Variation on a Theme

by indigorhapsody

Kind of Kamui/Keiichi. Platonic friendship or borderline shounen ai? You decide. A crazy mix of the manga and the anime. Don't ask.
This fic is lame. Don't let that stop you from reading and reviewing. Just don't say I didn't warn you.

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Not again . . .
There was the figure tied to the cross.
No . . .
The tears welling in his eyes blurred his vision to the point of obscurity, but he knew with sick certainty who it was that was bound across from him, unconsciously awaiting Fate.
The scene had played and replayed in his mind countless times.
The pain in his hand throbbed mercilessly. A shadow passed over his face, and his tears thinned, and he watched helplessly, knowing he should tear his eyes away from the scene, but as always, he was unable to move, unable to act, unable to look anywhere else, but where one of those he loved the most destroyed the other before him.
I don't want to see this again . . .
Everything seemed to shift, ever-so-subtly, and Kamui could see the two figures starkly outlined against the night sky. The Dark Kamui raised the sword, and Kamui could hear himself screaming, from far away.
Please, no . . .
And the sword descended before his scream could die.
Who . . .
Disbelief tingled along his scalp. The form, impaled upon the cross, was . . . not Kotori . . .?

"No."

Shirou Kamui woke in a cold sweat, his skin crawling with panic.
He remained motionless, rigidly sitting up in bed, for a total of about two seconds, before ripping the covers off and leaping out of bed. Shoving on a pair of pants over his the boxers he'd been sleeping in, he tore out of the room, pulling his shoes on as best he could.
He knew where he was going. He'd been there before, several times. What he didn't understand was the inexplicably strong feeling of dread.
It was just a dream, he repeated to himself, trying to quell the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach as he pushed open the doors and ran heedlessly out into the wet night.
It wasn't really raining, but the light drizzle was enough to soak him through and chill him thoroughly before he reached his destination. Not even considering the elevator, he took the stairs about four at a time.
The whole place was as silent as death. He sprinted down the hallway towards the room he wanted, and without hesitating in the slightest, pounded loudly on the door.
It took a couple minutes, and a desperate Kamui was considering breaking the door down when it suddenly opened.
A rumpled-looking Segawa Keiichi leaned on the doorframe, blinking in obvious surprise.
"Shirou-kun?"
Kamui breathed an almost inaudible sigh of relief. "Keiichi."
Keiichi smiled at the smaller boy, making a futile attempt at smoothing his rumpled hair. Besides that, Keiichi looked surprisingly awake. Now that Kamui's mind had begun to start working rationally again, he idly wondered how it was possible for someone to radiate so much energy, even at this time of night.
He paled. This time of night. It had to be unfathomably late.
"I - I'm sorry to bother you," he stammered. "I was just checking . . ." he trailed off.
Keiichi just laughed a little. "That's ok. It's nice of you to visit. But Shirou-kun . . ." His smile slipped a little, eyes reflecting concern. "It's three-thirty in the morning. Is there something wrong?"
Suddenly Kamui felt very foolish. To run over here, in the middle of the night, because of a nightmare? What had he been thinking? He obviously hadn't been.
"Nothing. Nothing at all. It was very rude of me to bother you. I'm very sorry. I'll leave now . . ."
"Shirou-kun," Keiichi said to the smaller boy, who had already started backing away. "You came all this way to see me . . . why don't you come in? You're soaking wet."
Kamui eyed himself critically, and then glanced back at Keiichi's look of appeal.
"Please?"

"Here you go." Keiichi handed him a mug of warm milk, and sat down beside him. Kamui sat on the couch, having been cajoled into exchanging his rain-soaked clothes for some of Keiichi's. They were, of course, a few sizes too big for him.
"Arigatou," he murmured, taking a sip. "I'm really sorry for waking you. I feel like I'm intruding."
"Not at all," Keiichi replied dismissively. "But you really should take better care of yourself, Shirou-kun," he scolded lightly.
Kamui flushed. "I guess I wasn't really thinking."
Keiichi was silent, waiting for him to go on.
"I . . . I had a nightmare." He stopped there. He wasn't sure he was willing to divulge the details right now.
Keiichi seemed to sense his hesitation, and nodded understandingly. "I've been having quite a few of those myself, lately," he replied. His bright eyes seemed to focus on something distant.
There was a long silence.
"Mostly," the older boy went on quietly, "about my parents. I keep dreaming . . . about the earthquakes."
Kamui watched him carefully. There was something about this boy that always made him want to study him more closely. Something he just couldn't figure out.
"I'm sorry," Kamui said finally, feeling inadequate.
Suddenly Keiichi's smile was back, the faraway look gone as if it had never been there. "Listen to you! Apologizing! It's not your fault." He took a sip of his own cup of milk.
"It's not anybody's fault," he said. "I guess that's why it's so scary . . . the feeling that there's nothing you can fight, really. You just feel . . . powerless."
Kamui felt as if he were suffocating.
"It's a terrible feeling. Just watching . . . and knowing there's nothing you can do. It's already happened."
"I just wish I didn't have to see it, over and over again," Kamui whispered, half to himself.
"It seems wrong to dwell on it," Keiichi replied. "But even after the fact, there's always the fear that it will happen again . . ." He paused. "To someone else you care about. Someone you're afraid to lose."
Their eyes locked for a brief moment, and something significant passed between them.
Kamui looked away first. "I think you're right."
"Really?"
" . . . Yes."

They stayed up for a while, talking, until Kamui, unable to stay awake for any longer, fell asleep, unconsciously resting on Keiichi's shoulder. The older boy watched him for a while, a strange and thoughtful expression on his face, before finally allowing sleep to overtake him.

Kamui stirred briefly from his sleep.
I'm afraid to lose you . . . Keiichi.


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Stupid? Pointless? OOC? Yeah. Sorry about that. I plan on continuing this, and trying to patch up the things that don't make sense. Like the whole thing. ^_^;