first, thereby triggering the curse." says Harry.

"I take it you have a reason for a change in the curriculum?" asks Lupin.

Harry pulls out a handful of envelopes. "Yes, thirty reasons this morning, probably many more by next week." says Harry.

Lupin is clearly eager for a hands-on lesson. He asks, "Would you be willing to share those among the class?"

Harry piles the thirty some letters onto the table. He double checks to ensure nothing important is among them. Harry remarks, "I could start a dating service. Trouble is, I don't know if these are cursed or not. Given all the strangers writing, I need to be cautious."

Lupin picks up several and starts looking. He says, "Quite agreed. Have to admit, this is a problem that many would love to have."

Everybody chuckles. Harry and Ron pass out the letters.

Harry says, "Okay, if the letter is good, I'll want them back."

"You do?" asks Lupin.

"Yes, I might want to give them a reply." says Harry.

The lesson turns out to be very interesting. Some of the letters did have curses. Most everyone determines correctly. Neville thought his one was safe and he opens it. The letter contained a sneezing curse which causes Neville to sneeze for a half hour. By the end, there are twenty four good letters and six with curses.

Lupin holds back Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Lupin asks, "Why the influx of letters?"

Hermione holds up Witch Weekly.

Ron says, "Our rumors have been too effective."

Lupin says, "Ah. ... Harry, the best advice for curses is a really big letter opener and open them away from you. Most of the curses are delivered by ejection. So, aim for the floor or a waste basket."

Harry grabs the Witch Weekly. He jokes, "Professor, are you going to the UHP conference? Early bird registration ends this month."

Lupin chuckles. Lupin says, "I see you, why do I need to go to a conference about you? Better get to Herbology."