A/N-I fear from the lack of reviews recently that I have displeased some of
you. Is this true?
Chapter 22
"Do you regret it?"
"Regret what, luv?"
"Us."
"Never."
***
"You should get some sleep," Spike said, ushering Buffy into the house. Xander had to drive over to the mansion and rescue them from the sunlight. Despite his bone-numbing fear, Spike couldn't help but pleased that they took out two major vampires. But that didn't matter to Buffy. All that mattered to her was getting her baby back.
"I can't sleep," Buffy muttered.
"You're dead on your feet," Spike pointed out. "I'll wake you in a few hours."
"You promise?"
"I promise."
***
"How about you?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you regret it?"
"No."
***
Buffy went to bed like she said she would, but sleep was elusive. Joyce was gone, and she didn't know how to get her back. Willow and Tara would know what to do. She choked back a sob. If Wills was there, the baby wouldn't have been taken to begin with.
She loved Joyce so much. She would move Heaven and Earth to find her, and if it meant descending into the depths of Hell and facing the Devil himself, she'd do it.
"Willow," she whispered, "If you can hear me, please help. I'll do whatever I have to, but please help me find her. You were always my Big Gun, and I can't do this without you."
*** "You were there."
"Where pet?"
"Heaven. Well, your soul was."
"Yeah?"
"I liked him."
***
Spike prowled around the house. He was sure to eat enough to last a few days, because he didn't know what lay ahead of them. It could be anything, even a trip to Hell.
He knew Buffy was awake, he could hear her tossing and turning and talking to herself. She needed to sleep. A tired Slayer was a sloppy Slayer, and they just couldn't risk her not being on her game.
Spike felt completely helpless. He knew the story of Hades and Persephone, and he knew that as far as the myth went, he had no place. This was purely Buffy's gig, and all he could do is offer support.
He finally went upstairs to his own room, and found an envelope on his bad. His name was scrawled across the top in Buffy's girlish handwriting, and he picked it up curiously. When did she have time to write him a letter? Or was this one of the older letters she wrote before, when he was away?
He opened it carefully and scanned the paper.
You asked me once if I had any regrets. I said I didn't, and I meant it. I never regretted being with you, and I don't regret loving you. I have to write this letter for my therapy, in order to seek closure on our issues. There's too many. I wouldn't write a letter, I'd write an entire novel. Or maybe a series. Will you ever read this? I'm so sorry. One day I'll be able to tell you in person.
He slipped the paper into his shirt pocket and sat heavily on the bed.
***
"I'm so sorry."
"For what?"
"Everything."
"What do you mean?"
"I could have saved you. I should have saved you."
"It's not your job to save me."
***
Giles arrived earlier than they expected. Buffy was so relieved to see him that she threw herself into his arms. "Please tell me you know about Hades," she greeted.
Giles was taken aback, "Uh, what do you mean?"
"That's who has Joyce," she explained.
"Hades, the Greek God of the Underworld?"
"Yes."
"How do you know that, Buffy?"
"Corbett told us before we killed him."
"How d you know you can believe him?"
Buffy frowned, "It's all we have to work with."
Xander and Dawn burst into the house then. "I came back as soon as I could, Buffy." The younger girl said, hugging her sister.
"Thanks, I'm sorry you had to cut your trip short."
"It's nothing. What do you need me to do?"
"Giles, Dawn, Xander, you're on research detail. We need to know everything we can about Hades."
"Hades? The Greek God of the Underworld Hades?" Dawn asked.
Buffy sighed, frustrated. "Yes. Just please, get on that. In the mean time, we're going to patrol and look for clues."
Giles looked at Spike and blinked. "I expect you're going to explain the situation to me."
"Yeah, as soon as Joyce is back in one piece, I'll answer any questions you have."
***
"Can you just kiss me?"
"Yes."
***
The patrol was fruitless. They turned Sunnydale upside down, but they couldn't find any clues, or anybody who knew anything. The demons weren't interested in talking to the Slayer, and Spike didn't have the pull he used to have.
They were silent most of the night, talking only when they had to. Joyce filled their thoughts, and the close proximity to each other was distracting enough without adding conversation to the mix.
Buffy couldn't hide in her disappointment when they reached her house an hour before dawn, completely empty handed. She smelled of fear, and while Spike once found that fragrance intoxicating, now it only added to his own fears.
"It would be so much easier if Willow was here," they overheard Xander complaining.
"Just keep working Xander," Giles admonished. "We have a lot of information to cover."
"I just miss her," Xander said quietly, and four years of heartbreak laced his voice with tears.
"We all do," Dawn said gently. "Have you read this book yet?"
"No. Are you hungry yet?"
"No, but they should have fresh donuts at the Krispy Kreme in an hour."
"Yeah," Xander agreed weakly, "Chocolate was her favorite." Buffy didn't know if he was referring to Willow or Joyce.
*** "They think you aren't good for me."
"I'll never be good enough for you."
"They don't know what's good for me."
"They just want the best for you."
"They don't care what's best for me."
***
"I don't want to be alone," Buffy said as she entered Spike's room. "Do you mind if I sit with you?"
"Not at all, pet. Don't fancy being by myself either."
She settled on the chair near the bed and began rocking gently. "I used to sit up all night some nights and watch Joyce sleep. I couldn't believe that this beautiful, perfect, little girl was in my life."
Spike smiled slightly, "I used to watch you sleep and think the same thing."
A sob caught in her throat, "Spike.."
He pulled the blanket aside in an invitation, and she gratefully took it, sliding into bed next to him and curling her body into his. It felt like coming home, and Buffy sighed at the sensation. He wrapped his arms around her and allowed her to cry her fear and frustration into his chest.
This time when he kissed her, it didn't feel like the world was exploding. He was drowning in her need, and her love, and her tears. He'd be lost soon, and all that would be left would be her. Maybe if he kissed her long enough, the painful last memories he had of her would be washed away completely, and his heart would no longer cower from her. Maybe if she kissed him hard enough, there would be no need for apologies, because he would be able to taste her sorrow and her sins and she would be redeemed.
Maybe if they could kiss hard enough and long enough, the world would make sense again.
Chapter 22
"Do you regret it?"
"Regret what, luv?"
"Us."
"Never."
***
"You should get some sleep," Spike said, ushering Buffy into the house. Xander had to drive over to the mansion and rescue them from the sunlight. Despite his bone-numbing fear, Spike couldn't help but pleased that they took out two major vampires. But that didn't matter to Buffy. All that mattered to her was getting her baby back.
"I can't sleep," Buffy muttered.
"You're dead on your feet," Spike pointed out. "I'll wake you in a few hours."
"You promise?"
"I promise."
***
"How about you?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you regret it?"
"No."
***
Buffy went to bed like she said she would, but sleep was elusive. Joyce was gone, and she didn't know how to get her back. Willow and Tara would know what to do. She choked back a sob. If Wills was there, the baby wouldn't have been taken to begin with.
She loved Joyce so much. She would move Heaven and Earth to find her, and if it meant descending into the depths of Hell and facing the Devil himself, she'd do it.
"Willow," she whispered, "If you can hear me, please help. I'll do whatever I have to, but please help me find her. You were always my Big Gun, and I can't do this without you."
*** "You were there."
"Where pet?"
"Heaven. Well, your soul was."
"Yeah?"
"I liked him."
***
Spike prowled around the house. He was sure to eat enough to last a few days, because he didn't know what lay ahead of them. It could be anything, even a trip to Hell.
He knew Buffy was awake, he could hear her tossing and turning and talking to herself. She needed to sleep. A tired Slayer was a sloppy Slayer, and they just couldn't risk her not being on her game.
Spike felt completely helpless. He knew the story of Hades and Persephone, and he knew that as far as the myth went, he had no place. This was purely Buffy's gig, and all he could do is offer support.
He finally went upstairs to his own room, and found an envelope on his bad. His name was scrawled across the top in Buffy's girlish handwriting, and he picked it up curiously. When did she have time to write him a letter? Or was this one of the older letters she wrote before, when he was away?
He opened it carefully and scanned the paper.
You asked me once if I had any regrets. I said I didn't, and I meant it. I never regretted being with you, and I don't regret loving you. I have to write this letter for my therapy, in order to seek closure on our issues. There's too many. I wouldn't write a letter, I'd write an entire novel. Or maybe a series. Will you ever read this? I'm so sorry. One day I'll be able to tell you in person.
He slipped the paper into his shirt pocket and sat heavily on the bed.
***
"I'm so sorry."
"For what?"
"Everything."
"What do you mean?"
"I could have saved you. I should have saved you."
"It's not your job to save me."
***
Giles arrived earlier than they expected. Buffy was so relieved to see him that she threw herself into his arms. "Please tell me you know about Hades," she greeted.
Giles was taken aback, "Uh, what do you mean?"
"That's who has Joyce," she explained.
"Hades, the Greek God of the Underworld?"
"Yes."
"How do you know that, Buffy?"
"Corbett told us before we killed him."
"How d you know you can believe him?"
Buffy frowned, "It's all we have to work with."
Xander and Dawn burst into the house then. "I came back as soon as I could, Buffy." The younger girl said, hugging her sister.
"Thanks, I'm sorry you had to cut your trip short."
"It's nothing. What do you need me to do?"
"Giles, Dawn, Xander, you're on research detail. We need to know everything we can about Hades."
"Hades? The Greek God of the Underworld Hades?" Dawn asked.
Buffy sighed, frustrated. "Yes. Just please, get on that. In the mean time, we're going to patrol and look for clues."
Giles looked at Spike and blinked. "I expect you're going to explain the situation to me."
"Yeah, as soon as Joyce is back in one piece, I'll answer any questions you have."
***
"Can you just kiss me?"
"Yes."
***
The patrol was fruitless. They turned Sunnydale upside down, but they couldn't find any clues, or anybody who knew anything. The demons weren't interested in talking to the Slayer, and Spike didn't have the pull he used to have.
They were silent most of the night, talking only when they had to. Joyce filled their thoughts, and the close proximity to each other was distracting enough without adding conversation to the mix.
Buffy couldn't hide in her disappointment when they reached her house an hour before dawn, completely empty handed. She smelled of fear, and while Spike once found that fragrance intoxicating, now it only added to his own fears.
"It would be so much easier if Willow was here," they overheard Xander complaining.
"Just keep working Xander," Giles admonished. "We have a lot of information to cover."
"I just miss her," Xander said quietly, and four years of heartbreak laced his voice with tears.
"We all do," Dawn said gently. "Have you read this book yet?"
"No. Are you hungry yet?"
"No, but they should have fresh donuts at the Krispy Kreme in an hour."
"Yeah," Xander agreed weakly, "Chocolate was her favorite." Buffy didn't know if he was referring to Willow or Joyce.
*** "They think you aren't good for me."
"I'll never be good enough for you."
"They don't know what's good for me."
"They just want the best for you."
"They don't care what's best for me."
***
"I don't want to be alone," Buffy said as she entered Spike's room. "Do you mind if I sit with you?"
"Not at all, pet. Don't fancy being by myself either."
She settled on the chair near the bed and began rocking gently. "I used to sit up all night some nights and watch Joyce sleep. I couldn't believe that this beautiful, perfect, little girl was in my life."
Spike smiled slightly, "I used to watch you sleep and think the same thing."
A sob caught in her throat, "Spike.."
He pulled the blanket aside in an invitation, and she gratefully took it, sliding into bed next to him and curling her body into his. It felt like coming home, and Buffy sighed at the sensation. He wrapped his arms around her and allowed her to cry her fear and frustration into his chest.
This time when he kissed her, it didn't feel like the world was exploding. He was drowning in her need, and her love, and her tears. He'd be lost soon, and all that would be left would be her. Maybe if he kissed her long enough, the painful last memories he had of her would be washed away completely, and his heart would no longer cower from her. Maybe if she kissed him hard enough, there would be no need for apologies, because he would be able to taste her sorrow and her sins and she would be redeemed.
Maybe if they could kiss hard enough and long enough, the world would make sense again.
